The One Profound Insight I Got From Trippin' Balls On Shrooms

[Azrael]

Well, to start off I wanna mention that I changed my name and lately the picture to get a little more anonymity. A few people asked me why in PM's and it's basically because I'm a software engineer in my day-to-day life - that's part of my life purpose - and here in Germany the employers are not so down with the stuff I wanna talk to you about; right now and even more so in the future.

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So, to give you guys a little background information on my psychedelic research: I've been doing this now for a good year, mostly LSD and n,n-DMT. LSD - I do like every 2-3 months, sometimes a little bit more or less, depending on how my time I have for this and n,n-DMT I do very infrequently in little bursts. So I might do it in a row for 3 days (on time per day) and then put it off for sometimes 3-5 months. In the beginning I did more then now but I think I'll maybe do shrooms now more periodically because it seems to deepen my journey more than I thought (and more then LSD in my experience). I do psychedelics most of the time alone in my apartment for spiritual exploration and I tend to always have a particular existential question I wanna investigate. I also pop it sometimes with friends outside in nature (it's stunningly beautiful) or on a festival to have fun. (Don't do that if you are not experienced.)

+++ THE TRIP +++

So, I wanted to have a breakthrough experience on mushrooms. I had several breakthroughs on LSD (mostly on 300-400ug) or n,n-DMT (mostly 40-50mg). I got me some mushroom chocolate containing 5 grams of shrooms from a well-respected and very good local source. I ate the chocolate (which was very delicious btw) last Friday, 07:00 pm. I did lower dosages of shrooms before (1 gram, 2 grams) so I knew where I was headed. I put on a very chilling and relaxing music mix on my laptop to orchestrate my experience smoothly, laid down on my bed very openly and meditated into it.

20-30 minutes into the experience I noticed how the shelves I was looking at began to move in the rhythm of the music. I also experienced a good bodyload, feeling the trip coming on. I laughed a little bit and said: "Let's see what you got." I soon should find out.

10 minutes after that the books in my shelves seemed to defocus and blur out, taking on the yellow-red lights from my dimmed lamps in the room. This went on and on until they looked like a city from birds-eye perspective at night. It was very stunning. I felt how the trip came nearer and nearer to me and suddenly these "city at night"-optics projected themselves onto the other walls in the room, getting bigger and bigger. All moving rhythmically to the music.

Not longer after that the trip came totally on me, the visuals would be getting very big and intense and I knew it was time to close my eyes and let it begin. So I did.

As I closed my eyes I saw all kinds of joker faces, dragons and basically monsters flying into my face, carrying all sorts of negative emotions, negative thought patterns and let's say my shadow. It was very interesting how they carried that. I know these kind of experiences from n,n-DMT onsets. When you enter into a non-dual mystical kind of consciousness, a side in yourself don't wanna let go. So I basically laughed a little bit, looked every one of them in the eye and said to myself: "You are all welcome, I love you as everything else. With a bright smile on my face." In that instant they melted away into a green-bluish kind of tunnel I was now flying through, seeing elves for some time and then basically the earth from outer-space. It was very cool and I was like: "What the fuck's going in my unconscious. This is amazing."

As I was flying around the earth in outer space (or at least in my imagination) at some point I entered the earth again and flew right into a yellow-green patterned pyramid. I flew very majestically in a circle inside of this and it just contained on thing: a sitting, meditating old Japanese kind of Zen-master looking guy, starring at the bottom. He was on a kind of pedestal. So I flew around him (all this is happening in total harmony with the music btw) and stopped in front of him.

So I asked him: "Who are you?", "Who am I?", "What is all this?", "Are we the same?" I thought this is the chance to have a talk with a Zen master. How exciting. So what happened? He said nothing. Simply nothing. He didn't even look at me, however I could feel that he knew I'm there. And I was a little disappointed in the beginning and then it strut me out of nothing.

+++ THE INSIGHT +++

Intuitively a thought came to mind (and I felt like it came from him in this moment) that

all my questions, all my problems, all my seeking, all the pain and all of the unknowing I put upon me comes simply from the fact, that at some point in my life I began to buy into what my own inner voice was telling me. That all of my questions will be immediately answered and all my pains will immediately fall off when I see that they result out of me believing one side of my story and through that denying another side.

And I was hit with that right into my face. In retrospect, this is something I know for a long time now, this was I'd guess one of my very early realizations I had on this journey. But this simply saying contains everything you need to know to get to the truth: As long as you are telling it to yourself, it is not the truth. Very simple, very plain. Everyone around here knows that, but we tend to wanna collect more and more realizations and find out the real nifty secrets, when truth can be found with very plain and easy principals.

So, after this strut me, the top of the pyramid opened up and I flew right through it in the tunnel again and then I opened my eyes. I began to cry instantly because the realization immediately put me in a non-dual state of consciousness and I physically felt how a shell popped from my body, how much energy I use on a minute-to-minute basis to "hold myself together" and how the feeling of "I am the body" is more physically then we think. We always try to calm our minds and focus our attention. When you are in a non-dual state of consciousness, thoughts still come up, emotions still come up. You still have your inner voice. What changes is that a shell pops from your body, you feel like you are a feather lying on air and you are recognizing that everything you perceive is you. Also your mental processes slow down a frickin' lot. You can see how a thought builds slowly out of nothing, has its time to present a little story to you and then vanishes again. It's amazing.

So having that, I saw very vividly how I make a distinction about the thoughts that just come up and happen to me and the deep inner voice I identify with the most. I also see that in a sober level day-to-day but here it was very intensified. So I asked: "Who is it that is talking right now?" 

And I did what the old man told me to refuse every answer and I just focused on my will to experience the answer. So I did. I felt in this very moment that I am as awareness letting everything manifest in every moment and letting everything go again in every moment. I felt how I was still the big bang, now manifesting itself as all these people and planets and this thing called me. I got aware of how when I talk consciously this is the universe putting me up, for a moment and then having a different experience again. And I tell you guys - I cried through most of that - it felt like coming home from a dream in which you was lost all of the time and now you are home. I felt how I could never die and that everything is exactly how it should be and I have nothing to fear. And even when I'm in fear, this is okay too. Because the universe wants to forget itself all together again, so that it can realize itself again. It's the most majestic interplay that there is.

I was in this kind of state for a good hour and then the shell slowly came back on. But this very plain and simply insight stuck in my head every since and it charged my motivation and how I should direct my journey very much. So that basically was me trippin' balls on shrooms.

What do you think?

I hoped you enjoyed reading this and that it charged your motivation and inspired you to go deeper with your journey. Don't forget: The highest truth will be found in the most plain realizations and actions. There is nothing big to find or secret to unleash, get back. Get back from where you're coming from and you'll see.

To end this way too long post, I should say that I'll start to experiment with 5-MeO-DMT. I intend to follow Leo on this one and I will take it 1-2 times a month to crack the shell permanently open. I'm ready for this, I've done the research and have the good stuff. So you might here similar posts like this in the future from

Azrael, your personal angel of death.

[Leo Gura]

Nice report!

5-meo will knock your socks off!

You are ready to see the Infinite.

(You might also be interested in looking into DPT.)

[Azrael]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

5-meo will knock your socks off!

Oh man, I'm thrilled. The experiment will begin in two days.

[dice]

Please write also a report about 5-meo

[Azrael]

47 minutes ago, dice said:

Please write also a report about 5-meo

Oh, I will.

[Huz]

23 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Nice report!

5-meo will knock your socks off!

You are ready to see the Infinite.

(You might also be interested in looking into DPT.)

Whats DPT - doctor pf physical therapy or vaccines?

[cetus]

I got that too at first https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/DPT Interesting compound.

Edited October 5, 2016 by cetus56

[cetus]

On ‎10‎/‎4‎/‎2016 at 4:53 PM, Leo Gura said:

Nice report!

5-meo will knock your socks off!

You are ready to see the Infinite.

(You might also be interested in looking into DPT.)

@Leo Gura Who are the followers of the "Temple of the True Inner light"? 

Edited October 5, 2016 by cetus56

[Capethaz]

@Leo Gura Leo, aint u afraid to get HPPD using shrooms? 

[lennart]

I think i had the same shroomchocolate. It was so delicious.

[FirstglimpseOMG]

@Azrael Hey bud, nice going. I enjoyed your plain, clear report very much, and I feel happy that you invoked such a majestic experience through shrooms. I'm in 'aquire mode', trying to track down some fungus, and very much look forward to some shroom experiments this summer. Thanks again for sharing, it's inspiring.

[Dodo]

@Azrael I just now read this and it is some very helpful realizations! There shouldn't be an issue with dropping the shell without psychedelics I suppose. I think everyone needs to read the +++Insight+++ part, because it is pure gold. It is like taking the psychedelic, if you apply self inquiry while reading and read from silence.

[Azrael]

On 10.5.2017 at 5:26 PM, lennart said:

I think i had the same shroomchocolate. It was so delicious.

I'm sure you did, @lennart.

[FirstglimpseOMG]

Wow, guys - start looking for the serendipity in your lives, day to day. I was in aquire mode for some shrooms, havent seen any in years.. I posted that above - 5 hours ago.. - I was just handed an ounce, not 5 minutes ago. Trip reports pending.... got some set & setting to attend to lol.