kras

Enormous pain and suffering caused from rejections

7 posts in this topic

It happened again. When i am rejected i feel very big pain and suffering, i start feeling like shit, getting really depressed and beating myself that i am not worthy and ugly.

Yesterday i was rejected by one girl, the other day we were on a first date and when i texted her yesterday she didnt respond, she didnt even seen my messege. And i am like "Why she could do that? Why she didnt even responded?"  If she had said "Hey it was nice to meet you but i am not really into you" or something like that, i will be completely fine and i wouldnt be hurt me so much. But in this case it feels as though i am fucking piece of shit who dont even deserve a reply.

I woke up during the night with anxiety and i wanted to cry.

You might say that i will get used to rejections but i dont think that's gonna work out. I feel that the issue is deeper than just ego feeling bad from getting rejected.

What could be the root problem? Low self esteem, codependency, lack of self love or all three? I might also have some trauma which i am not aware of..

And how i can heal myself?

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by kras

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That is typically what happens when someone isn't into you, they don't have any obligations to you. They are probably out there meeting more people, like what you would want to be doing if you wanna find someone who really is into you. They were not into you, & that is ok. Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is not into you? No, of course not. So get out there, go meet lots of people. 

I would spend some time deconstucting the beliefs that you are not worthy or are ugly. 
Why do you belives this? Where did this belief form? What is its function? 


The how is what you build, the why is in your heart. 

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That sucks. Do you have an assumption that something is wrong with you because rejection hurts? Rejection does hurt, that's ok and very normal. That said, you want to feel better obviously, but it's not like you're fundamentally flawed because this is affecting you. 

Probably the reason she didn't respond is because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings because it feels bad to write something out that you know someone doesn't want to hear. She is avoiding that feeling, but as you know, that doesn't work out so well. It might help to understand that though.

It helps to focus on taking care of yourself, taking care of your mood as best as you can. Go for a good hard run, or whatever your thing is. Listen to your favorite music. Eat healthy, talk to a friend. Learn something new. These things avoid thinking about the sore subject but also don't avoid feeling. It's also not a bad idea to just watch a favorite movie if that makes you feel better.

When the feeling is intense, feel into the sensations in your body when the feeling really hits you. Notice and disregard the thoughts and feel. 

Any thought you have about yourself that feels bad, feels bad because it's not true. This is what meditation and self inquiry get to the heart of, the "I" suffering centers around that isn't really there. Meditation is to "be" the middle of that "I", the I that is the center of all your thoughts of suffering that is not there. If we diagnose you with some sort of root issue, we're just perpetuating that center. 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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Your ego is looking at a lack of reply and imagining a hyperbolic story around it which is causing you suffering

No reply = not worthy and ugly? This is a leap in logic. It doesn't feel like a leap in logic to you right now, because your ego has somehow convinced you that if someone doesn't reply to you it means that you are not worthy. This is a very myopic view. Question this assumption and realize that it has no real foundation.

Also, who is to say the problem is with you? Why is their judgement so relevant to your worth? How do you know their judgement is valid? They probably didn't even think any of those things, and yet here you are with your conspiracy theories about being ugly and unworthy in their eyes.

Lack of self-love is indeed the issue. You currently live in a paradigm where your worth is dependent on replies from others. Anything less than that and your ego starts panicking.

 

 


 "If you showed a caveman our technology, he would think it was magic. And if you showed a modern man magic, he would think it was technology." - Outlast (video game)

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On 2/23/2021 at 0:13 PM, kras said:

 When i am rejected i feel very big pain and suffering, i start feeling like shit, getting really depressed and beating myself that i am not worthy and ugly.

i was rejected.... i am fucking piece of shit who dont even deserve a reply.

I woke up during the night with anxiety and i wanted to cry.

You might say that i will get used to rejections but i dont think that's gonna work out. I feel that the issue is deeper than just ego feeling bad from getting rejected.

What could be the root problem?

And how i can heal myself?

It’s simple, if you let it be. If you listen to the emotional guidance, rather than being headstrong against it. Reality is obviously very convincing, in the sense of marrying thought to perception. It seems like you were rejected but that’s actually just the way you’re choosing to think about it, and feeling is telling you that is way off. Attraction is relative chemistry. Just as you are attracted to some and not others, and this doesn’t mean you are “rejecting” anyone...the same is true for others with you. You can reframe the ways you’re choosing to think about your experiences which are in italics above. The emotional scale really works and is insightful. Give it a few reads, you’ll see. Don’t hesitate to express jealously of what anyone has, is being, or is creating & experiencing...it’s not “shameful”...it’s empowering! In the sense...”the truth sets you free”....choosing a thought to express some jealousy shifts your focus from the grey & black bars, which are thoughts about yourself which clearly do not resonate, because they are not true...to an outward orientation, about what you want to do, create, experience, and be. 

 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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On 2/23/2021 at 1:13 PM, kras said:

It happened again. When i am rejected i feel very big pain and suffering, i start feeling like shit, getting really depressed and beating myself that i am not worthy and ugly.

Yesterday i was rejected by one girl, the other day we were on a first date and when i texted her yesterday she didnt respond, she didnt even seen my messege. And i am like "Why she could do that? Why she didnt even responded?"  If she had said "Hey it was nice to meet you but i am not really into you" or something like that, i will be completely fine and i wouldnt be hurt me so much. But in this case it feels as though i am fucking piece of shit who dont even deserve a reply.

I woke up during the night with anxiety and i wanted to cry.

You might say that i will get used to rejections but i dont think that's gonna work out. I feel that the issue is deeper than just ego feeling bad from getting rejected.

What could be the root problem? Low self esteem, codependency, lack of self love or all three? I might also have some trauma which i am not aware of..

And how i can heal myself?

 

 

 

 

 

Trust me when I say this to you.  There is someone, in fact many people out there who like you already for who you are and what you look like.  The people that don't see you this way you don't want to be with anyways, imagine being in a relationship where they didn't like you.  Wouldn't you rather they not pretended.  Sure it would be nice if each person told you they were not interested, but thats not realistic and won't happen, and honestly you'd probably grow tired of that to. 

Its not you, its not them, its just how dating happens.  You can gruel over it, or just let it be, and keep going, because eventually something will click.  Sure there's probably some deeper things you can learn about yourself if you want to look deeper and psychoanalyses, and honestly it may be healthy.  However, what I'm saying can hopefully just cut through a lot of immediate discomfort and help you relax a little right now.

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Posted (edited)

@kras It's just a feedback loop between the parts of your mind that have a self-serving identity which meets chaos in the context of rejection.

Reality is telling you to adjust your perceived identity, I'd also recommend just letting go of identity altogether and coming to understand who you are fundamentally rather than merely theoretically. And that's all you've done overtime unconsciously, generated a theory about who you are based on social mirroring which you've chemically attached to.

So its naturally a chemical detachment process combined with the reassignment of reality based judgements that fall outside the social context. This will take time, but much less time if you just remove yourself socially for a dedicated period of time each day, focus down on what you truly are and allow the natural process of attachment to occur as a consequence of the positive reinforcement you'll be doing towards those reality based judgements. 

"Reality based judgements" means we of course need to have an understanding of what reality is, which to you, on a personal level, is purely what you perceive as real from a raw not theoretical level. In the context of self I have some colourful yet helpful guidelines I shared here today:

Best :) 

Edited by Origins

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