fear of ejaculation

[Carl-Richard]

@JessiChell Don't bother about Nak Khid. He has been on a constant crusade against absolute love for quite some time now, and infact it's getting quite ridiculous.

[JessiChell]

@Carl-Richard oh okay. 

I thought I was missing something. Thanks!

[IJB063]

I too have a fear of ejaculation 

I wake up in the night after fever dreams of me ejaculating 

You’re not alone @Rolo

Edited June 20, 2020 by IJB063

[IJB063]

@JessiChell

On 18/06/2020 at 5:04 AM, JessiChell said:

@Rolo doesnt shame turn you on? 

It feels great to feel disgusted with yourself.

Surrender to that. Love that disgust and shameful feeling you have. It's a part of you. 

Also, eroticising your own shame and disgust is disgusting 

You shame and disgust is conscience 

What you’re doing is avoiding and corrupting the very conscience and aspect of you that regulates you to be a better man and act in a better way

If you destroy that very instinct of repulsion and shame than you have literal carte blaunche to do anything

Getting turned on by shame is an example of a broken mind

You could not have a functioning mind and be aroused by your own failings

 Things like cuckold porn etc... are complete example of the eroticising of ones own failures, no healthy person would be aroused by that because it goes against the very reason with have a sexuality 

@Rolo

In seriousness don’t listen to advice like that

On 15/06/2020 at 11:32 AM, hamedsf said:

you might have limiting belief about sex and your mind don't want to express itself sexually!

What exactly is being limited here, depravity  

Rolo all addiction should be overcome 

On 16/06/2020 at 1:38 AM, Rolo said:

natrual process has been hijacked from porn addiction which i feel alot of shame about :(.

You shouldn’t need anything or anyone to be happy

Take control back over your sexuality, don’t sink deeper into your addiction to cure it, take a step back and exercise some asceticism

I made a post on this that might help you

Good luck

[Onemanwolfpac]

On 18/06/2020 at 9:27 PM, JessiChell said:

@Onemanwolfpac I think our definition of love is different. 

Agreed. You mention shame before. I don't know how to multi quote lol. The point you made on Shame and even the expectations of love returning is likely trauma. I was telling a buddy about unattached and dissociation to relationships coming or going. I don't recollect the exact conversation but he said its a form of trauma. 

 

[Onemanwolfpac]

3 hours ago, IJB063 said:

@JessiChell

Also, eroticising your own shame and disgust is disgusting 

You shame and disgust is conscience 

What you’re doing is avoiding and corrupting the very conscience and aspect of you that regulates you to be a better man and act in a better way

She likely had a past trauma. Its disassociation. Its not routine sexualize shame. Power vs force calibrate shame at 20. That's the lowest of the low. To sexualize shame is sad and awful. 

Its one of the things that pisses me off about the narrative like Sandberg telling girls to chase psychos. There's volcano lair-like bad guys out there and it won't end up going out well. Its just the norm to make poor decisions in our society, pandemic riot, trash shit because of my Feels. 

A buddy and I were talking. I said something about the connection being severed with respect to marriage or monogamous exclusivity. He called it trauma. He knows more about therapy and psychology. 

I think spiritual rejuvenation is so important. Its why I read things like ACIM, Path to God by Ram Dass and a variety of different sources. There's a lot of self study and work to be done. 

[IJB063]

@Onemanwolfpac

57 minutes ago, Onemanwolfpac said:

She likely had a past trauma. Its disassociation. Its not routine sexualize shame. Power vs force calibrate shame at 20. That's the lowest of the low. To sexualize shame is sad and awful. 

I’m not gonna play armchair psychologist but sexualising shame is not a good thing

58 minutes ago, Onemanwolfpac said:

trash shit because of my Feels. 

We live in age of feels before reals

59 minutes ago, Onemanwolfpac said:

think spiritual rejuvenation is so important. Its why I read things like ACIM, Path to God by Ram Dass and a variety of different sources. There's a lot of self study and work to be done. 

Amen

and that spiritual rejuvenation starts with self respect and taking control of your sexual will

[Onemanwolfpac]

16 minutes ago, IJB063 said:

@Onemanwolfpac

I’m not gonna play armchair psychologist but sexualising shame is not a good thing

We live in age of feels before reals

Amen

and that spiritual rejuvenation starts with self respect and taking control of your sexual will

I have hooked up with girls before and there was this sexualization to shame. Granted, it was before the transition in my own path on mind, body, and spirit. Girls wanting me to finish on their face, wanting to be disgraced or humiliated. I wont go into details about the specifics. I just thought that some requests were "weird" at the time. There's dirty talk and then, there's something more malevolent. Actions too. 

i feel like the same for rape fantasy or fifty shades. Any sort of blending of sex and pain isn't healthy imho. I am not interested nor Turned on by any of this. I feel repulse and disgust. I am grossed out. 

With apps and the abundance of sex openly promoted, its normalized and cranked up to darker elements. As for armchair psychology, I think its all nonsense as is the APA calling out masculine behaviour as bad. I would agree that there's a lot of trauma and a response to shame being sexualized is probably something unresolved. The same can be said for disconnection from relationships. Indifference even. 

[Roy]

Sounds like you have some underlying hang ups on your relationship to your own pleasure @Rolo. You mentioned "compulsory masturbation". Is there some shame and disgust associated with the habit? There is nothing wrong with some self-love but it should be a sort of sporadic thing of enjoyment rather than a planned event or indulgence of sudden bodily feelings. Wisdom is balance.

You are probably out of rhythm and your mind knows it. If so maybe consider taking some time off or sparsely having any orgasms for a while and letting your brain reset. 

[AtheisticNonduality]

@IJB063 It's good to be aroused by shame because shame is often faulty and dysfunctional in a society heavily affected by stage blue.

[IJB063]

@AtheisticNonduality

27 minutes ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

@IJB063 It's good to be aroused by shame because shame is often faulty and dysfunctional in a society heavily affected by stage blue.

That belief is the belief given to you by a decadent castrated society

To eroticise shame is to attempt to make positive ones failures as to artificially ameliorate them, and sedate yourself of your own insecurities, all you truly end up doing is kicking the can down the road, you don’t actually fix the underlying reason for the shame, instead all you do pervert own our most sacred aspect of our humanity our conscience, by taking the process by which we decide right and wrong and using it for your own sick and base sexually gratification, thereby creating a disgusting vortex where things just get worse and worse

I think to say it is good to eroticise shame can only come from a broken mind

[AtheisticNonduality]

@IJB063 Nah, that's just stage blue kink shaming.  People can eroticise anything they want as long as doesn't cause any real harm to non-consenting individuals.

[Rolo]

On 15/06/2020 at 8:32 PM, hamedsf said:

either you're coming from a religious family or from no fap community.

you might belong to the no fap community and deprecate ejaculation and see it as if you're losing some vital energy during that natural process. 

you might have limiting belief about sex and your mind don't want to express itself sexually!

find your limiting beliefs and let them go incrementally. 

 

4 hours ago, Roy said:

Sounds like you have some underlying hang ups on your relationship to your own pleasure @Rolo. You mentioned "compulsory masturbation". Is there some shame and disgust associated with the habit?

yeah. i had a homosexual experience and i liked it.

 

I feel disgusted with the homosexual steriotype and avoid the behavour because i feel other parts of my personality wouldnt survive.

 

in the past the orgasm would depict my desire and my disgust for it at the same time and now it has manifested itself as this general disgust.

 

i find my fulfilling orgasm happens when i feel a sense of receiving. but my homosexual encounter has been a challenge to intergrate because of the person and curcumstances. 

ive contemplated on the experience and im finding i am getting more in touch with my need and the shame is dropping away.

[Rolo]

On 18/06/2020 at 2:04 PM, JessiChell said:

@Rolo doesnt shame turn you on? 

It feels great to feel disgusted with yourself.

Surrender to that. Love that disgust and shameful feeling you have. It's a part of you. 

i believe that when i accept the situation it has a beauty to it as if accepting what is. 

 

Fo me the downfall is that the feeling can take me to dark places i dont really want to go to. it doesnt even have to have a sexual thing to it, it just seems to be abstract like touching myself and thinking about pumpkin soup.

[Rolo]

On 19/06/2020 at 2:10 AM, Nak Khid said:

 

1) don't touch your penis unless it is fully hard already and then only if you want to.  "Morning wood" is not included

2) don't watch porn in order to make your penis hard

3) don't intentionally sexually fantasize because you want to masturbate so you can have an orgasm and feel that natural heroin
that distracts you from facing reality

 

that will be a challenge for me because i am a very horny person. I do find also my repression can come out in wet dreams and this ejaculation fear manifests in this way too.

i think the abstinance will be a good thing for me because it helps me build the energy. i will aslo be doing mdma soon so i can do love meditations and bring it to my heart.

i do find if the energy sits there it just makes me really aggressive and i struggle to know what to do with it because i dont have a job and stuff. 

 

my real life circumstances are a bit of a mess at the moment.

[JessiChell]

This was interesting to read, guys. 

@IJB063 You're right, it comes from trauma usually. Religious trauma or other relationship traumas but it can also come from societal norms, which, the individual may perceive as failure. However, I thought this work was about self-acceptance as you are. Traumas/failures included. I thought it would be healing to accept this part of you. 

6 hours ago, IJB063 said:

by taking the process by which we decide right and wrong and using it for your own sick and base sexually gratification

I thought there was no "right and wrong?"

 

[JessiChell]

@Joshi3 So I use to cam. Which means I would do stuff online for men, etc. 

Many men have kinks I guess, most stemmed from inadequacies and shame. Others, I'm not sure where they came from. 

The ones who asked for very specific kinks, knew exactly where the shame/failure came from. We would talk about it in-depth for long periods of time. It seemed to be healing for them. 

I think expressing it in the bedroom and talking about it really helped them work it out. It didn't harm them in their every day lives. It was like a box they could open when they wanted to and close it when done.  

I watch porn and I heard Leo watches porn from reading comments on this forum, so I'm not sure of it's harmful effects. I see it as another distraction. Too much distraction equals an unhealthy mind. 

I'm not sure what an "enlightened sex life" looks like, with two, "super-fully-healthy-mind" people, but I know that's probably very hard to obtain. 

Do you not have sex or not indulge until all sexual traumas have been exposed and released? Or do you simply make yourself conscious that you are experiencing traumatic/failure sexual urges and releasing them? (As long as you are not harming anyone)

Those are genuine questions I don't know the answer to. But I like the way I made the latter sound. 

[JessiChell]

@Joshi3 It sounds like you drowned yourself in it. 

I watch porn occasionally. If I go through sexual dry spells or inadequacy in a partner's performance and I have lean on porn more heavily, I don't find myself sexualizing men more. When I was younger I didn't become addicted. But I'm sure for men it's different. 

If what you're doing is working for you then I'm glad you found clarity. 

[JessiChell]

@Joshi3 I see porn as another distraction you can drown in. Just like social media, drugs, relationships. Men I think have less control over this distraction so they need to eliminate it from their lives. 

Okay I don't remember what video this came from because I've seen so many at this point they all merge together but do you remember Leo giving an example of an addiction/distraction/neurosis and then saying, "if you completely eliminate it from your life, that doesn't mean you've dealt with the real issue?"

You've eliminated your addiction to porn but have you eliminated your addictive behavior? 

I understand putting it aside to actualize. I'm doing that with relationships right now. But avoiding it completely would not fix my problem. 

Maybe Leo encourages porn because he does not allow himself to become addicted? Because he is conscious of his distractions. 

Idk I'm just speculating. 

[JessiChell]

@Joshi3 Or is it like doing a rail of coke one night if the opportunity presents itself and then not doing anymore coke if it doesn't benefit you or if you don't enjoy the experience fully?