SamC

Girls struggle more in daiting than we realize

71 posts in this topic

@soos_mite_ah

28 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Same. I'm not always thinking about relationships. Sometimes I just want friends. And that isn't anything on the guy and what he did. It's not him, it's me lol. Or hell sometimes it's mutual and we just want to be friends and that's it. It ain't that deep. 

Yeah I see it the same way.

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@LostStudent You do realize this stuff is based on feelings not logic. A random nobody can come make you feel a certain way and you will get addicted to him. How do you think those charing guys in college or high school managed to sleep with everyone 

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@MrBON

58 minutes ago, MrBON said:

@LostStudent A random nobody can come make you feel a certain way and you will get addicted to him.

I agree to some extent. I haven't been in a lot of relationships and none of them so far have been very serious so my experience is limited, but I've never been "addicted" to someone beyond immense sexual attraction. My inner dialogue in these cases has usually been something like "this guy's hot and he makes me feel good so I wouldn't mind sleeping with him, cool we even share a few interests". It sounds really shallow when I type it out like that but that's where my mind and priorities lie at this stage in my life. This kind of dialogue happens often but it doesn't mean I act on it each time, sometimes I'll see that it's a bad decision and shut it down. It could also be because my random nobody hasn't come yet.

58 minutes ago, MrBON said:

@LostStudentHow do you think those charing guys in college or high school managed to sleep with everyone 

I'm not sure but I had a friend like this who got tons of girls, it was probably because he was kind, attractive, and a good football player.

Edited by LostStudent

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BOTH MEN AND WOMEN HAVE GOT TO WATCH THESE VIDS FROM MR. LOCARIO ON THE VARIOUS SERIOUS STRUGGLES HAVE IN THE DATING GAME:

GENTLEMEN, IF ANY OF YOU HAVE ALREADY SCROLLED DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE POST WITHOUT HAVING WATCHED ANY OF THESE VIDS, THEN YOU ARE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE! THESE VIDS WILL TRULY ENLIGHTEN YOU AND PERHAPS EVEN BRING MUCH COMFORT TO YOU ON HOW WOMEN TRULY STRUGGLE WITH MEN IN THEIR WAYS!

 AS FOR THE LADIES.......BRACE YOURSELVES. EACH ONE OF THESE VIDS IS CHOCK FULL OF RAW TRUTHS ON WHY WOMEN GENERALLY STRUGGLE WITH GETTING WHAT THEY WANT IN DATING! I CHALLENGE YOU TO LISTEN TO EACH VID TO THE LETTER!

Edited by Hardkill

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1 hour ago, Hardkill said:

BOTH MEN AND WOMEN HAVE GOT TO WATCH THESE VIDS FROM MR. LOCARIO ON THE VARIOUS SERIOUS STRUGGLES HAVE IN THE DATING GAME:

GENTLEMEN, IF ANY OF YOU HAVE ALREADY SCROLLED DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE POST WITHOUT HAVING WATCHED ANY OF THESE VIDS, THEN YOU ARE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE! THESE VIDS WILL TRULY ENLIGHTEN YOU AND PERHAPS EVEN BRING MUCH COMFORT TO YOU ON HOW WOMEN TRULY STRUGGLE WITH MEN IN THEIR WAYS!

 AS FOR THE LADIES.......BRACE YOURSELVES. EACH ONE OF THESE VIDS IS CHOCK FULL OF RAW TRUTHS ON WHY WOMEN GENERALLY STRUGGLE WITH GETTING WHAT THEY WANT IN DATING! I CHALLENGE YOU TO LISTEN TO EACH VID TO THE LETTER!

I got through most of these videos because I'm short on time.

I have a lot of thoughts regarding these videos. My first thought was like "yeah no shit a guy doesn't necessarily care about you, sometimes he just wants sex." I had this in my head since I was 12. My second though was how I'm not insecure of whether a guy thinks I'm attractive or not because there are men who will literally have sex with a McChicken sandwich. Some of the stuff that was being said was on point, and other stuff is an a huge exaggeration. There is some truth in these videos but I also see a lot of my own negative limiting beliefs I previously struggled with being parroted. I also have a strong suspicion that this guy is also projecting his own misogyny onto his view on the world. 

But yeah for anyone who feels that girls don't struggle with dating, just know that we have to deal with a lot of fuck boys that don't care about us and a lot of sketchy guys that lurk on us. None of them care if we live or die. It often feels really difficult to find a quality guy. These aren't necessarily "raw truths" that we haven't heard before, most women have some idea about this kind of stuff, often to the point where it is paralyzing and limiting for us to where we feel that the world is filled with assholes and that we will never find anyone that will actually care about us. 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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2 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I got through most of these videos because I'm short on time.

I have a lot of thoughts regarding these videos. My first thought was like "yeah no shit a guy doesn't necessarily care about you, sometimes he just wants sex." I had this in my head since I was 12. My second though was how I'm not insecure of whether a guy thinks I'm attractive or not because there are men who will literally have sex with a McChicken sandwich. Some of the stuff that was being said was on point, and other stuff is an a huge exaggeration. There is some truth in these videos but I also see a lot of my own negative limiting beliefs I previously struggled with being parroted. I also have a strong suspicion that this guy is also projecting his own misogyny onto his view on the world. 

But yeah for anyone who feels that girls don't struggle with dating, just know that we have to deal with a lot of fuck boys that don't care about us and a lot of sketchy guys that lurk on us. None of them care if we live or die. It often feels really difficult to find a quality guy. These aren't necessarily "raw truths" that we haven't heard before, most women have some idea about this kind of stuff, often to the point where it is paralyzing and limiting for us to where we feel that the world is filled with assholes and that we will never find anyone that will actually care about us. 

I know it does sound a bit misogynistic, but what women have to understand is that most women are not long-term relationship material because they don't realize how to be cooperative and submissive to a guy they are attracted to in order to keep him. This is especially crucial if you want to keep a sexual alpha male who might be ready to settle down with someone.

 

Edited by Hardkill

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4 hours ago, Hardkill said:

BOTH MEN AND WOMEN HAVE GOT TO WATCH THESE VIDS FROM MR. LOCARIO ON THE VARIOUS SERIOUS STRUGGLES HAVE IN THE DATING GAME:

GENTLEMEN, IF ANY OF YOU HAVE ALREADY SCROLLED DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE POST WITHOUT HAVING WATCHED ANY OF THESE VIDS, THEN YOU ARE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE! THESE VIDS WILL TRULY ENLIGHTEN YOU AND PERHAPS EVEN BRING MUCH COMFORT TO YOU ON HOW WOMEN TRULY STRUGGLE WITH MEN IN THEIR WAYS!

 AS FOR THE LADIES.......BRACE YOURSELVES. EACH ONE OF THESE VIDS IS CHOCK FULL OF RAW TRUTHS ON WHY WOMEN GENERALLY STRUGGLE WITH GETTING WHAT THEY WANT IN DATING! I CHALLENGE YOU TO LISTEN TO EACH VID TO THE LETTER!

I watched a couple of his videos that you posted, just part the way through. 

And they're mostly just very "duh" messages. These are things that most girls know by the time they're 15 or 16 from just living in the world as a female human being. You usually have a handful of experiences with these types of guys that give you the lesson well before adulthood comes.

It's actually really easy to tell when a man actually cares about you once you've had these experiences. And with even the slightest degree of intuition, you can weed out men who aren't into you and men who aren't mature enough to open up to love. It's very evident in a man's demeanor and behaviors.

Trauma, on the other hand, can make a woman more prone to seeking out men who don't/can't love her... if her parents also modeled the same. And this is not something that can be advised away, unfortunately. It takes a lot of healing.

And my biggest issue with this guy's "advice" is that it would only put lemon juice in those wounds by creating a false sense of scarcity of loving men (when there are plenty of men who are mature enough to love). The advice would be counter-productive for such a woman, as it would give her the impression that she has to settle for just anybody or it would make her outright resistant to any relationship to a man at all.

Also, I noticed that the vast majority of the commenters are men who are really excited about this guys messaging, with next to no comments from women. And the comment I did see from a woman was just her saying something like "Okay. I guess I'm not going to give a fuck either. Just keep it moving." And now that woman will keep her heart closed. Now she will be always in competition to try to love the least in the relationship... perhaps in part because of this guy's messaging.

So, it feels like the channel is less geared to "advice for women" and much more geared towards making men who are insecure about their prospects in dating feel more secure by hearing a man tell women how much of a disadvantage they're at in finding love and how rare men who can love are. 


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@Emerald Thank you you articulated my thoughts fully. I didnt even know where to begin smh. 

This isnt the 1950s @Hardkill . Submissive is a bedroom only word. It isnt a word to describe the role of a woman in a relationship dynamic. If you need a woman to submit to you in order to make you feel "alpha" you arent as strong of an alpha as you think you are. An actual alpha has enough confidence to seek his equal and not be intimidated by it. He doesn't need to dominate over a woman and have her worship the ground he walks on to stroke is ego because he is already secure in himself.

I watched the other video and there is so many red flags. In a way, it perfectly describes the bs that women have to face when we do put ourselves out there. We are constantly told not to have standards, not to have boundaries, see other women as competition, serve ourselves on a silver platter, and act as if our lives and our value runs out the moment we turn 35. When we don't do that or succumb to that dry pussy mentality, suddenly our standards are too high and we are a bitch. When we see through all this and we react with men are trash, suddenly someone comes up and says "not all men" and proceeds to tell us how paranoid we are. But the moment we have a moment of vulnerability and something bad happens to us, suddenly we arent careful enough and we should've known that's just how men are. These things arent always explicitly told to us, though those instances still exist give the video I watched,  but these are things all women have to unlearn on a collective if we want to demand respect. Because once we show this type of "pick me" energy, low quality men will prey on it and exploit it because then he gets the message that he can act however tf he wants and get away with it. If he ends up in prison, cheats on her numerous times, or hell even hits her, she will stick around and tolerate this bs at her own expense. That type of ride or die energy is where the woman emotionally and sometimes even physically dies. That shit is not romantic. And speaking in support of that shit with the facade that you are an "alpha male" just screams small dick energy. You arent dominant, you're domineering. It's not a good look to any woman with common sense and a general sense of self worth. But then again, I highly doubt that guys who spout this nonsense are trying to attract a woman who has self esteem. 

As they say, water seeks their own level.


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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54 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

I know it does sound a bit misogynistic, but what women have to understand is that most women are not long-term relationship material because they don't realize how to be cooperative and submissive to a guy they are attracted to in order to keep him. This is especially crucial if you want to keep a sexual alpha male who might be ready to settle down with someone.

Real relationships are not based off of these stereotypical dynamics of dominant/submissive and alpha males and all that stuff. Have you had many deep long-term relationships? 

Sure, all that sub/dom stuff is fun to play with for sexy time. And it can be used to good effect in the attraction phase of the relationship.

But when it comes to real compatibility and chemistry, these just aren't substantial enough things to genuinely bond over. You have to build a real friendship and appreciate each other for personality reasons. 

Also, if you notice, it's mostly men who buy into the whole "alpha male" thing.

Women are usually a very person-centered when they aim to attract someone... not type-centered. So, a woman will be like, "I hope Tom likes me." She won't be like, "I hope an alpha male will like me." Or if she's on a dating app, it will be much more looks/personality/compatibility based than the whole "alpha male" stereotype.

But more importantly, it just feels like you watch these videos and subscribe to these notions because they soothe you a bit.

It appears that you might feel some degree of powerlessness because you put women up on a pedestal and feel like they will be the judge of your worthiness and lovability and that they have some kind of power over you (which is not the case).

So, you might scratch an itch when you watch these videos because they drag women off of the pedestal you put them on.

With no malice in my heart, I tell you that that's the energy that it gives off. It's the energy that you feel like you're unlovable, and so you seek to make women feel like they are less lovable to feel more worthy of female love and attention.


Click here to watch my Free 60-Minute Shadow Integration Masterclass!

The masterclass includes all the foundational information you need for beginning a Shadow Work practice. DM me if you have any questions and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

 

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11 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

@Emerald 

This isnt the 1950s @Hardkill . Submissive is a bedroom only word. It isnt a word to describe the role of a woman in a relationship dynamic. If you need a woman to submit to you in order to make you feel "alpha" you arent as strong of an alpha as you think you are. An actual alpha has enough confidence to seek his equal and not be intimidated by it. He doesn't need to dominate over a woman and have her worship the ground he walks on to stroke is ego because he is already secure in himself.

Perhaps he meant obedient instead of submissive. And by obedient I don't mean being a doormat, of course. I mean being supportive and understanding and respectful of the man. The man, in turn, has to play a similar supportive role and not abuse the dynamic.

This is very different from a relationship where the woman is always challenging the man's decisions and intimidating his roles, due to her having an overly masculine energy. Of course, this would probably mean that the man has problems and is not in fact very masculine. It takes two to tango.

Edited by Gesundheit

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I think it would do us better to be less occupied with dating and relationships and go towards general affection and less loss of integrity.

These things like relationships come on their own. None of you really wants these games. You're not looking to date properly and find the right partner, you're looking for more stability in yourself.

Edited by neutralempty

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7 minutes ago, Gesundheit said:

Perhaps he meant obedient instead of submissive. And by obedient I don't mean being a doormat, of course. I mean being supportive and understanding and respectful of the man. The man, in turn, has to play a similar supportive role and not abuse the dynamic.

This is very different from a relationship where the woman is always challenging the man's decisions and intimidating his roles, due to her having an overly masculine energy. Of course, this would probably mean that the man has problems and is not in fact very masculine. It takes two to tango.

The word "obedient" has a much more negative connotation than the word "submissive". 

Submissive is an orientation within the relationship. It can refer to someone who is just being bossed around on the more negative side. But it can also just refer to taking a more receptive role in the relationship and it can draw to mind purely sexual dynamics as well.

Obedient is just about obeying. So, there's a real domineering connotation to that word.

 

 


Click here to watch my Free 60-Minute Shadow Integration Masterclass!

The masterclass includes all the foundational information you need for beginning a Shadow Work practice. DM me if you have any questions and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

 

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23 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

This isnt the 1950s @Hardkill . Submissive is a bedroom only word. It isnt a word to describe the role of a woman in a relationship dynamic. If you need a woman to submit to you in order to make you feel "alpha" you arent as strong of an alpha as you think you are. An actual alpha has enough confidence to seek his equal and not be intimidated by it. He doesn't need to dominate over a woman and have her worship the ground he walks on to stroke is ego because he is already secure in himself.

I watched the other video and there is so many red flags. In a way, it perfectly describes the bs that women have to face when we do put ourselves out there. We are constantly told not to have standards, not to have boundaries, see other women as competition, serve ourselves on a silver platter, and act as if our lives and our value runs out the moment we turn 35. When we don't do that or succumb to that dry pussy mentality, suddenly our standards are too high and we are a bitch. When we see through all this and we react with men are trash, suddenly someone comes up and says "not all men" and proceeds to tell us how paranoid we are. But the moment we have a moment of vulnerability and something bad happens to us, suddenly we arent careful enough and we should've known that's just how men are. These things arent always explicitly told to us, though those instances still exist give the video I watched,  but these are things all women have to unlearn on a collective if we want to demand respect. Because once we show this type of "pick me" energy, low quality men will prey on it and exploit it because then he gets the message that he can act however tf he wants and get away with it. If he ends up in prison, cheats on her numerous times, or hell even hits her, she will stick around and tolerate this bs at her own expense. That type of ride or die energy is where the woman emotionally and sometimes even physically dies. That shit is not romantic. And speaking in support of that shit with the facade that you are an "alpha male" just screams small dick energy. You arent dominant, you're domineering. It's not a good look to any woman with common sense and a general sense of self worth. But then again, I highly doubt that guys who spout this nonsense are trying to attract a woman who has self esteem. 

As they say, water seeks their own level.

You go girl!

If only I was as sharp as you when I was your age. I would have saved myself a lot of time and mistreatment.


“If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?” - Rumi.

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7 minutes ago, Emerald said:

The word "obedient" has a much more negative connotation than the word "submissive". 

Submissive is an orientation within the relationship. It can refer to someone who is just being bossed around on the more negative side. But it can also just refer to taking a more receptive role in the relationship and it can draw to mind purely sexual dynamics as well.

Obedient is just about obeying. So, there's a real domineering connotation to that word.

Ok, co-operative, probably.

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All this stuff is just grist for the self-bias-awareness mill.

The reason all these dating disagreements exist is because both sides are just acting out their agenda, and the agendas are contradictory because one comes at the expense of the other.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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On 1/8/2021 at 6:07 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

Personally, I'm 21 years old, I have yet to even have my first kiss much less lose my virginity. I have been on a couple dates here and there but I haven't really clicked with anyone. And I have had times where I thought there was something really wrong with me. Maybe it's because I'm *insert any trait/ circumstance* but then I see *insert any trait/ circumstance* people get into relationships.

Hey, take your time. Everyone is on their own path, do you.

The most rewarding, meaningful and profound love relationship you'll ever experience is the one you have with yourself.

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On 1/10/2021 at 1:19 PM, MrBON said:

Typical case of a girl being completely unconscious of what attracts her.

whyy: But are you really either?

mrbon: I am... are you gay? Look at her... she's hot!!

whyy: why is she hot?

mrbon: her eyes? that big rack... :x

whyy: but why is her big rack attractive to you? are any of us really concious of whyy exactly this "attraction" process happens?

 

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2 hours ago, Emerald said:

It's actually really easy to tell when a man actually cares about you once you've had these experiences. And with even the slightest degree of intuition, you can weed out men who aren't into you and men who aren't mature enough to open up to love. It's very evident in a man's demeanor and behaviors.

Trauma, on the other hand, can make a woman more prone to seeking out men who don't/can't love her... if her parents also modeled the same. And this is not something that can be advised away, unfortunately. It takes a lot of healing.

This makes sense. The question here is though.. how does a traumatized woman respond to a mature man that actually cares about them? And in this modern "me too" world we're living in, what percentage of the women aren't traumatized?

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6 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

Perhaps he meant obedient instead of submissive. And by obedient I don't mean being a doormat, of course. I mean being supportive and understanding and respectful of the man. The man, in turn, has to play a similar supportive role and not abuse the dynamic.

This is very different from a relationship where the woman is always challenging the man's decisions and intimidating his roles, due to her having an overly masculine energy. Of course, this would probably mean that the man has problems and is not in fact very masculine. It takes two to tango.

If he meant supportive and understanding, I'm sure he would've chosen those words in stead of obedient and submissive. Obedient and submissive have totally different connotations and meaning. I would either be careful about your choosing of words or evaluate what underlying belief those words you choose reflect. You can tell a lot of how a person thinks and how you think based on the language you use.

Also, you dont have to be super masculine to get women. Everyone has their own blend of natural femininity and masculinity and people really shine when they honor both polarities and act with authenticity to honor them, whatever levels an individual may have. Being very masculininty as a man or being very feminine as a woman  doesnt mean you are healthy as your masculinity and femininity levels and how well you mold into the polarity you are stereotyped to fall under  arent indicative of trauma or lack there of. And finally a woman setting boundaries and having standards isnt her challenging a mans decision or intimidating his role. A strong man wouldnt find such woman intimidating. 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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4 hours ago, wwhy said:

And in this modern "me too" world we're living in, what percentage of the women aren't traumatized?

I mean you dont have to be sexually harassed or assaulted to have trauma regarding the patriarchy  as a woman. Granted I using trauma very loosely (hell even if we are talking about sexual harrasment and assault alone, there is a range but yeah that covers a huge chunk of women) but the vast majority of women have some type of negative experiences that fuel their limiting belief systems rooted in internalized misogyny. Unless you  grew up in a super progressive household, you likely have a lot of things to unlearn as a woman. 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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