Porn made me BI, reality made me hetero

[Hansu]

Let me first address the title of this topic. I am not a christian wish gay away type of person, I have not "found the truth", and I love each and every one of you no matter your orientation. I don't think you can change sexuality, its an unique piece of your personality that only you yourself can discover, and nobody on a forum can tell you what you can and cant do with your sexual orientation.

So, let me tell you my short story of how I found myself to be bisexual, and how I later found the hetero inside.

I became bisexual at the age or roughly 15 years old. I noticed that I liked gay porn more and more. I also found plenty of homosexual friends on the internet with whom I still keep in touch. My preference would be 50/50, and I never had a clear definition of being gay or hetero or bi. I did a lot of contemplation of things such as "Could I be effeminate homosexual in denial?" and even made a thread of this question here on Actualized.org. I never contemplated being hetero, it was out of question.

I was closeted until I turned 25, finished college and moved into a city. There I began dating guys, met few for some time and got into a few months dating with one. Here the problems arose: At first it was fun and all, but then I began noticing that the men I dated didn't make me sexually aroused after a while. Instead, they began to repulse me sexually. This has never happened with the women I've dated. Never. Some of the women I've dated have been worse looking on "a scale" than the men I've dated, but still the women never began to repulse me.

And this is when I made my realization: All of those gay videos I have watched has really, really attractive men. They look good, they are all shaved and gay sex in porn never gets dirty like it does in real life. Meanwhile, when I look at hetero porn, they are not always 10/10. There is much more slack in my preference when I watch hetero porn.

And this is not only about the looks, this is also about the personality. I want to have a feminine partner. Problem is, I don't like a feminine gay personality.

So I believe that looking for that clean and good looking porn and all those years of discussing with my gay friends, making sexual jokes and chatting with them in general made me think I am bisexual. However, when I began to date men, the reality hit me hard. I only like really clean, polished men. Im not denying my attraction to good looking men, I will be attracted to porn for all my life. But when my preferences are so specific, clean and fantastical, they can exist nowhere else but in my fantasy and imagination. As soon as the light of everyday life is shone on my fantasy, it withers.

This text is really crude and might come off as somewhat superficial, but its not really easy to distill 10 years of experience in just a few paragraphs. Just trust me when I tell you that I have a lot of hours on contemplation and experience to know that I've finally found my own sexuality. I made this topic not only because I wanted to share my story, but also to possibly help other bi men who are struggling: I hope it gives you a new point of view where from to look at your sexuality. If your experience is mainly from gay porn, contemplate on being hetero.

 

PS: Biphobes don't bother. Im not answering a single comment that questions bisexuality as an orientation.

EDIT: Maybe it's a little harsh to say that I am not bisexual. Like people have commented on this thread, sexuality is a spectrum. Thing is, while dating men I found myself to be hetero-romantic bisexual with really strong prefence to women, like 95-5 preference in favor of women and my attraction to men is more so an aesthetical attraction and less of sexual one.

Edited January 24, 2021 by Hansu

[Leo Gura]

Dude, if you ain't mad for pussy, you ain't hetero.

[Dunnel]

Im sexually atracted to women, but I cant find something more dissgusting than vagina. What does that make me? @Leo Gura

[Dunnel]

@Leo Guradidnt meant to report you btw, should have put my glasses on lol

[Preety_India]

@Dunnel

You have Eurotophobia. 

[Eren Eeager]

@Leo Gura Does spiritual work make you less hetro and more bi or even pansexual? Because I noticed the idea of being attracted only to women is such a silly idea.

[Dunnel]

@Preety_Indiathanks, im gonna say that instead of asexual now. 

[Leo Gura]

13 minutes ago, Dunnel said:

Im sexually atracted to women, but I cant find something more dissgusting than vagina. What does that make me? @Leo Gura

A freak?

7 minutes ago, Eren Eeager said:

@Leo Gura Does spiritual work make you less hetro and more bi or even pansexual?

Because I noticed the idea of being attracted only to women is such a silly idea.

No

But it makes you more authentic. Which can make you more honest about desires you've been repressing.

No matter how woke I've been, I've never been attracted to dick, not even for 1 second. You don't control what you desire. Just be honest with yourself about what you authentically desire. All desire is bias and silliness in the absolute sense. There's no logic to it. There's no reason why you should or shouldn't be turned on by a goat's butthole. Either way is arbitrary.

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Eren Eeager said:

@Leo Gura Does spiritual work make you less hetro and more bi or even pansexual? Because I noticed the idea of being attracted only to women is such a silly idea.

Sexuality has nothing to do with spirituality, especially sexual orientation. Maybe spirituality tones down the attitude. 

But sexual orientation is such a biological thing its hard wired for a lifetime. 

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

. All desire is bias and silliness in the absolute sense. There's no logic to it.

I think desire has an evolutionary and survival component to it so I wouldn't think of it as silly or Illogical. 

 

[Thought Art]

Bi AF 

[Preety_India]

What's the condition called where I'm attracted to only good men? 

 

[Eren Eeager]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Which can make you more honest about desires you've been repressing.

I think this is what happened with me. I discovered the gay part of me, lol. Sometimes I be like, damn I am gay but sometimes nah I am not. Maybe I am bi

[Leo Gura]

13 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

What's the condition called where I'm attracted to only good men? 

Lying

12 minutes ago, Eren Eeager said:

I think this is what happened with me. I discovered the gay part of me, lol. Sometimes I be like, damn I am gay but sometimes nah I am not. Maybe I am bi

This is extremely common.

In reality many people are not 100% straight but they suppress it so deeply that they don't even know it because our culture so stigmatizes bi-sexuality. People are sheep and rarely want to go against cultural norms. The norms are so deeply internalized they are not felt as norms but as physical reality.

[Leo Gura]

21 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I think desire has an evolutionary and survival component to it so I wouldn't think of it as silly or Illogical.

And all survival is silly and illogical.

There is no reason to survive. Zero. It's pure bias.

[Michal__]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Delusion

This is extremely common.

In reality many people are not 100% straight but they suppress it so deeply that they don't even know it because our culture so stigmatizes bi-sexuality. People are sheep and rarely want to go against cultural norms. The norms are so deeply internalized they are not felt as norms but as physical reality.

Agree 1000%

[mmKay]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

because our culture so stigmatizes bi-sexuality. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Morocco

" Penalty : 6 months to 3 years imprisonment"

Edited January 23, 2021 by mmKay

[kag101]

How many experiences you've had with men? 

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Lying

 

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

And all survival is silly and illogical.

There is no reason to survive. Zero.

Ahh! Got what you mean. 

 

[peanutspathtotruth]

3 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

vaginas are disgusting.

You mean the pinnacle of aesthetic beauty, the gate of the goddess?