Truth Addict

Journaling - for the first time in my life

191 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

23 minutes ago, jbram2002 said:

@DrewNows Thanks for your apologies. If you've followed her videos, you know she's a bit sensitive about that sort of thing. I didn't take major offense from it, but I also feel like she has far more to offer than just her looks, and that statement was directed solely at looks. Don't you agree?

exactly, it was a shallow ego expression. In actuality, just a poor attempt at humor in relation to your post. Huge respect for you both, even if i don't know your personality as well as ive gotten to see hers. 

@mandyjw is adorable, smart, brave and funny dude. What i got from your response was your own insecurity, which is okay because it is just my assumption and i know you must be pretty damn awesome to be together no matter what your "strengths and weaknesses" are. I wish the best for yall and always welcome your feedback and opinions @jbram2002 

Also want to add mandy is much smarter than i and many others on here based off what i see and i hope i did not offend or disrespect you more jbram :S

Edited by DrewNows

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Posted (edited)

@DrewNows you're fine, bro. I  normally wouldn't say much about that, but I know such sentiments have been bothering Mandy lately. It'snot about insecurity, but rather about showing respect to someone I believe deserves a lot. Let's put it behind us?

I personally have greatly benefited from the wisdom you've shared in the past, and I hope to do so in the future. :)

Edited by jbram2002

The first step on a spiritual journey is to realize that everything you know to be true could be false.
The final step is the same.

-=+=-

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11 hours ago, DrewNows said:

 Very true! 

And for the top portion: let’s take two extremes, a monk and the professional athletes (Michael jordon) 

do you think either of them have a unsustainable or unsatisfactory life? I’d say no because they have paved their own path and each extreme is no longer their extreme but way of life 

I've been thinking about this.

I realised something earlier today about this discussion.

The fact that I consider both extremes toxic, tells me something about myself. And that is my authentic self does not want to be myopic, I want to master everything I do, whatever it is I want to be the best at it.

Toxicity in this case is what stands in my way towards that goal, so it's not a fixed thing.

Michael Jordan has mastered playing basketball, but I don't know about his personal life.

To me, I want everything to be at its best. I want to satisfy myself and everyone.

The problem with clinging to extremes is that they block us from growing in other areas.

I always asked myself what do I want? Almost never got an answer.

I now have a better understanding of what I want.

I want everything, which is identical to nothing.

I want to take what comes my way without rejection or resistance, and embrace it fully. I don't want something in specific.

I don't want anything, I want everything.

10:34 AM here and getting back to work in 15 minutes.

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Just started watching Understanding Survival video.

I'll keep some notes and critiques afterwards.

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9 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

Michael Jordan has mastered playing basketball, but I don't know about his personal life.

You don’t think his personal life wasn’t “perfect” for him? 

9 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

The problem with clinging to extremes is that they block us from growing in other areas.

This is a belief. 

The harddest thing for the mind to accept is it doesn’t really get to choose the desires. But this doesn’t mean our desires don’t change “organically” as we do. 

Michael simply did not resist  or let go of his extreme desire. 

 

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Posted (edited)

As usual, Leo nails it.

Charisma, body language, eye connection, voice tone, abundance of information, well-organised presentation, very methodological presentation, well-thought content, no lagging, no stuttering, a totally perfect production.

 

Structure Rating: 10/10


Key insights:

  • Don't delude yourself and think that survival is bad, it's not the enemy. Just be aware of your mechanisms. Actually, the thought that survival is bad is part of the survival of your spiritual ego.
  • Survival of the ego is dependent on the survival of the authentic self, which is the body, but not the other way around. Stop thinking, stop doing, be in the present moment, and your authentic self will start the healing process on your shadow, and eventually you will meet with your self.
  • Selfishness is survival, selfishness is selfish. But survival is not selfishness and is not selfish.
  • Only human beings can be selfish, because they can be inauthentic. Inauthenticity creates the false self, and therefore it's selfish. Animals are completely authentic, they don't have an ego or a self-image, they act directly from Source. They're in tune with God.
  • Reality is always expanding, there's no loss of energy/matter. There are only increases. Thanks for God, not the ego. The ego is actually a hindrance for the expansion of God, but ultimately God prevails and you find out that the ego was ignorant that it's been a sincere servant the whole time. That's what survival does.
  • Understanding survival does not solve why there is death. Death is a mystery as much as life. Why does the ego have to die? Why can't God be eternal from my single point of view? Doesn't make sense.

What in my life is not survival? I will contemplate this question for the following days. I'll see what I'll get, and I'll post my answer here in my journal.


Content rating: 10/10

 

In general, it's all common sense to me. I didn't really get much insights from it. But it's got many good reminders. Not to say that I figured all of this stuff out on my own. Actually Leo played a central role in my understanding of my self and of survival in his earlier videos. This video was like organising all the thoughts in a very coherent way, my observations mixed with Leo's earlier teachings.

 

Overall rating: 10/10

 

Thank you Leo ❤️

Edited by Truth Addict

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Just had a nice night out with my brother. He is my mirror and I am his. He is my journal, and I am his.

There's not one person in the world who knows me or understands me better than my brother. Not even my parents or my best friend.

I really love him. I'm kind of his guru. I learn, contemplate, and do the work, and then I give him the conclusions, wisdom, and insights, he just applies them directly. They always work! My brother is very happy and successful. He always needs my guidance though and I'm happy to help him.

He's only 20 years old, and he's in tune with his authentic self.

I am happy and satisfied.

...

This journaling thing is amazing! So much awareness throughout the day picking what's worth putting in here. It opened up to me a new huge possibility and potential for growth. I am willing to take it to its fullest.

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Posted (edited)

4 hours ago, DrewNows said:

You don’t think his personal life wasn’t “perfect” for him? 

I don't know anything about him. He might be driven by fear, or a neurotic kind of desire to win and be the best.

Then again, he might be very authentic. And basketball is his passion.

I don't know.

4 hours ago, DrewNows said:

This is a belief. 

The harddest thing for the mind to accept is it doesn’t really get to choose the desires. But this doesn’t mean our desires don’t change “organically” as we do. 

Michael simply did not resist  or let go of his extreme desire. 

I wasn't implying free will. I want what I want, but I didn't choose to want them in the first place.

Growth happens with experience, the more experiences you have, the more aware and grown-up you become.

You can learn from the extremes of course, but if you keep your self there, you'll stay stuck and your growth will end.

In every area, you develop easily up to 80-90% of mastery in that specific area. But the other 20-10% is very hard to achieve. Therefore, I think it's better to chase some other 80-90% from other experiences rather than trying to master and obtain the remaining 20-10% of that specific area.

At least that's my experience.

Edited by Truth Addict

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22 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

I don't know anything about him. He might be driven by fear, or a neurotic kind of desire to win and be the best.

Then again, he might be very authentic. And basketball is his passion.

I don't know.

He is YOU but he didn’t share your def. for extreme in desire.

Neuroticism is always self defined, even when you see someone else acting completely neurotic it is still your evaluation

26 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

In every area, you develop easily up to 80-90% of mastery in that specific area. But the other 20-10% is very hard to achieve. Therefore, I think it's better to chase some other 80-90% from other experiences rather than trying to master and obtain the remaining 20-10% of that specific area.

At least that's my experience.

THIS is interesting observation and critique! 

Ive played with the idea of mastery for years. Mastery will never end even once you hit 100% in the experience. The remainding bit is imo the most satisfying to reach because it requires total surrendering of the you. This has been my experience playing soccer 

 

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I still keep distracting myself from studying for exams.

Seriously, I'm activating the ultra-survival mode, only 12 days left.

I'm not using the forum anymore except for updating this journal. All other topics are now collateral and I'm not reading any of them until I get a grip on my monkey mind.

I'm limiting my use of the internet in general. No more YouTube, no more Whatsapp (except for work matters), Facebook is allowed since they post some helpful topics about exams and specifics about each material.

Engaging in discussions is a hindrance for my studying process. It eats up a lot of my RAM and energy.

Going back to basics.

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@Truth Addict You can also set a timer, it really helps when you aren't focused. 20 minutes studying, 5 or 10 minutes break, repeat the cycle. 


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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@Truth Addict Are you still in the middle of Ramadan (and/or following it)? If so, how does this practice help you? This isn't a challenge or anything; I'm legitimately curious.


The first step on a spiritual journey is to realize that everything you know to be true could be false.
The final step is the same.

-=+=-

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@mandyjw Thank you Mandy. I'll try that.

@jbram2002 Yes, I am still fasting. I'm not keeping count, but I think there are 8 days left. Fasting doesn't help me, it hinders my ability to focus and recall and be alert actually. I am used to never start my day without breakfast. I don't really feel tired during the day, but my energy levels are very low. It's like I do have to limit certain activities for others. I could do that already, I don't know why I haven't yet. I didn't feel a strong need to do it, but now I do. I have to stop wasting my time, it's easy for me to do that, but it'll be painful at first, since withdrawal symptoms. Thank you for asking, it doesn't seem like a challenge, your questions are more than welcomed. The benefits of fasting usually come after Ramadan, although I feel some of them now especially at night. I understand myself better, I experienced some suppressed emotions, I feel more detached, and I feel a strong desire for change after the tradition is over, I am willing to start a daily workout that includes: free running, Swedish exercises, push-ups and pull-ups, I might decide to shoot some videos and post them here, I'm sure I'll post one at least, I might decide to start looking for a relationship, I am planning to go on a vacation to the coast city in my country during the summer. It's going to be really interesting! I'm so excited!

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Posted (edited)

Leo asked us to contemplate the question: what in my life is not survival?

I'll use the verb "survive" in the same weird way that Leo used it in the video.

Nothing and everything is not survival. It's a paradox, and both sides of the coin are true, depending on how you look at it.

If we examine any system that exists, whatever it might be, we will always notice the same dynamic. The parts of the system, in their struggle to survive against each other, are always working for the survival of the whole system. In other words, every part is an ego trying to survive itself but what the ego is blind to and cannot see, is that it's working for something greater than itself, whether it's aware of it or not.

So, all the parts are trying to survive the whole.

But part vs. whole is an arbitrary thing, and there are no parts to being with, parts are concepts.

If we keep zooming in, we will always find more survival, smaller systems against each other. If we keep zooming out, we will always find more survival, larger systems against each other. But who is zooming in and out?

Reality as a whole is not survival. Yet, all of its parts are.

Nonduality is not survival. Yet, all dualities that constitute it are.

I, consciousness, am not survival. Yet, I, human form, am.

God is not survival. Devils are.

The being of everything (existence) is not survival. Yet, the doing (which happens inside of being) is.

Done.

Edited by Truth Addict

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First day passed, no progress was made on studying for exams.

I spent most of it just observing and absorbing the pain of withdrawing. That's what my intuition has led me to.

Second day just began, and I'm willing to study, that's what my intuition is pushing me towards.

I trust my intuition.

...

Let the light keep shining every minute

Fill up my cup

I'm living it up

I'm not giving it up

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New day begins.

Good progress yesterday, but not good enough. I need some time to build my momentum.

I'm starting to see the joy in leaving old behaviours, whatever they are, no matter how enjoyable they are.

"New is always better" -- Barney Stinson

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reaching out to say good work, keep it up. you are groundless B|

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