enderx7

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About enderx7

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  1. I agree but every now and then it can be helpful to pick up the phone again for a reminder and to see if your hearing of message is any clearer. But using them as a replacement for spiritual practices is inefficient because they are inherently unstable and if you use them as your cornerstone your structure will also be unstable. Just using anecdotal evidence people who lean heavily on psychedelics to replace spiritual practice are basically never among those who embody divinity most fully, they can be very high consciousness but they always seem to embody instability as well.
  2. TL;DR Looking advice finding a space where I can devote myself to personal growth and service full-time, The rest is mostly providing context for where my minds at and where what point I'm at in my spiritual journey for those who prefer extra info to tailor their advice. I greatly appreciate any wisdom anyone has to share and if so thanks in advance for taking time out of your day to help. About 4 years ago the universe gave me a gift that totally changed the direction of my life. Psycdelics woke me up from percieving life as the nihilistic materialistic gray blob to a living magical mysterious wonder. I was always obbessed with mystery but after this my obession slowly became more one pointed towards consciousness and spirituality. Then I got a job as a security guard at a data center. This security job was huge blessing, the first 3 years I did the graveyard shift and I was completley alone for most of my shift and as long as I did a tour of the building every few hours and was aware of camera's/ anything going on my employer didn't care what I did between. This opened a massive amount of space in my life where I was a semi hermit barely having to digest "engery" I didnt choose :people ads, etc( had no idea how big a difference this makes) and the 8 hours a day thats usually obliterated by doing things I dont care about in previous workplaces was now open. I started devouring any knowlegde that seemed promising: various mystical traditions, ancient wisdom, podcasts, learning from fellow seekers like leo and others, and started a meditation pratice (TMI method) experimented with the shambavi mahamudra kriya yoga offer by isha/sadhguru (kinda on the fence about my feelings towards the practice and him/isha) The main theme of this stage was Learning and later on the start of the healing process, but I've felt change in the wind for awhile both internally and externally. On the internal side I began to become frustrated by the limits of logical/rational learning. I had always worshiped the intellect but it was becoming obvious there is a undeniable gap between knowing and being or between learning and experiencing. I had sharpened my logical and rational tools to a point and the only thing it revealed was their inadequacy to deliver what I desired. And externally it also seems like this situation is coming to a close. The data center I was a securtity guard for got bought out by another business. The merger will likely be chaotic, its run by a Mormon family in utah and i get the feeling they are redisgining basically everything about the company to their liking (as is their right they own it now) and if the position still exists it seems like it will be very different and will lose many aspects that I found valuable. It just seems like the perfect storm for moving to a new stage in life. If this last stage was focused around learning and figuring out what I wanted to experience in life then I will make the next stage about being and embodying, healing and doing the work. After seeing how all this space changed the quality of my life the thought of going backwards and working the arbitrary grind is stifling, there's zero chance I'd be able to progress and just maintaining conscioussness would be a real challenge. If I can't go backwards to less space then I might as well make the leap into more space. I don't have any obligations tying me down and dont have a many possessions and none that I dont mind losing, nows the time in life to do something like this, although I dont have much money. I want to become even more one pointed to the things that bring one closer to the absolute. I want to find a space where Im devoting my time to spirtual growth and service and hopefully surrounded by like minded people if not then at least solitude. I am not willing to swear any binding life oaths as I take my word seriously and why would this Ignorant version of me try and bind the future (hopefully) less ignorant version of me when freedom is what is sought. It's a bonus if there are willing teachers who give freely of their wisdom but as my motto is: believe nothing disbelive nothing that is not your experience, Im definitly not interested in playing pick a guru but I appreciate aid from wiser peers. Im currently balls deep in researching my options and its difficult because the genuine ashrams/etc dont care much for advertising themselves and the ones that do are mostly focused on your wallet (im poor, gonna have to pay with service), but I figured this amazing forum might have similiar minded peeps with experience in this kind of thing and I'm hoping you'll grace me with your wisdom. The traditions that might have spaces like this which resonate with me the most are probably tantric yoga( kashmir shavism), yogic Hinduism, or any kind of nondenominational space that sounds like it would fit my needs. Buddhism/zen is less desirable to me for a few reason, advaita vedanta is similar but could work out. Very gratiful for any advice or general tips and thanks if you made it through that long post lol.
  3. thanks for the nice reminder, RA is a real hommie
  4. Like many have already suggested forgiveness is going to be powerful ally to your ability to love unconditionally. It's a skill ive been working on personally too that has come up as a big theme in my life over the past year, so I'll share some of the stuff that has helped me 1. It's a skill and your not going to master it overnight and trying is going to lead to frustration. Don't focus on the destination focus on the next step, look for the biggest next step you can actually make and are truthfully willing to make, if the step is too much and you trip give yourself a shot of self gratitude for having been brave enough to try and dust yourself off and try again. If you manage to take few successful step give yourself some appreciation, even the tiniest step is still literally infinitely more progress then not moving. On this line of thought dont think of unconditional love and forgivness as a light switch you can flip easy peasy, for most of us just the DESIRE to love deeper and forgive is a MASSIVE step, maybe you cant just uncondionally love but you can want to do it. This desire is a broadcast to the universe that its okay for it to help give you those lessons, literally pray and ask to be able to love deeper and forgive, Praying doesnt need to be to a literal god or goddess ( though these are great symbols for the divine infinite) it can just be to the universe or agnostic plea to whatever is, it wont matter the universe will respond to your desire the praying is more of a excersise to focus your own desire on your end and a little bit of giving the universe permission to give you those things. 2. As within so without, as above so below, ALL IS ONE. Your progress in love and forgiveness of yourself will be a perfect mirror of your ability to do the same for others and vice versa. If you come to love the parts of yourself you reject you will suddenly find yourself empty of jugdement next time to encounter a "other self" that represents that aspect of you AKA you forgive yourself of your own shadow sides greed and suddenly donald trump and big CEO's stop seeming like monsters and more like suffering people who are just crying out for love. because of this helping yourself heal will help others and helping others will help yourself, this is expands your oppertunities to do this work to being basically constant. 3. This one ties directly into the second point but its gonna happen and so it bears emphasizing. You're gonna fail to live up to your expectations and your conditioning is going to urge you to label this as a "mistake", there are no mistakes in reality just in minds. wither its a mistake or a golden opportunity to apply that unconditional love and forgivness is entirely up you. Also bearing with the second point this also entirely applys to other selfs. Cheers, I wish for you become the infinite fountain of love that you always were
  5. And yet we still desire more. infinity is in our nature, have fun trying remove it, impossible. You have made a astute observation though, but as far as i can tell you've only finished one half of the puzzle. Can you accept that your vulnerability as well as your ravenous hunger for growth and expansion? You are not the thing which grows, you are growth itself. The example of the greek god with little struggle is gray and tepid while the astonishing act of us creatures, self aware of our fragile vulnerable nature, who never the less put one foot in front of the other is of a riveting terrifying beauty, a work of glorious art by a infinite creation. So marvel and walk a little further, I mean what else better do you have to do? haha
  6. @Leo Gura Thanks for the tips! I'll look into the chemicals you mentioned Haha your right there, lsd is a damn fine lover, she leaves you feeling like brand new man every time. May have to give these other gals a call though.
  7. @Leo Gura Maybe shrooms could do the trick I have only done those twice but that was earlier into my actualization process when i couldnt go very deep, but I've done about a dozen heavy lsd trips 300-500 ug. I have had completely life changing insights into love, god, desire, and intelligence but there is always still that persistent illusion of a separate thing experiencing god. A little sliver of duality, but I'm sick of it a want to just be gobbled up and digested. Or maybe its not a illusion because I have been unable to pierce it, but thats exactly why I want to get the big league stuff just to make damn sure. Or maybe I'll try like 700-800 ug I just dont want to trip for multiple days which frequently happens at mega doses, but my level of fucks given is running out haha.
  8. Love is no meek thing, It is a task for the mighty. That there is a powerful man
  9. @Leo Gura May I ask what your purpose behind all the hold back and build up is? My hopeful guess is your feeling out a way to share it such that it finds its way to dedicated seekers only but doesnt cause enough noise to get itself scheduled. I want to try 5-meo SO FREAKING BAD, or hell even regular dmt, Its basically impossible to find unless you make it yourself or risk a dark web order, and I'm getting about that desperate even though I'm clueless about chemistry lol. The idea of a unscheduled psychedelic as powerful as 5-meo is making my mouth water!
  10. Now this is good stuff! This kind of ACTUAL real world applications of all this work we all do is totally something we could use more of in communities like this and others. Count me in. Question though. I have a friend who is deeply struggling right now and I would love some help praying for him. Should I get his permission before putting him and his situation up here. He might not understand completely but would probably let me.
  11. @electroBeam Exactly where you've always been..... nowhere LOL @Anna1 That first video with mooji was pure gold HAHA what a fortunate find, thx for sharing
  12. better is the key word here, better at what? Think of every time you catch your monkey mind and return to the breath like its one repetition of a physical exercise like a squat or curl. Now see how ridiculous the judging attitude would be if you took that stance while doing squats at the gym, at the end of every squat you mentally yell at your self for not have god-like legs yet. Yet this basically whats happening in your meditation, every time you successfully do a rep of mindfulness (becoming aware of something arising and going back to breath) you judge yourself for not already having buddha level mindfulness.... well of course not lol thats why we meditate. This is super common for westerners who start meditation because of our faulty assumptions about the mind, I was the same exact way until someone pointed this out to me. Also take into consideration pavlovs dog and understand that is exactly how your mind works, treat it like you would treat someone else your trying to teach. When teaching another if you get mad everytime they do what you want (become aware of distraction and back to breath) well obviously they aren't going to want to do more of that and they also will quickly come to dislike the time they are spending with you and your never gonna get more then 5 miniutes of training out of them. strong hint towards why after 7 years you still dislike doing it. Same works in reverse too though if you positively reinforce the action with encouragement and love it will become rewarding and they will want to spend more time with you in a positive version of a viscous cycle. Every time you catch yourself distracted and come back to the breath instead of being annoyed try to give your self a little pat on the back, like try and actually FEEL it like a internal self hug, this will make your mind happy and it will want catch itself from distraction quicker and quicker until you start seeing distraction before they actually distract you, and you will enjoy the process of meditation progressively more and more until eventually given the opportunity you would just do it all day like a monk (according to monks at least, I'm definitely not there yet either but it is trending that direction) If you want to get deeper into meditation I highly recommend buying The Mind Illuminated its basically the bible of zen style breath meditation
  13. @How to be wise dont sweat it, everyone has their unique identity comfort that is especially stubborn even deep into the spiritual process. She has a draw to binge eating, you sex and masterbation. I dont have much struggle with either of those but I can never seem to leave cannabis alone. Not saying any of those things are bad per say its just we all have that thing that is out of balance that we struggle to reign in.
  14. @Commodent Your personal intelligence is meaningless when you can have a relationship with god aka infinite intelligence, infinite love, infinite truth, infinite bliss. If you take some uneducated man with a totally average intelligence, who through only love deepens their relationship to god so far that they realize themselves to be one permanently that person is basically omniscient and yet you may mistake him as simple because their is no need for them to be otherwise, a thousand years of effort and your personal intelligence would still be dust by comparison. But being intelligent is fine just turn it towards god and away from division from others. The path of knowledge is nearly impossible isolated, some element of devotion or love is almost always needed or intelligence tends to get lost in itself. Set your intelligence upon realizing love and the path will be much sweeter. But you dont have to give up or lessen the value of intelligence or knowledge
  15. I would highly recommend learning about and incorporating bhakti yoga (devotion) into your path, this is almost necessary if you have a introspective intellectual nature ( frequently people that just so happen to be drawn to be serious about meditation) or you can easily become cold and detached and the path can devolve into a escape or simply a way to detach from pain. With bhakti the process will be not only 1000x more enjoyable for yourself but for the people who are around you. It develops into a beautiful and personal relationship with the divine. Whenever I let those elements drift in my practice I quickly become overwhelmed with frustration become distant and detached and before you know it everything backslides and I'm no longer excited for life and suffering from nonsense edit:also maybe try some metta meditation (loving kindness)