LiakosN

Decision Making

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I am with my girlfriend for 2 months now and i ve noticed that she struggles quite a lot to make a decision.. For example last night we were at a park and i asked here to choose a bench to sit and she couldn't decide... Or she can't decide what clothes to buy or which clothes to wear... How can i help her?? 

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Dude the thing is this..! A woman does not like to take responsibility or make decisions! Women are emotional beings. If she asks you to take a decision regarding which clothes should she wear today, which place to visit today, etc., then as a man you are responsible to take that decision for her and tell her about your opinion even when you are not interested. This is a job of a man not to get annoyed by these little things. A woman really will not be interested in a guy who is indecisive and can't take decisions. The only help you can do is to help her take these decisions because almost every woman is like this! Show her how you care for her and love her by making these small decisions for her and she will love you more than ever with an increase sense of respect. 

Also, I suggest you to read " The way of a superior man" by David Deida. In this book he really goes deep and touches the roots that can make or break a relationship ! 

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@LiakosN Totally agree with Akshay. It's your job as a man to guide the feminine. You shouldn't be asking her to make decisions. If she doesn't like something, she will tell you. In the mean time:

  • "What bench, honey?"; That one.
  • "What dress, honey?"; Red one.

Doesn't matter which one you pick, just pick one.

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Hey thank you for your answers.. I have read the way of tje superior man.. I can make decisions instantly.. She can't... Yesterday i said she was to her.. Pick a bench to sit... Should I say: i want to sit here?? 

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@LiakosN

1 minute ago, LiakosN said:

Pick a bench to sit... Should I say: i want to sit here?? 

Yes! "I want" is always good. You're the man. You lead the way. If she doesn't like it, she will tell you. Then you can negociate.

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She has a people pleasing personality so she might don't like it and respond yes to do me a favor... 

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@LiakosN

3 minutes ago, LiakosN said:

She has a people pleasing personality so she might don't like it and respond yes to do me a favor... 

Not your responsibility. If she says yes to please you, then becomes passive-aggressive, call her out on it. She's an adult. She's responsible for her behaviour. If she can't speak her mind, that's on her; not you. Just make it clear that you won't tolerate abuse, no matter what she wants/does, or doesn't want/do.

On the other hand, you chose her as a girlfriend, dude. If her people-pleasing tendencies annoy you, consider finding someone who's more compatible with you.

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She might want you to take the lead yes but she should aim to have a balance herself as well. She might have low self-esteem and generally isn't very confident about her decisions. Overthinking it and such without having a sense of direction. Perhaps there's something else she's confused about in her life and it's showing itself through this.

Anyway how I like to think about it is that one can never be certain of what will be the best choice, but it's good to choose the best shot you have. When you are doing the thing you see optimal you don't need to be afraid or have regrets.

When it comes to deciding little things I think they tend to fall in place once you have the big picture set. Also if she has people pleasing tendencies one way to think about it is will she help people more trying to please them instead of being herself.

Anyways if you talk to her about these quite sensitive topics I'd recommend being quite emphathetic instead of too rational.

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@LiakosN

Realize that the majority of people, male AND female, are unsure of themselves and are subconsciously looking for people to make their decisions for them. 

Making decisions is scary. It means you could make the wrong one and fail. It means that other people might disapprove of the choice you make. If you want to be a leader in life, you have to rise above that.

This isn't suggesting that you become some sort of tyrannical dictator around your girlfriend, always telling her what to do. People don't respond well to that either.

Be open to her opinions and seek out her input. It's important. But you're seeking her input so YOU can make a decision, not putting the responsibility on her.

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My name is Austin Kourakin. Life Coach with a passion for personal development.

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I'd say if she is asking you to make the decision, that is her giving you permission to make the decision and you shouldn't think too much of it. You can just pick whatever you feel like. Or, you could try to ask her a closed-ended follow-up question first to see if that gets her closer to making a decision, like this:

her: "What dress do you think I should I wear tonight?"
you: "What dress do you feel more comfortable in?"
her: "I feel most comfortable in this dress, I think"
you: "Then I want you to wear this dress"

or

you: "Which bench would you like to sit at?"
her: "I'm not sure, I can't decide"
you: "Would you rather sit at a shaded bench or the one in the sun?"
her: "I think in the shade, I'm feeling a bit warm"
you: "Okay! Let's go sit there then"

Edited by zenjen
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Just pick for her in these cases were it does not matter.

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You can't be enlightened, no one can.;)

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On 9/13/2017 at 7:03 AM, LiakosN said:

I am with my girlfriend for 2 months now and i ve noticed that she struggles quite a lot to make a decision.. For example last night we were at a park and i asked here to choose a bench to sit and she couldn't decide... Or she can't decide what clothes to buy or which clothes to wear... How can i help her?? 

How long did it take her to make a decision? Choosing which bench to sit on should be a simple and quick decision, even if she's a slow decision maker or indecisive in other areas of life. If she can't make that kind of decision, then it's likely that she has dealt with having to walk on eggshells in her life with people that she's been around. So, she might be trying to avoid annoying you or making you angry by making the "wrong" decision. So, she may be used to yielding to the other person or people by default to avoid confrontation. Or, in a less likely scenario, she may have some issue with her pre-frontal cortex. People who have a problem in this region of the brain, literally will be unable to make decisions even in the most simple of situations.

Now, with regard to the not knowing which clothing to wear, she may just really want to know what makes you tick. This is a feminine tendency that can generally be noticed. For me, if I ask a guy what I should wear, I want him to really like it and know that it gets him going. It's not that I can't make the decision on my own. It's simply that I want to know what he thinks because it's exciting to me to know what's going on in my partner's mind.

Maybe this tendency could trickle over into the bench thing, where she wants to know what decision that you're going to make and to feel like you're giving her an experience of your choosing. But I doubt it with regard to this decision because it's so small and arbitrary. It seems like, if she can't choose where to sit, there may be something else going on regarding her past experiences.

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Tell her there's a hole in your bucket?o.O If she says mend it with straw aim higher.

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