My whole life backslided real hard. Any advice appreciated.

[Dan Arnautu]

Up until a year ago, I considered myself a force to be reckoned with.

• Meditated everyday
• Worked out 3x per week 
• Tracked everything I ate every. single. day to the gram (and saw insane progress)
• Weighed myself and measured my waist every morning
• Woke up at 6 a.m. everyday and was asleep by 11 p.m.
• Was on point with my guitar practice and school work
• Never wasted even an hour on distractions and low level entertainment
• Did not allow anyone to interfere with the activities that I deemed important (like all of the above) 
• Was gong to the library and packing healthy food for school
• Was going for walks a few times per week to burn more calories and listen to self-help audiobooks
• Always had 100% commitment
• Carried a to do list (Cal Newport style) and managed all of my tasks and schedule in Google Calendar. Stuck to it perfectly and never had to wonder what I needed to do in the moment.
• I went to every. single. f**king. class and was always in first row taking very detailed notes and being on top of things

Since about two months ago, ALL of the above habits got demolished. Like absolutely shattered. I am a complete mess right now. 

A lot of deadlines due. Sleep schedule is all over the place, no workouts and only eating shitty food because I can't find the time to cook properly anymore. Haven't practiced guitar seriously in months. I am like 3-4 months behind on schoolwork. I waste a lot of time everyday and forget 100's of things and don't jot them down in a notepad. Started wasting my time again on petty activities with no end result. I hang around people with a poor mentality again. I don't have any kind of schedule. I skip a lot of classes. I avoid any homework and do the bare minimum to finish this degree (in June) I hate. And so on...

Keep in mind that I was able to do all of the dotted things consistently for 2 years almost. So it was a long enough timeframe for change to stick. I don't know what the hell happened. Actually, I do have some reasons in mind, but it would make the post way too long.

MY QUEESTION IS:

If I was able to have such a good lifestyle for longer than a year, would it be ok to try to ALL of those again AT ONCE? Not like take one habit per month and rebuild all the habits one by one. That will take way too long. I need myself in that kind of state again ASAP to be able to face the challenges that are ahead of me in the following months. Do you guys think I can or should do it? Or is that too fast?

Any kind of advice or help is much appreciated. Thanks in advance! 

Would also love to hear is anybody else encountered this sort of major backslide.

 

 

 

[nightrider1435]

Dark side of mediation maybe?

[Dan Arnautu]

35 minutes ago, Mighty Mouse said:

I'm curious what those ideas are. I can't help but wonder what you had to suppress for those two years just to keep it up.

Well, it was a chain reaction from what I noticed.  

1. I am getting fed up with my degree and can't wait to finish which makes me not want to do schoolwork.

2. My money situation started to get shaky. Won't be able to go to the gym in the following months. I'm restricted to home routines and yoga right now and it's harder to track progress when you can't add weight to a bar every workout. Bought a pull-up bar though.

3. The above also affects my nutrition. Can't buy the same amount of food and it's much harder to hit my protein intake.

4. Because of the money situation I also can't attend guitar lessons with my teacher for a while. My last lesson was in october. And that removed the accountability to practice. Also, the saturday guitar lesson was the only thing that made me happy and able enough to cope with the work I was putting towards my philosophy degree.

5. The exams period right now effed up my sleep schedule, which in turn effed up my morning routine (meditating, yoga + scheduling my day, weeks and all the other things I need to do)

6. From not scheduling my day I waste a lot of time and I meet up with friends when I should probably do some things that I haven't jotted down (of course), because those things I usually jot down in my morning routine.

It all kinda starts to make sense when I write it down.

But still, I wonder if I can get all the habits back up simultaneously.

Edited February 2, 2018 by Dan Arnautu

[Leo Gura]

@Dan Arnautu The counter-intuitive move might be to slow down rather than speed up.

Try to get your routine down to the bare essentials.

As you grow, your routine cannot stay the same. It has to adapt. Some parts of it you will outgrow.

Also, be careful with confusing a healthy routine for consciousness. It's easy to get those two confused. Letting go of routines and operating more on consciousness alone can be a great growth opportunity.

Also, try loving yourself more especially when you backslide. Shoulding all over yourself in such a case tends to only make things worse.

Also notice how state-dependant you've become. You've hitched your happiness and self-esteem to executing your routine. And now you see the downside of that. It's still conditional happiness. Ground your happiness in BEING rather than doing.

The good news is, if you've done it for 2 years, you can do it again, and it will be way easier the second time around.

[Staples]

You might have also forgotten why you were doing these things.

List out all the negative consequences of not getting back on track, then list out all the positive consequences of getting back on track. Try to get 15-20 reasons for positive and negative each. 

Print them out on pieces of paper or paste-it notes and put them everywhere, on every screen in the house, on your nightstand, in your car, on your bathroom mirror, on your door, keep one in your pocket. You won't forget the 30 reasons why you need to get back on track. 

This is what I did after watching the awareness is curative video.

[Dan Arnautu]

@Leo Gura Thank you. I'm gonna do the exercise for self-acceptance that you have a video on again. I know that I should not wrap my self-esteem in my routine, be it successful or not. I was more like disappointed that I had all of that positive momentum going one and it kinda crumbled in 1-2 months.

I am gonna pick a maximum of two things to work on right now I will focus on the keystone habits, like exercise. I noticed that I am more likely to eat healthy, track what I eat and go to sleep earlier if I exercise 3x a week. And if I go to sleep earlier, I can meditate without distractions in the morning, when it's also most enjoyable to do it in my case.

 

[Leo Gura]

@Dan Arnautu Watch some of Matt Kahn's love videos.

[Nahm]

11 hours ago, Dan Arnautu said:

Well, it was a chain reaction from what I noticed.  

1. I am getting fed up with my degree and can't wait to finish which makes me not want to do schoolwork.

2. My money situation started to get shaky. Won't be able to go to the gym in the following months. I'm restricted to home routines and yoga right now and it's harder to track progress when you can't add weight to a bar every workout. Bought a pull-up bar though.

3. The above also affects my nutrition. Can't buy the same amount of food and it's much harder to hit my protein intake.

4. Because of the money situation I also can't attend guitar lessons with my teacher for a while. My last lesson was in october. And that removed the accountability to practice. Also, the saturday guitar lesson was the only thing that made me happy and able enough to cope with the work I was putting towards my philosophy degree.

5. The exams period right now effed up my sleep schedule, which in turn effed up my morning routine (meditating, yoga + scheduling my day, weeks and all the other things I need to do)

6. From not scheduling my day I waste a lot of time and I meet up with friends when I should probably do some things that I haven't jotted down (of course), because those things I usually jot down in my morning routine.

It all kinda starts to make sense when I write it down.

But still, I wonder if I can get all the habits back up simultaneously.

This ‘fall out’ so to speak, I’ve been through it too. I’ve went a few months not even playing my guitar too, I feel you on that, cause it’s like a life line in a way, but this is deep purification in my opinion. It the rough part, but it’s a necessary part of the bigger process. Life is giving gifts, hard to see it that way now. Yoga & home routines, vs any pressure to be adding muscle, is a good experience in the long run imo. Life’s giving you this. Looking for happiness from the lessons, or anything else, it’s a rollercoaster. You can be in a state of love, happiness and appreciation just sitting, doing nothing, life is showing you this now. It’s rough, but what a gift the universe is giving you at such a young age, you’ll see this soon. Same with attachment feeling good from scheduling your day and needing to adhere to it. There’s a deep nuance you’re being given in this. Of course it’s great to plan and execute, but the deepest bliss is in the now, with no need for attachment to anything. Just that you are, is enough. You, being, is enough. Again, it’s rough, but life is giving you these gifts. 

All part of bigger processes, and man you are doing well for yourself dude. Watch for beating up on your self, inner thoughts wise. Progress, of course, but let go to man. You’re only young once, and nobody said you’re supposed to nail every aspect every day. Ya need some silly, some no seriousness, some spontaneity, some care free - in life. When you are, and you return to the things you love in your life, oh my God dude, it’ll be more delicious than ever. The foundation will be more solidified. You’re creating you. You are an unstoppable force. You’re gonna enjoy so many fruits from your labors, and you’re gonna help so many people. You’re hittin the practical notes, the passion notes, the determination, the skill sets, my God man, what a beautiful life you’re creating! Trade your habits for the now. All the practices will naturally return, and your love and appreciation will only deepen. 

And give love, especially in little situations, like the old guy you wouldn’t otherwise relate to, or really notice, behind the gas station counter. Be mindful with people, be encouraging. One moment, at any given time, any given day, living from the heart, can just show you how deeply wonderful this life is. Just straight outta the blue, it can open you right up to the miracle life is, and the wonder you are. I mean, look at @Leo Gura for example. He just recommended Matt Kahn. There’s hope for us all! ❤️

[Dan Arnautu]

@Leo Gura Sure will. I watched some of his videos already.

[Leo Gura]

13 minutes ago, Nahm said:

I mean, look at @Leo Gura for example. He just recommended Matt Kahn. There’s hope for us all! ❤️

What kind of backhanded compliment is this!

You speak as if I've always been a heartless vampire.

Lol

[Nahm]

@Leo Gura LOL. If the teeth fit...

[Dan Arnautu]

@Nahm Thanks a lot for the detailed answer. Will take what you said into consideration.

[Nahm]

@Dan Arnautu Do you write songs? Just wondering. I write songs, just for me. Just for the process, the experience. It’s a ‘me’ place to go to, that’s really connective. Three chords and the truth are powerful. 

[Dan Arnautu]

@Nahm Yeah, I do write sometimes. I like to write acoustic, mellow songs, that make me feel calm. But as a guitarist, my specialty lies in metal, prog, rock-fusion and shred. I listen to a lot of extreme music too.

On a side note, it's a very freeing experience when you don't identify with any label (like metalhead, rapper etc.). 

I listen to anything from death metal, progressive metal, hip hop, folk, ambient piano and to a lot of the mainstream pop songs. I find it a shame when people put a boundary between what they like and what they don't like just because the two seem contradictory? Like "You can't listen to pop. You're a metalhead." No, I'm not. That's your projection. 

Actually, it's real fun when I play death metal live at gigs and then I have some Ed Sheeran or Demi Lovato in my headphones. I always have a giggle at their reaction, haha. It fucks with their mind a little bit.

[Shin]

Don't think about the good habits you aren't doing anymore.

Think about the neurotics one you aren't doing now.

Most importantly, see how much more peaceful you are inside, and how much more you appreciate simple things in life.

Edited February 2, 2018 by Shin

[Arman]

I find this type of backlash is created when a lifestyle has been imposed to actually avoid something within yourself. Basing self-esteem, well-being and self worth on activities and how things look externally is bound to fail eventually if there isn't true inner self-love and self-acceptance. If you are using discipline and willpower to escape something, you will avoid the growth, and a 'good looking' lifestyle won't be a natural reflection of a quality Beingness, but as a compensation for feelings of lack.

Loving yourself when you're behaving the way you're supposed to behave is one thing, but can you love yourself even though you are failing to meet these imposed expectations? If not, is that really love at all? What are you feeling right now, and why? What do these feelings mean about who you are and what you think you're supposed to be? 

A good question for this area is "What would it mean if I stayed the way I am now?" - you will uncover a statement, and dig even deeper into that statement, what does that mean, what are the implications? It's possible that at it's root there is a suppressed emotional core that is pulling you back into resonance with it. 

 

[Preetom]

@Dan Arnautu

THIS!!!!

Hope these 2 quotes will guide you in the right direction. Being an unconscious hardcore workaholic myself, I can testify that we usually outgrow our routines. From my experience I can tell you that its a critical point of your life. If you try to get back to that same, previous, workaholic routine, you'll backslide even more.

The better alternative would be sticking with keystones habits like exercise, diet, meditation, sleep, basic study and guitar practice. Then enjoying the free time of the day contemplating and resting in silence, self reflecting and getting used to the not knowing..all the while being gentle and loving yourself. Eventually new inspirations and visions will fill up those 'empty' moments

Edited February 2, 2018 by Preetom

[Shin]

The Way Of The Superior Man 

True alpha book 

Rereading right now thank you

Edited February 2, 2018 by Shin

[Forestluv]

@Dan Arnautu I've tried to force myself into happiness with structure and routine of healthy activities. It didn't work. I spent years trying to learn Spanish in structured classrooms. I was like a job. I worked for grades. After three years of coursework I traveled to Honduras and could barely speak a word of Spanish. I couldn't communicate with locals. I was so discouraged I almost gave up. I'm just not a language learner. Then I started to get intrigued with Honduran culture. I lived with a local family and became fascinated with how they interact, with their customs, their food. I wanted to participate and learn about their perspectives.  The sounds of their speech became like music - the rhythm, the flow, the notes. I wasn't satisfied with learning concrete words and phrases like "where is the train station"? I wanted to talk to them about what gives them meaning in life, about their fears dreams. About how they interact with their neighbors and neighboring countries. I was amazed how quickly I learned to communicate basic concepts. I went to stores, cafes and parks - asking people to tell me about their lives. It was a totally unstructured environment and I learned more in three weeks living there than three years of classes. Over the next two years I traveled to Guatemala, Peru and Colombia. And now I speak Spanish.

Yet, I've found when I leave the environment I need some structure. In the U.S. it's so easy to get caught up in other stuff and not practice my Spanish.  The key for me is to find a type of flexible structure based mostly on intrinsic motivations and rewards. Perhaps I practice 4-7 hours per week and it could include reading, writing, skype conversations, videos etc. Whatever my desire leads to. I've found that if it feels like work I won't do it. If it's something "I have to do" - it just won't last. It's the same with my fitness. My goal is to maintain a level of physical fitness - that could include yoga, weight lifting, running etc. I can force myself into a habit, yet without a threshold of fun, enjoyment and passion it becomes more of an obligation and won't last.

[Dan Arnautu]

@Preetom Well, I do agree with what you are saying. The thing is, I haven't sticked to that routine in a workaholic kind of way. I experienced much more joy, emotional stability and satisfaction by doing things like that because those were the things I genuinely wanted to do.

I loved waking up at 6 a.m., before everyone because I was free to sit and reflect in peace. I love going to the gym and exercising because I am mastering my own body and I see visible progress. I love scheduling and organizing stuff (it's a dominant part of my personality). I did not do them because I had to in order to become successful or something like that, but rather because it's something that fits me personally.

P.S.: I read Devid Deida's book and I absolutely loved it. Still working on implementing the mindset though.

Edited February 2, 2018 by Dan Arnautu