Journaling - for the first time in my life

[mandyjw]

Why?

[Truth Addict]

@mandyjw

I'm not sure why. But I can still make visits.

[DrewNows]

On 8/26/2019 at 6:45 AM, Truth Addict said:

I no longer belong here. I'm leaving.

I trust you, do you? I enjoy sparing at the word level, sometimes. I know I’m no match but that’s what gives me the upper hand  

[Truth Addict]

2 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

I trust you, do you? I enjoy sparing at the word level, sometimes. I know I’m no match but that’s what gives me the upper hand  

I'm not sure I understand exactly what you mean.

Feels like I'm going to leave again 

[DrewNows]

Well don’t hesitate to ask!

Trust you brother ??

 

[Truth Addict]

@DrewNows

?

[DrewNows]

42 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

@DrewNows

?

You said you aren’t sure what I mean exactly but I’m not sure what point you’re confused about, was it about our word sparring? (Realized I spelled it wrong) 

Edited August 30, 2019 by DrewNows

[Truth Addict]

@DrewNows

I don't like the process of arguing per se. What I like exactly is to show people where they are deluding themselves, i.e. how they're clinging to false gods.

[Bill W]

1 hour ago, Truth Addict said:

@DrewNows

What I like exactly is to show people where they are deluding themselves, i.e. how they're clinging to false gods.

Hi TA,

Playing devil's advocate rather than trying to provoke you here, but why would you assign yourself this duty? Why should anyone believe that you have any authority on this? You will become just another lost soul trying to convince everyone you have the real truth and that your truth supersedes all other truths. You will become sicker and more damaged than the people you preach to. 

 

[DrewNows]

2 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

@DrewNows

I don't like the process of arguing per se. What I like exactly is to show people where they are deluding themselves, i.e. how they're clinging to false gods.

This will take an assumption and it may be false. Have you asked yourself why you like to do this? I’m sort of wired to do it, and it’s hard to admit it’s about me, not them. 

Enjoy most of our discussions, you’re  a smart cookie, it’s hard to resist taking a bite  

@Bill W I believe it is a pattern or way of thinking, impossible to see without a step back, and even harder to understand why it’s desired 

[Truth Addict]

@Bill W

Hi Bill!

I see what you mean. Maybe I should have been more accurate. My main aim is to free others from suffering, and most suffering is caused by clinging to things and paradigms, or what I referred to as "false gods".

My twist though is that I don't offer the truth, and I don't proselytise. I simply try to help removing the illusion, without concerning myself too much with the outcomes.

It's more of a hobby than a duty to me. I find joy in helping others. I left the forum for a few days, but then as I visited it once again, I saw a lot of 'delusion', and I thought I can offer my help, so I returned. It's like seeing a baby toddling towards a cliff, I wouldn't let it fall and kill itself. Fortunately, babies here understand symbols, so all I can do is offering them pointers.

@DrewNows

I think I could let go of that if I wanted to. But right now, it feels good, and more than that, it feels right.

[Bill W]

My main aim is to free others from suffering, 

Lovely way to put it!

Makes me think about asking myself each night before I sleep...have i done anything today to help reduce someone's suffering?

[Truth Addict]

@Bill W

For the purposes of this journal, I have to add that I used to proselytise, judge, criticise, moralise, hate others, and view myself as superior to others (still kind of), as I was raised a Muslim. Believe it or not, I've had plans to "make Islam great again" just before I stumbled upon Actualized.org. ?

I'm learning more about myself, others, and reality everyday. What I said in my earlier post was my deepest understanding of myself yet, which is probably prone for more nuance.

Nice to hear that you also care!

[Truth Addict]

Today I started reading "A Guide To The Good Life - The Ancient Art Of Stoic Joy". I realised that I am a Stoic! I'm not sure I will continue reading, even though it's given me already some nuanced insights.

...

Distinctions are very powerful! The more nuanced you become, the more power you will have over your reality. One of the most interesting things about distinctions is that they raise your consciousness, i.e. they put you in the meta level, and you start operating from there. The meta level is like the most access you can get of your psyche. You become like the manager of the whole project. The project, which is, your life.

[Truth Addict]

2 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

Distinctions are very powerful! The more nuanced you become, the more power you will have over your reality. One of the most interesting things about distinctions is that they raise your consciousness, i.e. they put you in the meta level, and you start operating from there. The meta level is like the most access you can get of your psyche. You become like the manager of the whole project. The project, which is, your life.

...[going on]...

And the most important distinction to make/realise is the distinction of the distinction itself. This is the mother of all distinctions, and the essence of all creation. Awareness of the distinction is awareness itself. That is when you realise the nature of distinction. That is when you start to actually learn.

[Truth Addict]

Yesterday, I got motivated to start practising running again.

Today, I'm going for my first run since over two months.

I've lost stamina. I'm probably not going to last even 15 minutes. But hey, better late than never, right?

Let's go!

[Truth Addict]

It was a surprisingly good run! I've made it to 20 minutes and was able to go further. I stopped because I'm cautious of the after-workout pain/tenderness (I don't know what it's called in English).

I don't understand. I started to develop breathlessness but then it's easy to make it to 20 minutes! WTF?! Maybe because I usually walk for one hour a day?

I should install an app on my phone so that I can record my average speed while running. My best record was three years ago, I guess. It was about 3.1 meters per second for 30 minutes.

Anyway, yeah, it feels refreshing but not like it used to do. It used to make me high when I exhaust myself. Maybe I should? Then again, I'm high all the time.

I'll post my record of the next run, probably tomorrow.

[Truth Addict]

I have to skip today's run. My body is exhausted after more than 9 hours of work yesterday besides the run and the one hour of walking. I don't want to exhaust myself even more. I have another more than 9 hours of work today as well. But today I finish painting the room, so I'll be free after that, I'll get back to my usual 5-6 hours of work.

[Truth Addict]

I clearly have major commitment issues. I can't commit to anything. It's ironic how I even have a job!

[Bill W]

15 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

I clearly have major commitment issues. I can't commit to anything. It's ironic how I even have a job!

Join the club! Although unfortunately for me I am showing great commitment to avoiding practicing and doing the inner work and showing great commitment to eating unhealthily among other bad habits and great commitment to alienating some of the more important and useful people in my life.

I guess we are all comitted to something! Even non commitment is a commitment lol