My difficult relationship with video games

[Pouya]

For context;

I'm 17. Next year is my last highschool year and I'll be taking an exam for university application. I live in Iran, and here, we have a exam that consists of 9 different subjects depending on your major. For this, I need to study very hard everyday untill the exam, practice a lot of multiple choice questions and review the information of 3 years of highschool to be successful in this exam, in order to get into a decent university for medical major. 

Here is the problem, I played video games since 7 and I've had a pretty healthy gaming until I got into a online game called Rainbow Six Siege.

I loved this game a lot, that it changed everything about gaming for me. I've never played more than 8 hours a day and usually my gaming time would be around 2-5 hours a day. Some might call this unhealthy and some might call it normal, but personally I think I am deeply addicted to video games, specially this particular game.

I've been trying to quit for almost 2 years, and more than 12 unseccessful attempts, from 4 days to 3 months of not playing.

In my experience, I tend to relate to gaming very very personally and have emotional attachment. I can go 2 3 months without gaming but with a lot of temptations and homeostasis.

I think my problem comes from my environment. My father is not a strict one but he always wants me to stop gaming because no matter I study well or not, or how much I have played, he doesnt like me doing it. He encourages me to study a lot (like I study less that 10 hours a week but I need to study 40 hours a week, cause that exam is god damn hard)

With all the pressure, I get guilty and depressed for gaming and when I don't play videogames, I feel very very bored and defenceless.

Maybe I used it as a very efficient way to escape studying because its more fun and enjoyable. I like studying tho but video games overcome that.

Last 1 month, I've observed myself carefully about how I game or quit gaming. I've realized that no matter what I play, how I play, it is full of unsatisfactoriness. I realized I never enjoyed gaming, but I always desired it. What I enjoyed was playing with people who loved me and I loved them too.

That gave gaming, specially RB6, a deeper aspect that hooked me even more. Without friends video games are worthless for me, but I still have lust for it.

I do have  friend circles in school and out of school, I like being with people, but gaming is like i can be someone I am not.

This turned into a toxic cycle of me quitting, wanting to go back, going back and having fun, feeling guilty, quitting, repeat. For. 12. Times.

Moderation doesnt work. Scheduling doesnt work. Limiting doesnt work. 

Now I've trying to sell the account so I never come back again but I'm feeling regret. (Ey, self deception at work )

I guess I just have to accept not playing video games for the rest of my life and work on the resistance to not playing.

What do you think?

I just wanted share my story and maybe find a solution.

[TheAvatarState]

39 minutes ago, Pouya said:

I guess I just have to accept not playing video games for the rest of my life and work on the resistance to not playing.

Gaming itself is not a sin. It is only your lack of discipline in your life that caused gaming to inflate to its current state. 

Instead of fighting the habit directly, allow me to suggest a better path: try filling up your time with positive practices and activities. This will be difficult at first, but after a while you'll start enjoying those more and the gaming less. Gaming will start to seem extremely pointless. 

Every moment you're THINKING about doing the work, you could be spending more freely and happily actually DOING the work. Become conscious of all the ways you try to avoid your work, and I'll bet you that you spend more time avoiding it than you do doing it. This active avoidance causes stress and anxiety, which builds and builds. It's really unhealthy. 

[Moreira]

Gaming is not the problem. The problem is adictive compulsive personality. I was addicted to videogames too, got banned of Gw2 for using a speedhack. had to quit videogames, but the time I wasted in vidgames I replaced by youtube, movies and forums.

we got the brain fuked and need to rewire. I dont know how

Edited January 20, 2019 by Moreira

[Pouya]

3 minutes ago, TheAvatarState said:

Become conscious of all the ways you try to avoid your work,

Actually when i tried to keep track of what i think for few days, i saw repetitive thought chains for distraction from studying/inquiring. I'll keep my attention on them more.

 

5 minutes ago, TheAvatarState said:

I'll bet you that you spend more time avoiding it than you do doing it.

yeah. I need some more Just Do It mentality.

[Pouya]

@Moreira the moment I quit video games, Youtube comes in with great force for me

but i don't think this is a genetic problem but a habitual problem in the brain.

[TheAvatarState]

3 minutes ago, Pouya said:

Actually when i tried to keep track of what i think for few days, i saw repetitive thought chains for distraction from studying/inquiring.

Yes! Do not fight it. Go deeper. How did this start? What is this rooted in? The best advice I can give you is to observe and study your ego. 

[Sahil Pandit]

@Pouya Unplug your console and put it in the closet, same thing for your TV/Monitor you play on.

Then, have a plan for how you want to spend that extra free time.

It can't be all just studying. You wanna have some open time and rejuvenates you and makes you feel good. 

Any ideas? 

[pluto]

Spend more time outdoors, meet new people, go travel, spend time in nature. Games become very boring soon as you start interacting with the outside world more because soon as you come back from a good day. You won't feel like gaming, you feel like going back out there because there is so much more depth out there than there is in the gaming world. Eventually you will out grow it.

[Shadowraix]

Gaming seems like it is acting as a form of escapeism for you. You don't think of anything else when you are focused on a game.

Perhaps replace that with meditation.

[Pouya]

@Sahil Pandit unfortunately I use a laptop with some equipments.

You know, with the condition that I have, I must be all studying.

My other hobbies are watching greats movies and playing piano.

 

Edited January 21, 2019 by Pouya

[RareGodzilla]

Put up a challenge for yourself so that you can only play video-games if you do a let's play. This will turn video game time into productive time, as doing a let's play is surprisingly difficult, especially if you are not native English. 

You will also be forced to learn basics in video editing etc. And it will help with your speaking ability. 

I am saying this as a person with an inactive let's play channel. 

Edited January 27, 2019 by RareGodzilla

[universe]

I used to play pc games quite a lot.

Two things that helped me:

1. When I was 16 I sold my computer and quit cold turkey. Best decision ever! (but got back on it ~3-4 year later)
2. Found a life purpose

Now Im just not enjoying games as much as I used to

This is so sad. Alexa...