Is charisma part of self-actualization?

[Ampresus]

Hello everyone. Last time I asked about what kind of books I should read, people suggested I should read what I was currently interested in. So right now that is charisma. 

I think the title says enough, but let me repeat myself again: is charisma part of self-actualization? I am still new to all of this, today is gonna be my fourth shamanic breathing session if I am correct. I am very young and have so my struggles, but one thing I want to learn from a young age is how to have good charisma. 

Following up on that, do you guys know any good books about charisma? Any recommendations are welcome.

Take care. 

[aurum]

@Ampresus

I definitely think it's a piece of the puzzle. If someone claims to be self-actualized but all they do is repel people, that's suspect. You should be developing a magnetic energy by doing this kind of work.

[Leo Gura]

Yes

Guess what the #1 prerequisite for charisma is?

PRESENCE!

[bejapuskas]

I understand that you are new and kind of wanna know everything as perfectly as possible but... Maybe try using your common sense a bit more?  If you think about your questions before asking them, you are gonna end up finding much more accurate answers and also much better questions.

Other people CAN help you along the path. Maybe if you reach some super high state of consciousness, you wont need people for happiness, but if you dont achieve it before you go insane, its gonna be bad... Charisma and social skills are great, lacking them causes way too many problems and limitations.

[Girzo]

Could someone share any reliable resources/techniques that are aimed at developing charisma?

[Hansu]

2 hours ago, Girzo said:

Could someone share any reliable resources/techniques that are aimed at developing charisma?

As someone who has been developing mainly social skills for the past 4 years, i'd say that the most important techniques are:

-Conscious practice

-Constant body awaraness in yourself and others

-Conscious practice

-Sweet and rhetorical words (Level of manipulation that can be compared to a so called "white lie")

-Practice of assertiveness

-Did I mention conscious practice?

 

I'd say that my biggest gains have come from awareness and body language reading skills, understanding motives and personalities and most of all from the practise of assertiveness.

Of these few selected, obtaining even a little bit of assertiveness has given me the fastest results, but being aware during social situations has given me the most long lasting results

Edit: As for results I cant pinpoint any single one. Except for the "What everyBODY talks about" which is a book about body language. And well, maybe the "How to talk to anyone, 92 little tricks"

I'd go as far as to say that the social skills books have given me less help regarding socials skills than say, the Neil Strauss books. The advice in many social skills books are in my opinion, rather impractical and most of my gains have come from books like The Truth by Neil Strauss, which have given me perspective into people's lives rather than a tool that is very impractical to hone and practise in real life situation

 

Edited November 10, 2018 by Hansu

[Equanimitize]

What I've learned is that if you put your focus and awareness on any area of your life, and you are driven to change that aspect of you-it will inevitably happen.

You can check out the very popular Charisma on Command youtube channel to get a start.

Charisma stems from Confidence, Confidence stems from Self Esteem, Self Esteem stems from knowing you have the capability to take on what life throws at you. 

 

[Ampresus]

13 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

I understand that you are new and kind of wanna know everything as perfectly as possible but... Maybe try using your common sense a bit more?  If you think about your questions before asking them, you are gonna end up finding much more accurate answers and also much better questions.

@bejapuskas You don't think I try before posting anything on this forum? I tried to look it up on Leo's channel and couldn't find anything. Looking it up on this forum didn't have much succes either.

[Ampresus]

10 hours ago, Equanimitize said:

What I've learned is that if you put your focus and awareness on any area of your life, and you are driven to change that aspect of you-it will inevitably happen.

You can check out the very popular Charisma on Command youtube channel to get a start.

Charisma stems from Confidence, Confidence stems from Self Esteem, Self Esteem stems from knowing you have the capability to take on what life throws at you. 

@Equanimitize I realized that first bit very fast in my journey. Just a few months ago I was very socially awkward and didn't understand why. By being conscious during my social interactions I discovered what made me repel people. I discovered that I always had it in me to be very social, but suppressed it unconsciously. 
Charisma on Command is a really good channel. It gives you small insights in one of the biggest plays in our world. All played differently by different people. Nice insights.

@Girzo Simply saying to yourself ''I can handle it'' over and over during any kind of situation can get you much further than ''50 techniques on how to have confidence, tips & tricks for you NOW!'' That is something I know.

[Joseph Maynor]

Authentic charisma is, but fake charisma is not.  And you gotta find your authentic charisma.  Authentic charisma also comes from doing personal development.  Authentic charisma is basically having an air of not giving a shit in life and just being real and open with things, and also having fun in life.  It's very difficult to have any kind of charisma when you're being crushed by life or feeling that way about life.  The charismatic person is having fun in life, not everyday, but generally speaking.  Obviously there are ups and downs in life, so your charisma will shift depending on how you feel.  We've all met the person who seemed charismatic on a first meeting but then on subsequent encounters we realize they're not what we though they were.  A lot of dicks in life pretend to be charismatic and use it like a manipulative tool --  people do this with humor too.  True humor comes from true charisma.  True humor comes from having fun in life.  it's hard to be humorous when you feel like life is not going well for you.  Some people do use humor in that kind of neurotic way, but that's not a healthy manifestation of humor.  Other dickish people use humor to basically bully other people without being called out for it.  It's hard to complain about something couched as humor.  Certain people use humor to be covertly abusive to others.  Certain people use charisma to be covertly abusive to others. 

Edited November 10, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[bejapuskas]

57 minutes ago, Ampresus said:

@bejapuskas You don't think I try before posting anything on this forum? I tried to look it up on Leo's channel and couldn't find anything. Looking it up on this forum didn't have much succes either.

That's is the thing that I am warning you from! You just belief the things that Leo says, if Leo doesn't say them, you have to ask, don't worship him dude... That's an ego trap. You can definitely learn from Leo, but don't use him as the only learning source. I thought about that and I was probably right, using your common sense doesn't mean looking it up on Leo's channel, try thinking about it for yourself - why would you not be charismatic? What does it even mean to be charismatic?

 

49 minutes ago, Ampresus said:

Charisma on Command is a really good channel. It gives you small insights in one of the biggest plays in our world. All played differently by different people. Nice insights.

Charisma on command is a useful channel, but be aware that he is not conscious of many things and his channel seems like a typical one, that is stuck in orange, those tricks are all fake, if you don't fix yourself, even by applying his advice, you're gonna be basically fake confident and charismatic. Most things will come naturally, as you become more conscious, sober and happy.  

 

52 minutes ago, Ampresus said:

Simply saying to yourself ''I can handle it'' over and over during any kind of situation can get you much further than ''50 techniques on how to have confidence, tips & tricks for you NOW!'' That is something I know.

It's good that you know, but don't really be so confident that you know something, as you can see, there are still things that you need to learn, many of them. You are on a good path, but stay vigilant, always.  

[Ampresus]

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

That's is the thing that I am warning you from! You just belief the things that Leo says, if Leo doesn't say them, you have to ask, don't worship him dude... That's an ego trap. You can definitely learn from Leo, but don't use him as the only learning source. I thought about that and I was probably right, using your common sense doesn't mean looking it up on Leo's channel, try thinking about it for yourself - why would you not be charismatic? What does it even mean to be charismatic?

@bejapuskas I am suprised that you think that I have any other source. This forum as a whole would in fact be better than just looking at Leo's vides, but besides that I can't find much you see. I don't use him as the only learning source, I rarely watch the entirity of his video's because I get bored. I only watch the ones that apply to me, read the comments and if I have questions I ask them on this forum. When I posted this topic I didn't know much about charisma and still don't. If people explained to me why it was a part of self-actualizing, I thought I would understand it better. When I look it up on the internet I get these ''free tips and tricks for better charisma right now buy it'' sites. That is also the reason why I said: ''Following up on that, do you guys know any good books about charisma? Any recommendations are welcome.''

 

 

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

Charisma on command is a useful channel, but be aware that he is not conscious of many things and his channel seems like a typical one, that is stuck in orange, those tricks are all fake, if you don't fix yourself, even by applying his advice, you're gonna be basically fake confident and charismatic. Most things will come naturally, as you become more conscious, sober and happy.  

 

Yeah I agree with this. This is one of the reasons why I unsubscribed and why I said small insights. Because in many of the cases the guy doesn't show the whole picture. Sometimes in his small insights he invites you to an advertisement which is supposed to help you with the subject he talks about. Made me really uninterested in his content. 

 

 

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

It's good that you know, but don't really be so confident that you know something, as you can see, there are still things that you need to learn, many of them. You are on a good path, but stay vigilant, always.  

On one hand people tell me that self-experiment is the only way you truly know something. That is what I do, self-experiment, and now you tell me that I am probably wrong and don't know anything. Nice man, sounds like a great adventure.

 

[bejapuskas]

@Ampresus If you dont watch most of the videos, you wont even know if they apply to you. If you arent patient enough to watch a video, how can you be patient enough to develop a skill? Have you ever watched a whole video that you thought doesnt apply to you? I watch almost all videos and all of them apply to me, its very likely that you are underestimating his content or you arent doing notes... I dont know man, try to think about it.

I didnt say anything about self-experimentation being bad, you just dodged the answer and said some that I wasnt even talking about. The thing with self-experimentation is, that you need to try tons of different things, but you are obviously closed off, its visible just from the way you talk. Try to not be so stubborn, you are more open than most people, but please read what I actually told you. If you know something for sure, how can you be vigilant and keep experimenting, with the belief that you already know the answer? Its impossible man.

[Ampresus]

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

If you dont watch most of the videos, you wont even know if they apply to you. If you arent patient enough to watch a video, how can you be patient enough to develop a skill? Have you ever watched a whole video that you thought doesnt apply to you? I watch almost all videos and all of them apply to me, its very likely that you are underestimating his content or you arent doing notes... I dont know man, try to think about it.

@bejapuskas I have. Several times. I discovered that most of them didn't apply to me so I started only watching which do. Since I am young, the entire spirituality part I can already throw out of the window. I don't even know my life purpose, what non-duality means, what self-inquiry means or have never tried meditation exercises that are on this forum. There are like 80 and all I do is try to be conscious for 30 min a day and do shamanic breathing sessions every Friday. Don't tell me I don't have patience, I can clearly see that watching hours of content won't make me smarter since most of the practices/exercises given along I simply can't do. I do acknowledge that I have to re-watch some video's. For example I forgot what mindfulness meant.
 

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

I didnt say anything about self-experimentation being bad, you just dodged the answer and said some that I wasnt even talking about. The thing with self-experimentation is, that you need to try tons of different things, but you are obviously closed off, its visible just from the way you talk. Try to not be so stubborn, you are more open than most people, but please read what I actually told you. If you know something for sure, how can you be vigilant and keep experimenting, with the belief that you already know the answer? Its impossible man.

I never accused you of saying that self-experimentation is bad, I accused you of your logic which doesn't make sense. ''Don't be so confident about what you know, but self-experimentation certainly isn't bad! But since you are probably closed-minded (because I can read your entire personality by a few posts) you wouldn't really engage in self-experimentation.'' is what you are saying right now.

If I know something useful which makes me succeed the point of experimenting stops because I have succeeded. So staying vigilant will automatically go away. I will find a new problem, try to solve it with self-experimentation and then hopefully find a way. I think it is clear how this proces repeats itself. Being vigilant is only wanted when I might be looking over something very obvious. What you are saying is that somehow I don't know everything 100% and should always be vigilant, while self-experimentation says that I do know everything about a certain thing.

[bejapuskas]

@Ampresus I just wanted to tell you that there are more things that you can learn via self-experimentation and I also wanted to give you some advice on how to ask better questions here on this forum. You cannot read my whole personality from these posts.

My message: Think about what you are asking and what you are answering. Be vigilant - there is always room for improvement, not only in the things you try but also how you try them and how you learn from it. I dont think you didnt succeed... I just said that there is room for improvement.

[Joseph Maynor]

P.S., You ever watch the movie “American Beauty?”  Well, the gay marine’s son, the boyfriend of the young girl, is a great example of what true charisma is.  That’s what makes the young man so attractive to the girl (and to us as viewers) because he has exactly what I describe as true charisma.  

Edited November 11, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[Brittany]

Yes. But be honest about "why" you want charisma.

What are you trying to get?

And what are you trying to use people for?

What needs are you trying to fulfill?

Be honest about your intentions for why you want charisma.

Charisma, just like confidence, has a shadow side.

It's not black or white.