How do you process and let go of shame

[soos_mite_ah]

Title says it all. Would prefer long answers or get video/book recommendations

[Zigzag Idiot]

I’ve read about all of Hawkins books except Letting Go, but I bet it is really good.

Soul without Shame by Byron Brown was a book that I got a lot of good out of.

Edited February 12, 2021 by Zigzag Idiot

[Zigzag Idiot]

So far as dealing with one,s inner critic. I highly recommended this 20 page pamphlet for anyone on the ‘path’. It’s only $4.

Only available here https://shop.diamondapproach.org/products/work-on-the-superego I’m pretty sure.

[Preety_India]

By letting yourself be detached from inner judgement.. 

Be supportive of yourself. Also more self love. 

 

[The voice]

@Zigzag Idiot Your mention of a book on letting go of shame. Caught my attention and am interested in checking into it. As you know I have read the phamplet on the superego I did purchase it. I refer to it often it. I do recommend to anyone working on theirselves

[mandyjw]

I've found a lot of strange insights about some of the times I felt shame and considered past embarrassing or even traumatic moments through journaling. You can't be too direct with your intention to heal shame, you have to be open and explore it.

Here's an example. Junior year in highschool we read The Crucible. I was, at the time, very Christian, somewhat open minded for a Christian, but still  judged homosexuals, etc. The school itself was quite conservative, but a handful of the teachers were not at all. Our teacher decided to have us read out loud the most sexual scene in the whole play. She picked one of the most popular girls in the whole class to be the female character and no one would volunteer to read the male character part. Well, on this day, I was not paying attention in class, nor was I interested in the play. I have a hard time learning when there's someone in person presenting, and I used to completely zone out quite often. All of sudden I just notice that the teacher is asking someone to volunteer to read and since I'm bored AF, I volunteer. The whole class is like.... "uhhh..."  Teacher kindly declines my offer. I absolutely wanted to die for hours after. 

So last year, remembering this, I decide to look up The Crucible. What's the stupid play about anyway? So I look up the major themes of the play and laugh and laugh and laugh. Obviously I COMPLETELY missed the message at the time. 

I swear to god, those embarrassing moments are the strongest pointers, because we chose to feel a way about them that our Source and greater consciousness DOES NOT feel. The reason those feelings of shame feel bad is because we're thinking thoughts about ourselves and holding perspectives that aren't true. They aren't aligned with Love or Truth. If you really investigate back you can often find some crazy discoveries like I did with this example. You can literally rewrite the story of them.  

 

 

 

 

[Surfingthewave]

@mandyjw Do you still judge homosexuals, gay people? How was that? 

@soos_mite_ah Brene Brown has some excellent books on shame. 

I've realised shame has more of a societal cause than individual. As the above describes it could be religion,class, upbringing, the othering of people/sexuality etc. Abuse/trauma also have a big part to play. 

 

 

 

Edited February 13, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Gili Trawangan]

How to Heal the Shame that Binds You, by John Bradshaw.

[mandyjw]

2 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

@mandyjw Do you still judge homosexuals, gay people? How was that? 

I've always not really cared about it all that much. When I was kid some of my favorite musicians were gay and it didn't bother me. It was mostly just something that came along with the general sexual repression of the mostly religious community I grew up in. In my late teens the influences I had around me changed, I found a community of really artistic, very liberal people. A lot of my views changed then. However, many of these people, while they had a positive influence on me, were also in their own way very harsh and judgmental, especially to people who hadn't had the same access to education and mind-opening experiences that they did. They couldn't put themselves in the shoes of someone who grew up in an incredibly rural, poor, unevolved, not racially diverse, and very religious background. I felt like to fit in and be accepted, I had to adapt myself to their views, and that felt exactly the same as it did to me in the conservative religious environment of my high school for instance. So the whole experience gave me a very big picture view of judgement in action. 

 

 

[Surfingthewave]

14 hours ago, mandyjw said:

 It was mostly just something that came along with the general sexual repression of the mostly religious community I grew up in.

 @mandyjw

I guess this is where shame starts. 

It's interesting you felt you had to fit in to be accepted. 

Often we feel shame when we don't fit in with a group (I did). 

Yes judgement in action can come from all groups. Judgement comes about through lack of understanding, do you think? 

Edited February 14, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[mandyjw]

12 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

 @mandyjw

I guess this is where shame starts. 

It's interesting you felt you had to fit in to be accepted. 

Often we feel shame when we don't fit in with a group (I did). 

Yes judgement in action can come from all groups. Judgement comes about through lack of understanding, do you think? 

I think it comes from identification, which you could also say is lack of understanding. If we identify with being smart, when we inevitably say something stupid then we'll feel shame. Judgement is just the attempt to shame others, either privately in our thoughts or outwardly. If we shame ourselves in our thoughts, we also must shame others in our thoughts to maintain this standard and belief in identity. In the thought, there's no difference between self and other, no difference between judgement or shame, but the sense of separation perpetuates the sense that there is a difference between judgement and self shame, and self and other. 

 

[Nahm]

@soos_mite_ah

God’s love, so to speak, is unconditional. As you are, however you are, wherever you are, whoever you are.

Even an implication of a separation is a condition. 

Expression is the key. 

No one is judging, there is no judgement. 

 

Beautiful expressions imho...

“Yes, I know my enemies. They're the teachers who taught me to fight me, compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission, ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite. All of which are American dreams. All of which are American dreams. All of which are American dreams. All of which are American dreams. All of which are American dreams. All of which are American dreams. All of which are American dreams. All of which are American dreams.”

- Zack De La Rocha,

 

“Today I'll play the part of non-parent. Not make a hundred rules for you to know about yourself. Not lie and make you believe what's evil, is making love and making friends and meeting God you're own way - the right way. To see, to bleed, cannot be taught. In turn you're making us fucking hostile.”

- Phil Anselmo 

 

Expression is the key. ?✊?✊?✊?✊?✊?

[NatureB]

Journaling and feeling the feelings help me. Ask yourself what you feel shame about and make a list, then go through that list and work on each item using meditation or another pracitice.

Sharing with your therapist will help as well, if you have one. Someone recommended John Bradshaw and I second that recommendation. I don't recommend Brene Brown since her books are not very practical, and she can take a liberal amount of pages to make a small point.