My First Experience of DMT. January 12th 2021.

51 posts in this topic

On 16/01/2021 at 9:20 PM, nexusoflife said:

@Skin-encapsulatedego Thank you so much for that. I do not use Ken Wilber's method as much as I could. I have read most of his work and am very slowly integrating his teachings into my life. Most likely within the next 1 to 2 years his 1-2-3 method will be the one I primarily use. As far as the methods of shadow work I have used on my journey thus far though, they are as follows. 

Last year someone on the forum asked me almost this exact question and these are my methods I have used.

I use positive and negative visualizations in my meditations in order to reach the deepest and darkest depths of my psyche and delve deeply into neuroses and bring up things that are quite painful to the surface. This can be quite difficult because it can lead to emotional fatigue as the exact emotions of whatever arises are brought up and depending on the experience it can be quite unpleasant but very powerful because it basically puts it in your face and you can’t run away from it or logic yourself out of it.

I have kept several journals over the past 3 years and I use them to write down all of the thoughts that come up in my mind and to document my journey to see how far I have come thus far in my awakening. For me it has helped immensely to write what I might be working through and to better process any and all inner demons that I intentionally bring up to the surface.

Taking psychedelics is another powerful way to get to the root belief that most shadows are founded upon and uproot them swiftly. I am very sensitive to them and so a little bit of a substance goes a long way for me. I have seen demons, black voids, and many things that most people would label as a bad trip but all of my trip experiences have been overwhelmingly positive because I always completely let go and let the substance show me exactly what it is I need to see for my highest growth and development.

Lastly keeping a dream journal has helped me to see the patterns which recur in the various dreams I have every night. Once one can see these patterns they can quickly find the root of shadows and work through them in a way that harmonious. In my opinion combining this with lucid dreaming this has been the most tranquil way of working through shadows, however it’s not the most reliable for me because I am not the most experienced lucid dreamer.

Over the past 3 or so years that I have been doing intense shadow work on myself I can say that most of my neuroses in life are no longer existent. I no longer personally feel very tied to the circumstances that arise around me whether they be desirable or undesirable to the ego structure. I pretty much live my life now according to the needs of my soul instead of from the desires of my ego structure. Essentially it no longer matters what I want, what matters is what I need. It has been difficult emotionally and I have has several ups and downs and still have negative limiting beliefs to clear out and reintegrate those aspects of myself, but my I feel much better mentally and spiritually than I felt 4 years ago before I did any shadow work on myself. One thing that I would like to add is that all of our shadows, all of our negative beliefs are splintered and rejected aspects of ourselves that require attention love and reintegration into the whole of our being in order to be brought back into equilibrium. 

@nexusoflife thanks kindly for your detailed response. 

How would you differentiate if a neurosis is caused by unmet needs (e.g. unmet social, sexual, belonging etc.) or an introjected shadow? 



I believe I am correct in saying that an unmet need and a shadow are the same.  The unmet need, social, for example, would imply repressed content of a certain stage (whichever level belongingness and social connection belong to).  

Though, no amount of shadow work will satiate this social need.  The solution is to achieve the social connection needed. 

I believe this is how human needs exist as part of Wilber's developmental model.  Feel free to comment if you think it to be otherwise. 

Edited by Skin-encapsulatedego

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@Skin-encapsulatedego I completely agree. All of our shadows no matter how damaging or disturbing are unmet needs. Splintered off and repressed aspects of the ego structure that due to not "seeing" the light of our awareness for several years become shadows and cause us trouble in our lives. As a matter of fact any form of healthily meeting ones needs can be a form of spiritual practice. If one has a need for companionship and or family then meeting that need through consistent authentic social interaction can actually not only meet that need but can also speed up ones spiritual development. Ken Wilber often refers to this phenomena as hidden miniature egos.

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Hi there. Your DMT Experience is the most thorough and intriguing experience I have read out of hundreds.

I would really like to get your take on the law of attraction.

So for instance, with this Covid situation, if I was to raise my vibe enough and believe that this evil agenda will not take place - is that what will happen and will the rest of the world be saved also? Or, is it more of a case that my individuated consciousness enters a different timeline (or parrallell reality) where this new manifested reality is already existing, and everyone else on the "old timeline" continue to choose their experiences/timelines?

I feel like your very qualified to be talking on this situation, seeing as you've been absorbed into the all that is/Godhead.

Any advice is much appreciated


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@Jacob Cook Thank you for taking the time to read through all of it. And also thank you for messaging me regarding your query.

Well to start the term “Law of Attraction” is a statement that only provides a partial perspective regarding how the dynamics of manifestation work. In truth this term is a misnomer though not entirely. A much more accurate and perhaps more helpful term to use regarding cultivating an understanding of how the mechanics of manifestation work would be, “vibrational resonance and reflection”.  This is because all of existence is a self-reflective mirror of consciousness projecting phenomena and experience to itself through infinite vectors of consciousness that we call individuations. (Basically all of the demarcations that exist, lifeforms, stars, atoms, etc.)

All of existence is the totality experiencing itself through these infinite vectors. Me and you are two perfect examples of this. Every part of the totality has a unique vibrational frequency that that is only commensurate with a specific experience of reality. This vibrational frequency can only exist with an extremely specific configuration of spatiotemporal phenomena. This is the core of how manifestation works. How this directly relates to lifeforms is that when we align ourselves with particular belief systems, knowledge, etc and we reinforce that through our actions we cultivate within ourselves a particular vibrational frequency and that can either be in alignment with who and what we truly naturally are or it can be out of alignment with that. Either way depending on whatever vibrational frequency we are in we are always directly reflecting to ourselves a 100% 1 to 1 exact reflection of our internal state of being in our physical experience of life. It is completely natural, automatic, effortless, immediate and total in our experience. And because manifestation is automatic, natural, effortless, immediate and total it also reflects to us exactly what we need to experience in life for the highest level of growth and fulfilment for our soul regardless of whether it is desirable or undesirable to our ego structures.

Every alternate universe that you can possibly imagine already exists. So it is not a matter of making something happen or preventing something from happening. (that is spatiotemporal and space time is not real ultimately) It is a matter of your individuated consciousness shifting into a universe that is directly commensurate with the exact vibrational frequency that you are emanating in your baseline state of being. All other individuations will experience and are already experiencing universes that are directly commensurate with their vibrational frequencies.

To further elaborate, me and you literally do not live on the same planet and are not on the same website. We are on our respective projections of Earth and the Actualized forum that are directly commensurate with our baseline energetic vibrational states of being. Now, these projections can be so extremely similar that to the body mind complex they seem like they are the same phenomena but literally every lifeform is experiencing only their projection of the entire universe. I hope that makes sense.

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We only think that we can’t do or have things in life due to our own self-imposed limitations. You create your life the way it is every second based upon how you are choosing to show upon in this life and you have the power every second to create your life in the way that is most reflective of who you truly naturally are.


For example  I (and everyone else) can manifest a water bottle next to me right now but I am pretending as God that I don’t know how to and I am pretending to limit myself as a human being, as a body and as a mind. And these limitations serve to contain what is relevant for us in our incarnational experiences.

Hi Nexus. Thanks for your interesting post. I would like to discuss something here which, frankly, I never see discussed when material of this nature arises. That issue is HOW does one ACTUALLY do these things, such that we are not just having a psychological-motivation discussion? Unless I can actually manifest that water bottle beside me when I want to (and I can't to date) we have an abstraction that just isn't being instantiated in my life, and presumably in the lives of others. I would very  much like to express what I feel is my truest self, and indeed have declared this to the universe on many, many occasions. Yet the universe, or my godself, or me, whatever it is, remains stubbornly deaf and nothing (with demonstrable outcome) changes.

One can't really be one's true natural self, for instance, if one is experiencing chronic pain or poverty. I am not saying I am experiencing those, but you get my point, I'm sure. I'm not challenging your statements. Indeed, I find it likely true that what you say may correspond closely to the "real situation" of existence. Yet, I'm done with these "limits" myself as godself has imposed on me. I've said it to myself a thousand times. Yet, makes no difference. Still no water bottles. Still no living as truest self. It doesn't "manifest". I would be most interested to hear your thoughts. Mostly, when people respond to this, the response doesn't really go anywhere though, and the reason is, that they give me rationalizations for why the water bottle (metaphorically speaking) doesn't materialize. Whereas, what I am saying is, for what you are articulating to be true, for it to be REALLY true, it also has to REALLY be true that the bottle materializes, or my life transforms without further obstructions, to an expression of what I perceive to be my true inner nature. This is exactly what doesn't happen. Without a solution to this problem, your points feel deeply theoretical only. Deep certainly....but also theoretical and not immediately amenable to demonstration so far as I can see.  I hope you can feel or hear where I am coming from.



Edited by lightpanther

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@lightpanther Thank you for taking the time to read through my entire trip report I greatly appreciate it! Also thank you for asking such an in depth question. I want to also apologize for such a late response. I agree with you that whenever the subject of “powers” is brought up in relation to nonduality the intricacies of exactly how to do it are brushed under the rug. And I am going to be very honest with you in my response. I have not been able to manifest a water bottle next to me in the months since I smoked DMT and therefore I am not able to give you a step by step reliable guide on exactly how to make such events happen in physical reality. However I am searching for the same answers as you are and am still doing the necessary work to increase my understanding in this area. With that being said I will address your query to the best of my ability.

These phenomena are very real. Astral projection, extrasensory perception, remote viewing, spontaneous manifestation, dematerialization and rematerialization, phasing through objects, all of these things are very possible without breaking the laws of physics as we know them to be. The question is not whether or not they can be done. There are people on this planet right now who can do these things. I myself have astral projected a few times before. If you haven’t yet, read Autobiography of a Yogi, it is a prime example of some of these things occurring. It is a question of what is relevant for a soul to experience in this spatiotemporal journey. In your post you seem to be very passionate and somewhat frustrated by the fact that these abilities are not cultivating in your experience. This leads me to say this life is not about what you want. Life has never been and will never be about what the ego structure wants to experience. It is about what the soul needs to experience in this spatiotemporal realm for it highest growth development and fulfillment. Additionally all souls make agreements before incarnating. Think of it as setting up appointments before you incarnate in a specific life. If you have made an agreement then it will happen in your life experience and there is really nothing that will happen that will stop it from happening. And if you have not made an agreement then it won’t happen in your life experience. I say all of this to say that there are many degrees to yourself that are creating this experience of life and you as an individuated soul, several orders of magnitude smaller than the Godhead wanted to live as a limited flesh and blood human.  This is an extremely important thing and should never ever be taken lightly in how profound of an experience you are having right now.

You seem to very much want to be your True Natural Self. There is absolutely nothing, absolutely nothing at all that is preventing you from being your highest self and expressing that fully except for the untrue belief systems that you have within yourself that say otherwise. I also would like to make something a bit more clear. As in individuation of consciousness you are a series of components nested within each other in a holonic structure. There is the Oversoul of the specific frequency that represents the energy of your individuation which can incarnate into an infinite spectrum of forms each a different variation of your individuation. Within that Oversoul’s infinite incarnational experience there is the individuated Soul that is associated with a particular set of lives which are exploring similar overarching themes and lessons, subset to that is the Higher Self which is a projection of the Soul that is like a tether which allows the soul to absorb and communicate with the experience of the physical self that is having this spatiotemporal experience. I give all of that context to say this; your Higher Self and Soul hear you loud and clear. The nonphysical components of you are infinitely more intelligent than the human primate brain will ever be. These higher components of yourself know exactly where you need to go in your life and exactly when you need to get there. As humans we like to insist on taking what we perceive as taking the short and straight path in life that we think is going to get us to our destination quickly when in fact that is the slowest and most painful path. However our Soul and Higher Self insist that we take the winding and seemingly convoluted path because from the perspective of infinite intelligence that is the path that is the fastest and offers the least resistance and is that path that will truly lead you to fulfillment.

I feel it is important to reiterate that there is absolutely nothing at all that is preventing you from being your highest self and expressing that fully except for the untrue belief systems that you have within yourself that are in direct contradiction to your natural frequency. Pain and poverty are very real realities that billions of people experience. There are people who experience incomprehensible levels of suffering. However we very often to use the external world as the primary reason for why we cannot be who we truly are. Every single experience that a being has is a reflection of their inner state of being. All things are reflections. Without exception. I have experienced starvation twice in my life and have been hospitalized several times growing up as well as needing to take medications just to have proper respiratory function. I say none of this for pity. Despite the very real health and financial challenges I have had in my 24 years of life I am exactly where I need to be in my life at this exact time. I cannot stress this enough. Every single experience that you have ever had, or will ever have is a stepping stone on your journey in life. If we invalidate any experience that we have had no matter how nightmarish or heavenly then we are invalidating an aspect of ourselves and casting it into the shadow of our being which will only lead to future suffering. 

We are incarnated as bipedal primates because we chose to agree to these limitations just before incarnating in this realm. And we made this choice from a perspective of infinite intelligence. We made these choices of limitation because they would facilitate our path to the highest level of development for our soul if we chose to actively participate in our development in life. You as an ego structure may be done with the limits of physics and biology but your soul knows those limitation are still extremely relevant and extremely important for you to be experiencing. If they were no longer relevant at this time then you would be able to experience some of these metaphysical abilities already. Trust the timing of your life, what needs to happen on your journey will happen exactly when it needs to.  

I would like to finish with this. Life is a dream. When we have a dream we usually go through it unaware that it is a dream and we cannot exert very much of our power in the dream. However when we awaken to our true level of awareness then we can exercise our true power in the dream. That is true of physical reality as well. This place is a dream. Everything is consciousness within a dream that your soul is having. And your soul is a dream within the infinite mind of God. And when you awaken on the deepest level to the illusion of this dream like physical realm then things that seemingly bend the laws of physics and biology will be commonplace, obvious and mundane in your experience. However having that amount of power requires a profound level of maturity and mastery and being that the universe is infinitely intelligent it will not give one who isn’t ready the means of nuclear fusion technology because that would result in a cataclysmic disaster. However a matured master would be able to handle such power in the same way that a skilled engineer can design and maintain stable reactors. This life and physical realm (in fact all realms) are all a dream within our consciousness and we will experience exactly what we need to experience at exactly when we need to experience it for our Souls highest growth development and fulfillment if we choose to go with the flow of our being and trust that what we need physically, mentally and spiritually will be experienced when we need it. I hope this response helps.

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1 hour ago, nexusoflife said:

@lightpanther I have not been able to manifest a water bottle next to me in the months since I smoked DMT

Of course you have.

Haven't you bought a water bottle in the super market since, no?

Or maybe you got drunk and passed out and a friend placed a water bottle next to you? 

Both above cases are you manifesting an imaginary water bottle next to an imaginary dream character.

Existence is magic. Saying it is not is delusion:D

but amazing comment! thx <3

Edited by WaveInTheOcean

Can you bite your own teeth?  --  “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.

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@nexusoflife Thank you, brother. Your share is so beautiful and insights are very profound. Appreciate you.

I had somewhat similar experiences and learnings during a one week ayahuasca ceremony recently. 

The first night the takeaway was "THIS IS IT." Basically what I'm experiencing right here right now is Everything. The Universe is creating Itself one Thought at a time, for Infinity. This "knowing" came with rapture and ecstasy that I can only describe as repeated Cosmic Orgasms.

The second night I (meaning Consciousness, not Tucker as Tucker was gone) was hanging with a couple green alien friends as they were looking at all these monitor/TV looking devices that basically showed all the infinite worlds simultaneously existing. They/we started laughing at how seriously humans take this Life felt almost like how people giggle at cute puppies - "look at how adorable these humans are!" They then showed me a monitor that had the life of Tucker playing on it, and the message was clear, Tucker is just one drop of sand in the infinite sandbox of Existence. 

So in a sense the two sittings showed me the opposite ends of the same paradox: Everything is This right here right Now. And at the same time, the Universe is Infinite, and what I as Tucker am experiencing is just one microscopic aspect of God.

I'm wondering if you have any reflections on this, both if it feels on-point to you and if there's other ways of seeing/communicating this that might be helpful. Thank you, good sir! 

Edited by tuckerwphotography

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bless reads in this! thanks for the seed :) @nexusoflife


ROW ROW ROW your individuated boat gently or quickly down the infinite stream :)

Life's indeed a dream.

and a very magical moment happened as I wrote the 1st two words: ROW ROW - my brother in the room next to me started singing this song to my daughter at the exact moment! :D Gotta love when your reflection is all synced up :)

Love Is The Answer

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