Self hatred/ self criticism - not worthy to be in a relationship.

[SamC]

Not sure where to put this. I am relatively stable emotionally ( and with that I mean, I don't have spells of depression or deep feelings of hopelessness ect - that often at all. In fact, Most days I feel quite good... but, I hate myself. I really don't like myself.

I'm getting more and more aware of this - this is the reason why I secretly want others fail and so on and so forth.. because I am so scared that I myself am not good enough. I don't feel worthy at all - and right now I am hating myself for hating myself cause I don't want to hate myself.

This is the reason for my neediness, my perfectionism and low self esteem, and also the reason why I have a scarcity mindset with girls - cause I dont feel worthy to even be in a relationship.  I am getting a lot better, I can feel it.. I am more aware of it and, I am working through it slowly with daily meditation and self compassion but what more? What would be your recommended solutions for self hatred/ self criticism? Would love your help.

(

 

Edited October 10, 2020 by SamC

[ajai]

4 minutes ago, SamC said:

but what more?

Do you Read?

Start reading if not, pick good books I mean books which have some key insights about life and are more pragmatic in general, 

and most importantly let's be more patient, self-criticism is good but only good as long as you are looking for loopholes to make yourself better once you find one, the next important thing is to work I'm not saying make yourself 100% in fulfilling that scarcity but alteast work 50-60% where u start to embody it (a quality), then you might jump onto some other aspect of your life, but key would be to not overdo yourself with a lot of things to work upon try to keep one thing at a time, and yes it's not gonna be easy but sometimes we gotta hold our horses and get a shit done first.

18 minutes ago, SamC said:

daily meditation and self compassion

That's really good.

Also, be more grateful for what you have, what you are, where you live, about yourself, about the food you eat, about the friends you have, about your parents, about brothers and sisters if you got any, about nature, about the breathing process going on when you wake up everyday, about the day and experience you had from the day, contemplate about the things you did in the day, if you got any pet around spend time with them, notice how animals/birds are behaving when it's a sunny day or when it's raining, feel grateful for the essence of this Being in general. Don't judge but just witness at times, tell your sense of judgement to go on hold for sometime maybe for 10 minutes , 15 minutes. See, notice, witness the process of LIFE. See how it goes.

READ. READ. READ. Just make it a habit, read good pieces start researching about your interests and read. Stay Blessed.

[Preety_India]

Nothing will fix this other than a dose of positivity. 

Try positive affirmations 

Also what you have are limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs limit everything. 

You have great potential but your beliefs might crush it. 

Watch out for the sneaky inner voice. Don't let it win. 

Get up by the bootstraps and catch the bull by the horns. 

 

[Thestarguitarist14]

Try eft tapping.  It is amazing: 

 

[F A B]

@SamC Bro, It is not going to be easy, but I'm sure you can do it ?

[SamC]

2 hours ago, ajai said:

Do you Read?

Start reading if not, pick good books I mean books which have some key insights about life and are more pragmatic in general, 

and most importantly let's be more patient, self-criticism is good but only good as long as you are looking for loopholes to make yourself better once you find one, the next important thing is to work I'm not saying make yourself 100% in fulfilling that scarcity but alteast work 50-60% where u start to embody it (a quality), then you might jump onto some other aspect of your life, but key would be to not overdo yourself with a lot of things to work upon try to keep one thing at a time, and yes it's not gonna be easy but sometimes we gotta hold our horses and get a shit done first.

That's really good.

Also, be more grateful for what you have, what you are, where you live, about yourself, about the food you eat, about the friends you have, about your parents, about brothers and sisters if you got any, about nature, about the breathing process going on when you wake up everyday, about the day and experience you had from the day, contemplate about the things you did in the day, if you got any pet around spend time with them, notice how animals/birds are behaving when it's a sunny day or when it's raining, feel grateful for the essence of this Being in general. Don't judge but just witness at times, tell your sense of judgement to go on hold for sometime maybe for 10 minutes , 15 minutes. See, notice, witness the process of LIFE. See how it goes.

READ. READ. READ. Just make it a habit, read good pieces start researching about your interests and read. Stay Blessed.

Thanks for your tips. I will start to read????

[SamC]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Nothing will fix this other than a dose of positivity. 

Try positive affirmations 

Also what you have are limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs limit everything. 

You have great potential but your beliefs might crush it. 

Watch out for the sneaky inner voice. Don't let it win. 

Get up by the bootstraps and catch the bull by the horns. 

 

Yup, limiting beliefs is a big one. Interesting with positive affirmations. I am sceptical about them to be honest, but I am really openminded to try. Have you been helped by them? ( I will try it regardless, just curios about your experience with them).

 

[SamC]

50 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

Try eft tapping.  It is amazing: 

 

This seems so weird to me, Idk why..-but I will try it!  I don't know shit, so maybe this is a life savior.

What's the theory behind it? What's your experience with it? I will try it even if it isn't any theory btw, I am simply curious. 

[Eph75]

2 hours ago, SamC said:

What would be your recommended solutions for self hatred/ self criticism?

Usually to get your self-talk in check, self-critique, negative commenting and judgement yourself. Do you do this a lot? 

Also looking at authentic you are. Do you not do what you want in order to please others? Are you a people pleaser? To you spend a lot of time worrying about what others would think of you? 

Edited October 10, 2020 by Eph75

[SamC]

24 minutes ago, F A B said:

@SamC Bro, It is not going to be easy, but I'm sure you can do it ?

It's hard af, but that's a given in this work. Thanks for the words of encouragement bro?

[Thestarguitarist14]

4 minutes ago, SamC said:

This seems so weird to me, Idk why..-but I will try it!  I don't know shit, so maybe this is a life savior.

What's the theory behind it? What's your experience with it? I will try it even if it isn't any theory btw, I am simply curious. 

The theory (particularly the way he does it) is that you are not trying to fix or change yourself.  You voice your deepest fear, then begin to realize just how u tire that fear is and go towards the other side.  You realize that it is all a story that you are creating.  It sends a wonderful message to the body.  I have been doing this a lot lately and it has truly improved my healing work ten fold.  That is the issue with self help, you go in feeling that you are broken.  You are not broken.  

[SamC]

2 minutes ago, Eph75 said:

Usually to get your self-talk in check, self-critique, negative commenting and judgement yourself. Do you do this a lot? 

Not nearly enough. In fact - I feel like a victim, like that it's impossible to even change that voice. I know it's bullshit, but I think that's the reason why I haven't done it. This is the biggest thing I think.

2 minutes ago, Eph75 said:

Also looking at authentic you are. Do you give in to what you want in order to please others? Are you a people pleaser? To you soend a lot of time worrying about what others would think of you? 

I am but I am getting better at being authentic day by day. I have started to set boundaries and stand up for myself more the last couple of months. It's hard though but It's getting better. 

[SamC]

2 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

The theory (particularly the way he does it) is that you are not trying to fix or change yourself.  You voice your deepest fear, then begin to realize just how u tire that fear is and go towards the other side.  You realize that it is all a story that you are creating.  It sends a wonderful message to the body.  I have been doing this a lot lately and it has truly improved my healing work ten fold.  That is the issue with self help, you go in feeling that you are broken.  You are not broken.  

Thanks for your response bro. I appreciate you. Yeah I 100% agree. Will try it for an extended period of time!

[Eph75]

@SamC It sounds like you have some healthy reasoning going on with focus on taking action. We spend a lot of time getting ourselves in strange places, it takes time to reverse the process by taking actions in the right direction and consistently so. 

An interesting and somewhat funny question is this - who would you say are the top 3 most important people in your life? 

 

 

 

[Martin123]

@SamC If you were to think of a parent, which one would it be that made you feel ashamed and criticised for who you are?
Equally so, which one of your parents had a relationship with you where you felt like you needed to hide and suppress your emotions?

If the answer comes, allow yourself the possibility of forgiveness, and recreate a new healthy relationship with what you learned to deny in order to please an ego of a parent whose love was taken away from you.

[Roy]

You don't accept yourself, yourself. So you are looking and feel needy for a relationship, because you want them to provide that acceptance for you. However this is something you can have organically and internally, even if it doesn't feel like it now. One way you tackle this is when you have any those bad thoughts of "I'm not good enough. I hate myself. I don't have enough X. I'm not Y." Don't emotionally react to them. Simply notice them and watch them pass in you. Don't have thoughts about the thoughts, don't feel bad that they are there. Let them go through you and leave, because they are only temporary. They aren't what truly makes you feel good deep down.... so as you show your brain you don't really care about them (and aren't feeding them with reactions) they will start to show up less and become less impactful. You'll start to have a healthier shift. Really try this @SamC it will work for you!

Also good news is you don't need to be perfect or have overflowing confidence to pursue someone! Take a second to realize they aren't perfect either. They are another person just like you so there is no reason to hold them to some divine standard where any possible judgment they make is righteous and true. That's what you're probably fearing.

It's totally worth pursuing a relationship though, even if you're not exactly who you want to be. Chances are the relationship will end too, and that's ok because most do. You either stay together for life or you don't, there is no in-between. It's still very valuable though for all the good times to be had, and they will teach you a tremendous amount about yourself that you might not see on your own. You grow from it, which is all any of us do. Progress not perfection.

 Nobody is perfect for everyone, but everyone is perfect for someone.

[Gesundheit]

Drop all the BS advice and don't do anything at all. Self-help implies changing yourself because you hate yourself. The only reason you'd be listening to any advice is because you hate yourself as you are and want to become something else. But examine exactly what you are, and what you want to become. And see that you really don't want to become anything else other than your current self. You want to be at peace, and peace is found right here and now, not somewhere else in the future when you become "better". Notice the subtle difference between being and becoming. Notice that you are already what you seek. Notice that you are already whole and don't actually lack anything at all, and that no amount of change/becoming can ever change that, neither up nor down.

Edited October 10, 2020 by Gesundheit

[Preety_India]

@SamC yes they are very helpful 

[SamC]

2 hours ago, Eph75 said:

@SamC It sounds like you have some healthy reasoning going on with focus on taking action. We spend a lot of time getting ourselves in strange places, it takes time to reverse the process by taking actions in the right direction and consistently so. 

Yeah, I am. It's super challenging though cause it takes time. I have always hated myself, it's just that I see the iceberg now more clearly because I am more aware. Ego backlashes is an interesting thing aswell lmao 

Quote

An interesting and somewhat funny question is this - who would you say are the top 3 most important people in your life? 

 

 

 

1: 5meo - leo, aka Leo gura ((; 

2: Sadguhuru 

3:  Jeff cavaliere ( atleanx)

 

( besides that, my parents and closest friends, I'm 19)

 

 

[SamC]

2 hours ago, Martin123 said:

@SamC If you were to think of a parent, which one would it be that made you feel ashamed and criticised for who you are?
Equally so, which one of your parents had a relationship with you where you felt like you needed to hide and suppress your emotions?

If the answer comes, allow yourself the possibility of forgiveness, and recreate a new healthy relationship with what you learned to deny in order to please an ego of a parent whose love was taken away from you.

Yeah I know. This self hatred is a social conditioning from my dad. It's really hard to do though, but something I need to do. Do you know any good ways to do this or is it just something to visualize?