5-D - L O V E

Truth about sex and women

12 posts in this topic

This post may trigger some sort of a heated reactions, but I can only be as transparent as I can be to make myself fully understood.

I haven't done much dating in my life, still haven't had sex, the reason being systematic rejection with all the women I tried to be with, whether I was interested in some sort of long term commitment, or just me being direct and making my intentions clear that I was just looking for sex.

I find myself attractive and interesting to be with, I've been intimate with a couple of women, found (and lost) my twin flame, I ended up the relationship because it wasn't going anywhere, and it was ultimately counter productive to my actualization.

And now, aside from the fact that I feel deeply hurt from the relationships I've been in, I feel that all the women I've tried to be close to ultimately ended up lying to me because they didn't understand their inner psychology themselves. In this sense I feel like I have been cheated, because I've seen some of the women I tried my chances with give themselves to men who were clearly manipulating them and that didn't ultimately have their best interest in mind.

And now, this situation has reached the point where I can barely think about anything else, I feel like I don't want to "participate" in life due to all the rejection I've been through.

It wouldn't hurt as much if I haven't tried, but I feel like I did WAY much more effort going out of my comfort zone, doing pick up, talking to strangers, and actually having a geniune interest in the people I interact with. But it's always the "nattys" who end up taking the girls home xD

I've always known that I wanted to be with a lot of girls during my lifetime (mainly because I had barely been given physical touch & comfort all through my life, from the time I was a toddeler), and I feel like I fell short in fullfiling that need/desire, and it's hindering every aspect of my life.

I feel this deep paradox within me which is this, I know for fact that none of my peers understands deep psychology and women the way I do, yet at the same time, I am failling miserably at fullfiling the needs I so deeply want fullfiled.

 

Now, I didn't go into full length with the details, because that would've made the post way longer than it needs to be, and that's besides the point.

I don't have a specific question, I see this as a meta problem, what I need help with is how I can leverage this "problem" to acheive the outcome I want to acheive, I know this is purely ego driven but I've reached my set of conclusions regarding this.

No matter the way in which I try to recontextualize this narrative, or just accepting things and disregarding all narratives, nothing seems to work.

Are my views/beliefs on the topic fundametally flawed, am I approaching things from the "wrong" angle, am I taking things way too personally? Is it just my ego playing tricks? all of the above ? none ? 

How can see things clearly regarding intimacy, psychology and sexuality? 

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31 minutes ago, 5-D - L O V E said:

Are my views/beliefs on the topic fundametally flawed, am I approaching things from the "wrong" angle, am I taking things way too personally? Is it just my ego playing tricks? all of the above ? none ? 

 

32 minutes ago, 5-D - L O V E said:

I know for fact that none of my peers understands deep psychology and women the way I do, yet at the same time, I am failling miserably at fullfiling the needs I so deeply want fullfiled.

Yes they are fundamentally flawed, otherwise you wouldn't be "failing miserably" (your words) at getting results if you "understood women and deep psychology" (your words).

All those thought patterns, beliefs, and strategies you have been using up until now, you need to drop. Not only are they not getting results in this particular area, but I guarantee they might be affecting other parts of your life too.

Of course this is easier said than done, and extremely painful as all of those things are part of an identity you've built up about yourself over years and years. But you need to get rid of them first before you start building up again. Otherwise anything new you learn will end up being corrupted and tainted by all the old bullshit that's been holding you back. It's like trying to build a house an a rotten crumbling foundation. It may look pretty for a while but you're gonna start running into problems down the road.

The VERY first thing I recommend is understanding and letting go of the resentment you have built up. Towards those women that "misunderstand themselves" and those "manipulative" men that end up getting better results than you do.

Not only is that labelling not true, it's toxic, and makes you bitter in ways you don't even know. Is a bitter know it all attractive? No.

You need to learn to stop taking the way those people act and the experiences you have so personally, because all that does is serve to distract you and behave in ways that aren't desirable or productive.

Cleanse yourself of the hate and resentment. Look at it for what it is without all the bullshit narratives and ideas you have about it, and let it go.

 


"To resist is to piss in the wind, anyone who does will end up smelling.....
Knowing this why do I defy? Because my inner voice is yelling.
"

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Are you trying to make everything right, listen and accommodate for a woman and then react negatively when she doesn't give you what you want?

If yes, that is the typical nice guy behaviour that will bring you nothing with girls and is also really high on the scale as far as manipulation goes.

First get out of the victim mentality. Take 100% responsibility.

Sure, your childhood might not have been in your favour from what you said. But you have been dealt this hand, so now it's your responsibility to play it right. Don't blame the girls, don't blame society. Everyone has their weights to carry, in the end it's what makes us unique.

Second, learn to integrate your emotions.

This is important to let go of your emotional needs. We all have many needs and they roughly boil down to:

  • Need for acceptance
  • Need for control
  • Need for protection
  • Need for oneness/seperateness

It's ok to have them to a degree but if they are too strong they can limit your ability to connect with people and they will definitely make your life miserable (as you won't be able to fulfil them anyways).

Imagine talking to someone who has 1 of those 5 needs very high. Go through each one of them. Not very fun to talk to right? Also makes it easy for predators to manipulate you.

The first one makes you needy for validation. If you have the second you would be very perfectionist. Third one blockes you from doing anything. And the last two make you want to belong because you feel isolated and you will push back intimacy because you are afraid of being close and losing yourself.

Cick the link above and use the Sedona Method to get those needs to a normal level in which you will have way less problems building connection and finding meaningful authentic relationships.

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@Roy Assuming you are right about everything you said, and that basically all my insights and readings into my life events are utter bullshit I've made up to keep dysfunctional ego patterns going on and not do any real work to better my situation (this is not me taking things personally btw, so please chill ;) and I'm not saying that I totally agree with you neither..) 

39 minutes ago, Roy said:

The VERY first thing I recommend is understanding and letting go of the resentment you have built up.

This stands out particularly to me, the first understanding that comes to my mind is something like this: 

"I have built up a narrative that basically puts all the blame (relationship wise) into others, so I can always walk out of any relationship related situation guilt free, and that has made it so that I never question my beliefs, maturity or integrity which in the short run always made me feel superior to others and that loop was the very thing my ego kept feeding on all this time.

Now I am ready to let go of this belief because it no longer serves me." 

Okay, I see it now, doing this actually feels relieving. But I don't totally believe in this for some reason.. 

My past position still feels justified/true for some reason, it's as if the two realities are in a state of superposition.

It's dropping one belief for another right ? do I keep overwriting the first belief until it dissolves? is this what you mean by letting go?

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Posted (edited)

14 minutes ago, 5-D - L O V E said:

But I don't totally believe in this for some reason.. 

My past position still feels justified/true for some reason

Sometimes you will be right, and a position or experience CAN be justified or true. But it's only a partial truth. And if focusing on it only gets you undesirable results or brings up negative emotions, what use is it to keep focusing on it?

You say it yourself; 

14 minutes ago, 5-D - L O V E said:

Now I am ready to let go of this belief because it no longer serves me." 

 

14 minutes ago, 5-D - L O V E said:

is this what you mean by letting go?

Yes. To let go is to no longer focus on it. Something is part of your experience, to let go is to stop grasping (focusing) and let it pass.

So the work to be done is to deeply question your beliefs, thoughts, ideas, and experience. Keep poking holes in them and looking for the ways they are flawed and not serving you. Watch your mind like a hawk, watch how it resists the questioning and comes up with explanations and stories about why you shouldn't change and why everything you already think is "true".

Your mind is committed to maintaining the survival of your current list of beliefs, thoughts, ideas, and experiences that make up "you". It doesn't like when you question or change things when you try to "upgrade", so to say.

Edited by Roy

"To resist is to piss in the wind, anyone who does will end up smelling.....
Knowing this why do I defy? Because my inner voice is yelling.
"

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@universe Everything you said applies to me actually, it's crazy how I have never seen all of it, any of it for that matter.

I think I rate highly regarding all the needs you mentionned, thank you for the insights.

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@5-D - L O V E

You're fundamental flaw is assuming that you have a significant grasp of (female) psychology.

Re-read your own post.

Does it not reek of self deception? 

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@Chew211 

18 hours ago, Chew211 said:

Does it not reek of self deception? 

Yes and no.

This may seem like me trying to protect my beliefs, but hear me out, the truth is more nuanced than how I made it appear in my original post.

For reasons that would take too long to explain here, it was a conscious choice I made to not focus on relationships in my teenage years and early twenties, but I still engaged in relationships, 2 that lasted for a consequent amount of time, so it's not just preconcieved ideas I hold about women, but actual experience, and although I know that I'm trying to force a certain reading of the situation (biased towards making me feel good about myself) the truth is still counter-intuitive, because as far as I know, I've always been as transparent as I can be with the women I've been with.

Now, the biggest regret I hold, what is eating at me is me not taking the appropriate response I feel I should've taken (going "polyamourous", openning up sexually) and trying to force whatever relationship I was in to yield the outcome I was after. I feel that I shot myself in the foot and I can't come to grasp with my past decisions. This is the origin of the resentment I hold inside.

And I find it difficult now to go past that, to create a new reality where I am winning on my own terms, and where any woman I would be with is winning too.

Feelings are my guiding compass when it comes to human relationships in general, and I know now that I need to go through a complete transformation, I know what I want but I don't know how to achieve it, consciously, like having a vision of who I wanna be and actually manifesting that.

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On 17/4/2021 at 4:21 AM, 5-D - L O V E said:

 I've seen some of the women I tried my chances with give themselves to men who were clearly manipulating them and that didn't ultimately have their best interest in mind.

 

 

LOL

Don't kid yourself.

Yes, all of this post is ego bullshit. Women don't owe you sex or basically anything on return. If you are attractive to girls they will want to fuck you. If you are not the won't . What did you expect? Women are not ONGs.

What you are missing it's game/self growth to be attractive to girls. That is done through pick up, self growth ...etc. you clearly haven't done much growth. Doesn't matter what you think you have done. Start contemplating what is actually that you are doing to get better with girls. And maybe improve it or change it.


A thought can´t ever tell you how you feel.

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@5-D - L O V E

Okay, I acknowledge your intellectual honesty. 

However, just because it's your experience that doesn't make it a cohesive model for human relations/(female) psychology, etc. 

My recommendation is to study a model, and modify it if you have to, so that you can turn the experience into knowledge. 

I personally go with Lacanian Psychoanalysis/Freudo-Marxism. 

Emerald, who's a popular contributor on this forum, goes with Jungian Psychoanalysis. 

You can pretty much pick anything, as long as it gives you a solid understanding. 

Though not everything is "good" .

Blackpill genetic determinism DOES explain things, but it's a crappy model, and it'll fuck your psychology up. 

Mainstream RedPill explains everything with Hypergamy, which is oversimplified. 

But regardless, working models will turn your experience into knowledge, and then such knowledge can be learned by yourself and others, AND can be debated against. 

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On 4/16/2021 at 10:21 PM, 5-D - L O V E said:

No matter the way in which I try to recontextualize this narrative, or just accepting things and disregarding all narratives, nothing seems to work.

Are my views/beliefs on the topic fundametally flawed

Drop the “nothing seems to work” narrative. Start telling the story of what you want experience to be, and it indeed be’s. Notice this is already the case. 

Drop the story of “rejected” and “cheated”. That’s a narrative, a version, a story that is about you. If what you desire is more good feeling... don’t tell stories about yourself that don’t feel good. 

Not “drop” to get laid, but simply because of how it feels. Care about how you feel. It’s very attractive. 

It’ll be freeing, helpful and contributing to what you want to experience ... to recognize you don’t experience or have any idea what anyone else is thinking. It’s what you’re thinking about what someone else is thinking. If you’re not experiencing success, it’s what you’re thinking, not what they’re thinking. 

Notice the hypocrisy of believing females are for filling your needs, while also believing “other men are manipulating them and not having their best interest in mind”.  Choose to have their best interest in mind. It’s the same as yours... feeling amazing everyday. Without the story that you are ‘making yourself fully understood’, there is ‘space’ for actually hearing what females are saying and understanding. 

Regarding the not being touched and that being a need... recognize it’s a want. To want to be with a female is a very different vibe and sends a very different signal that need. Try simple meditations, feel. Put yourself in those shoes... are you interested in females who want to be with you... or are you looking for a female who needs to be with you? Can you see how that’s not about to be very fun, as you are reduced to an object basically, something which fulfills a need she has. It’s basically “all about her” in such a scenario. I suspect you would not find that attractive. 

The strategy of “leveraging the problem” is not going to work. There isn’t a problem. You’re believing and saying there is. That is not attractive. First it must be recognized that there is no problem, you’re opinion is that there is a problem. You can not look to your left and to your right at the same time. You must let go of looking to your left, to be able to look to your right. You must let the “problem” thinking and focus go, so that there can be the experience of solution, or, experiencing what you want. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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On 4/16/2021 at 11:09 PM, Roy said:

thought patterns, beliefs, and strategies you have been using up until now, you need to drop. Not only are they not getting results in this particular area, but I guarantee they might be affecting other parts of your life too.

Of course this is easier said than done, and extremely painful as all of those things are part of an identity you've built up about yourself over years and years

^^
This.

Where the rubber meets the road. Example of what this process can look like:

A person with severe social anxiety uses the power of their mind to stop believing (by being mindful; observing/catching the ego; not judging) that anxiety is something that matters, and actually succeeds.

Or, a person addicted to drugs uses the power of their mind to stop believing that their drug of choice is something of value (in any shape, form, or fashion), and actually succeeds.

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