A Question To People Who Were Shy And Overcame It.

[Parki]

I want to overcome my shyness, but I don't what to do, so let's start with this: if you were shy and now don't how do you think you overcame it?

[Frogfucius]

Meditation.

[Parki]

@Frogfucius Leo's videos like meditation and I am done?

[Ida]

Challenge yourself, jump out in/say yes to the opportunities to do what you are afraid of. And then use/study acceptance to tell yourself that your awkwardness is ok.

[123456789]

I realized that outside forces can give me no value. So I stopped giving a flying fuck what anyone thinks about me.

[Augustus]

9 hours ago, Parki said:

I want to overcome my shyness, but I don't what to do, so let's start with this: if you were shy and now don't how do you think you overcame it?

Don't try to fight your shyness, you will only make it worse. Instead embrace your feelings and remember it's OK to feel like this, you have done nothing wrong and if someone doesn't like you then that's his fault.

Don't force your self into fearful situations, I mean start with something small, something cause you very little anxiety then you can move to the next level only when you ready.

Another thing you must know about: mostly people will not notice your inner anxious feeling so don't worry about hiding it, it's hard to accept that because you feel the anxiety or shyness deep within you, but for people looking from outside you will seem normal.

I hope these information will help you.

some helpful link

 

https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/what-is-social-anxiety

 

       

[Progress]

If you really want to, throw yourself into the fire. Shyness is really one of the things humans should overcome, introvert or extrovert. It doesn't matter if you want to be a hermit or not. How to do it? Force yourself to socialize. You will fuck up countlessly. 

 

Now some tips: Let Go, Don't ever ponder if you did well, how you fucked up, how you will improve, how you are gonna approach them. Socializing is onhand experience not something you can logic your way out of. Most of all, enjoy people as they all have stories, feelings, a world of their own- NOT the idea of having friends, or ironically enjoying people(Enjoying the idea of enjoying people is not the same as enjoying people!) Have fun! Afterall what is life about?

[ChristopherW]

19 minutes ago, Progress said:

If you really want to, throw yourself into the fire. Shyness is really one of the things humans should overcome, introvert or extrovert. It doesn't matter if you want to be a hermit or not. How to do it? Force yourself to socialize. You will fuck up countlessly. 

 

Now some tips: Let Go, Don't ever ponder if you did well, how you fucked up, how you will improve, how you are gonna approach them. Socializing is onhand experience not something you can logic your way out of. Most of all, enjoy people as they all have stories, feelings, a world of their own- NOT the idea of having friends, or ironically enjoying people(Enjoying the idea of enjoying people is not the same as enjoying people!) Have fun! Afterall what is life about?

Agreed with this.

Fuck pure acceptance of your changeable flaw, or waiting for some meditative truth to relieve you of it; Answers of that nature don't sit well with me.

I've had anxiety for a while, to the point I shook rapidly and awkwardly in extremely uncomfortable situations. It has since gotten better; How?

As stated in the quote above. You must force yourself out of your comfort zone, and adapt your body to realise it is in no danger during uncomfortable social situations, and if you keep it up, you will start producing endorphin's instead of large amounts of cortisol during social interactions.

Some ways I've purged a lot of anxiety.

• Approach strangers as much as possible, and talk to them as long as you can at given time (progress in the length and quality of the interactions over time - focus primarily on USING them for your growth, and entertaining and challenging yourself, not so much on how they react)
• Meditation can definitely help supplementally.
• Join a local toastmasters (they are literally everywhere, look one up) and conquer your fears of large social interactions, being center of attention. - (I pinpointed over time this was my major fear, and most of my anxiety stemmed from this.)
• Join a local activity club/get active in some kind of community activity where you are forced to interact with people.

[JKG]

Do something that will make yourself just a little bit uncomfortable like wearing a shirt which you don't like that much but still looks acceptable. Build yourself up slowly to wearing clothes that most people don't like at all (like a neon green shirt). And later do other things that will make you a bit more uncomfortable.

This is the way I used and am still using to stop caring what others think of me. And with the time I lost my shyness more and more, because shyness is in a way caring too much about the opinions of others.

[JustinS]

Living and breathing from the inside out rather than from outside in. Saying things whether someone heard you or not. Meditation helps calm your mind. Be as comfortable as at home but in out in other situations. Be at ease and flow like a child.

[Richard Alpert]

On ‎24‎.‎9‎.‎2016 at 7:25 AM, Frogfucius said:

Meditation.

no no and no. It can help though if it makes you more confortable on you´re on skin.

But It´s like saying i become a better ice-hockey player by running.

socializing is a way out of shyness.

[Frogfucius]

3 hours ago, Richard Alpert said:

no no and no. It can help though if it makes you more confortable on you´re on skin.

But It´s like saying i become a better ice-hockey player by running.

socializing is a way out of shyness.

Socializing can just make the person feel even more awkward. It might help for a while, but the homeostasis is going to find its way right back to being shy.

For something as deeply layered as shyness, you have to work yourself from the inside first.

External circumstances change for people all the time, but those never address the issue. They can mask it for a certain time, but the problem is still rooted deep down inside. For example, a guy who feels lonely, so he the joins pickup community. He may meet and sleep with a bunch of girls, but he eventually learns that it's not fulfilling him and he's still lonely. That's just one example. Another example would be people who have been impoverished their whole lives, and suddenly become rich, either through lottery or becoming a professional athlete. They're suddenly rich, problem solved right? Well what happens? A decade or two down the line, the same people have squandered all of their money and are broke again.

For shyness, that's why I say do internal work first, cleanse all of the baggage. Once you don't have your mind nagging you or bringing you down, you'll naturally become more confident, and it will show externally. You can take action and do whatever you want to do from there, without adding fuel to your neuroses.

Edited September 25, 2016 by Frogfucius

[Progress]

@Frogfucius I don't think you've been in this situation at all, you're going to lead him into more drama then nessecary(Which he'll have to deal with plenty of). Socializing doesn't really work like that. If you work on shyness internally, you're just adding fuel to the fire. It is not something you logic your way out. It is not something you think about or contemplate, it is something you do. The more you think , the more you build up anxiety. The problem from shyness is fear and inexperience is it not? Fear from what? Thinking fucking up socializing will harm your ego. The other half of the issue of shyness is no experience on the "How to" Both of these internal issues can (only) be solved by socializing. 

[Frogfucius]

@Progress Thinking too much is exactly the problem! Meditation slows your thinking patterns, especially your negative ones. You learn to not listen to that nagging voice in your head, and you come from a place of authenticity. You gain awareness. Yes, in order to become social, you need to get out there and interact. But I'm saying that should come after you have purged that little demon in your head, and act from a place of complete authenticity.

The "Action, action, action" mentality may work for people who already have a strong foundation, but odds are, anyone who needs help with shyness needs to get to the root of it. By meditating, you focus on the present moment, and are able to become aware of your thoughts and bodily sensations. You learn not to panic or fall into the same thought stories. So when you're out in public, maybe feeling a little shy, you are able to come into the present moment, accept your body reacting how it is, but you don't judge it. The feelings will pass, but you never lose awareness. Watch Leo's video "Awareness alone is curative"

This is spiritual teaching 101. Unwanted behaviors can become healed through awareness.

Edited September 25, 2016 by Frogfucius

[aurum]

@Frogfucius @Progress

Let me see if I can reconcile these two pieces of advice.

@Frogfucius is right. You want awareness over you actions and your thoughts, and eventually that will lead to a dissolving of your behavior patterns. But @Progress is right as well. You need to take external action as well.

Call me ant-spiritual, but I don't believe sitting in a room and meditating is going to cure you of your shyness. It's just not a practical.

Rather, you should go out and socialize. You should go and put yourself in uncomfortable situations. But do it consciously. Observe yourself while you're doing this. When do you start to feel the shyness come on? What thoughts are going through your head? What are the consequences of these actions?

You don't need to beat yourself up or hate yourself to do this. You just need motivation and an understanding of why you're doing it.

I also agree that self-acceptance exercises and meditation AS A SUPPLEMENT can be immensely valuable. But no, I don't buy that it's the only thing that's necessary.

[Progress]

@Frogfucius Oh I thought you mean't internal work as inquiry on yourself. Yes meditation helps but socializing mainly comes from action. And frankly the action action mentality at least for socializing does work with people who have a weak foundation. This is speaking from direct experience. It will take ages to destroy that little demon, even the most adept extroverts have it in small doses once in awhile. If this was compared to learning how to ride a bike, you would tell the kid to stand there til he gets over his fear of riding a bike. That doesn't teach him how to ride a bike. Instead he should ride the bike, fuck up, and build confidence. 

[Progress]

@aurum Thats exactly what Im trying to say!

[Frogfucius]

@Progress Of course action is needed, I never implied otherwise. You can't steal 2nd base while keeping your foot on 1st.  But if you're scared to steal 2nd, you're letting your mind fuck you over. If you learn to become aware that your mind is fucking you, you're far less reactive to the negative thought patterns, meaning you're more apt to brush aside any negative constructs.

They go hand and hand, absolutely.  I'm not saying don't take action. There's an old saying - if you zen out all day, they'll just come and take your furniture. On the same token, you need to slooooooow your reactive ways to your mind. At least, that's how it was for me. Awareness and becoming present was far more healing for me than constant action. Yes, action got me results, but I still didn't feel good inside. I still felt like a pile of shit, even when I did nothing wrong, and actually accomplished something. I wish I took the awareness route first, it would have saved me a lot of neuroses based reactions.

Edited September 26, 2016 by Frogfucius

[Kevin Dunlop]

I was really shy. Ill tell you what broke the cycle. I realized the illusion I had created that made me shy. I literally said to myself ¨ Hey, wait a minute, I am not judging everyones clothes, or haircuts, or exactly what they say, I dont have time to do that nor am I interested in doing that. So I was wrong to think that other people are judging me all the time, they arent. And if they are that weird they can fuck right off! ¨ I finally looked around and no one was paying attension to me, sometimes they smiled, everything was actually OK. I was being shy for nothing, no one is as critical as we imagine, so just relax, people are actually friendly and interested in whatever. Sometimes you get unlucky and someone is irritable but again thats their problem, luckily not yours. I hope this gets you started feeling comfortable and not under the magnifying glass.

Not only are most people easy going but they arent really that cool, they are just as ¨whatever¨ as you are, so dont put yourself below them