Truth Addict

Journaling - for the first time in my life

191 posts in this topic

@DrewNows Thank you! Although I don't know what you mean by "groundless" here.

.....

Midday here, haven't studied a word yet. Today was so busy at work. I feel tired but I have to go on.

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Describing the place from which change, like in behavior, occurs 

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Posted (edited)

Yesterday was a backslide. I haven't studied a word (only 2 pages to be honest). I was so exhausted of working, and I lost focus. I needed to rest so bad.

I'll make sure I don't work myself out in the following weeks. I need every single bit of energy dedicated for studying.

Studying has to become priority number one. Everything else must become a cherry on top.

...

I'm having nice discussions here on the forum. I feel like I belong here. I also find that my advice is becoming more appreciated over time. That's a great sign of emotional development. I used to offend people with my advice, and still do to some degree. It's nice to feel appreciated and helpful. That motivates me for more growth. I can't stress how much growth journaling can offer. 4 days in and the results are just AMAZING! I keep coming back to the same conclusion:

CHANGE IS ALWAYS VITAL FOR GROWTH. NEW EXPERIENCES GROW YOU THE MOST.

Edited by Truth Addict

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Posted (edited)

I was naturally high earlier today, without substances, and some insights came:

  • The purpose of the ego is not survival. This is a shocking truth!
  • The purpose of the ego is to fulfill its purpose.
  • If we are to integrate ego with God, then we will have to love life and fear death.
Edited by Truth Addict

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Two days left and exams will end. I don't feel anything about it. But I feel a little bit limited right now, and that I will have more freedom afterwards.

I'm now awake in the middle of the night, listening to some music before starting to study.

That's heavenly! ❤️

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@Truth Addict :x

 Good luck with the last exams! 


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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Posted (edited)

@mandyjw Thank you Mandy 😊❤️

 

..

 

People who have not suffered enough of slavery will not have enough desire to break free.

There's no point in trying to wake people up. When they're ready, they will.

Suffering is a requirement for awakening only for the enslaved of us.

People who were not enslaved too much are close to realise God without suffering at all.

People who are in the middle of slavery will remain asleep forever, and they may not mind it a single bit. It starts being annoying when you're on one end of the spectrum. Mediocrity is the best way to deal with the majority of people, since they love being slaves.

Some awakened people love to bring others with them.

There are many awakened people that are living very mundane lives without bringing much attention to themselves. They just don't advertise it.

Self-Actualization is way beyond just awakening. It's about revealing your fullest potential.

Edited by Truth Addict

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Control is an illusion, a trick. A trick so neat that it almost always goes unnoticed.

Everything is out of control. Things will happen when they happen. There's no possible way to control anything whatsoever.

At the same time, everything is perfect and in place. And all is made, prepared, and planned for you. It takes a lot of courage and faith to actualise that though. And at the same time, it requires no effort whatsoever, because you are already courageous and faithful to stay where you are.

...

I lack social intelligence. That's the root problem of my bad communication skills. I don't lack emotional intelligence, I actually am great at that. I just lack enough experience for being able to meet at where people are at, and how they think and what they value and what they love to hear. It's not that I live in a bubble of fantasy right now, but rather that I always used to.

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On 6/29/2019 at 0:04 PM, Truth Addict said:

I lack social intelligence. That's the root problem of my bad communication skills. I don't lack emotional intelligence, I actually am great at that. I just lack enough experience for being able to meet at where people are at, and how they think and what they value and what they love to hear. It's not that I live in a bubble of fantasy right now, but rather that I always used to.

It’s quite tough to do it without thinking about it, it’s a habit i developed, a skill rather. I was very quiet and anxious in most social situations involving strangers for most of my life so even now as I am forcing myself back into the battle field, I’ll get hit with waves of emotional stress or self conscious thought. But honestly I know it will be the best skill to have to be able to stay authentic in any situation, with any conversation 

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Posted (edited)

@DrewNows

If I am to be completely honest with people, I will just tell them that they're boring and that I truly don't want to engage with their boring discussions, and probably don't want to interact with them at all.

There's almost no need to say anything at all, but human beings like to talk and bullshit themselves all the time. They create problems and then die hard trying to solve them.

I prefer silence and being alone. But that's the comfort zone that I'm trying to get out of in order to become the best version of my self. At the same time, I want to connect with others. I want to just be able to sit in silence with others, with them being cool with it. I want to look them in the eye and just keep staring and staring forever without it being awkward, just sending and receiving love.

Edited by Truth Addict

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@Truth Addict we can always change our focus. Why does there need to be a purpose of talking to people other than sharing, caring and entertaining? Not in a pleasing way but in a fun way

To share an authentic me with others means the conversation can go anywhere and I’ll be open for anything. When I’m deeply present with myself feeling alive, those brief moments of connection with others is inevitable, even though it’s not even being sought. 

Notice your pessimistic outlook toward others, this is something i adopted mostly from my dad. I used to sit in silence in large groups of friends. It was always a big deal or super funny to them whenever I spoke up. I never found myself to be that impressive but because of the rarity they liked it. This was still comfort zone for me and I’m working to speak my mind more often at least when I’m doing well and even allow myself to sound dumb. I’d say one of my good attributes with woman is a sort of funny dumbness I naturally express 😅

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Posted (edited)

@DrewNows

The fact that most conversations are boring to me doesn't mean that I can't enjoy them. I do, but I would choose silence/being alone over having a conversation almost everytime.

It's not that I feel uncomfortable around people, not at all. I used to have a lot of friends, and multiple groups of friends. I don't remain awkwardly silent throughout conversations, I usually make jokes and share some very profound opinions, and people respect me for that. I later realised that I get tired from being inauthentic, and that I always need to ground myself in silence.

Guess I'm good at lying. But perhaps extroversion is not my type.

Edited by Truth Addict

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10 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

@DrewNows

I prefer silence and being alone. But that's the comfort zone that I'm trying to get out of in order to become the best version of my self. At the same time, I want to connect with others. I want to just be able to sit in silence with others, with them being cool with it. I want to look them in the eye and just keep staring and staring forever without it being awkward, just sending and receiving love.

I can really relate to this lately. I feel like I'm expected to use words to interact but it seems like it's asking for trouble. I want to connect with people in a deeper way but not saying anything feels selfish sometimes. Words are an art medium I guess. There's nothing more scary than staring at a blank canvas, knowing that you're supposed to use it to express yourself but at the same time knowing that nothing you do can improve it's blank state. 


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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Posted (edited)

47 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

@DrewNows

The fact that most conversations are boring to me doesn't mean that I can't enjoy them. I do, but I would choose silence/being alone over having a conversation almost everytime.

It's not that I feel uncomfortable around people, not at all. I used to have a lot of friends, and multiple groups of friends. I don't remain awkwardly silent throughout conversations, I usually make jokes and share some very profound opinions, and people respect me for that. I later realised that I get tired from being inauthentic, and that I always need to ground myself in silence.

Guess I'm good at lying. But perhaps extroversion is not my type.

Cool man this sounds more like you to me honestly :) 

im not sure why I try to describe authenticity as if it should look like something in particular lol but mainly being attentive to focus, thoughts and energy body (emotional state) is all that’s needed. Also I’d like to be more awkward, crazy and unpredictable completely owning it aka vulnerable  

Respect seems to be a value you hold dearly when it comes to socializing like me. Maybe you’d like to have less walls and restrictions up in your connections as well. 

It’s not about lying that’s for sure.  It’s more about honesty with desire and focus, shit we can always say sorry if this offends you but...😅

then there’s also the connection you create through undivided attention 

Edited by DrewNows

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@mandyjw @DrewNows Been contemplating your posts, and lots of insights came to me.

I love you both more than you could possibly imagine ❤️

I'm going to take a break from posting and from the internet in general. I'll try to embody all the insights that I've been receiving lately.

Until then, may love and beauty surround you and may light guide you. And by you I mean me as well.

❤️

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@Truth Addict appreciate the smile friend. I’ve started vlogging and will definitely post them here. It’s scary as fuck at first but I need to do it, to continue growing outwardly 

glad you’re finding whatever I share useful as I enjoy yours as well, let us all keep inspiring each other 💙 

@mandyjwI feel the same way he does about what you share 🙏

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Today I have officially graduated to the fifth (out of six) year of college, after two consecutive years of failing. Finally, moving on with my life.

The last 4-5 years of my life were the worst so to speak, but the best at the same time. I don't know how to explain, and I'm not sure I even want to.

I'm just glad that that period now is over, and that I have learned a lot from it.

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Truth seekers are in hell until they transcend the mind.

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