"Now what?"

[ZZZZ]

You now know through direct experience and contemplation that you don't exist as an individual self. There is no intrinsic life purpose. Many of the distractions in your life have lost their appeal and meaning. Everything feels trivial and pointless. Now what?

[Forestluv]

@ZZZZ Pure being.

[Hellspeed]

Now let the Heart dance into infinity, as below so above. 

[Leo Gura]

@ZZZZ If you are still saying "So what?", then you don't actually know. You have tricked yourself with a concept of awakening.

Actual awakening is still waiting to be found.

 

[Rilles]

Good, now you help the other 7.2 billion people on this planet. You selfish piece of Infinite shit. 

[ZZZZ]

29 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@ZZZZ If you are still saying "So what?", then you don't actually know. You have tricked yourself with a concept of awakening.

Actual awakening is still waiting to be found.

 

@Leo Gura I'm not quite there, but getting there. My ego/mind has been very disgruntled with all of the shifts I have taken lately, and that has left me with a mindset that has been pretty bleak overall. The rest is very liberating.

 

I continue to struggle with letting go when I know I will be left with nothing. I get a further glimpse of the true nature of things, and then I find a way to trick myself back into identification with that which I know I am not. It's like my mind does not want me to be free of the idea that I am the ego, and now I face a scary wall of nothingness that offers no reason to surpass it. I am told it is worth pursuing, but I have yet to fully understand why.

Edited November 24, 2018 by ZZZZ

[Aquarius]

@ZZZZ You just do your thing, ok? Get there first and then you will know what to do. You're thinking way too far into the future, feels like this question even is just a justification of why you shouldn't do consciousness work, an ego trick. If I were you, I'd use the Maslow hierarchy to identify what needs of mine are unmet, and after fulfilling those and moving Tier 2, things should go more smoothly.

[ZZZZ]

18 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

@ZZZZ You just do your thing, ok? Get there first and then you will know what to do. You're thinking way too far into the future, feels like this question even is just a justification of why you shouldn't do consciousness work, an ego trick. If I were you, I'd use the Maslow hierarchy to identify what needs of mine are unmet, and after fulfilling those and moving Tier 2, things should go more smoothly.

It is an ego trick, but also a true curiosity. Sometimes I think I post just to answer things myself and flesh out what is going on in my head. I am only going to do more consciousness work, not less. I've found that even when things look bleak like they do now, their true nature tends to be much more profound than I could have originally understood in terms of a concept, pre-experience. @Leo Gura is probably right in stating that I am still relying on a majority of concept, but I have had some realizations lately that are in line with what I only took at face value before. This will probably develop further with more work. 

 

I am not sure what you mean by tier 2. Sometimes I wonder if I have a love/belonging deficiency, but I usually feel fairly content with the relationships I have. I definitely feel okay with esteem and the basic needs, leaving me with the rest to deal with.

Edited November 24, 2018 by ZZZZ

[Forestluv]

53 minutes ago, ZZZZ said:

now I face a scary wall of nothingness that offers no reason to surpass it. I am told it is worth pursuing, but I have yet to fully understand why.

What is the ego scared might happen if it lets go without a satisfactory reason and undestanding why?

[Aquarius]

7 minutes ago, ZZZZ said:

It is an ego trick, but also a true curiosity. Sometimes I guess I post just to answer things myself and flesh out what is going on in my head. I am only going to do more consciousness work, not less. I've found that even when things look bleak like they do now, their true nature tends to be much more profound than I could have originally understood in terms of a concept pre-experience.

 

I am not sure what you mean by tier 2. Sometimes I wonder if I have a love/belonging deficiency, but I usually feel fairly content with the relationships I have. I definitely feel okay with esteem and the basic needs, leaving me with the rest to deal with.

Sorry, I should have been more clear about it. By Tier 2 I meant the Spiral Dynamic chart. Both Maslow and SD are very useful in this work. 

And it's completely fine.  Happens to me as well to answer my own questions. That's what this forum is for, to explore yourself while you're among like-minded individuals who are striving for the same. No shame in that. You could try to journal if you haven't tried yet. It's really helpful to sort out what's bothering you and keeping you from actualizing.

[ZZZZ]

5 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

What is the ego scared might happen if it lets go without a satusfactory reason and undestanding why?

It's scared I'll know it's a load of shit. It will lose its importance or die entirely. No reason will ever seem satisfactory, so I will simply do it (when I am able).

 

@Aquarius Journaling isn't a bad idea. I've seen it suggested a bunch, so maybe I will give it a shot. Thanks for your suggestions and support. 

Edited November 24, 2018 by ZZZZ

[Shin]

First get to the now, then complain about the what 

[Forestluv]

1 minute ago, ZZZZ said:

It's scared I'll know it's a load of shit. No reason will ever seem satisfactory, so I will simply do it (when I am able).

Is there desire to let go and go deeper in the midst of the resistance?

 

[ZZZZ]

11 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

Is there desire to let go and go deeper in the midst of the resistance?

 

@Serotoninluv It is the only thing of true importance in my life right now. It is taking a lot of effort to continue playing the game of life I have set up for myself while all of my attention is focused on this elephant in the corner who calls himself me, but who I know is a fraud. He never shuts up now that I see him there for what he truly is lol

Edited November 24, 2018 by ZZZZ

[Forestluv]

17 minutes ago, ZZZZ said:

@Serotoninluv He never shuts up now that I see him there for what he truly is lol

I try not to shut off that type of thinking. I’ve found it more easing to do practices that calm down that busy mind.

When the chatter arises and won’t settle, I’ve found it better to just allow it. Trying to shut it off and stop it generally makes it worse.

[ZZZZ]

1 minute ago, Serotoninluv said:

Could that which is aware of him allow him to babble and throw a fit?

Of course, he's just a pursuasive little bastard at times.

[Forestluv]

2 minutes ago, ZZZZ said:

Of course, he's just a pursuasive little bastard at times.

 

3 hours ago, ZZZZ said:

You now know through direct experience and contemplation that you don't exist as an individual self. There is no intrinsic life purpose. Many of the distractions in your life have lost their appeal and meaning. Everything feels trivial and pointless. Now what?

Did that concept of awakening arise from that which is aware or from the pursuasive little bastard?

[ZZZZ]

14 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

 

Did that concept of awakening arise from that which is aware or from the pursuasive little bastard?

@Serotoninluv That made me smile. That which is aware must have been deceived, but it is hard to tell whether it is any closer to the truth and the little bastard is grasping for straws, or if it is all an illusion.
 

EDIT: Hahahaha there's nothing to be done, that's it. My heart is racing and I have the jitters. 

Edited November 24, 2018 by ZZZZ

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, ZZZZ said:

when I know I will be left with nothing.

You don't know!

You will be left with everything.

Whatever you think enlightenment is, it surely is not. So the ego's opinions about it cannot be trusted at all. At all!

[ZZZZ]

@Serotoninluv @Leo Gura
 

Of course 

What a cool experience to have, and on an internet forum nonetheless. Thanks for taking the time to talk me through this!

Everything I've learned is so crystal clear in this moment, and much more salient as my own realization. The ego is so deceptive, and it is amazing how far we can stray from the truth when we get caught in a web of self-deception and confusion.

 

I need to give this some time to integrate, and keep up with better meditation practices so I don't digress this much again.