mandyjw

The Giving Tree

401 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

@mandyjw Mandyyyyy! ❤️

It's nice to finally see you posting videos again!

You've explained the last 4-5 years of my life. I realised no-self since I was 18-19 and failed to make sense of it because I was always busy studying and working. Until I couldn't go on anymore and then collapsed and failed twice at the same class at college. After I failed for the second time, I've had another awakening, I completely surrendered, and then let go of everything. I isolated myself, stopped interacting with people, cut off the internet almost entirely for 2 months, and meditated virtually all day long. I then realised infinite Beauty but now it's gone, because I'm back into the mundane life.

My main objective in life has become to find financial freedom and then live the rest of my life almost alone, just meditating, and contemplating. I'm working towards that.

Thank you so much, please keep posting videos.

Edited by Truth Addict

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@tsukiOkay it makes more sense now 

I would say self empowerment is about taking responsibility for one’s life and is grounded in self and ultimately grounded in Truth or freedom of choice or will. I agree with what you said about power and giving. Perhaps we all seek to give power to something greater but most don’t realize we are that greater Self, there’s nothing separate. 

Suppose I see the holistic psychology Instagram as a beneficial form of reflection. It seems as though everything ultimately is directing us to find revelation of Truth in one life or the next 

 

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Posted (edited)

28 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

Suppose I see the holistic psychology Instagram as a beneficial form of reflection. It seems as though everything ultimately is directing us to find revelation of Truth in one life or the next 

It is not the highest truth, but truth can be expressed through it.
When a wrong man uses the right means, right means work in wrong ways.

Edited by tsuki

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7 minutes ago, tsuki said:

It is not the highest truth, but truth can be expressed through it.
When a wrong man uses the right means, right means work in wrong ways.

yes but then the means will not be right...not for the wrong man xD

so basically it will push the wrong man to suffer until he finds his truth

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Just now, DrewNows said:

so basically it will push the wrong man to suffer until he finds his truth

Yes, truth has no opposites. Suffering is love.

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29 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Yes, truth has no opposites. Suffering is love.

tough love xD

In the video i shared at the 31st min they talk about how christ consciousness must take luciferian consciousness as itself without motive or reason because it is not separate. To be fully integrated is to take everything as part of yourself, the good the bad and the ugly, the serious and funny xD

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@Truth Addict :x Thanks for the encouragement, I'll try to make them more on a schedule. 

 

Watching the Osho documentary. Oh the parallels, the parallels. 


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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3 hours ago, DrewNows said:

tough love xD

In the video i shared at the 31st min they talk about how christ consciousness must take luciferian consciousness as itself without motive or reason because it is not separate. To be fully integrated is to take everything as part of yourself, the good the bad and the ugly, the serious and funny xD

That happened to me when I awakened. @tsuki Is it correct to say that Christianity was my path, even if that's half the truth? And that Jesus is the tantric approach? 


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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30 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Is it correct to say that Christianity was my path, even if that's half the truth? And that Jesus is the tantric approach? 

Christianity is a tradition written by self-realized people that accept the teachings of Jesus Christ.
It is a way of contemplating your mystical practice (gnosis) and acting on your revelations (magic).
There is use for Christianity prior to enlightenment and the practice of 'loving your neighbor' is a mystical practice along with prayer.
The small self is love, but due to the Fall it denies the reality (love) of the other.
Buddhists deny the reality of the small self to match the lack of reality of the other, while Christianity teaches 'to love your neighbor' and in this act affirms everything. 

All paths that lead to self-realization are exactly the same.

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This is my computer screen right now. I have a prism in the window near my computer that throws rainbows all over the place at the right time of day. 

reaaafgh.jpg


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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There is a stage when you intellectually understand that every thought is a lie and your patterns your entire life were based on a false story of there being a you trying to obtain this thing called happiness. After many thwarted attempts you understand that this whole idea is a fiction. Once you experience seeing through the whole thing, there's no going back. Yet the thoughts still remain and the thought patterns still exist. The hope of finding fulfillment in experiences, thought or future isn't as sticky and no longer has the power to distract for long. This results in feeling less than alive, like Khal Drogo when Daenerys brings him back to life and realizes her horrible mistake. Yet this too is only a thought. 

Ramaji and others do us a kindness by mapping out and explaining the whole thing in detail, yet the masters who don't say a word to anyone also do us a kindness. 


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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8 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Ramaji and others do us a kindness by mapping out and explaining the whole thing in detail, yet the masters who don't say a word to anyone also do us a kindness. 

The true sage is feminine in teaching.
It is always a student that raises a question.

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They definitely appear feminine to the gender identified mind. When Nahm mentioned his wife, I was sure he was lesbian rather than my mind going to "oh, Nahm is actually male". 


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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I'm experiencing a lot of really old painful thinking patterns, in addition to it, I've added extra thought stories and feelings of shame of things done and said during my awakening. I'd really like to gloss over it, but I think it's better to admit it. I made some progress in one area earlier today and cried and felt a lot better, but it's still there again with a new thought story about self and other. I have glimpses of the master grand plan and I need to own and become suffering rather than think I shouldn't have it.


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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Posted (edited)

We had the coldest rainiest spring/beginning of summer. I feel somewhat impersonally responsible for this. xD Not being able to find much solace in future or thought anymore, I've been overeating, really struggling with trying to "control" it and gained all the weight I lost during my awakening in April back. Suddenly hot weather is here, and I'm really glad I live where no one really cares if you're a bit fat. Sometimes I wonder if I unconsciously feel like it's expected. When you're 5'3 with a small frame a few pounds make a big difference. There's a cycle of abusing my body to make it look how I think it should and then giving up and going unconscious with eating, that I've been in all my adult life. I guess that's the back and forth nature of thinking, having its way with anything and everything. 

I'm trying to go more plant based (damn you Teal Swan!!!) and not going too carb heavy is a challenging balancing act. I'm trying to get more in tune with the food I eat and my body. Working on loving/accepting being present in my body, is both a long process, but also an immediate solution. I've always thought my body was just a tool that I could abuse to do what I want. The stomach issues which seem to be BOTH food sensitivity and back/posture related but they are also a spiritual, energetic, emotional issue. I get addicted to running, and as powerful as a spiritual practice that it has been for me I also sometimes use it as a form of spiritual bypassing (thanks Teal Swan), and don't exercise in a balanced way and lose core strength and then get back and hip issues that cause the stomach pain. Still, that field of songbirds and buttercups on the river calls to me and if the body has to suffer a little for magic so be it. I tend to sit with awful posture when I work and relax at my computer and that's just pure unconsciousness. 

 I got to go swimming both yesterday and the day before, love LOVE, LOVE it. I'm adding in kettle bell swings back in the morning to make sure I get at least some strength training in. It's funny how meditation makes you work on your posture, and makes very clear my abuses with running too much and not stretching enough. Alternatively I could just scrunch up and mindlessly lose myself in the internet without first checking in with the body and then source. The body is like a gatekeeper.  

I'm going to try to do two cycles of Wim Hof breathing everyday. I have lot of resistance to it, the forceful deep breathing feels almost violent but I love holding my breath and the effects from it. 

Edited by mandyjw

Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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The last time I went to Pomroy's I got a deer tick on me, attached, which means I have to check for a rash and make sure I don't have symptoms of Lyme disease. I knew that would happen someday but I've always avoided exploring around places until this year for that reason. When I was a kid we didn't have ticks and could go wherever we wanted, we only have them now thanks to global warming. 

I took it as a sign that I shouldn't go back, I should stop caring so much about going to the places that seem to trigger signs and experiences, as all of those things are distractions unless you learn not to want them or chase them. I was going to go for a long run today but was so exhausted I turned around to go the opposite direction and knew I had to go back to Pomroy's. I bought some tick repelling spray, but the mosquitoes were so bad I couldn't focus much. I did find these black walnut shells though. The heart shape with the two "eyes" make them look like the creepiest Valentine I've ever seen. 

I also went to the cemetery which has not been mowed or well cared for after memorial day. 

I recently learned about a once prominent family who lived here, and on their monument stone was this. 

"There is no Death! What seems so is transition; 

  This life of mortal breath 

Is but a suburb of the life elysian, 

  Whose portal we call Death." 

Across from it was a stone for a mother who died in childbirth, then for her daughter, named after her, 10 months later. I used to feel silly for doing things like this but I sat there and cried. Fear of death, grief, all of these things meld into one collective shadow. I used to think there was something wrong with me because I was so in tune with it. Of course, it's impersonal. 

Christians say that Jesus took on the sins of the world that day. This had a deeper meaning than can be thought. 

aaaaa66299605_644256822747344_7142307820409454592_n.jpg


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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@mandyjw I wouldn't worry about the tick. We have tons of them in Arkansas and and I've known only a handful of people who have gotten Lyme disease. I dread chiggers and seed ticks worse. Seed ticks are super tiny and often swarm onto a person by the dozens. Chiggers are so small you can't see them and create a terrible itch. 

Some people put sulfur in thier work boots which absorb through the sweaty feet which makes one less palatable to biting critters. 

I used to hang out in cemeteries sometimes and do the numerology of people I knew who had passed from the dates on their gravestones.


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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@Zigzag Idiot We seem to have the right conditions for lyme in the northeast, the deer and mice carry the lyme disease and then the deer ticks transmit it during their life cycles having fed on different creatures before they find humans. It usually takes a long time to transmit so I'm hoping I removed the tick in time, I found it pretty quickly. Seed ticks sound awful, how do you remove them all? 

Cemeteries are great places to find "easter eggs" as I call them, signs or synchronicity or pointers. Did you find anything through the numerology? 

 

 


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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57 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Seed ticks sound awful, how do you remove them all? 

  • Getting into a bathtub with a strong bleach water is about the best. 
  • Duct tape is often used
1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

Did you find anything through the numerology? 

The Life lesson number is a person's birthdate added up and reduced down to a single numeral unless it's a Master number. It was a good way to get a feel for this particular number with all the people who I had known any at all with thier birthdate right on thier Gravestone.

For me, this particular book is special among all numerology books. Anyone who likes Meditations on the Tarot would probably like this book.

IMG_0663.JPG


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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10 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

For me, this particular book is special among all numerology books. Anyone who likes Meditations on the Tarot would probably like this book.

Please don't do that to me. I have a life, you know?

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