Synchronicity

I need to Apologize to the Forum

11 posts in this topic

I’m primarily active in the Meditation, Consciousness, Enlightenment, and Spirituality forum, so maybe I should be posting this there. But I figure this post fits into this area more. This is a long post because I’m delving not only into what I’ve done against forum guidelines but also the reason why I did it. 
 

I’ve been constantly experiencing Infinity my whole life (if you’d like to know what that means, you can watch the video I posted on the “My Infinite Experience of Infinite Experiences” thread). I never had to work to embody this state and yet, I’ve noticed how much people struggle with this spiritual work. 
This has given me a nagging feeling of guilt and unworthiness over having this state for almost the past year. I feel I haven’t done anything to earn this. 
On top of that, I’ve had this justification in my head that this state means I’m supposed to be some World Teacher. This “high and mighty” thought has kept me posting videos and insights despite my feeling that I don’t deserve to have any of this. It’s essentially two wrestling feelings that are ironically contradictory. One is guilt/unworthiness while the other is essentially megalomania. 
Due to these feelings, I thought the best idea would be to try and detach myself from this Oneness with everything. And what’s the best way to isolate yourself from everything else? That’s right, to be an ego. 
So over the past few months, I’ve been doing every egotistical thing I could think of (except anything that would cause physical or verbal harm). This has included repeatedly telling lies; saying arrogant things to pedestal myself above others; and refusing to help out some people merely because I didn’t feel like it. 
 

Those first two things have been stuff I’ve done on this forum. Except you won’t find any of that deception or self-exaltation in my Synchronicity posts because I created multiple accounts to do it. Even after these accounts were found to be fakes, I continued to play their role. You may ask, “well why would you continue to lie even after you’ve been found out? How could you possibly think anyone would buy it after they know the truth?” See that’s the thing. I wasn’t doing any of this to truly convince people. I was doing it to establish myself as a liar and an egoist in an attempt to “de-legitimize myself in the eyes of God” to put it religiously. To show the Universe/myself that I didn’t deserve this. 

No matter how much I did this stuff, I couldn’t make the state go away. It wanted me no matter what. In addition after I was called out again yesterday, the realization occurred to me that this deception could actually be harming the forum. So with both of those things, I decided I was time to stop and come clean. 
 

I sincerely apologize to everyone on the forum. Especially anyone that I may have coerced into following me through my fake account posts. That’s no way to gain followers. 

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@Synchronicity You may be experiencing infinity all the time, but you're also an ego like us, and a very young guy on top of that. It's only natural to make mistakes, you are no more God than anybody else.

Give yourself a break, learn from your mistakes and accept that you still have much to learn, just stay humble in that way.

NO ONE is unworthy of whatever gifts they are given. Gratitude is a great thing to practice, this alone has been life-changing for me.

Good luck man.

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36 minutes ago, Gili Trawangan said:

@Synchronicity You may be experiencing infinity all the time, but you're also an ego like us, and a very young guy on top of that. It's only natural to make mistakes, you are no more God than anybody else.

Give yourself a break, learn from your mistakes and accept that you still have much to learn, just stay humble in that way.

NO ONE is unworthy of whatever gifts they are given. Gratitude is a great thing to practice, this alone has been life-changing for me.

Good luck man.

🙏

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Come, come, whoever you are, wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving, ours is not a caravan of despair. Even if you have broken your vows a thousand times, it doesn't matter. Come, come yet again, come! - Rumi

♥️

If being human were easy, everybody would be doing it. 😉


  Nonduality & Meditations  Now

   “ ...every revolutionary act, is an act of love...”  - Zach de la Rocha

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