She stopped texting me and I did the worst thing possible

[assx95]

Known her for three years, met 5 times, I was head over heels for her, asked her out on a date recently to which she said yes. Would text her almost everyday, and one day told her- "I have a dream, and it is for you to be my girlfriend". She stopped texting. 4 days later, i got an emotional outburst of having lost her, and texted maybe 15-20 lines to her of how i was feeling, how much i cried, and how much she mattered to me. No reply. I then try to reach out to her on other platform- Instagram, Still no reply. 

When i cried, i felt like the universe doesn't care about how much i cared for her. And it felt bad. How hard was it to able to love her when she became indifferent. Today is day 6. I actually like her very much, and would trade the rest of my life to spend a day with her. 

I am not going to contact her for a while now. But if she doesn't contact for say 3 months, should i consider that she is now indifferent to me existing and has moved on from being a potential mate for me? 

 

 

[Shin]

@Natasha Be nice

[Natasha]

 

1 hour ago, assx95 said:

and one day told her- "I have a dream, and it is for you to be my girlfriend". She stopped texting

Has nothing to do with you. What you did was an proper thing to do. What she did was immature behavior. Even if she decided not to continue seeing you, a mature person would communicate that in a honest open manner.

1 hour ago, assx95 said:

i got an emotional outburst of having lost her, and texted maybe 15-20 lines to her of how i was feeling, how much i cried, and how much she mattered to me. No reply. I then try to reach out to her on other platform- Instagram, Still no reply. 

Hope you learn from this mistake. You acted like a toddler who just lost his lolly pop. Not attractive. Work on learning to control your emotions. Start meditating.

1 hour ago, assx95 said:

When i cried, i felt like the universe doesn't care about how much i cared for her.

What you're experiencing is loss. Loss because you got too attached. Attached not to the real person, though, but idealized version of her. She's already showed you to be flaky and inconsiderate. Do I need to say more?

1 hour ago, assx95 said:

And it felt bad

Reality check - it's not about rejection, it's about selection. Means - she is not the girl for you. Move on and practice abundance mentality.

1 hour ago, assx95 said:

How hard was it to able to love her

It's not love, it's infatuation. There is a big difference. Learn what the difference is and how the cocktail of feel-good brain chemicals makes you imagine things that are not even there. We literally fall into insanity under its influence. Don't trust it. 

1 hour ago, assx95 said:

I actually like her very much, and would trade the rest of my life to spend a day with her. 

You like the idea of her and are clinging to the potential. It's not reality, you're creating your own psychosis.

1 hour ago, assx95 said:

I am not going to contact her for a while now

Don't contact her till she contacts you first, if ever. If you don't want to completely lose her respect.

1 hour ago, assx95 said:

But if she doesn't contact for say 3 months, should i consider that she is now indifferent to me existing and has moved on from being a potential mate for me? 

 

She is not worth your waiting. You want a healthy, happy, honest, mutually respectful relationship. Obviously this girl can't give it to you. Too many strikes against her already. Cut the losses and move on. Don't waste any more time on a dead end situationship.

Hugs

[assx95]

@Natasha I am unable to appreciate my thanks to you in words. I've read all of it and it helps a lot. 

@Shin Thanks for redirecting it for her. 

 

[Natasha]

@assx95 Glad it helped. Anytime 

[NoSelfSelf]

Never ask a girl to be your girlfriend never text her every day,never be more emotional than her..

[tenta]

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Never ask a girl to be your girlfriend never text her every day,never be more emotional than her..

 

If you are already attractive to her you can text her a lot or ask her to be your girlfriend

[Shin]

2 minutes ago, tenta said:

 

If you are already attractive to her you can text her a lot or ask her to be your girlfriend

Yeah but not until it is the case.

A lot of guys do that waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too soon.

[NoSelfSelf]

@tenta only girls care about labels boyfriend girlfriend and why spending time texting when there are better things to do 

[assx95]

@Natasha I have a legit doubt about a subtler means of communication. 

She posted an Insta story and I didn't look at it. I used to react and reply to it almost every time. She must have felt bad that I ignored her. She was already going through a mild quarter life crisis, and on top of that my complete absence is going to make her bad, a bit or a lot, I don't know. 

I'm concerned for her.

And for myself. 

The way I see it, If i look at her stories, it tells her that i am giving her attention while she is not, which further weakens the already disturbed dynamic between us, but if i don't look at her stories, her ego is likely to strongly react to it and generate hate towards me. 

If i let go, will she assume that i have really let go, and she would as well, even if she wanted to connect back ? In the absence of hope of me ever contacting her. 

It's tricky. But she has to make a choice in my complete absence. 

It feels like whatever I went through, she will go through that. And I don't want that but my hands are tied. 

Tragic how it all works, we were there for each other when we didn't really need each other, and now that we need each other, we can't be there for each other. 

 

[Natasha]

@assx95 Well she 'made her bed', didn't she?

Let me start by saying that ghosting someone is never ok, esp if they were nothing but kind to you. She's already figured from your toddler clingy behavior that she can do whatever (including being disrespectful and inconsiderate) and you will take it. Prove her wrong.

Stay in No Contact until she reaches out to you first. Let her taste her own medicine. She will go through stages of no contact (I'll link vids below) and if you stay strong, cool, and collected during this time, you'll regain your attractiveness in her eyes and the chances of her reaching out to you will highten considerably.

Hugs

 

[Shin]

Yeah, if someone constantly come to you when it's supposed to be over, MAYBE that person didn't understood and needs a CLEAR and DIRECT conversation to end it PROPERLY and DEFINITELY.

RIGHT ???!!!

Edited June 28, 2019 by Shin

[Zega]

Get into pickup, at least start talking to girls you don't know in a social setting. If you learned from this you won't go lowering your value again. Get some practice in, look for the "shit tests" and once you've been around the block more you will be ready once another girl like her  comes around. Grow from this experience. Good luck. 

[assx95]

@Zega Thanks. It's just that you begin looking at her as someone special. I learnt from this and all previous experiences "to not care after having cared". 

[assx95]

@Natasha I watched his vids

[hamedsf]

Girls never want a feminine type males, embrace your masculinity, it's the masculine that sticks the girl in the emotional quicksand not the girl.

if you have the mindset that the girl is above you, you've already screwed up everything. 

Edited June 29, 2019 by hamedsf

[Haloman]

On 6/29/2019 at 10:13 AM, hamedsf said:

Girls never want a feminine type males, embrace your masculinity, it's the masculine that sticks the girl in the emotional quicksand not the girl.

So Leo's video How to be a man part 2 isn't correct? He says there -  if you want to be more attractive to women (if you want to be more of a man) then be more of a woman. To embrace your feminine qualities. 

[Shin]

3 minutes ago, Haloman said:

So Leo's video How to be a man part 2 isn't correct? He says there -  if you want to be more attractive to women (if you want to be more of a man) then be more of a woman. To embrace your feminine qualities. 

That just means you can't be a man if you fear your emotions and to open up to other people.

Also do what you want regardless as if it is seen as feminine or not.

Edited June 30, 2019 by Shin

[ValiantSalvatore]

@assx95 I did some cringy things with a couple of girls, yet I don't talk much about it.

I found this to be helpful besides David Deida.

http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/book_of_pook.pdf
https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/256ezk/quotes_and_advice_from_the_book_of_pook_your_one/

A user recommended this for me once, tracing back some experiences it has some great value for how to appraoch dating and mating in general, also masculine and feminine, what women want, potential warning signs, what certain stuff means or behaviour, what to look out for and what matters. 

It is a bit abstract, potentially you like it. 

 

[hamedsf]

1 hour ago, Haloman said:

So Leo's video How to be a man part 2 isn't correct? He says there -  if you want to be more attractive to women (if you want to be more of a man) then be more of a woman. To embrace your feminine qualities. 

Yes, it's still correct but here's the thing:

embracing the feminine side, doesn't mean you should forget about the masculinity completely. what leo means in his video is that first off > embrace your masculine energy > afterwards> at the same time go and explore the feminine things with your masculine energy!!!

masculinity doesn't mean that you're GOD of war or something, it means you are strong from inside especially "emotionally" 

 

Edited June 30, 2019 by hamedsf