SQAAD

Feeling Empty & Depressed after Trip - Any advice?

21 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Today i had a mushroom trip (30g fresh).

While having the full-blown experience , everything became quite crystal clear (God - nonduality). But at some point my ego was trying to control God in some very delusional ways. 

At some point my ego-mind believed that it could will reality. I even felt like i was about to actually become Leo at some point.

After the trip i felt very empty, disheartened like i don't know nothing anymore. All the answers i had while tripping seemed to melt away after the trip. It's like the trip did nothing to me other than create an emotional distress afterwards. 

I felt bad emotions after the trip because in the back of my mind i feel like i was deluding myself while tripping. I really don't know if i will trip again on this dose of mushrooms again...

Sometimes it's like i don't accomplish anything while tripping. While tripping everything seems great and Profound but after trip is over your mind isn't quite so sure what the heck happened and you feel bad for deluding yourself in some ways.

Also i've noticed that after a trip i am more prone to dysfunctional old patterns of mine based on fear. I don't know why. It's like my ego gets shaken very violently while tripping.. And doesn't know how to react after the trip is over.

 

Edited by SQAAD

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@SQAAD I've definitely experienced some of the things you've written here. I think the main piece of advice we can give is to just give it time. You might be feeling uncomfortable and depressed at the moment, but you'll soon come out of it and feel better. 

Bad trips are common, its part of the process. Try not to get too caught up in negative thinking. Re-frame it as a learning experience. Mushrooms are notoriously prone to creating weird, hard-to-understand trips. I feel like its quite easy to have a bad experience with mushrooms. You should consider trying to get some 5-MeO.

Also, 30 grams?! Isn't that an absurdly high dose?

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5 minutes ago, Space said:

@SQAAD I've definitely experienced some of the things you've written here. I think the main piece of advice we can give is to just give it time. You might be feeling uncomfortable and depressed at the moment, but you'll soon come out of it and feel better. 

Bad trips are common, its part of the process. Try not to get too caught up in negative thinking. Re-frame it as a learning experience. Mushrooms are notoriously prone to creating weird, hard-to-understand trips. I feel like its quite easy to have a bad experience with mushrooms. You should consider trying to get some 5-MeO.

Also, 30 grams?! Isn't that an absurdly high dose?

30 grams of fresh mushrooms (mostly water weight) is roughly equivalent to 3 dried grams. Most people talk about mushroom doses in dried grams. His dose was a regular/full dose although not necessarily a “heroic” dose. Dosing really means very little though. A highly spiritually developed individual can potentially get more off of one hit of a joint of cheap weed or even endogenous methods like meditation than some recreational and less serious users might get from a heroic dose of a psychedelic. 


10 Tabs of LSD - A God Consciousness Experience (begins at 1:32) 
https://youtu.be/IOLw7_lbJtw

PM me if you have questions about bipolar disorder & awakening. I offer free peer support & guidance to those who need or want it. 

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Just now, BipolarGrowth said:

30 grams of fresh mushrooms (mostly water weight) is roughly equivalent to 3 dried grams. Most people talk about mushroom doses in dried grams. His dose was a regular/full dose although not necessarily a “heroic” dose. Dosing really means very little though. A highly spiritually developed individual can potentially get more off of one hit of a joint of cheap weed or even endogenous methods like meditation than some recreational and less serious users might get from a heroic dose of a psychedelic. 

Ah yes of course, thanks for clarifying that. I forgot about the potency difference between fresh and dried.

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Is there such a thing as a delusional drop of water? You are judging the experience very harshly and experiencing some rejection of yourself due to this. I totally understand why you want to be “sane,” but just keep in mind that this sort of judgment and placing of experiences into conceptual boxes of acceptable vs. unacceptable, desirable vs. undesirable, etc. can cause unneeded psychological suffering. This period of feeling empty and depressed will pass. Be kind to yourself and your psyche. You did nothing wrong. You are beautiful. You are perfect as you are. You are loved beyond any possibilities of human comprehension. 
 

Take a break from psychedelics if this was too much for right now if that’s what feels right. Your ego wanting to be able to will reality however it wants is similar to a child wanting to fly. You want to feel powerful and free because, at your deepest levels, that’s exactly what you are and always have been. Why is there the need for conscious control? Your transcendental divine self has already designed all of this perfectly and operates existence in a perfectly optimized way. At least that’s what I’ve become conscious of. This will all make sense to you one day, and you will see the incredible beauty and intelligence behind all of the suffering you’ve experienced. You already have tasted aspects of this during psychedelic states, but it is hard to really keep this in mind and trust it when trying to survive as a human being. It’s all for your higher good. There are no wrong steps when walking on a path designed through Infinite Love. 


10 Tabs of LSD - A God Consciousness Experience (begins at 1:32) 
https://youtu.be/IOLw7_lbJtw

PM me if you have questions about bipolar disorder & awakening. I offer free peer support & guidance to those who need or want it. 

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I'd start distance running (by this I mean running for 15-60 minutes at an even pace) or Wim Hof breathing and do that regularly. With running you will both slow and clarify your thinking, connect with your body, raise your mood and sensitivity levels, and increase endorphins but it happens very slowly and doesn't really even wear off. You feel clear, relaxed and amazing for several hours after. It takes some building up to getting used to running to get in the flow state fast and the first 5 to 10 minutes always are very often resistance-filled and you feel laggy until your body gets moving. But it doesn't take very long. 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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@SQAAD Of course you create things out of thin air. You will reality according to you: Do you want to drink? Then reach out to the cup of water. Wanna have a straight spine? Sit upright or do yoga. Pure magic. In the trip you become conscious of more ways to create reality.

The judgement of delusion is coming after the fact. Are you delusional right now? I would say no. What happens with this elevated state of consciousness is in the trip. Why should there be judgement of what happened in the trip? You are here now. Memories of beliefs are memories.

This feeling of emptiness is so still. Settle into yourself and feel into your stillness. Feel how still you are. Just rest here till you feel you want to express yourself in another way.

18 hours ago, SQAAD said:

After the trip i felt very empty, disheartened like i don't know nothing anymore. All the answers i had while tripping seemed to melt away after the trip. It's like the trip did nothing to me other than create an emotional distress afterwards.

Have faith that you can't see it now. Fruition takes time. You might not even recognize how it influenced you. Perhaps what you need right now is to feel emotional distress without having answers or a knowing. How would that be good for you? Ponder that.

However, that doesn't mean that there aren't methods to record the insights. Write it down, if you want or make an audio recording. Note that high states of consciousness seem trivial or too simple when recorded. You won't usually see their scope when you aren't tripping.

18 hours ago, SQAAD said:

Also i've noticed that after a trip i am more prone to dysfunctional old patterns of mine based on fear. I don't know why. It's like my ego gets shaken very violently while tripping.. And doesn't know how to react after the trip is over.

It is always helpful for me to come back to my foundation of meditation and journaling (besides general learning for uni). Before the trip is after the trip. Nothing changes. Everything is changed.


"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

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@Space

6 hours ago, Space said:

@SQAAD I've definitely experienced some of the things you've written here. I think the main piece of advice we can give is to just give it time. You might be feeling uncomfortable and depressed at the moment, but you'll soon come out of it and feel better. 

Bad trips are common, its part of the process. Try not to get too caught up in negative thinking. Re-frame it as a learning experience. Mushrooms are notoriously prone to creating weird, hard-to-understand trips. I feel like its quite easy to have a bad experience with mushrooms. You should consider trying to get some 5-MeO.

Also, 30 grams?! Isn't that an absurdly high dose?

Thank you for the advice!

I took 30g magic truffles (with lemon) which is equivalent to 3 grams dry i think. It's considered a mild dose.

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Posted (edited)

@Nahm

6 hours ago, Nahm said:

What is your foundation like? 

I have been meditating for the last 4 years on and off (mosty on).

I have close to 20 trips i would say.

Edited by SQAAD

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@BipolarGrowth

6 hours ago, BipolarGrowth said:

Is there such a thing as a delusional drop of water? You are judging the experience very harshly and experiencing some rejection of yourself due to this. I totally understand why you want to be “sane,” but just keep in mind that this sort of judgment and placing of experiences into conceptual boxes of acceptable vs. unacceptable, desirable vs. undesirable, etc. can cause unneeded psychological suffering. This period of feeling empty and depressed will pass. Be kind to yourself and your psyche. You did nothing wrong. You are beautiful. You are perfect as you are. You are loved beyond any possibilities of human comprehension. 
 

 

Thank you for advice! 

While i was tripping all distinctions collapsed and this caused some fear later on. Yes you are right that i am being very judgemental and harsh on myself. 

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6 hours ago, mandyjw said:

I'd start distance running (by this I mean running for 15-60 minutes at an even pace) or Wim Hof breathing and do that regularly. With running you will both slow and clarify your thinking, connect with your body, raise your mood and sensitivity levels, and increase endorphins but it happens very slowly and doesn't really even wear off. You feel clear, relaxed and amazing for several hours after. It takes some building up to getting used to running to get in the flow state fast and the first 5 to 10 minutes always are very often resistance-filled and you feel laggy until your body gets moving. But it doesn't take very long. 

Good idea.

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@Loving Radiance

55 minutes ago, Loving Radiance said:

@SQAAD . Pure magic. In the trip you become conscious of more ways to create reality.

The judgement of delusion is coming after the fact. Are you delusional right now? I would say no. What happens with this elevated state of consciousness is in the trip. Why should there be judgement of what happened in the trip? You are here now. Memories of beliefs are memories.

 

 

Yes i agree and thank you for the advice. While tripping my Consciousness expanded a lot. I became Conscious of what God is and it was so beautiful.

BUT the problem was that i did not surrender to the experience. My ego was trying to control what was happening because of fear.

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@BipolarGrowth

6 hours ago, BipolarGrowth said:

30 grams of fresh mushrooms (mostly water weight) is roughly equivalent to 3 dried grams. Most people talk about mushroom doses in dried grams. His dose was a regular/full dose although not necessarily a “heroic” dose. Dosing really means very little though. A highly spiritually developed individual can potentially get more off of one hit of a joint of cheap weed or even endogenous methods like meditation than some recreational and less serious users might get from a heroic dose of a psychedelic. 

True. I have taken this dose multiple times but never tripped so hard. This time it was too much and my ego wanted it to stop.

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I’d lean toward tweaking meditation in letting thought come and go, vs thinking about the trip. 

Quote

Today i had a mushroom trip (30g fresh).

While having the full-blown experience , everything became quite crystal clear (God - nonduality). But at some point my ego was trying to control God in some very delusional ways. 

At some point my ego-mind believed that it could will reality. I even felt like i was about to actually become Leo at some point.

After the trip i felt very empty, disheartened like i don't know nothing anymore. All the answers i had while tripping seemed to melt away after the trip. It's like the trip did nothing to me other than create an emotional distress afterwards. 

How certain are you the trip in the past caused this, vs the hindsight perspective, or interpretation, in the now?

Quote

I felt bad emotions after the trip because in the back of my mind i feel like i was deluding myself while tripping. I really don't know if i will trip again on this dose of mushrooms again...

What if the narrative now, of / about you in the past, is the diluting factor...and what feels off? 

Quote

Sometimes it's like i don't accomplish anything while tripping. While tripping everything seems great and Profound but after trip is over your mind isn't quite so sure what the heck happened and you feel bad for deluding yourself in some ways.

Maybe there’s nothing that needs to be accomplished, and this is clear while tripping, but again, then there is a hindsight story, which is based on the assumption there is an accomplisher?

Quote

Also i've noticed that after a trip i am more prone to dysfunctional old patterns of mine based on fear. I don't know why. It's like my ego gets shaken very violently while tripping.. And doesn't know how to react after the trip is over.

If dinner tastes off based on the recipe, inspect the recipe. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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@SQAAD I've had similar experiences. For example, during or after the trip I might get uncomfortable and think "Why am I tripping again? I'm avoiding life. I should be getting my shit together and doing healthy things in life". And after enlightening transcending trips, I may feel down after coming back down to earth.

In terms of human wellness, I've tried to mix in other natural forms of "spirituality", such as yoga, running and breathwork. In particular, breathwork can induce quasi-psychedelic experiences, yet the "person" is still engaged and participating. One can go to all sorts of conscious states that feel healthy, productive, self loving and easy to integrate.

I also try to be grateful for know having the memories of the transcendent trip. It would be like being contracted in a small space, expanding to the top of the mountain, and returning to the small space. In a sense, it sucks to return to the small space - yet there is also appreciation for the expansive experience. A piece of that stays with me and I have a better idea what it feels like. 

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3 hours ago, SQAAD said:

 

on and off (mosty on).

For your continued safety, please keep your seat belt fastened at all times.

:D


To balance beauty and complexity so perfectly is a divine mystery.

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12 hours ago, SQAAD said:

@Loving Radiance

 

Yes i agree and thank you for the advice. While tripping my Consciousness expanded a lot. I became Conscious of what God is and it was so beautiful.

BUT the problem was that i did not surrender to the experience. My ego was trying to control what was happening because of fear.

I know it might be a good idea to take a break from psychs for now, but I think part of the issue here is you might have actually not taken enough tbh. Although this was far more intense than your other trips, you still left your ego the option to act out of fear. This comes from a lack of sufficient consciousness. When you realize God to a high enough degree, absolutely all fear will be eradicated. 
 

Disclaimer: the fearless state can have legal, social, and other bad survival consequences for your human life, but if you take the proper steps to ensure safety, you can mitigate much of the risk. 


10 Tabs of LSD - A God Consciousness Experience (begins at 1:32) 
https://youtu.be/IOLw7_lbJtw

PM me if you have questions about bipolar disorder & awakening. I offer free peer support & guidance to those who need or want it. 

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Posted (edited)

@Nahm

On 21/4/2021 at 9:29 PM, Nahm said:

I’d lean toward tweaking meditation in letting thought come and go, vs thinking about the trip. 

How certain are you the trip in the past caused this, vs the hindsight perspective, or interpretation, in the now?

What if the narrative now, of / about you in the past, is the diluting factor...and what feels off? 

 

When i meditate i always let go of thought, and i am pretty good at it.

But while tripping sometimes the ego doesn't want to surrender to the experience and reacts out of fear.

Actually while tripping Everything was great.  You are right about the narrative.

Bc  the problem was all the narrative afterwards. Mainly because of some delusions i fallen into. That upsets me the most.  I want to be closer to Truth, not delude myself.

I believe i had some genuine mystical experience but it was sprinkled with some ego BS which ruined it a lil bit fo me. If i had surrendered the trip would be much better for me. My ego was just reacting and could not stop it unfortunately.

When i was surrendering for a few seconds , i was blown away from all the Understanding i received from that level of Consciousness. But the surrender didn't last long..

Edited by SQAAD

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@BipolarGrowth

17 hours ago, BipolarGrowth said:

I know it might be a good idea to take a break from psychs for now, but I think part of the issue here is you might have actually not taken enough tbh. Although this was far more intense than your other trips, you still left your ego the option to act out of fear. This comes from a lack of sufficient consciousness. When you realize God to a high enough degree, absolutely all fear will be eradicated. 
 

Disclaimer: the fearless state can have legal, social, and other bad survival consequences for your human life, but if you take the proper steps to ensure safety, you can mitigate much of the risk. 

I had more intense trips than this one. Some trips i've had were really 'good' , clean and crystal clear when the ego was not reacting and making stories out of the experience. 

But others trip had a delusional component to it. I don't know why there are different reactions sometimes.

I will trip again soon but without lemon this time. This time i'll make sure to surrender also. 

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