SamC

Girls struggle more in daiting than we realize

71 posts in this topic

6 hours ago, wwhy said:

This makes sense. The question here is though.. how does a traumatized woman respond to a mature man that actually cares about them? And in this modern "me too" world we're living in, what percentage of the women aren't traumatized?

All people do have some degree of trauma just for the very fact of living. So, there is that.

But there are certain types of trauma that, when women experience them, that can lead them to seek partners who are distant or cannot love them. A lot of them have to do with their dynamics with their parents... especially their father.

So, if their parents are cold and don't show affection. Or if they're aloof and not involved with her. Or if one (or both) parents leave her. 

There is also the pattern of internalized misogyny, which can be picked up from both home and society.

I've dealt with this one a lot, despite being raised in a matriarchal household where my mom made almost all the decisions. In my family, the saying that was joked about a lot was, "Mommy's the boss. Daddy's the breadwinner." So, I never got any messaging around women being less capable or important or anything like that. But even still, I picked it up very negative views about women and femininity from the culture at large. 

So, when misogyny is internalized, it can lead women towards self-destructive things and a negative attitude towards themselves. It's the worst thing for self-esteem.


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On 1/16/2021 at 8:34 AM, soos_mite_ah said:

If he meant supportive and understanding, I'm sure he would've chosen those words in stead of obedient and submissive. Obedient and submissive have totally different connotations and meaning. I would either be careful about your choosing of words or evaluate what underlying belief those words you choose reflect. You can tell a lot of how a person thinks and how you think based on the language you use.

Also, you dont have to be super masculine to get women. Everyone has their own blend of natural femininity and masculinity and people really shine when they honor both polarities and act with authenticity to honor them, whatever levels an individual may have. Being very masculininty as a man or being very feminine as a woman  doesnt mean you are healthy as your masculinity and femininity levels and how well you mold into the polarity you are stereotyped to fall under  arent indicative of trauma or lack there of. And finally a woman setting boundaries and having standards isnt her challenging a mans decision or intimidating his role. A strong man wouldnt find such woman intimidating. 

 

On 1/16/2021 at 1:32 AM, Emerald said:

Real relationships are not based off of these stereotypical dynamics of dominant/submissive and alpha males and all that stuff. Have you had many deep long-term relationships? 

Sure, all that sub/dom stuff is fun to play with for sexy time. And it can be used to good effect in the attraction phase of the relationship.

But when it comes to real compatibility and chemistry, these just aren't substantial enough things to genuinely bond over. You have to build a real friendship and appreciate each other for personality reasons. 

Also, if you notice, it's mostly men who buy into the whole "alpha male" thing.

Women are usually a very person-centered when they aim to attract someone... not type-centered. So, a woman will be like, "I hope Tom likes me." She won't be like, "I hope an alpha male will like me." Or if she's on a dating app, it will be much more looks/personality/compatibility based than the whole "alpha male" stereotype.

But more importantly, it just feels like you watch these videos and subscribe to these notions because they soothe you a bit.

It appears that you might feel some degree of powerlessness because you put women up on a pedestal and feel like they will be the judge of your worthiness and lovability and that they have some kind of power over you (which is not the case).

So, you might scratch an itch when you watch these videos because they drag women off of the pedestal you put them on.

With no malice in my heart, I tell you that that's the energy that it gives off. It's the energy that you feel like you're unlovable, and so you seek to make women feel like they are less lovable to feel more worthy of female love and attention.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that women shouldn't have equal opportunity with careers, financial opportunities, educations etc. I am also not supporting or advocating for women to be subjected to any sort of physical or verbal abuse by men. Furthermore, I actually do have more respect for women that are mentally strong, smart, and not afraid to speak their mind when need be. However, there must be a STRONG gender polarity between a straight women and a straight men in order for sexual attraction to occur between the both them and in order to establish and maintain a happy romantic relationship between the two of them. This is one of main key elements of attraction that skilled male seducers apply on women (who have at least some base level of attraction to begin with for particular men). Also, I though that women have always (at least on a subconscious level) respected men who are strong leaders that exude confidence, bravery, and dominance. In fact, one of the main reasons divorce rates were much lower during the mid 1900s and any time before that was because women by default had more respect for men than they have these days.

Edited by Hardkill

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7 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that women shouldn't have equal opportunity with careers, financial opportunities, and education. I am also not supporting or advocated for women to be subjected to physical or verbal abuse by men. However, there must be a STRONG gender polarity between a straight women and a straight men in order for sexual attraction to occur between the both them. This is one of main key elements of attraction that skilled male seducers apply to women who have at least some base level of attraction to begin with. Also, women respect men who are strong leaders that exude confidence, bravery, and dominance. In fact, one of the main reasons divorce rates were much lower during the mid 1900s and any time before that was because women by default had more respect for men than they have these days.

Divorce rates were lower back then because women couldn't support themselves financially since many firms regardless of industry didn't hire women and because many women couldn't even open a bank account much less get a credit card by themselves unless it was with their. You also didn't have an equal opportunity at higher education. All of these meant that if something happened and you got divorced, you wouldn't be able to live your life and support yourself. If the man did something she didn't like, her choices were to speak up, get on his bad side, and potentially end up getting beaten up or kicked to the streets, or she could stay quiet and submissive and keep her seething rage to herself. Now that women have more economic rights, she doesn't have to stay in an unhealthy situation if she doesn't wish to which is why divorce rates began to rise after more and more women entered the work force.  You talk about how a couple's relationship dynamics and the way women are treated in the workforce are two separate things but both of them reflect attitudes and treatment of women as a whole and there is a lot of intersection between these two domains. 

A woman's submission in a relationship back then wasn't out of respect for men, it was out of fear. It wasn't out of attraction and out of something she genuinely liked, it was out of survival. 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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8 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that women shouldn't have equal opportunity with careers, financial opportunities, and education. I am also not supporting or advocated for women to be subjected to physical or verbal abuse by men. However, there must be a STRONG gender polarity between a straight women and a straight men in order for sexual attraction to occur between the both them. This is one of main key elements of attraction that skilled male seducers apply to women who have at least some base level of attraction to begin with. Also, women respect men who are strong leaders that exude confidence, bravery, and dominance. In fact, one of the main reasons divorce rates were much lower during the mid 1900s and any time before that was because women by default had more respect for men than they have these days.

Polarity isn't something that can be put on from the outside by making yourself fit into stereotypes of masculinity and femininity. In fact, you can't make yourself more masculine or more feminine.

They are fixed qualities. Everyone has an inborn masculine/feminine signature.

Therefore, you can choose to be conscious of your natural signature and to express it authentically. Or you can repress it and try (unsuccessfully) to write something else over it.

So, a man who is 80% masculine and 20% feminine will be most polarized to a woman who is 80% feminine and 20% masculine. 

A man who is 60% masculine and 40% feminine will be most polarized to a woman who is 60% feminine and 40% masculine.

This is also true for polarization in same-sex couples.

So, while it is true that opposites attract... you are thinking in incorrect ways about polarization.

The only way to find your polar matches are to express what's actually there. If you try to cram yourself into some masculine stereotype, all you're going to do is reduce your own potency and ability to attract who you're most polarized to. It will dim your light and few moths will be drawn to it in an authentic way.

Also, divorce rates were lower in the mid 1900s because it was a huge social stigma back then. It doesn't mean that people were happier. Once "no fault" divorce was allowed, the suicide rates for women dropped quite a bit. 

You can't determine the quality of a relationship based on longevity. And the divorce rate has NOTHING to do with how good relationships were back then. It's all about social expectations.

And respect has little to do with what a person does for a living. Respect is derived from noticing someone who has virtues.

Throw off the shackles of these stereotypes or forever feel alone having to perform a caricature of masculinity to be lovable. 


Click here to watch my Free 60-Minute Shadow Integration Masterclass!

The masterclass includes all the foundational information you need for beginning a Shadow Work practice. DM me if you have any questions and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

 

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8 minutes ago, Emerald said:

In fact, you can't make yourself more masculine or more feminine.

They are fixed qualities. Everyone has an inborn masculine/feminine signature.

Hmn, I dunno about this one.

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31 minutes ago, neutralempty said:

Hmn, I dunno about this one.

 

Everything in existence has an inborn masculine/feminine signature (Yang/Yin). This includes human beings. Here is a video that I made on the topic.


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36 minutes ago, neutralempty said:

Hmn, I dunno about this one.

I mean you could lean into certain aspect of your in born masculinity or femininity. Lets say you are 60% masculine and 40% feminine. The way I see it, you could learn to embrace that 60% masculine, develop that masculinity and learn to lead with it. You could do the same with that 40% feminine aspect as well. But leaning into one aspect or developing one aspect doesn't change the composition of one's polarities. If anything, only focusing on one polarity and ignoring the other is a sure way to create a ton of shadows and contradictions in yourself because you aren't being authentic. 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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45 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I mean you could lean into certain aspect of your in born masculinity or femininity. Lets say you are 60% masculine and 40% feminine. The way I see it, you could learn to embrace that 60% masculine, develop that masculinity and learn to lead with it. You could do the same with that 40% feminine aspect as well. But leaning into one aspect or developing one aspect doesn't change the composition of one's polarities. If anything, only focusing on one polarity and ignoring the other is a sure way to create a ton of shadows and contradictions in yourself because you aren't being authentic. 

 

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

Polarity isn't something that can be put on from the outside by making yourself fit into stereotypes of masculinity and femininity. In fact, you can't make yourself more masculine or more feminine.

They are fixed qualities. Everyone has an inborn masculine/feminine signature.

Therefore, you can choose to be conscious of your natural signature and to express it authentically. Or you can repress it and try (unsuccessfully) to write something else over it.

So, a man who is 80% masculine and 20% feminine will be most polarized to a woman who is 80% feminine and 20% masculine. 

A man who is 60% masculine and 40% feminine will be most polarized to a woman who is 60% feminine and 40% masculine.

This is also true for polarization in same-sex couples.

So, while it is true that opposites attract... you are thinking in incorrect ways about polarization.

The only way to find your polar matches are to express what's actually there. If you try to cram yourself into some masculine stereotype, all you're going to do is reduce your own potency and ability to attract who you're most polarized to. It will dim your light and few moths will be drawn to it in an authentic way.

Also, divorce rates were lower in the mid 1900s because it was a huge social stigma back then. It doesn't mean that people were happier. Once "no fault" divorce was allowed, the suicide rates for women dropped quite a bit. 

You can't determine the quality of a relationship based on longevity. And the divorce rate has NOTHING to do with how good relationships were back then. It's all about social expectations.

And respect has little to do with what a person does for a living. Respect is derived from noticing someone who has virtues.

Throw off the shackles of these stereotypes or forever feel alone having to perform a caricature of masculinity to be lovable. 

I largely agree with all of these points. However, from what I've been taught women generally are sexually appealed to and respect men who are 80% masculine and 20% feminine. Even this feminist dating coach named Layan Bubbly mentioned how if you sound too feminine or flamboyant around women then they generally will not find you sexy. 

She mentions this at around time mark 9:26  

Also, here's perhaps a more fair or reasonable take on how men and women can have a healthy and effective sexual/romantic relationship with each by Healer Jake Woodard: 

 

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@Emerald @soos_mite_ah

I alright, I watch till 32:00 min.

nothing so far in it had a reasoning as to why the levels of femininity would be capped in dependence of the levels of masculinity for everyone statically. As far as I saw it, femininity is a ground layer to be expressed by masculinity.

I believe the use of percentage is not appropriate here, since it doesn't follow that feminity can be overtaken by too much masculinity. It's more like on top of my femininity I use masculinity to instantiate. There is no masculinity to dive in without a femininity giving it the potential, as far as I can follow.

Unless the point is the following, there is a level of energy to distribute which makes up 100%. I can choose to distribute 40% of it into the femininity from which I can use the rest 60% to instatie the feminity via masculinity. 

But regardless, nothing says there is no possibility of expansion or refocus for both.

And I believe hormones have a say in that.

But maybe I misunderstood something.

Edited by neutralempty

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1 hour ago, neutralempty said:

@Emerald @soos_mite_ah

I alright, I watch till 32:00 min.

nothing so far in it had a reasoning as to why the levels of femininity would be capped in dependence of the levels of masculinity for everyone statically. As far as I saw it, femininity is a ground layer to be expressed by masculinity.

I believe the use of percentage is not appropriate here, since it doesn't follow that feminity can be overtaken by too much masculinity. It's more like on top of my femininity I use masculinity to instantiate. There is no masculinity to dive in without a femininity giving it the potential, as far as I can follow.

Unless the point is the following, there is a level of energy to distribute which makes up 100%. I can choose to distribute 40% of it into the femininity from which I can use the rest 60% to instatie the feminity via masculinity. 

But regardless, nothing says there is no possibility of expansion or refocus for both.

And I believe hormones have a say in that.

But maybe I misunderstood something.

To understand this, it must be understood that the percentage ratios of Yin/Yang are described from a relative perspective of being a human being that is perceiving the world.

Just like up/down, big/small, beginning/end... we can experience them in from the relative human perspective as having a substantial existence that we can understand and relate to. But there is no such thing as up/down, big/small, beginning/end in any absolute sense.

But if we take on other perspectives Yin/Yang, it could also be said that there NO duality there... aka non-duality. And that would be true, as all is one thing.

But there is another perspective which paradigm that sits in the middle of the absolute non-dual perspective and the relative human perspective. 

And this is to recognize that everything is infinitely Yin and Yang.

As a visual metaphor, if you could imagine zooming into the Yin half of a Yin and Yang Symbol... you would find it was made up of its own Yin and Yang symbols. Then you could zoom into the Yang side of one of those symbols, and still find more Yin/Yang symbols.

So, in the relative human sense, it is a fixed quality. But you can become more conscious and more developed relative to your inborn Yin/Yang signature. But the way to become more magnetic is to own both of your polarities and not grasp towards one and repress the other.

But in the other perspectives I mentioned, everyone is infinitely Yin/Yang and everyone in another sense is neither Yin nor Yang as even that dichotomy is a false dichotomy. 

But in-so-far as it concerns attractiveness to a partner, your best bet is to own your energetic signature completely and develop your core potentials that stem from that signature.


Click here to watch my Free 60-Minute Shadow Integration Masterclass!

The masterclass includes all the foundational information you need for beginning a Shadow Work practice. DM me if you have any questions and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

 

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On 9/1/2021 at 5:36 AM, Lionhead said:

 

 

Women don't want to be viewed as pieces of meat. The only reason that you (if you're a man) gets nervous when talking to women is because you're treating the conversation like a potential sexual encounter. It's better to take sex out of the equation and just talk to women like their just people, in a relaxed manner without an agenda. You just make friends and if it escalates into a sexual relationship then that's alright.

 

That's if you got game. Sexuality will be there it just be subtle which is actually the most elegant and effective way 

If don't you will end up in the friend zone 🤣


A thought can´t ever tell you how you feel.

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