I went absolutely CRAZY while on shrooms? (curious to know your thoughts.)

[Bob Saget]

 

Hey everybody.. I'll try to summarize my trip report to the best of my ability. I have only seen a few people with similar experiences, but I'm curious to know what you guys think/help to provide context for whatever it is I experienced. 

 

Here's a quick summary of my background before going into the trip report: I've been doing self-actualization/consciousness work since I was around 16-17 (I'm 24 now.) I was involved in the PUA community around that time - and became obsessed with Eckhart Tolle's work due to the recommendation of Owen Cook. 

 

I wasn't simply trying to become more "present" to get more girls (although that was a nice bonus ;-) I've always had "seeker" tendencies since I was really young.. so it didn't take long to go deep down the self-actualization rabbit hole. 

 

I spent most of my days studying all kinds of material: eastern/western philosophy, psychology, mystics/theologians, etc, etc. I've clocked in thousands of hours of meditation, contemplation, and so on (I also spent a lot of time doing cold approach/pursuing women. Those were my 2 primary obsessions, although that doesn't really matter too much at this point.) 

 

So back to the shroom trip.. I went into it feeling somewhat cocky due to my background with self-actualization. I was with a friend and an acquaintance (he was our babysitter. Only met him once before then.) And we were hanging out at my friend's house in the city. Pacific Northwest/gloomy weather at the time. 

 

I watched a Terrence McKenna video beforehand - he mentioned that a "true shaman" takes shrooms in the dark, and explores the depths of his soul without any external distractions. I had those 2 guys with me, but I was only interested in experiencing the trip alone (found out I'm not a shaman fairly quickly :p) 

 

I took a little over 3.5 grams and so did my friend. I felt fine for the first 25 minutes.. I could feel it a little, but I thought everything was "chill" for the most part. Then out of nowhere it HIT me. 

 

I went over to my buddies bed and started lying there for a little.. it was hitting me hard, but I was still able to function. My friend was talking about the insights that he was getting from the shrooms in the moment to my acquaintance. I started to get really bad vibes from him, and begged him to leave. He was extremely polite and understanding, and he left for almost all of my trip (which lasted over 8 hours.) 

 

So it was just me in the room with my baby sitter. He spent almost the whole time on his phone/sleeping, and it mostly felt like I was alone at that point. 

 

This is where shit got real. I was starting to lose the ability to form/conceptualize thoughts after around 40-60 minutes. Everything was looping in slow motion.. and I felt absolutely paralyzed. There was no way I could have got up to do anything. It would have been impossible. 

 

I remember there was a point where I was begging and trying to barter with God to make it stop. I kept thinking, "Please God... make it stop. Make it stop. I will do anything." But then there was this realization that NO ONE WAS GOING TO SAVE ME. Not God, my mom, a paramedic, my friends... No one. Not even myself. I was attempting to "let go" and "surrender" fully to the experience - but there was no such thing. There was nothing to surrender to. DEATH was taking me wherever it wanted to take me. I was going 'insane." Completely and utterly alone - a kind of loneliness that I've never experienced before. Even during long periods of solitude/isolation - there is never really fully a sense of aloneness. There is still a sense of light/beauty (at least in my experience.) Even in my younger years while going deep into my suffering, and the "dark nights of my soul," I never felt such a sensation. Not even close. 

 

But eventually I got to a point where I could not think at all. The fabric of my 'mind' had completely shredded. "I" was pure suffering. It felt as if I was experiencing the collective suffering of every individual/sentient being that has ever existed within our earth. That is not exaggeration or hyperbole. That is exactly what it felt like. My "soul" was being burned and cremated, again, and again, and again. It was the complete absence of "light." And I was there for what felt like an eternity. 

 

The only way I can describe where I was.. was by saying that I was in some kind of "hell." But that doesn't really describe or do the experience justice. There's no context for such a place unless one has experienced it. But after around 7 hours of tripping.. my baby sitter was wanting to go home. He tried to speak to me and hold my hand. I was starting to get some of my thoughts back, and I was actually able to sit up at this point.

 

I started bawling my eyes out to him. Saying frantically, "Please don't let me go back there. No one deserves to go to that place. Not Hitler. Not my greatest enemy. No one. Please don't let me go back. Please don't let me go back..." 

 

I cried some more. And at that point I was able to speak to him about some of my childhood traumas.. Forgiving and understanding deeply on an existential level that the pain that people caused me was simply just due to their ignorance. And that I was no better. That was cathartic. But not as important as what I was experiencing previously. However, I was extremely lucky to have that random guy there with me. He was listening to what I was saying deeply without judgement. And he was genuinely a good dude. 

 

The next day I was okay. I felt more loving and compassionate than usual. Sometimes I will think back on the experience, and it causes some mild PTSD. But it's impossible to go back to the experience fully with mere imagination. 

 

What do you guys think of this? Have any of you had similar experiences? I didn't become enlightened from the trip. I still have a good amount of ego. And enlightenment wasn't even necessarily my full on intention going into the trip. I don't even know if I care about that anymore.

 

Thanks for making it this far if you did. I just wanted to share that with you all, and get some ideas on what you all think - I've never seen many shroom reports like that, although I still don't think I even came close to describing whatever it is I went through. Cheers :-)  

[cirkussmile]

A bad trip and I hope it showed you to be more humble in general. 

Love is pure and warm. Cocky is cold and false. 

You did not have a unique bad trip ❤️

[Leo Gura]

@Bob Saget Yeah... that's how mushrooms can be, especially when you're so inexperienced and you take a dose of 3.5g. Your first dose should have been 1g.

What happened was, the mushrooms were showing you nonduality but it is far too radical for you to accept upon first contact. The Truth is too overwhelming and the ego recoils in horror. The mind gets lost inside itself -- this produces the sense of insanity and hell.

As you develop and become more conscious, and as you trip more, you become better able to surrender to Truth without struggling with it, and the trips becomes deeply enjoyable and profound beyond anything you can imagine. The more conscious you are, the more you meditate, the better you are able to control your mind during the trip. People with no meditation experience and monkey mind will get lost inside their own minds on mushrooms.

Your mistake was starting with such a high dose.

Dozens of trips are required to slowly get a feel for how to surf in the psychedelic headspace. Every trip builds on the previous. No two trips are the same. With each trip you figure out a bit of the puzzle.

Mushrooms are one of the most challenging psychedelics at higher doses. They can get really twisted and they can easily butt rape you. Especially if you're egotistical and cocky.

Don't get scared off. Just get more serious and lower your dose to something you can handle.

Getting humbled by a psychedelic is a very good lesson. It lays the foundation for all future psychedelic work.

[Nahm]

@Bob Saget You had me at Bob Saget.  Thanks for sharing your story. 1g next time. 

 

[cetus]

2 hours ago, Bob Saget said:

I was attempting to "let go" and "surrender" fully to the experience - but there was no such thing. There was nothing to surrender to.

@Bob Saget  Not true. You can always surrender to faith. Faith alone is all powerfull.

[Sahil Pandit]

@Bob Saget Scary, but revealing at the same time. Thanks for the share...

[Nahm]

@cetus56 +1 ??       Wild one, as full circles go. 

[Strikr]

but how can people take 3.5 grams

especially the not euphoric one

one of the guy I know did 20 grams his first time ( he is the kind of guy who takes 14 mdma pills in a row, so .. I know him, it's not "bullshit story" the guys isn't a boaster at all, he only told to me, because we was close as friend last year )

( for real, he is not bullshitting, I know him since years, and I recognize lier )

 

he took once 14 mdma pills on a same row ( and I know his friends, no jokes ) he stoped mdma like this, and do it like very rare ( not even half of it now )

 It was his first time using a psychedelic, I m asking my self why he did that, but his friend had a tons of mush and they decide to all takes a lot ( his friend was the insane type of guys ), they could only eat them there, something like ( at amsterdam ). He never did a psychedelic again, and told me he had "blacked out" I asked him many time how it was.
 

but he didn't learn a thing only his friend told him how he was ( still moving ) he recall only the end of the trip, where the drug started to wear off. and that he was angry.

today he is doing booze everyday, not individuate on anything, not trying to learn anything about psyche.

 ( 2 beer mostly or more ) and smoking mostly weed everyday with it, and playing video games. So psychedelic even in heroic dose can have no effect on someone who don't want to learn something from them. ( it's something to notice, instead or putting all the babies in the water )

I tryed to make it try it again, but on a very low dose, not easy, he is affraid af

do someone know why, did he really black out ? I don't think he see anything but I m not sure, he told me it was just like blacked out ( told me 3 times on different months, yes I m annoying ), and the thing is, his body was working after he sleeped in a black out,

only his friend talk about him bashing stupid non sense on people in the street ( something like ) it was at Amsterdam, so. haha

Edited October 3, 2018 by Strikr

[Bob Saget]

@Leo Gura I really value your feedback, Leo! I've watched a disgusting amount of your content over the years - and I can't really begin to explain how much you've improved the quality of my life. 

 

But yes, I was definitely humbled by the experience.. My younger sister took 2g of the same stuff the week before me. She watched funny youtube videos, talked with her friends on the phone, and went to sleep after (she's just a 'regular' girl and was only looking for a good time on them.) 

 

That's why I jumped into the trip so naively/arrogantly. I intend to experiment with low doses of LSD in the near future, and work my way up from there. Honestly, I am afraid of shrooms at this point, but not necessarily psychedelics as a whole. 5-MeO sounds really nice from the way that you've described it. I like the idea of a "clear" trip more than that messy, dirty, butt rape lol. Thanks again, brother! 

[Bob Saget]

@Nahm of course.. Thanks for reading 

[Bob Saget]

@cetus56 I wish it were that easy, my friend! 

[Leo Gura]

20 minutes ago, Bob Saget said:

I've watched a disgusting amount of your content over the years

Now you know how I feel

[Rilles]

@Bob Saget If 3 grams of mushroom fucked you up then dont try 5-meo dmt for christ sake, get some experience first

[archi]

@Bob Saget Well, I might have glimpse of what you felt during ayah trip when I took rape and I was hanging in strange grayish infinity and I just heard gong they my shaman was banging, it was unbearable and I wanted to quit but I realized there is no way out and I have to stabilize in that space and accept it somehow. All those perceptions do not last forever but I'm a bit afraid when I hear similar gong and think about this infinite space.

@Rilles Everybody can have its own psychedelic so I say try 5-meo to find out difference and maybe different insights.