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5thPablo

Should I end this relationship?

22 posts in this topic

A little background

I am 18 and my girlfriend is 17. We've been together for almost 11 months now. It's the first time we're both in a serious relationship. She was my first for everything and I was the same for her. The relationship has always been good. She is really kind, smart and smoking hot. The sex is amazing. She is also open to all my self-development ideas which is awesome. I see in her the desire to grow and make our relationship even better. We've both grown a lot from this relationship and I'm really thankful for her. There is some major differences between us like me being a plant-based vegan and a health freak and her not really caring what she eats. She also doesn't care about spirituality and any of that stuff. But even with these differences between us I recognize the amazing woman she is.  I could be with her for the rest of my life...

The problem

Now even though I say and recognize that she is fucking awesome and lovely, there is no feeling attached to that statement. It's like my brain wants her but my heart doesn't. I try to push myself to feel what I've felt this whole time but I just can't anymore. 

Some of you might say this is a normal stage in a relationship where people lose the initial excitement. But that is not what I'm talking about here. Or at least I don't think it is...

What should I do?

Thanks in advance.

🙂

p.s. I love you Leo. Thank you for everything.

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@5thPablo  Watch the video: How you lie. I dont know your exact situation, but this might open your eyes, it can help you develop some radical honesty to yourself. :) 

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@5thPablo  No problem brother! I had an awesome relationship too, but as I grew up, I stopped experiencing the breakup as something bad. It might just be a mattter of perspective. Dont let your intelligence get hijacked by hormones! ;) 

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Contemplate about your feelings and the cycle of your feelings.

Also contemplate how harmful and/or beneficial it would be to stay or leave her.

What do you desire?

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@Shadowraix Thank you. Yes I definitely will contemplate it. Even though I've thought about it a lot I really need to sit down, journal, ask these questions and be 100% honest with myself. Thank you for the advice.

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Yeah, take your time and think about things in a bit more calm way. Think about it without worrying about the next day, how everyone around you will react, what your first compulsion is. There might even be ways to solve things you haven't thought of yet. 

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When I first read the title of this thread before reading your post, I thought I was going to say yes but I'm going to say no.

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5 hours ago, 5thPablo said:

@CuteCornDog Can I ask why?

Because you're maybe just at a point in the relationship where the commitlent part actually means something.

It wasn't always gonna stay amazing, that's a childish dream, you got to work on a relationship to make it work.

My point is, unless you have 0 affection for her left at all, it's just the honeymoon stage finally coming to an end, and that is going to be the same with every girl you will meet afterwards.


There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled

You feel it, don't you ? - Rumi

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@5thPablo no relationship will ever work until you learn to love yourself first.

nobody else can make your life better. that's your job.


unborn Truth

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6 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

@5thPablo no relationship will ever work until you learn to love yourself first.

nobody else can make your life better. that's your job.

Where does he says he doesn't ?


There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled

You feel it, don't you ? - Rumi

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55 minutes ago, Shin said:

Where does he says he doesn't ?

he does talk like someone who still depends on the excitement of relationships. of course he does... he's young and it's a normal behavior, but not being aware of the pattern of looking for external sources of happiness (girlfriends, money, power etc) leads to endless emotional roller coasters.

the fact that he's suffering from lack of excitement is because he's needing something else.

of course these are all projections. the best i can do is speak from my own experience...

Edited by ajasatya

unborn Truth

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Hey @Shin and @ajasatya . First of all, thank you for your replies and care. I believe that after studying and applying the stuff I learn from Leo and some of the books I've read in the past couple of years (My self-growth journey started about 2-3 years ago), I've gotten to a point where I'm able to recognize the "pattern of looking for external things for happiness" as @ajasatya mentioned. And even though right now I might say that's not the case, I will still put some thought into it. I also believe that I do have a good amount of self-love even though it's definitely not 100% yet but I'm trying to achieve that (Isn't 100% self-love enlightenment anyway? Or can you have an ego which loves itself unconditionally? I guess it depends on your own definition of "100% self-love"). One thing I can say for sure is that I have a lack of experience in this and that's one of the causes of my "unsureness" of what to do. I want to ask this: I still care for her and her well-being. She really loves me as a person. I've never been in such a long relationship so I can't recognize if this really just is the end of the "honeymoon" phase or there just isn't any more affection on my side. What do you think? 

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5 hours ago, 5thPablo said:

I still care for her and her well-being. She really loves me as a person. I've never been in such a long relationship so I can't recognize if this really just is the end of the "honeymoon" phase or there just isn't any more affection on my side. What do you think?

okay, i don't know if you're too young for this but i've seen highly mature men at your age, even though they are very very rare.

the "auto honeymoon phase", let's put it that way, has certainly come to an end. you've experienced passion, which is like a burning fire. but from now on, if you want to experience an even deeper Love, you'll have to build it from there.

you can try dreaming together and see if your visions for the future match. if they do, both of you can start working for it. and the hardwork will make both of you stronger. it will free you from seeking happiness on each other and will alow you to seek happiness on what you build together.

if you want more info on that subject, feel free to send me a PM. or just tag me here. i wish you the best.


unborn Truth

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@5thPablo  If someone has an emotion, its only inside his head. If you have this kind of feeling, its obvious that you created it unconsciously. I know its hard to do in a relationship, but once you try extracting the love and happiness from the other person, you immidiately get needy. You should seek happiness inside, not outside.

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On 10/1/2018 at 9:31 AM, CuteCornDog said:

When I first read the title of this thread before reading your post, I thought I was going to say yes but I'm going to say no.

haha exactly me. 

 

DONT! Jesus, stop thinking so much and start living your life.  Analysis = Paralysis.

These young people these days... na srsly, dont sabotage your relationship, are you scared it will end bad? Did you parents get divorced? Why are you feeling you dont love her anymore, even she is awesome in your eyes? Do you think everything needs to be perfect? Think about it


Actualized.org for Health Information -->  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuRjEAERr0iSorCidZ66N8g 
 

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2 hours ago, ajasatya said:

but from now on, if you want to experience an even deeper Love, you'll have to build it from there.

you can try dreaming together and see if your visions for the future match. if they do, both of you can start working for it. and the hardwork will make both of you stronger. it will free you from seeking happiness on each other and will alow you to seek happiness on what you build together.

Not sure if that applies when they are both so young they dont know what they are going to be like in 2 years, BUT yes that´s exactly how to build a long lasting meaningful great relationship.

The question is, do you want to get serious? Don´t want to poke but I think a man needs to mature by getting to know women. Other you have to make a commitment that this is the only girl for you, period. Thats what getting serious is about. Not that it will happen, but how can you build if you know it has an experiation date.


Actualized.org for Health Information -->  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuRjEAERr0iSorCidZ66N8g 
 

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