1 Year Of Meditation

[Afonso]

1 year ago from this very day I started meditation. It changed my life.

The first month, what I did wasn't even meditation. It was just sitting and doing nothing on the couch for 10 minutes. That alone was very uncomfortable and challenging. I wanted to pick up my phone and do something. What is being aware of awareness? All I knew back then was thinking and thinking. Thinking that I was meditation was thinking, and thinking that I was not thinking was thinking. How do I stop thinking? I just kept going, being still and not quitting. Aaaah my body is shaking this is so uncomfortable, it hurts!

I started reading Self-Help books. Bought Leo's book list, started a journal, faced many emotional challenges, many ups and downs. Cried a lot, got angered a lot, frustrated a lot, a lot of neurotic dysfunctional behaviour.

Then about 5/6 months later, life started to become more like a dream. I became aware of the Presence, which has been expanding ever more. I cried more, from appreciation, sometimes sadness. All memories from childhood started popping up (and they're still appearing today). Then I learned about Letting Go and The Sedona Method and met Mooji. All these things snowballed into growth and more growth and now I'm extremely grateful for @Leo Gura, for the motivation that was sparked in me to follow the Path and to Life, really.

It was a long adventure. It changed my life. I don't remember things linearly like in a story, but if I have to summarise:

• Keep going. You can do it. It will change your life. Meditate every single day.
• It will be torture for the first few months.
• Everything will come up, eventually.
• All memories will come up.
• Don't try to stop thinking. If you just be still, everything is ok.
• One does not simply try to meditate. I hear this over and over again - Oh, I have to try meditation Afonso! You have to be serious about it! Progress is gradual. Don't expect to be all peaceful the first time you meditate. Really, you won't be peaceful after years of meditation.
• All experience passes. Focus on being, not achieving experience or trying to find something.
• You'll have no fucking clue what is going on for the first months.

So many things changed in me that I don't even know. Because things just move out of your system, you won't really notice problems you no longer have. You'll just have so much love, wonder and appreciation for Life that you'll be surprised you were into such negative states back in the old days.

Thank you so much! This forum helped me a lot! But now, all problems are seen as emotional resistance. And what's the solution? Not debating or trying to figure it out. But simply letting it go, surrendering to what comes, feeling the tensions and meditating.

All your problems seem so real right now. But it's all a sham.

Of course, everything that I did - chasing girls hardcore, reading Self-Help books, watching lots of videos, trying to analyse my past, debating and bullshitting in the forum, trying to be a better person, going to the gym to have a fit body - these were all stepping stones that were transcended. This doesn't mean these things are useless. It just means they were once part of my Path but are now seen as not that useful.

Am I super happy and blissful right now? Of course not. I still get emotional swells and believe me, they are very strong and I can't just ignore them or distract myself like I once did. I'm inclined to surrender to it and spend as much time on it as it is needed.

Insights

• I know nothing.
• I'm not the body.
• Life is a movie.
• Everyone is in search for freedom.
• Everyone is a child.
• Everything moves spontaneously.
• I'm not thought.
• Your energy reflects your reality.

You feel closer to life. You feel your intuition is now more trustworthy. You feel the energy of people. Trees are full of Presence. You feel grateful as fuck. Things flow more freely. Society no longer owns your ass. You see things from higher perspectives. Who am I really? Your whole life will fall apart - oh, my happiness doesn't depend on things outside of myself! Then what the fuck am I doing?

Thank you!

Oh and also: you'll look back and you didn't actually do anything. It was grace.

 

 

 

 

Edited October 23, 2017 by Afonso

[Vitamine Water]

@Afonso tnx for sharing! 

I still remember my first...I sat for 5 minutes, with complete chaos inside my head. After the sit I remember being really annoyed by the fact that it didn't instantly changed my behaviour. "How can I still be angry, I thought I meditated this morning?? This hippy shit is useless!"

Lol, I knew nothing back then. And I still don't. 

Edited October 24, 2017 by Vitamine Water

[Dodo]

One of the best posts, inspires me a lot.

I only don't get why people insist on saying they "know nothing" even though they do know something. For example you know you're not your body.

Doesn't that mean it's a lie that you know nothing?  

The quote is:

"I know nothing and even that I am not quite sure about"  or something like that, because even knowing that you know nothing is knowing something and therefore a lie in and of itself. 

Or perhaps you mean that you are aware of nothingness and therefore "know nothing"?

Hehe, but again, very nice inspirational read.

 

 

[Milos Uzelac]

Thanks for sharing your journey I resonated from much of what you said and still struggle with issues that you went through. It seems like you said the only way is to let go and let my intuition guide me in otherwise emotionally difficult and painful situations. I feel happy for you that you are starting to find inner joy and that you are uncovering the dormant connection that you have with all of life, us. Keep going and inspiring people with your newfound life mission.

[Afonso]

@Dodo "I know nothing" is an insight that means more like I don't know what Life is, what reality really is, I look around and i don't have a clue of what this is! I overlooked the mystery of life.

[pluto]

Excellent, Thank you for sharing.

Perfect example of what we focus on grows

[AlwaysBeNice]

Don't forget to mention your high doses of 5-MeO to begin with ^^

[Nahm]

@Afonso beautiful.                        

Just my two cents. I don’t know a damn thing about anything. But we all do know one thing. We now know we can stop, sit, and shift our focus on our breathe. We don’t know how long it will take to get back to good, but we do know this much. That is something. Something big to me. 

Edited October 25, 2017 by Nahm

[Afonso]

2 hours ago, AlwaysBeNice said:

Don't forget to mention your high doses of 5-MeO to begin with ^^

Hum interesting. Those were bad trips with no breakthroughs. But they did bring up a lot of emotions.

Edited October 25, 2017 by Afonso

[Sukhpaal]

Nice man. Also, you’re still so young. Imagine the growth you can create years down the road. Keep it up bro ☺️

[pluto]

8 hours ago, Afonso said:

Hum interesting. Those were bad trips with no breakthroughs. But they did bring up a lot of emotions.

From bad trips we usually learn the most if not consciously, subconsciously. I've had some bad, well challenging experiences and eventually you notice in the near future how you actually did learn a lot there but because the experience was challenging we tend to push it to the side so we don't get stuck in the negative spiral but as we rise higher we see it was for a purpose and not necessarily negative but more of a learning/teaching matrix.

Actually few weeks ago i had a challenging experience on LSD because it was not at the best set/setting only to realize the next following days/weeks to come how much i actually noticed and realized but i did not see at the time. I actually feel better, more centered afterwards and able to hold myself better so i don't have to deal with those situations any further as i learned i need to use more appropriately and respectfully with the right minds for more optimal effects and few other things i noticed that sorta brought me back to a less egoic self so to speak.