Suffering?! Nearly having a nervous breakdown. Please, some advice.

[Aaron p]

Two days ago I went out drinking and got completely sloshed with a friend of mine and a girl I'm talking to atm. And ever since that night I have been experiencing what I can only describe as a low key nervous breakdown. NOTHING happened though! I do have a predisposition towards mental health issues. I'm killing myself thinking about what could have caused it.

The way I see it, there are 2 possibilities.

1- This is just me, I'm having a really bad nervous breakdown and that's it.

2- It could directly be an ego backlash or directly linked to a closeby spiritual breakthrough.

...let me emphasize how bad this is, it hit me fully loaded within 1 day out of nowhere (just after I started doing kryia yoga actually). And I don't want to get out of bed, constantly thinking I'm going insane. Worrying about the bad trip I had on LSD. Noticing similar feelings from the bad trip. It just seems awfully fast and debilitating. 

I need some honest, professional answers here guys, I've been in tears I front of my mum and dad already. Booked an emergency appointment with doctor...it's really unbearable. I honestly think it might be a sign of a nearby breakthrough, but it's tough. I can manage a bit of sadness, maybe even a little bit of depression...but (without exaggeration) what feels like a full blown mental panic attack constantly...I dunno. I have to keep fucking playing music and songs and shit and singing along to distract me for 30 seconds at a time. Please be honest, if you think it may just be my mind getting fucked up just say. 

My family have a history of mental health issues. I've told you all the facts in an unbiased manner, what do yous think? Pleez, need help:(

[winterknight]

Well, you're able to think somewhat clearly still: you sought support -- with your mom and dad, a doctor, and here. So that's all a good sign.

Go see that doctor, and get a referral to a good *psychoanalyst* (not just any therapist) -- and get started ASAP. You can also find them here (just put in your county and get a list and try one out)... http://www.psychotherapycouncil.ie/find/

Finally, yes, it is also definitely a spiritual opportunity.

Describe the emotions of pain & panic in metaphor.... that will transform & relieve some of the pain.

And conduct self-inquiry into who it is that is panicking. Focus on the I. Don't let go until you have clarity.

And frankly, might also be time to start reading the scriptures far more than you have been doing. 

Edited March 8, 2019 by winterknight

[noselfnofun]

Sorry to hear about this man, I hope you start to feel better soon. I am currently going through an ego backlash at the moment so can relate to you. How long and how intensely have you been doing spiritual practices?  When you go through what feels like a mini crisis it generally will be some form of ego backlash one way or the other. But if you start to feel like you are loosing control it might be worth toning down on any spiritual practices or stopping them and just focusing on getting yourself back to a more centred place. I would start concentrating on the basics of self improvement to get some balance again. Will be hard but start eating as clean as you can, see if you can spend time with positive people, go do some exercise try and avoid bad behaviours like the internet binging, television, porn, bad food ect, journal your thoughts and see if you can re-frame any negative ones and like Winterknight has said see a good therapist. 

Also see if you can pinpoint why you might be feeling this way? has something traumatic happened to you recently? 

 

[mandyjw]

It's your pain body, it's nothing personal. It's like a negative energy that comes over you. You were trying to be highly conscious and then engaged in an activity that put you an a completely unconscious state. It's completely understandable that that would bring it on. Try to be present with the energy of it. You're making a story about it, how it reminds you of a bad trip, how you have a history of depression. There's no story, there's just now. Just this energy.  It can take years to dissolve the pain body. The episode get weaker and weaker and more infrequent. Staying in the present moment and not engaging with the story about it is the best way to dissolve it. 

 

[Salvijus]

I told you kriya is dangerous. 

You should never do kriya from a book. And you should never try and do your own modifications of kriya.

If you're doing proper kriya practice, you'd feel 10times more balanced and peaceful everyday, not the other way around. You're just messing with your system without knowing anything about how it functions.

If you do it right it can do miracles for you. If you missuse it it can be very disastrous process.

If I were you i'd do a little bit of these practices. It's 100%safe, tho it's not very spiritually potent but it's very good for bringing balance in your system and mind. You could benefit from this.

Do the other ones aswell it has many balancing benefits.

 

Edited March 8, 2019 by Salvijus

[Nahm]

@Aaron p Doesn’t get much better than Winterknight’s advice, follow that.

Getting some help does not imply anything’s wrong with you. 

Also, at the same time, in hindsight you’ll see, this is a hangover, and overthinking it is anything more, and beating up on yourself about it.

And it’s a stage. We can enjoy the relief from doing the work so much, that a low seems like a whole new low. Words don’t teach and all states and stages pass, you remain. Hang in there bud. 

[Aaron p]

2 hours ago, winterknight said:

Well, you're able to think somewhat clearly still: you sought support -- with your mom and dad, a doctor, and here. So that's all a good sign.

Go see that doctor, and get a referral to a good *psychoanalyst* (not just any therapist) -- and get started ASAP. You can also find them here (just put in your county and get a list and try one out)... http://www.psychotherapycouncil.ie/find/

Finally, yes, it is also definitely a spiritual opportunity.

Describe the emotions of pain & panic in metaphor.... that will transform & relieve some of the pain.

And conduct self-inquiry into who it is that is panicking. Focus on the I. Don't let go until you have clarity.

And frankly, might also be time to start reading the scriptures far more than you have been doing. 

@winterknight I think getting in touch with with a psychoanalyst is defo a good shout. My doctor has referred me to a mental health assessment in one of my local towns in northern Ireland. 

[Aaron p]

6 hours ago, Salvijus said:

I told you kriya is dangerous. 

You should never do kriya from a book. And you should never try and do your own modifications of kriya.

If you're doing proper kriya practice, you'd feel 10times more balanced and peaceful everyday, not the other way around. You're just messing with your system without knowing anything about how it functions.

If you do it right it can do miracles for you. If you missuse it it can be very disastrous process.

If I were you i'd do a little bit of these practices. It's 100%safe, tho it's not very spiritually potent but it's very good for bringing balance in your system and mind. You could benefit from this.

Do the other ones aswell it has many balancing benefits.

 

@Salvijus but yo, I've noticed something incredible! When I do the concentration on the bindu, the "cool" sensation that I always get in my throat moves upwards! I feel it moveing up my throat and into my upper throat. But yeah I'm just gonna replace my usual kryia yoga practise with peace yoga. It's too powerful I think. And I need peace at this point in time

Edited March 9, 2019 by Aaron p

[Salvijus]

@Aaron p feeling cool sensations is not always a good sign.  

"Even if the most wonderful thing happens to you, if you're not ready for it, it will be a disaster" #sadhguru

Anyways. I'm happy you made the descision to tone it down. ?

Edited March 9, 2019 by Salvijus

[enderx7]

@Aaron p  all the earlier advice is all very sound and theres no shame in slowing your pace to what you can handle so you can enjoy the walk. BUT also this is a huge opportunity if you can practice mindfulness while suffering what was once the a terrible obstacle can become the key to freedom and love, Im not saying you shouldnt seek relief however just try to apply mindfulness until the relief comes. Mindfulness is absolutely crucial however so if you dont already I would start a traditional old meditation practice even though its not flashy and fairly miserable for us westerners for that first month it is the true workhorse of spirituality and will become a joyous treasure if nurtured. Its just a workout to build the mindfulness muscle, but the key would to take what is built on the meditation cushion and use it to illuminate your darkest moments with the light of mindfulness. This will give you space from the rawness of your immediate experience so that this and future challenging times with be less like a fact of reality and more like some entertainment your experiencing and learning from like a dramatic movie, it can be intense but it cant really touch you.        

[Joseph Maynor]

You gotta transcend the Ego-Mind.  I thought you had already done this.  All suffering is caused by clinging too hard to the Ego-Mind.

Edited March 9, 2019 by Joseph Maynor

[karkaore]

@Joseph Maynor Just a pointer to you: based on posts and replies you wrote i am guessing that you might be confusing intellectual understanding and embodiment. But fuck knows.

@Aaron p Hang in there dude. It will pass. 

[Aaron p]

@karkaore @Joseph Maynor @enderx7 i think I might take a break from the meditation. I dunno, the mental health person today told me that I have far too much time to think and that meditation puts too much focus on yourself and then you get worried and axious about yourself and you start segregating yourself off from others. (All of which has been happening to me). So might just give it a break for now ...

[enderx7]

@Aaron p  mindfulness will never not be worth its price but do what you feel like is right for you. Just pay very close attention to yourself to make sure it in your own direct experience wither your reality improves or worsens. Dont forget to apply generous self love trying to apply love to whatever is around will also help, also the happiness "muscle" in your brain is the same part that governs gratitude so try and take 5 or 10 min to really try and FEEL gratitude for the things you have in your life and your mood and stability will improve for sure. Best of luck mate I hope things get easier for you

[enderx7]

@Aaron p also I thought you said you were doing kriya yoga which is different then a traditional style meditation like say zazen. Something like zazen can add great sturdiness and stability to your life but it is much less flashy. Also if you learned kriya yoga online or from a book i have heard of that going very poorly for people its can be disastrous thing if you do it improperly at least thats what Ive heard from many people. Its best to have it transferred to you by a accomplished master just to be sure, at least that what im planning to do as Id like to learn it from sadhguru at the end of the month. If you'd like I can link you to a great all around tutorial for zazen.