How do you approach old people who pissed their life away giving you advice?

[Hello from Russia]

Just want your opinions\perspectives on this.

I have a few close relatives of old age (50-80)  who love to moralize and project their authority a lot, trying to give all sorts of "useful" advice on what I should do with my life. They basically pissed their lives in the toilet, not achieving anything significant in their lives, working on standard jobs for their whole life, getting married in their 18-22 years with instantaneous kids and miserable marriages, having mortgages and not doing anything creative or remarkable at all and they were not trying to do so in any way. In other words, they made a shit ton of strategic blunders and lived rather unconsciously

 For the last 20 years or so, they were just watching TV, getting fat from poor nutrition they eat and having constant meaningless fights with their relatives\children and health problems. I wouldn't say they have a good education either. They seem to have finished a college in their youth and their education seemed to stop after that. Now they have almost zero critical thinking. Recently I've been very persistently getting offered a marshmallow dessert with words: "Marshmallow is actually a pretty dietary food, they are actually good for you, I've heard it in TV,  come, try it, bro." - I flipped a packaging and showed the nutrition facts to them, these marshmellows contained 80 carbs, from which, 79 were from sugar. Basically, it is just sugar bombs, no other component, just empty calories. When my relative saw it, she got in a denial about it, he defended a guy from TV and said that she knows better (she is 100 kg+ overweight) and that government lies about this kind of stuff... They moralize with such certainty and conviction, it baffles you, especially in those type of situations

They try to give me all sorts of advice, ranging from how should I approach my career, how should I behave in my relationship (they had the most miserable marriages I've ever seen in my life), how should I use my money (they were broke the whole life) to when should I have kids with my spouse (as soon, as possible, of course). They preach conventional education a lot, when, at the moment, I've decided to go full autodidact mode, hardcore, as I see it will be more beneficial for my current LP, as colleges don't teach many important topics or teach them poorly and I'm pretty good with self-learning. The most frustrating thing is that for the last 2 years or so I've been reading 2 books per week on average, and before that, I was consistently reading 1 book per week. I usually read pretty quality stuff and value my education very highly. Although now I try to read fewer books and contemplate more, as books seem to give me diminishing returns, lately and I do a lot of other stuff as well. But at this point, I have a hinch that I've read more books and consumed more educational material than these relatives of mine for their entire lifetime of 60-70 years (a big part of that is thanks to internet globalization, making it so easy to access quality books). So, their talk on being educated triggers me a lot, considering how unconsciously and unremarkably they lived their lives.

They draw authority from their age, the length (not quality) of their marital status, their family and tradition. When I talk with them about LP, it appears they had one, which was to have children and make a family, which they, seemingly have completed. They speak about it as though it is the most important thing in life (it is, of course, for them) and they project that into me as well, that I should share their values and get a child asap. And everything else then will magically be figured out. They make it seem although cumming into the vagina is a very difficult task.
Looking at them, you could easily said that this LP didn't work for them, they lived quite miserable (in terms of suffering) and meaningless, unfulfilling lives, they would often talk how they are depressed and how many regrets they have (But I  can avoid repeating their regrets by doing exactly the same thing they did in their lives!) and they would often be very needy of attention of their children (well, no surprise, given how much they identified themselves with family)

How do you guys approach these situations, or rather, this type of people and what do you do? It seems like a classic clash between Blue meme worldview and Higher memes. But what do you do, in practice? Especially if they are part of your family? How to approach these situations skillfully?

 

Edited October 21, 2019 by Hello from Russia

[seeking_brilliance]

You assimilate the advice and apply what you need for your life.  Some will be complete shit, and some will surprise you.  The ones who lived the hard lives of even the easy but not significant lives will still be full of life experiences and things to offer, just as you will when you're 80.

[Hello from Russia]

47 minutes ago, seeking_brilliance said:

You assimilate the advice and apply what you need for your life.  Some will be complete shit, and some will surprise you.  The ones who lived the hard lives of even the easy but not significant lives will still be full of life experiences and things to offer, just as you will when you're 80.

The problem is the advice is backwards 99.9% of times. If you just take their advice and do the exact opposite of what they are suggesting you'll get the amazing result.

 

I usually get along pretty well with old people I'm not associated with. But not in a case when they are relatives to you. They assume too much authority because of blood link and their old age status. They feel although they are obligated to give you a life advice and push it onto you whether you want it or not

[seeking_brilliance]

Well in that case, sit back and marvel in what chaos develops.  Pure chaos* brought to you very complicated, interesting creatures which say the damdest things.  People watch them. Study your species and grow from their mistakes. 

 

*technically it's probably the union of random chaos /cosmic order that brought this experience to you, but who's counting

Edited October 21, 2019 by seeking_brilliance

[drmiller100]

I wonder why all those old people give you advice?   It probably isn't their indifference.   It might mean they love you and care for you and want to help.

 

If I were to offer you advice in a foreign language you didn't understand, what would that sound like?

[Hello from Russia]

@drmiller100  I don't doubt they do, but at this point their love becomes very toxic and the output of how they show it makes me worse of a person, less capable, less healthy, less loving and more neurotic. 

Thing is, it's not just about me. I found a lot of people from young generation suffer from this, so it seems like a systemic problem

[d0ornokey]

classic old people blue 

[Michael569]

Thank them because they mean well. They lead their life to the best of their knowledge and ability and want to share some of their life experiences with you. In their eyes they did not piss it away, they did what their parents taught them and what people around them did to feel normal and accepted. Believe it or not but most people even thee days don't have a life purpose or a gran vision in their life. If most of us weren't told (such as by Leo) we wouldn't either...I definitely wouldn't have. Remember that everybody you meet has a lesson to teach you. Don't be ignorant but try to identify what is is. The burden of the younger generation is that we are arrogant and think we know best. 

 

Edited October 21, 2019 by Michael569

[Hello from Russia]

1 hour ago, Michael569 said:

Thank them because they mean well. They lead their life to the best of their knowledge and ability and want to share some of their life experiences with you. In their eyes they did not piss it away, they did what their parents taught them and what people around them did to feel normal and accepted. Believe it or not but most people even thee days don't have a life purpose or a gran vision in their life. If most of us weren't told (such as by Leo) we wouldn't either...I definitely wouldn't have. Remember that everybody you meet has a lesson to teach you. Don't be ignorant but try to identify what is is. The burden of the younger generation is that we are arrogant and think we know best. 

 

I agree with you

Imo, it happens with younger generation for a good reason. All evolution happens basically through the younger generation, Young people have fresh ideas on how to live life better and they can change the world when they become adults. Many fail, but those who persevere through the obstacles, including the old paradigm locks of elders - become leaders and role models for future generations. Of course, not saying that all new equals good by default.

I think the question is - how to persevere in a more conscious, less destructive manner, while still not letting them and their shitty beliefs (I don't believe all old people have shitty beliefs, but many do) hold you down in your life.

Edited October 21, 2019 by Hello from Russia

[Michael569]

22 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

think the question is - how to persevere in a more conscious, less destructive manner, while still not letting them and their shitty beliefs (I don't believe all old people have shitty beliefs, many do) hold you down in your life.

By listening to your intuition. It will protect you from all devilry and falsehood you hear from the mouths of unconscious people. 

[Smurfinstein]

First, you move to remove the judgement that they "pissed their life away" simply because they didn't choose to live the way you choose to live. They did the best with what they had, and probably wouldn't agree with your assessment. Second, you move to a place of gratitude that they care enough to share. Third, you say a heartfelt "thank you for caring" before moving on to Four, ignore what doesn't resonate. Take what works and leave what doesn't.

[Tetcher]

 @Hello from Russia How disdainful are you about the people that brought about your existence. If you're so much better than them then why do you need advice on how to handle them, just let them make noise and go about your conscious life.

[Bill W]

Good topic.

Obviously a lot of stuff for you to work on.

You've been very honest about how you've judged them. I think you've handled the responses on this thread well also.

It's the easiest thing in the world to come onto this thread and say love and accept everyone and just be grateful etc. Much easier to type that than it is to consistently practice it, especially when family are concerned. It is the way to go though. I'm not disputing the essence of the advice given. 

Progress not perfection my friend. That's a saying we have in AA. The fact you've done a long post tells me you want help to handle this. 

Take care man, and work on it. David Hawkins Letting go stuff and a lot of the work of Don Miguel Ruiz helped me deal better with some of the same challenges you face here. 

And AA of course has helped me as what we learn in AA is that resentment is the number one offender and like said here, not everyone has a programme.

But it can be tough dealing with our fellow humans at times my brother. Let's not lose sight of that. Even Jesus lost his rag in the temple and went code red on people. Even Jesus didn't stand there and think let me grateful for this, what's the lesson learned lol 

[Angelite]

@Hello from Russia where are you from? Russia? Usually old people are full of wisdom and are warm. They have learned a lot in life. 

Why are they not if they're in their eighties? Hmm..

(Edit: aha I know, some unfortunate elderly will return to a child state as they get older, if not wiser).

If i were you, i'll keep it on the surface level. Like whatever~ why take it seriously? Haha

If you can't be cool or influence them instead, then leave em. Don't be with them. Your fault. 

Edited October 22, 2019 by Angelite

[SerpaeTetra]

You have to stop giving them authority, especially in areas that don't make sense.   Be confident in your life views, and don't be too judgmental about their views.  Maybe they didn't have the knowledge or had to worry more about survival when they were younger.  Try to take a positive spin out of what they are saying, be open-minded, and then in turn they will be more open in listening to you and your more progressive thoughts.  

[d0ornokey]

At some point you gain enough consciousness to see where they are and how they came to be, as well as noticing that own unintegrated part of you (the part of you that isn't accepted yet) 

 

[drmiller100]

13 hours ago, Hello from Russia said:

@drmiller100  I don't doubt they do, but at this point their love becomes very toxic and the output of how they show it makes me worse of a person, less capable, less healthy, less loving and more neurotic. 

Thing is, it's not just about me. I found a lot of people from young generation suffer from this, so it seems like a systemic problem

It sounds like old people in Russia have great power if they can diminish your existence by offering their love.