Often feel like a boy instead of like a man

[Farnaby]

Hi!

I'm 28 and I've noticed that I always tend to feel like a boy instead of like a man. 

Being baby faced doesn't help (most people are surprised when they find out how old I am. I probably look 23 or something). 

I think my physical appearance imapcts this but I'm pretty sure it's mostly psychological. I tend to feel like a boy and as if other people don't take me as seriously as they do with men I see around me who look more mature. 

If I'm with a friend for example, especially if I'm around new people he/she knows better than me, I feel kind of like the little brother that needs to be introduced by this friend. You remember when your parents introduced you to other people? It's a similar feeling. I find it awkward and I don't like it lol. 

Has anyone experienced this? Any tips? Probably socializing more, not waiting to be introduced and doing it myself and so on right?

[asifarahim]

Read way of men by jack donovan.best book on masculinity

Also if u develop a lot of masculine energy ,when u meet people they will feel this energy and it will make up for ur baby face

[Farnaby]

Thank you! Will check that book out. I have tried developing my masculine energy but when I do that I kind of feel like an imposter. 

I've tried the "fake it till you make it" approach but it feels inauthentic and like I'm trying to overcompensate for how I'm really feeling in that moment (insecure). 

 

[asifarahim]

Fake it till u make it is a wrong approach popularised by snake oil selfhelp gurus.u should adopt mastery mindset instead of fake it ill u make it .

What u should focus on is to implement the ideas on the book.get lost in the process.take care of the process.devote 5 or 10 or any minutes per day to develop masculinity.in the long run u will develop masculinity indirectly without u being aware of it

[Matt23]

Iron John = another book about men and masculinity.  I haven't started it yet, but from a quick glance, it seems to have some interesting points.  

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

That's because you are in a way. Check out inner child work. Maybe you'll find something.

[Leo Gura]

Be more of a leader, socialize more, be with more women, do challenging things in life, start visualizing yourself as a man.

Or, better yet, start visualizing yourself as God. Being a man is overrated

You shouldn't feel like a man, you should feel like a God.

[RendHeaven]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Be more of a leader, socialize more, be with more women, do challenging things in life, start visualizing yourself as a man.

Or, better yet, start visualizing yourself as God. Being a man is overrated

You shouldn't feel like a man, you should feel like a God.

I'm stealing this for my upcoming book.

[Sathish]

I'm 29, and I've been cycling since I was 13 years old, so I look shorter and smaller than my peers, I used to be made fun of in my school for that, but I never thought of it seriously. Now I realize that I just don't age faster than others, which is a good thing. I just feel bad for the people who didn't realize it. So don't feel bad about it, as long as you are able to carry on with your life. 

[Loving Radiance]

@Farnaby Can you feel, embrace and love the insecure boy?

[Farnaby]

@asifarahim ok I will have a look at that book. Isn't adopting a new mindset kind of faking it till you make it, at least in the beginning? 

@Matt23 thank you!

@DefinitelyNotARobot yeah, I've done some inner child work but maybe in a too intelectual way. I understand where my insecurities come from and can offer understanding and compassion to those parts of myself, but they still have a lot of power in my life. 

@Leo Gura yep, I think that's the practical stuff that I need to do more, thank you.

Visualizing is something I don't find so useful though, because it feels kind of artificial/fake.

3 hours ago, Sathish said:

I'm 29, and I've been cycling since I was 13 years old, so I look shorter and smaller than my peers, I used to be made fun of in my school for that, but I never thought of it seriously. Now I realize that I just don't age faster than others, which is a good thing. I just feel bad for the people who didn't realize it. So don't feel bad about it, as long as you are able to carry on with your life. 

Yes, you're right, sometimes I'm happy I don't age as quickly and I will probably like that when I'm older if it stays like this. 

@Loving Radiance to an extent yes. I don't beat up on myself when I'm insecure. If I do I'm not too harsh and not for a long time. It's more like: "c'mon not again, why can't I feel more confident". I can't help desiring that insecure boy to interfere less with my life. 

I do like his sensitivity and appreciation of music and stuff like that, but when I'm around other people I feel like I'm going to be shamed if I don't repress myself a bit. For instance if I feel like dancing I instantly think someone is going to criticize me and I will look less masculine lol. Probably cultural conditioning and irrational beliefs around masculinity.

[Loving Radiance]

27 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

Quote

Can you feel, embrace and love the insecure boy?

to an extent yes. I don't beat up on myself when I'm insecure. If I do I'm not too harsh and not for a long time. It's more like: "c'mon not again, why can't I feel more confident". I can't help desiring that insecure boy to interfere less with my life. 

I do like his sensitivity and appreciation of music and stuff like that, but when I'm around other people I feel like I'm going to be shamed if I don't repress myself a bit. For instance if I feel like dancing I instantly think someone is going to criticize me and I will look less masculine lol. Probably cultural conditioning and irrational beliefs around masculinity.

You are masculine in just dancing for your own sake. In expressing that boy energy you recognize that you are already confident. By caring for your inner child you get drawn to being confident; there's no pretending or should-ing yourself to be confident. It happens at its own pace.

17 hours ago, Farnaby said:

If I'm with a friend for example, especially if I'm around new people he/she knows better than me, I feel kind of like the little brother that needs to be introduced by this friend. You remember when your parents introduced you to other people? It's a similar feeling. I find it awkward and I don't like it lol. 

When you feel in that childlike curiosity about them you can tap into the want to introduce yourself. Imagine being in kindergarten and introducing yourself to a new kid you want to play with.

Edited August 7, 2021 by Loving Radiance

[Esilda]

18 hours ago, Farnaby said:

Hi!

I'm 28 and I've noticed that I always tend to feel like a boy instead of like a man. 

Being baby faced doesn't help (most people are surprised when they find out how old I am. I probably look 23 or something). 

I think my physical appearance imapcts this but I'm pretty sure it's mostly psychological. I tend to feel like a boy and as if other people don't take me as seriously as they do with men I see around me who look more mature. 

If I'm with a friend for example, especially if I'm around new people he/she knows better than me, I feel kind of like the little brother that needs to be introduced by this friend. You remember when your parents introduced you to other people? It's a similar feeling. I find it awkward and I don't like it lol. 

Has anyone experienced this? Any tips? Probably socializing more, not waiting to be introduced and doing it myself and so on right?

https://www.penguin.co.nz/books/six-pillars-of-self-esteem-9780553374391

Love 

[sara373]

@Farnaby Interestingly I'm in the same boat. I'm more a girl than a woman, and I realize this is not helpful if I must become independent. Also not taken seriously, and even when I am it's kind of animated..

I am doing my best to grow up, in my early 20s too. I got mistaken for underage, and even kids easily make friends with me. It must be because I just don't have an elder woman demeanor. Probably to do with physique too, like if youre petite.

This I guess has to do with socialization, you will man up and don't mind how cute or childish you appear. It's about personality and being experienced similar to everyone your age. 

Maybe we will officially feel our age in 30s 

Edited August 11, 2021 by sara373