Can't get an erection and difficulties in make her orgasm

[LeoX8]

Hi everybody,

As you read up I can't get my meat hard when is time to have sex. 

Particularly when I have to insert it in the vagina the system shuts down and my penis starts to melt down. For blowjobs or handjobs I have absolutely no problem at all. Hard as a rock. 

I also have some problems in make her orgasm, I don't know if it is the fingering technique I am using but if I keep going for some time she reaches a "barrier", as she says, and she wants me to stop.

I feel sexually miserable and I really want to give to my girlfriend the very best possible, so if you have some advices, books suggestion, videos, ecc... I would be very happy to hear you.

Thanks in advance

[Michael569]

Chances are that this is psychological induced by years of porn watching. You have acquired unrealistic expectations for your sexual performance and probably for your partner's looks as well. Work with your partner on this slowly, make sure the environment is relaxed, not too much light, some nice music and maybe an essential oil. Give each other a massage and make sure none of your is travelling the world in their mind. Both need to be fully present to the moment. 

Regarding orgasm, some girls are more able than other. Maybe she needs to relax as well, if she is subconsciously stressed or shy, she will hold back. Lots of techniques on what to do down there can be found on the internet  Make sure your foreplay lasts anywhere from 20-40 minutes and giving her a massage before that to help with blood circulation can help as well. 

Performance anxiety is a real thing but it can be worked on with patience. Meditation can help you. 

The way of the superior man by David Deida is a good read as well. 

......oh and stop watching porn

[LeoX8]

@Michael569 Thanks for all the suggestions, I haven't watched porn for a very long time now and I'm meditating as well. I'm looking forward to the foreplay and relax each other because it sounds so interesting. 

I think my "problem" comes from a place of fear and by being too much in my mind as I go through all the process. I will certainly work on it

Thanks again for all <3

[Consilience]

If you masturbate at all Id cut that out too in addition to the porn.

@Michael569 ‘s post is great. 

[universe]

Don't worry. Do you use condoms for sex only?

The barrier thing for girls is quite normal. Either there are emotions blocking her because she tries to hold on to something or she is afraid she will pee your bed and thats why she holds back. Communication and trust are the key. Building trust will make it easier for her to relax and let go.

Check out Leos videos on sex!

[Loving Radiance]

@LeoX8  ime foreplay is really good for getting into your body and just feeling. Like in meditation every instinctual want & act is a pointer to make you more conscious and to go deep into the feeling. The more you feel yourself the more you can also realize letting go of any thought that makes you feel contracted in your being.

[Leo Gura]

14 hours ago, LeoX8 said:

Particularly when I have to insert it in the vagina the system shuts down and my penis starts to melt down. For blowjobs or handjobs I have absolutely no problem at all. Hard as a rock.

So clearly there's something amiss in your inner game. It's a mind thing. You need to become more conscious of what your mind is doing at the moment when you penetrate and go soft. What is your mind thinking? What is the fear? What are you visualizing? What are you feeling?

Get very clear and honest about that.

Sound like you might have fear of premature ejaculation or that you're putting so much pressure on yourself to perform in bed in a certain way. Good sex requires getting out of your head and into the feelings in your body. Try literally moving your awareness out of your head and out into your body.

[Display_Name]

39 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

So clearly there's something amiss in your inner game. It's a mind thing. You need to become more conscious of what your mind is doing at the moment when you penetrate and go soft.

Ouh, contemplate while you penetrate. Ralston would be proud!

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Display_Name said:

Ouh, contemplate while you penetrate. Ralston would be proud!

Don't limit your contemplation to penetration

[LfcCharlie4]

Good advice regarding Porn & masturbation. 

I'd also look into some supplementation such as Maca, Kratom etc. 

Also, books like Daniel Rose- Sex God Method (reading it atm) will help you develop your skills massively, I believe it's available on the web somewhere. 

[LeoX8]

@Consilience @Consilience @universe Thanks guys

I already cut masturbating at all 

I use condoms only for sex, and also as I put them on I feel a certain kind of pressure in myself and again, it goes soft

@Leo Gura I don't worry much about premature ejaculation, is more the fact that I would not stand up to certain standards in my head. Sometimes even the fear of not getting it hard blocks it and keeps it soft. But I'm surely working on feeling more in my body and be aware of my body (also for enjoying more the moment). Thanks for all Leo, really you are amazing

@LfcCharlie4 Thanks for the advice, I will search that?

Thanks to all again ♥️

[Leo Gura]

@LeoX8 Yeah, that's very typical performance anxiety.

You gotta work on breathing and relaxation to calm down your monkey mind.

This is a monkey mind issue.

Practice slow steady deep breathing and letting go of thoughts.

[LeoX8]

@Leo Gura I will try my best Leo, thanks again ♥️

[universe]

14 hours ago, LeoX8 said:

I use condoms only for sex, and also as I put them on I feel a certain kind of pressure in myself and again, it goes soft

Maybe the condoms you are currently using dont fit you. Try different sizes.

[Farnaby]

On 21/7/2020 at 7:10 PM, LeoX8 said:

I really want to give to my girlfriend the very best possible, so if you have some advices, books suggestion, videos, ecc... I would be very happy to hear you.

Thanks in advance

As men, society has conditioned us to take on a lot of pressure to sexually please a woman.

This + a fragile self esteem + bad masturbation habits + bad previous experiences can lead to a lot of performance anxiety. 

To get an erection you need to be fairly relaxed. 

I say this because your sentence I quoted looks like a rational thought that makes a lot of sense, but I think it stems from a place of fear and insecurity. I could be completely wrong so I apologize if that is the case.

I just sensed an attempt to stop feeling miserable through getting better at sex, which doesn't seem to come from a place of fun/play but from a place of fear.

My advice is to try to find someone you can be vulnerable with and talk about this stuff, as well as healing the experiences that led you to expect ao much out of yourself and also to consider therapy.

Good luck!