Leo´s MOM and her story

[UDT]

This post is about Leos video "How To Create Your Dream Career - The Ultimate Life Purpose Course" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtUxnmneK50),
More presicely minute 1:00 until ~ minute 10:00. Subsequently Im paraphasing it roughly If you dont have time to watch the video but I recommend watching it.

In it, Leo is describing the life of a women. Being naturally talented in arts and crafts, life happened, she got a regular job and moved to the U.S. Her life started to slide away, taking a backseat to her husband and in the next decades she became more and more a victim, stopping working on her career becoming a normal mom, not developing herself and pursuing her passion. Over time the marriage toxified, her self esteem eroded more and more. Finally, the marriage broke apart. Now she had to find a job again. She found the only job she could given her situation. She works her ass off at this job, but you do not get much freedom or respect in those jobs. This life cages you. Now she lives in regret. Working in this job she gets more and more bitter...frustrated. Bitter that she is not getting paid for what she is worth. Frustrated that is doing pointless labour week in week out. All this just infects all aspects of her life. No break out possible because she doesnt has the psychological tools to understand how her own mind is trapping her and locking her up in a cage. She is giving up on her dreams, not using her abilities she has, not being able to follow her passion. She really doesnt have much of a life.

Leo is describing the life of his mom.

Witnessing this situation as the son is so toxic. You want to help in every way possible but feel so helpless. You try to empower her with ideas about change and personal development but she doesnt really take this serious. You try to bandage every possible think but have to surrender to the fact that you are only an external factor and that true self development has to come from within.

I can´t even describe how this unbelievable painful, dark, soul draining, sadness inside your deepest core feels like.
I know because he is describing my mom too. In the comment section of the video you can read of people writing that they are in similar situations.

My question to those who are in this kind of setup is, how are you dealing with it? How are you trying to solve it, fix it, be happy with it, change it, let go?

My question to @Leo Gura is the same. Addtitonally I´m wondering if you feel like this was one of the main drivers that motivated you starting with self development. Because you thought you can help her with money and make her happy with this (if its enough maybe she doesnt have to work anymore and can be happy?) or because you had this nagging fear that you could do the same "mistakes" she did and you saw how devastating the results were.

I have been contemplating years on this issue. Since I couldnt really change the situation the other remaining options I established were either A) Become so monetary successfull that you can buy her a materialistic rich life and hope that trough that she can become happy before she dies and B) Accept and live with it, or accept and distance yourself.

I feel like A) is very ambigious and if it will happen it might take to long (my mom is in her mid 50s). B) on the other hand for me is not really possible. I am currently living in the U.S while she is in Europe and I try to be the best version of myself in every interaction with her but still feel really sad afterwards. Its not that she is constantly complaining and crying but I can see it, I know how she spends her days. I heard people saying things like "Its not your fault" "Its not your responsibility" etc. This is not an answer I can accept.

Thank you for reading this, Im seriously stuck her and thankful about help.

 

UDT

(sorry for the monkeymind title)

 

 

 

 

Edited November 29, 2017 by UDT

[Joseph Maynor]

The cracks in your heart from childhood and adolescence manifest in all kinds of ways in your life. You can heal from all this by doing personal development though.  I wish I knew at 20 what I now know at 40.  This might be the driver for why I am driven to help people with their personal development.  Dealing with family is tricky.  I’ve found that acceptance goes a long way.  Keep the communication alive though.  Estrangement is a terrible pain, especially with your mom.  Try to avoid things coming to that.  Stop trying to control people.  Just be an inspiration to them by doing you well.  There are lots of hidden reasons why things happen the way they do.  And everybody has a set of reasons justifying their actions and beliefs.  

Edited November 29, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[UDT]

37 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

The cracks in your heart from childhood and adolescence manifest in all kinds of ways in your life. You can heal from all this by doing personal development though.  I wish I knew at 20 what I now know at 40.  This might be the driver for why I am driven to help people with their personal development.  Dealing with family is tricky.  I’ve found that acceptance goes a long way.  Keep the communication alive though.  Estrangement is a terrible pain, especially with your mom.  Try to avoid things coming to that.  Stop trying to control people.  Just be an inspiration to them by doing you well.  There are lots of hidden reasons why things happen the way they do.  And everybody has a set of reasons justifying their actions and beliefs.  

Thank you for your input Joseph. Its very true what you say that everbody has a set of reasons justifying their actions and beliefs. She has aswell, trapping herself in a victim mentality. I feel like I could accept it if she would be authentic in her current situation. If shed be ok with her state now not wanting anything else. If she would find her true love and live in a freakin trailerpark searching for alien life on the moon I would be fine with it. How can I be happy knowing that she is suffering? It feels very wrong even trying this. I feel like no matter how high I can climb the mountain of personal development, I will never be fullfilled knowing she is left behind. I understand that there is no controlling people. I know that and I let go trying to force my view of improvement upon anyone. Life just wasnt fair for her and I am basically her last hope. I can not let go of this obligation.

[wavydude]

2 hours ago, UDT said:

I heard people saying things like "Its not your fault" "Its not your responsibility" etc. This is not an answer I can accept.

That's were the problem is, you have to accept that becoue that's the truth.

My family is also highly unconscious but there's not much I can do about it. Best thing I can do is develop myself and be good example, trying to make someone happy at all cost is never good option and actaully it's very selfish. Of course it get's super hard sometimes and I feel bad seeing their's mindset etc. but that something you just gotta accept and roll with it.

[YaNanNallari]

Ask who is hurting? Can you find who is hurting? Who is feeling helpless? In a self inquiry like way.

Also seeing the default position taken in there helps.

[Joseph Maynor]

I know this is a tough bullet to bite, but probably the only thing you can do is tell her how you feel.   Try to do it in as non-confrontational way as possible.  

Edited November 29, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Sevi]

@UDT yes, this is a hard case; but it is not hopeless either, first of all we should start from that point.

4 hours ago, UDT said:

How can I be happy knowing that she is suffering? It feels very wrong even trying this. I feel like no matter how high I can climb the mountain of personal development, I will never be fullfilled knowing she is left behind.

I completely understand that.

This post requires a gradual collaborative dialogues rather than one simple answer.

First of all, we need to stop labeling her situation as she is behaving like a  victim. It's not helping you or her. Sometimes life is much more complicated than that.

The important next thing is the gender difference. You are a young man doing pd, she is a woman in pain; a deep pain. 

The first -maybe the major- thing a woman needs in that circumstances is to have acknowledgement from her supporters. To see those who care for her are acknowledging that what happened to her was and still is, unfair. Till she sees that she'll keep insisting on and defending her position.

Generally what happens is, when humans witness something clearly heart breaking happening around them it gets even more heavier to witness it so it evokes their defense mechanism to protect themselves from the unbearable pain they feel. So they turn a blind eye or ignore partials of the case. But 'this' is generally the cause which keeps the situation and the pain alive and on going. The defensive mode of the witness is quite normal, that's what happens. But generally it's good to start the healing (in male's language: to solve the knots) from that point.

If you like we can go step by step together with you. But for now this is enough to write about it.

And if you can give me info/ your observations about:

6 hours ago, UDT said:

but I can see it, I know how she spends her days.

Also if you can take your time to write:

5 hours ago, UDT said:

and I am basically her last hope.

Without any self-sensoring, or judging your wishes as a child. That would open some doors for us to shine some light into the case.

Lastly, if you want, send me her full Birthday date, place of birth and the hour she born, I can have a look at her chart, maybe able to give you some practical pointers that you can use to improve the situation.

Best of luck dear?

[UDT]

Dear @Sevi, thank you very much for your post. I was contemplating much about your thoughts so apologise my delayed reply.

On 30/11/2017 at 6:33 AM, Sevi said:

The first -maybe the major- thing a woman needs in that circumstances is to have acknowledgement from her supporters. To see those who care for her are acknowledging that what happened to her was and still is, unfair. Till she sees that she'll keep insisting on and defending her position.

I see that now, it is what happened. Im trying to play down the situation, give her potential solutions and show her new ways instead of agreeing on how bad the situation is. I fear, if I say "Yes you are right, yes it is completely devastating" she´d break down and it would get worse. Furthermore I could forgive my father and now have some sort of relationship with him which she is supporting on the surface but I know that she deep down hates it. If I know start to support her on how bad it is, I feel even worse having this "forgiving and lets restart this whole thing for the sake of being" mentality.

 

On 30/11/2017 at 6:33 AM, Sevi said:

The defensive mode of the witness is quite normal, that's what happens

I definately see me in that role. Part of the reason why I turn a blind eye is that 1) Its all past 2) I cant really determine the objective truth because everyone tells complete different stories 3) The things I personally witnessed, I had to forgive to move on, what else could I have done, live in hatred and contempt for ever? When it comes to the current situation, I see her pain and victim mentality, her directionless state of being but again I feel that she is not strong enough to have me coming and confront her with this "truth". I feel her bubble protects her shaky mental health.

 

On 30/11/2017 at 6:33 AM, Sevi said:

  On 30/11/2017 at 0:03 AM, UDT said:

but I can see it, I know how she spends her days.

Purposeless, full of distraction (TV etc.), not happy with her social circle, her working situation, turning more sick with the time, no goal, no vision, she has that "my life is ruined, I will die soon, Im to old to change" frame of mind. Spends most of her time A) at home or B) at work.

 

On 30/11/2017 at 6:33 AM, Sevi said:

  On 30/11/2017 at 1:16 AM, UDT said:

and I am basically her last hope.

Shes clinging onto me, making her happiness dependend upon my "success" in life. Her primary goal is not to fix herself (she sees it as unfixable). While this is very noble and loving, she turns overly protective and has a false vision of reality, constantly concerned about my health etc. When it comes to money, last hope means that I have to take care of her retirement, If I fail to do so she will become poor. This all puts a lot of pressure on me. Without her I wouldnt care much about chasing money, would rather focus on my passion and live less business focused.

 

Thank you very much for your time.

 

unitydualitytrinity

Edited December 5, 2017 by UDT

[Joseph Maynor]

Give her the Life Purpose Course for Christmas!  It’s never too late to do Life Purpose work.  

Edited December 7, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Leo Gura]

It is impossible to change someone who doesn't want to change.

Consciousness cannot be forced upon people, they must desire it themselves. Some people are too far gone into unconsciousness

99.99% of people will never wake up.

They will get another chance in the next incarnation.

But if you really wanted to wake someone up, a gradual ramp up of psychedelics would be the best tool for the job.

[Steven]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It is impossible to change someone who doesn't want to change.

Consciousness cannot be forced upon people, they must desire it themselves. Some people are too far gone into unconsciousness

99.99% of people will never wake up.

They will get another chance in the next incarnation.

But if you really wanted to wake someone up, a gradual ramp up of psychedelics would be the best tool for the job.

In one of your videos you mentioned that you wanted to help your mum buy a house. Just wondering if you are on the track?

Edited December 8, 2017 by Steven

[elias]

18 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Give her the Life Purpose Course for Christmas!  It’s never too late to do Life Purpose work.  

but you have to actually work it and like to get results from it. It has to be in your interest and it has to be an authentic desire to explore and learn

without it, or just get access to the lp cource might not help too much

[Joseph Maynor]

1 minute ago, elias said:

but you have to actually work it and like to get results from it. It has to be in your interest and it has to be an authentic desire to explore and learn

without it, or just get access to the lp cource might not help too much

Don’t turn that into a limiting-belief or an excuse though.  The Mind is tricky with that.  

[doucey24]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

99.99% of people will never wake up.

@Leo Gura In contemporary times or for millennia to come? Do you think enlightenment will spread exponentially?

Because if that's roughly a fixed percentage it seems like humanity is most definitely doomed - not that that forecast is either a 'good' or 'bad' outcome, I say this matter-of-factly. 

[Joseph Maynor]

28 minutes ago, doucey24 said:

@Leo Gura In contemporary times or for millennia to come? Do you think enlightenment will spread exponentially?

Because if that's roughly a fixed percentage it seems like humanity is most definitely doomed - not that that forecast is either a 'good' or 'bad' outcome, I say this matter-of-factly. 

It’s a limiting-belief too.  The Mind is a tricky bastard. 

Edited December 8, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[spicy_pickles]

Whereas I feel other areas in my life need a massive overhaul, I’ve always been one to chase my dreams and desires career and education-wise. Did some fail miserably?  Sure. Was I massively successful in others?  Absolutely. 

I violently opposed anyone who reminded me that because I chose to spend a massive amount of money and time on a specific education, I would be required to choose a specific career path. Bullshit. I remember vividly one night thinking to myself - “wouldn’t it be cool if I could be this type of professional, but do this type of work and be involved with this type of organization?”  At the time, it was unheard of. 

Well, I’m doing EXACTLY that right now, because I basically told anyone who got in my way to F off. I wasn’t about to be stuck doing what a bunch of people imagined I should be doing. For the record, I actually was employed in the path that was the “best fit” for my education and background.  I was fired from that job  which lead me to my current career, which I love. 

Oddly enough, this career I’m currently in forced me to live off a salary that was substantially less than what I’d be making doing what the world tells me I’m supposed to do.  Can I afford that house everyone else my age with my education can afford?  No.  Can I take the same vacations as them?  No.  Can I spend money on restaurants and clothes and fancy things?  No.  But at the end of the day, I’ll give up that extra $50,000 a year to be insanely happy with what I’m doing know, knowing I refused to let anyone tell me I couldn’t do exactly what I wanted to do with my life career-wise.  

 

[Sevi]

@UDT

On 12/5/2017 at 10:39 AM, UDT said:

I was contemplating much about your thoughts 

Yes, I assumed so. I'm happy that you took your time to answer it.

Likewise, I'll write you soon, I've just read it, I also need some time to gather my thoughts.

??

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Michael569 said:

@Leo Gura They will get another chance in the next incarnation.

I know I am deviating from the topic but care to explain how exactly do you mean that?

When you realize there is only one being -- nothingness -- you'll realize that it infinitely reincarnates as everything.

There's really no difference between you and your Mom and a random mom 5000 years from now and chimp mom from 1 million years ago. It's all exactly the same consciousness.

The Buddha is now looking through your eyes, looking through your Mom's eyes, looking through your dog's eyes. You are the Buddha. You just don't realize it yet.

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, doucey24 said:

@Leo Gura In contemporary times or for millennia to come? Do you think enlightenment will spread exponentially?

Because if that's roughly a fixed percentage it seems like humanity is most definitely doomed - not that that forecast is either a 'good' or 'bad' outcome, I say this matter-of-factly. 

I'm pretty sure in the next 100-200 years 5-MeO-DMT will be force-fed to all human beings like vaccine shots are today. That will shift things dramatically.

If mankind survives long enough, one day, 99% of people will be enlightened.

[Nadie]

24 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

When you realize there is only one being -- nothingness -- you'll realize that it infinitely reincarnates as everything.

There's really no difference between you and your Mom and a random mom 5000 years from now and chimp mom from 1 million years ago. It's all exactly the same consciousness.

The Buddha is now looking through your eyes, looking through your Mom's eyes, looking through your dog's eyes. You are the Buddha. You just don't realize it yet.

This reminds me of that film 'Lucy' with Scarlett Johansson. Chimp mom. So cute. So poignant.