Obsessed about finding out the truth...

[molosku]

...to a such and extent that I honestly cant enjoy regular life the same way anymore. This idea of the true self used to be liberating but It's now turning to a huge obsession and It's stressing me out so much. Seeking seeking seeking, thinking thinking thinking. Meditation does not do it for me anymore, I cant find lasting peace from that or anything else really. Can't relax, can't take a break... I have heard all the teachings, I know all the techniques, seek/don't seek, concentrate/just be. This will potentially drive me to some kind of depression if I don't find a way to reconcile. 

I'm just tired but seemingly not tired enough, as the strain has not broken me yet.

Anyone feel the same?

[Rilles]

Why dont you do some 5-MEO?

[molosku]

@Rilles I feel Im not ready for that yet. I respect the substance enough to trust my instinct. 

[Nahm]

@molosku I had the truth reveal on a high amount of shroom tea, after around 20 years of meditation, etc, Though I didn’t know psychedelics were used for spirituality for that 20 years. So, looking at your picture, uh, how’s your practices & experiences with the shrooms? “Hero’s dose?”.  It is a miraculous thing, how it’s painstaking to find the Truth, and then it’s everything everywhere all the time. 

[molosku]

Funny you brought that up @Nahm . I did wake up a few months ago for about 30 minutes with the aid of shroom tea, didn't even trip too hard at the time. But yeah, I fell back asleep. I have a deepened sense of how things are and how the illusion comes about. But the truth is not in my direct experinece NOW, so Im left with no choise but to seek or ignore. Both hurt. 

[Nahm]

@molosku That brings foundation to mind. Practices? Theory? (It comes and goes without those). As in, identification with thoughts can ‘cover the truth up’ after it’s revealed. It’s the clarity of thinking / knowledge - awareness / being, that is needed for ‘it’ to ‘stay’. That and dying. 

[molosku]

@Nahm

Yeah, pretty much that. Well, getting a little tired wont kill me i guess. It's just another trap, but a bit trickier than your regular misunderstanding related traps and such. Well, my tiredness IS a misunderstanding but yeah

[cetus]

@molosku What's wrong with just allowing the mind to collapse into stillness/emptiness. What truth can be greater than that? Personally I don't trust any so called truth that happens within consciousness/experience/knowing. IMO even when a truth is found it should be thrown out so that nothing at all remains.

[NoSelfSelf]

Seeking is a thought inside conciousness that you are watching

[Nahm]

Truth is not in experience, nor is it an experience, it reveals what all experience is. Experience is a word to reference, and do to the paradox of hearing it, unknowing you are it, it gets misunderstood as ‘another experience’. This is why the word absolute is used. What that word points to is contingent on this. The word Being is also contingent of this. It appears paradoxical, in that only when Truth is directly experienced, is it revealed that there is no such thing as experience at all, and no paradox.

[cetus]

11 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Truth is not in experience, nor is it an experience, it reveals what all experience is. Experience is a word to reference, and do to the paradox of hearing it, unknowing you are it, it gets misunderstood as ‘another experience’. This is why the word absolute is used. What that word points to is contingent on this. The word Being is also contingent of this. It appears paradoxical, in that only when Truth is directly experienced, is it revealed that there is no such thing as experience at all, and no paradox.

@Nahm I think you got to core of it there.

[Nahm]

@cetus56 Thank you sir. ❤️

[Angelo John Gage]

I think there is a confusion about what "truth" is.

There are 'truths' inside of this matrix such as "Today is Weds", "your name is X", "I'm posting on actualized. org" . If you think these truths are false because of enlightenment then you will drive yourself mad.

You can have true and false things in this world, but they aren't the 'ultimate' truth. It is true that Superman dies in the comic books, but superman doesn't actually exist in real life, he is made up. It would be false if I said, "No superman doesn't die in the comics because death isn't real" and applying that so-called truth about death into a made up comic book story.

So sure, one can argue that The ultimate truth is that all these things are made up, just like Superman. and none of them are technically true or false from the standard of absolute existence, but that doesn't make them false in the correct context, otherwise we can go claim everything we want is false or true and push lies and distortions that are not factual in our reality that we made up. Because we didn't make up the reality actually, we simply labeled it and gave things and events in it names.

Example: Runner A is faster than Runner B, because Runner A won the race. If you were to say, "well this is all a dream and a hologram so neither won or lost," now you're going too far in my opinion, which will cause more problems by denying the motions of this reality. Understand that the things we use to label things this or that are made up, but what they represent are not made up. 

 

Edited April 4, 2018 by Angelo John Gage

[molosku]

Yes, I understand that @Angelo John Gage as I have once awakened before, as I said. Words are clumsy. 

[Angelo John Gage]

Notice that words are telling you that you are not awake fully and need to find more. Isn't this more clumsy nonsense the ego is telling you?

 

[Forestluv]

My character’s story involves over 25 yrs of seeking. Like living with tribes in South America kind of seeking.

There was gradual awareness of the seeker and that the seeker is within “it”. None of the experiences, teachings, understandings were it, it’s all within it.

It’s not something that one gains. It is total loss. It is extremely unpalatable to the self. My tendency was to contract into thoughts. As my character’s grip loosened it allowed space.

Paradoxically, the thing we seek is the one thing we cannot escape from. 

 

[molosku]

@Angelo John Gage absolutely but still, why dont i get it, eventhough i know that. Makes you wonder... 

[Forestluv]

7 minutes ago, molosku said:

why dont I get it

There is no-thing to get. The character won’t accept that.

[dorg]

 

10 hours ago, molosku said:

...to a such and extent that I honestly cant enjoy regular life the same way anymore. This idea of the true self used to be liberating but It's now turning to a huge obsession and It's stressing me out so much. Seeking seeking seeking, thinking thinking thinking. Meditation does not do it for me anymore, I cant find lasting peace from that or anything else really. Can't relax, can't take a break... I have heard all the teachings, I know all the techniques, seek/don't seek, concentrate/just be. This will potentially drive me to some kind of depression if I don't find a way to reconcile. 

I'm just tired but seemingly not tired enough, as the strain has not broken me yet.

Anyone feel the same?

 

10 hours ago, molosku said:

I have a deepened sense of how things are and how the illusion comes about. But the truth is not in my direct experinece NOW, so Im left with no choise but to seek or ignore. Both hurt. 

Seeking or ignoring are the wrong choices, they are going back into thought, into the dream. The only 'choice' now is to 'locate' the openness and be it - do a sort of turnabout, or movement from being the seeker or ego to being openness. It is a movement from seeking, ignoring, letting go, to a kind of 'holding on' to openness. Locate and hold on. IME this gets easier with practice.

Once you have seen the openness seeking or ignoring is only done by ego and you know you are not that. As you say, that hurts.

You are no longer the ego! You can see the ego trying to pull you back in! The ego becomes your friend, it shows you what you still need to let go of to stop being pulled back in.

With best wishes,