Egoless apologies

[snowleopard]

@Mighty Mouse  Ok non-apology accepted ... Now return to your shadowy burrow beneath the pristine snow, mini-mouse !

[Joseph Maynor]

I used to have a policy against apologizing because I rationalized that what I did was what I though was right to do in the moment, so apologizing was a silly thing.  Oh how wrong I was!  Most of us should be apologizing constantly.  It's that lack of humbleness that is so indicative of the Ego.  Put yourself in other people’s shoes to actually have compassion for those people.

Edited January 4, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[h inandout]

@BjarkeT In this scenario, I know my friend needs validation more than anything.  He has some visceral fears coming up - needs a precancer screening he can't afford), and I have a lot of experience with people blowing their health issues out of proportion, so I told him not to worry about it, and shared some advice about healthy options to consider, like reading the book "Cancer is not a disease."   Naturally he clicked right into the old "You're more priveleged than me, so you can't possibly have anything valuable to say to me"  attitude.  Which I understand, because I've also had this attitude towards other people.  I would have let my guard down waaaay faster, if someone had just acknowledged and validated what I'm going through, and I would have solved my own problems and done my own research, without any fucking useless advice.  I have no problem offering validation, especially since that's step one to letting it go.  I think apologizing would just cut off the conversation or increase the anger.  Maybe what I want him to do is to get angry at me and actually use me as a sounding board for all the shit he thinks he's going through alone, which would probably be enough to say I helped.  How does apologizing serve me?  Well, at least I am helping myself stay accountable to the realization that I can't just go around willy nilly giving people advise when they are in serious distress and aren't asking for specific advice.  Unless I can really back myself up, and support them thoroughly.  But I have to really work to get to that place before I can consider myself a bonafied healer.  This knowing that I was being a pain in the ass came up as a pretty strong sensation of sourness, which is when I knew I had to sit down with Eckhart Tolle for a minute.  I guess, I don't need to help my friend anymore (and really can't), but maybe I can use this as a point of reflection of where I'm at on my path.  

[Key Elements]

The best way to dissolve the 'fictional ego' that I can think of is to create a selfless life purpose with your strengths and continue walking on it till the end. You'll discover how to help yourself and others along the way. The apologies will speak through actions, not words.

[h inandout]

Oh also, I have childhood trauma around this.  My mom would always use my apologies as a way to nail home her frustration with me

Okay, selfless life purpose = I wanna help people with their health issues = I have to shut up and study health even more than I have been already, and consider other people's bodies not just my own.  

I don't think it really matters whether or not I've apologized.  It's more that I'm acknowledging my own areas of ignorance, and, potential expansion!

[Nexeternity]

Im sorry too.  

I am an arrogant, selfish asshole sometimes.

Thank you life for humbling me and showing me my selfish ways heh.

[Nahm]

@h inandout My wife and I did this sort of exercise thing for a while where we weren’t ‘allowed’ to apologize for anything we said to each other. It was very interesting. We realized apologies were all to freeing, and being ‘stuck’ with what you said was interesting.

@Nexeternity I think you’re awesome and I love your contributions and I am a selfish ass as well. 

[pluto]

Self forgiveness is all you need

[Joseph Maynor]

11 hours ago, Mighty Mouse said:

Yeah I know.

You can't help it.

I gotta call you on your baloney!  I'd do you a disservice otherwise.

Edited January 5, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[SOUL]

I'm issuing a blank check apology in advance for any pain I may cause anyone, it was unintentional but unfortunately inevitable...we're all humans.