Pilgrim

How to get a boyfriend

52 posts in this topic

1 hour ago, Salvijus said:

Women like that are not going to lack appreciation, that's for sure :D

@Salvijus Thank you for your positive words! <3

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On 15.02.2019 at 5:20 AM, Pilgrim said:

I think it is because I have ADD and I am a bit different than most people. And that is probably the source of this feeling.. however I am quite certain that half of humanity (if not more) feels this way.. deep down, many people feel like they are not good enough. I think it's mostly just me.. nobody ever gave me this feeling, I just somehow don't accept myself because I am different. The key is definitely self-love and self-acceptance for me. 

In previous message you mentioned that you feel that you are not good enough because you are behind in your level of skills and in this message you state that it's ADD, it seems that you take it as an axiom "I am not good enough" and when you try to find out "why?" you come up with any random irrelevant reason that is on the surface.

Why do you derive your sense of worthiness from comparison to others? Who taught you to think of yourself in that way? Is it possible to feel worthy if you tell yourself that you are unworthy and then rationalize why you are unworthy? You are sticking sticks into your own wheels.

Beware of "I'm not good enough, because..." mantra that you keep repeating. Don't deceive yourself. <3

Edited by Privet

 

 

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2 hours ago, Privet said:

In previous message you mentioned that you feel that you are not good enough because you are behind in your level of skills and in this message you state that it's ADD, it seems that you take it as an axiom "I am not good enough" and when you try to find out "why?" you come up with any random irrelevant reason that is on the surface.

no that's actually the same thing.. ADD sort of is the reason for me being "behind". You know my brain just works differently than the brain of most other people.. I am smart, but just different. My perspective is different and I focus on other things than 95%.. so in most situations people don't really get how I approach things. I realise that I have to stand up for myself more.. in the past I tried to adapt to the 95%, but I know it doesn't work and well it didn't so.. honesty rules. Probably I am also just overly sensitive about the fact that I approach things differently, because for me it's very obvious. But most people probably don't even care.. so this feeling of not being "good enough" is a consequence out of the observation that I just process everything a little different than most other people, I am a bit slower but also deeper in my thought process and often "hyper focus" on things when they catch my attention and I just often feel inappropriate (AND it doesn't really help that I am generally a very observant person B|). So the answer is self-love and self-acceptance. In the end, if you are confident and accept yourself the way you are everyone else will too. But I still have a bit of a way to go in order to get there :) 

2 hours ago, Privet said:

Beware of "I'm not good enough, because..." mantra that you keep repeating. Don't deceive yourself. <3

I totally agree. :) 

Edited by Pilgrim

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@Pilgrim

Why u so stubborn? :D

Doesn't matter how sloppy your mind is and what a slow and obsessive special cookie you are, you. are. fucking. miraculous. right. fucking. now. no. matter. what. period. Fuck ADD. Fuck what they think about your weirdness.

Go ahead, try to argue with that. Find another oh-so-rational reason to explain why you are not good enough. :P

Don't give yourself time to love yourself. Do it now! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ︻╦╤─ <3<3<3

Edited by Privet

 

 

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@Leo Gura So should you leave the ego alone, not working on your personality (e.g. reading the 6 pillars) and solve the problem by the root with consciousness work? Or are both useful?

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2 hours ago, LoveandPurpose said:

@Leo Gura So should you leave the ego alone, not working on your personality (e.g. reading the 6 pillars) and solve the problem by the root with consciousness work? Or are both useful?

Both, it's an excuse to stay inconscious to ignore one.


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure
- Marianne Williamson

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11 hours ago, Privet said:

Don't give yourself time to love yourself. Do it now!

How? :) I really want to and I am getting better at this, I don't hate myself at all.. I like myself for the most part, but I don't fully accept myself either. I still want to "improve" myself.. how can I love myself and accept myself fully with all my weaknesses? How can I love EVERYTHING about myself not only the good parts? 

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Passion for others, disspasion for yourself. That's the key to accepting yourself.

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@Pilgrim What I tried to point you towards is that you find faults in yourself instead and act as if those men had some special powers just because they are quiet and thoughtful. Most men are quiet and thoughtful. Why is being quiet and thoughtful any better than being vibrant and energetic? In both cases these attributes are mere characteristics! 

Try not revealing too much about yourself at once. Let your energies speak with each other instead. ;) 

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13 hours ago, Pilgrim said:

How? :) I really want to and I am getting better at this, I don't hate myself at all.. I like myself for the most part, but I don't fully accept myself either. I still want to "improve" myself.. how can I love myself and accept myself fully with all my weaknesses? How can I love EVERYTHING about myself not only the good parts? 

Was my previous message not enough?

If so, no boyfriend will ever make you believe in yourself if you are not willing to allow it.

I listed several reasons why you can't believe in yourself in my previous messages and instead of putting an effort to grasp that you keep repeating that you don't believe that you are enough already for no reason.

Keep persisting, stubborn kid. Ain't gonna fight with your irrational self-sabotage. :P

Pew! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ︻╦╤─ <3

Edited by Privet

 

 

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@Pilgrim

I am no expert.

But, I think you should try other modes of being a girl, you know what I'm talking about. I think there's something you're missing, because deep down you think that being "nice" is the best mode to be in as a girl.

So, for example, try "not listening well" to the guy you're dating and see how that'll work on him. Or try maybe changing the subject of the conversation on purpose ( just to experience) 

Being always "nice" gives the impression that you are too needy or at least that you value others more than you value yourself, and the partner always wants independence on the other partner side. They want to see true genuine value on your part. That applies to both genders.

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