Women shaming men for being attracted to/dating younger women

[Hojo]

@Recursoinominado we need to add mental violence to violence so we can even it out. Woman are mentally violent.

Civilized men have stopped using their violence against woman but woman still use their mental violence towards men freely.

Edited 22 hours ago by Hojo

[Recursoinominado]

11 hours ago, Hojo said:

@Recursoinominado we need to add mental violence to violence so we can even it out. Woman are mentally violent.

Civilized men have stopped using their violence against woman but woman still use their mental violence towards men freely.

Both can practice mental and emotional abuse, but those are women's best weapons in relationships because they are physically weaker; it's an evolutionary adaptation. Women are much more savvy and subtle at manipulating their partners to get what they want, and this can be extremely toxic. At best, this is emotionally/mentally draining; any straight men who have had long-term relationships have experienced this. Of course, this is ignored because men's suffering is usually downplayed; nobody cares.

At the same time, I do agree that physical violence is always worse, so, in comparison, women do get the worst end of the stick here. However, in an unbiased discussion, men's suffering and women's toxic shenanigans would be taken seriously, which they aren't because of bias. We are still in an overcorrection phase in feminism due to women having the shittiest end of the stick since forever. Men will have to take some hits to the chin for a while until this karma is burned through.

[something_else]

16 hours ago, LordFall said:

80 is pretty extreme but I don't see why a man in his 30s and a woman that's 18-21 couldn't have a functional relationship. Why do you think that's close to impossible?

Because a man in his 30s and a girl who is 18 have essentially zero shared life experience upon which to build a functional relationship.

Imagine the 18 year old going to high school or college parties and bringing her 35 year old boyfriend along? Or the 18 year old coming along to weddings with the 35 year old? The typical social lives of these two people is quite incompatible. You would struggle to merge your lives together in a way that is required for a healthy relationship to blossom.

If they wanna fuck and it’s consensual without any fucked up power dynamic? Sure, go for it.

But building a functional relationship with that kind of age gap, where both people are at such fundamentally different parts of their lives? Very hard to make it work.

On top of that it’s pretty likely that the 35 year old trying to date 18 year olds is aiming to abuse the power and development disparity, so there are potentially ethical concerns too.

When you fully enter the adult world around 23-25 it becomes more doable. A 25 year old and a 40-50 year old for example is more doable despite the age difference being larger. It certainly wouldn’t immediately raise red flags purely for the age difference like it would with an 18 year old. Though it obviously is still much more likely to be dysfunctional than a smaller age gap relationship.

[something_else]

12 hours ago, Hojo said:

@Recursoinominado we need to add mental violence to violence so we can even it out. Woman are mentally violent.

Civilized men have stopped using their violence against woman but woman still use their mental violence towards men freely.

Men are emotionally abusive too. It’s not unique to women.

And the rates of physical abuse towards women are still pretty high too.

Edited 10 hours ago by something_else

[LordFall]

4 hours ago, something_else said:

Imagine the 18 year old going to high school or college parties and bringing her 35 year old boyfriend along? Or the 18 year old coming along to weddings with the 35 year old? The typical social lives of these two people is quite incompatible. You would struggle to merge your lives together in a way that is required for a healthy relationship to blossom.

If they wanna fuck and it’s consensual without any fucked up power dynamic? Sure, go for it.

But building a functional relationship with that kind of age gap, where both people are at such fundamentally different parts of their lives? Very hard to make it work.

You think the peak of life at 18 years old is attending college parties? I guess it depends on which city you live in but when I was living in Toronto nightlife was pretty mixed in ages from 19 to 50(legal drinking age in Ontario is 19.) You would see 19-22 year old women in clubs, dinner parties, yachts, fashion events, etc mingling with women and men in their 30s and 40s. 

I think some smaller towns and cities operate with this idea that young adulthood is for idk taking shots and doing keg stands and your 30s are when you go to weddings and plan board games with your grown up friend circles but in big cities that's not what I've seen at all personally. Usually it takes many years to get access to upscale events and circles or a lot of money so dating someone younger lets them experience a fun lifestyle that they wouldn't have access to otherwise; it's not really about being the +1 at boring events. 

Edited 6 hours ago by LordFall

[Rafael Thundercat]

Last Date experience was with a 19 yr . I Am 45. So I can affirm that there was some people who got triggered, from her side of friends and from mine. From here side I could see some of the older friends trying to sabotage us. From my side the guys were not commenting a lot since they may not say a thing about something they also wish, a young woman. Overall my lesson in this relationship was that age may affect a lot of the dynamics. Of course there was some maturity clash between me and her. But we were able to have deep conversations. Some I dont even ever had with older woman. 

[Ulax]

There is an epidemic of infantalising women nowadays too.

[Basman]

Reddit is a cesspool of caring about things no one in real life cares about. Classic echochamber behavior. 

It is kinda a shame that women's fertility is so short relatively speaking though. They peak at barely the start of their life. That's nature I guess.

[Basman]

Besides potential issues of exploitation, I think a huge age gap can be problematic if your want a long-term relationship. You'll be 60 when your wife is 34. Is that fair to the kids or good for her?

[something_else]

1 hour ago, LordFall said:

You would see 19-22 year old women in clubs, dinner parties, yachts, fashion events, etc mingling with women and men in their 30s and 40s. 

I don’t doubt that, but this is not the life of the average 18 year old almost anywhere in the world.

By and large, 18-21 year-olds are going to be spending time with other 18-21 year-olds. Of course there are exceptions, but we’re talking about averages here. Seeing a few 18-year-olds on a yacht and generalising from that to how people in that age group typically socialise is flawed reasoning.

Your average 18-21 year-old friend group probably doesn’t want a 35-year-old regularly hanging around with them. And the average 35-year-old probably doesn’t want to spend their free time hanging around with a bunch of 18-year-olds either.

I’m not saying these social circles never overlap. I’m saying that the examples you’re describing are exceptions rather than a representation of how most people actually socialise.

And you don’t address the main point I’m making either, which is that regardless of how and who you socialise with the difference in maturity and life experience between a 35 year old and an 18 year old is vast, far too vast to build a solid relationship in most cases.

The social circle is just one example of that, but there is no shortage of others. On average:

• 18 year old has little or no prior experience being in relationships
• 18 year old has little or no financial independence
• 18 year old has a much less developed sense of personal identity
• 18 year old has little experience with conflict resolution
• 18 year old has little experience with independence
• 18 year old has little experience with long term planning

And this list took me about 30 seconds to come up with, I could keep going. 

Edited 7 hours ago by something_else

[LordFall]

40 minutes ago, Basman said:

Reddit is a cesspool of caring about things no one in real life cares about. Classic echochamber behavior. 

It is kinda a shame that women's fertility is so short relatively speaking though. They peak at barely the start of their life. That's nature I guess.

 

34 minutes ago, Basman said:

Besides potential issues of exploitation, I think a huge age gap can be problematic if your want a long-term relationship. You'll be 60 when your wife is 34. Is that fair to the kids or good for her?

Yes, relationship models and the social norms built around them have formed around biological windows of reproduction since the start of our species. It's why people are having less kids than ever now since at any time before 200 years ago, most humans lived in rural places where having tons of kids meant free labor on the farm but in cities they switch to being liabilities. 

The new big change that's coming soon and will allow for all kinds of new relationship models to develop is fertility technology.

Pretty soon humans will be able to have peak health babies at any age even 60-80 years old and life extension will make it so 60 years and above have the same life quality as 25 year olds. 

2 hours ago, Rafael Thundercat said:

Last Date experience was with a 19 yr . I Am 45. So I can affirm that there was some people who got triggered, from her side of friends and from mine. From here side I could see some of the older friends trying to sabotage us. From my side the guys were not commenting a lot since they may not say a thing about something they also wish, a young woman. Overall my lesson in this relationship was that age may affect a lot of the dynamics. Of course there was some maturity clash between me and her. But we were able to have deep conversations. Some I dont even ever had with older woman. 

That's cool man, thanks for sharing. How did you enjoy your time with her and how long did it last? 

@something_else Yeah those are fair points, I'm sharing from what I've seen and others will have another experience of life and dating circles. 

I think it depends what type of relationship framework the younger person is interested in. Some people like the two soulmates figuring life together type of story and some others build their life more intentionally to reach the goals they have. I think for a lot of more ambitious younger women dating a more established man will be a more attractive option over a college bro. 

[Lyubov]

2 hours ago, Rafael Thundercat said:

Last Date experience was with a 19 yr . I Am 45. So I can affirm that there was some people who got triggered, from her side of friends and from mine. From here side I could see some of the older friends trying to sabotage us. From my side the guys were not commenting a lot since they may not say a thing about something they also wish, a young woman. Overall my lesson in this relationship was that age may affect a lot of the dynamics. Of course there was some maturity clash between me and her. But we were able to have deep conversations. Some I dont even ever had with older woman. 

19 and 45, nah it's weird. You would go lower if you could bro. I would think you're a creep to be honest if I met you. They have to have at least finished university. Discipline yourself. 

Edited 6 hours ago by Lyubov

[Lyubov]

1 hour ago, something_else said:

Your average 18-21 year-old friend group probably doesn’t want a 35-year-old regularly hanging around with them. And the average 35-year-old probably doesn’t want to spend their free time hanging around with a bunch of 18-year-olds either.

35 is uncle status, yeah I would not hang out with anyone bellow 21 and it wouldn't be the same type of friendship. For casual dating / sex I'd say the cut off for uncles is like between 21-24 depending on your age. If you're low 30s prob can go start at 20/21. If you're hitting 40s I'd say not much bellow 22 when they finish University. People mature a ton from 18-24. 18,19, sometimes even 20 and 21 are like talking to high schoolers still mentally. 

Edited 6 hours ago by Lyubov

[LordFall]

14 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

19 and 45, nah it's weird. You would go lower if you could bro. I would think you're a creep to be honest if I met you. They have to have at least finished university. Discipline yourself. 

That reaction is a classic tell. When people get aggressively moralistic about what consenting adults choose to do behind closed doors, it’s worth asking a simple question: do you actually have an abundance of high-quality options in your own dating life, or are you just masking your personal scarcity and frustration with righteous outrage?

Shaming people for building unconventional, fulfilling dynamics is usually just a coping mechanism for a mediocre dating market experience.

[Valach]

@LordFall @something_else

A nice rule one of my close friends told me:

A big part of a relationship is a friendship. Have you removed all the attraction and sexual polarity with this person, would you be close friends with them?

How many of these guys that are in 30's or 40's and claim that dating 19 year old is okay would be down to hang out as buddies with another person who is 19 if there were no sexual motives? How many of their friends are in this age range? My experience is that basically none.

[LordFall]

@Valach Be careful with conflating interesting ideas with actual reality and what makes relationships function. If you removed all the attraction and sexual polarity from relationships then your best bet would be to date and marry your buddy or another one of your good male friends.

You're free to do that if you desire but at least still fuck them otherwise you'll both live a more bland existence than you need to 

It's of course important to enjoy spending time with the partners that you invite into your life as sex is just a tiny part of life even if you have it daily but if you remove polarity from relationships you rob them of one of their best aspect. I'm reminded of the religious people trying to sanitize everything for fear of our animal nature.

There's a massive aspect of spiritual bypassing that's behind thoughts like this. Being horny animals enjoying our biological nature is one of the best parts of life both sexuality but even in terms of other aspects of sensuality such as food and music. Wouldn't you know it, some religions precisely ban dancing and music to their followers. 

Edited 5 hours ago by LordFall

[Valach]

57 minutes ago, LordFall said:

@Valach Be careful with conflating interesting ideas with actual reality and what makes relationships function. If you removed all the attraction and sexual polarity from relationships then your best bet would be to date and marry your buddy or another one of your good male friends.

You're free to do that if you desire but at least still fuck them otherwise you'll both live a more bland existence than you need to 

It's of course important to enjoy spending time with the partners that you invite into your life as sex is just a tiny part of life even if you have it daily but if you remove polarity from relationships you rob them of one of their best aspect. I'm reminded of the religious people trying to sanitize everything for fear of our animal nature.

There's a massive aspect of spiritual bypassing that's behind thoughts like this. Being horny animals enjoying our biological nature is one of the best parts of life both sexuality but even in terms of other aspects of sensuality such as food and music. Wouldn't you know it, some religions precisely ban dancing and music to their followers. 

You have completely ignored the point.

Edited 4 hours ago by Valach

[Rafael Thundercat]

1 hour ago, Lyubov said:

19 and 45, nah it's weird. You would go lower if you could bro. I would think you're a creep to be honest if I met you. They have to have at least finished university. Discipline yourself. 

She hit on my first. Of course I could stop the course of events if I wish, but I am not the kind of person to stop the flow of events. Even if I end up learning some deep hard stuff in the way. Of course you would judge me as a creep, that is about you. 

[Rafael Thundercat]

1 hour ago, LordFall said:

That reaction is a classic tell. When people get aggressively moralistic about what consenting adults choose to do behind closed doors, it’s worth asking a simple question: do you actually have an abundance of high-quality options in your own dating life, or are you just masking your personal scarcity and frustration with righteous outrage?

Shaming people for building unconventional, fulfilling dynamics is usually just a coping mechanism for a mediocre dating market experience.

That would be my answer. Some off the guys around me when I was with her were telling me to leave her and I could see that their unconscious motivation was envy. People can try to hide their prejudices, and Taboo situations are amazing to reveal what is going on inside them. Was beautifull to see the masks falling. 

[Rafael Thundercat]

1 hour ago, Valach said:

@LordFall @something_else

A nice rule one of my close friends told me:

A big part of a relationship is a friendship. Have you removed all the attraction and sexual polarity with this person, would you be close friends with them?

How many of these guys that are in 30's or 40's and claim that dating 19 year old is okay would be down to hang out as buddies with another person who is 19 if there were no sexual motives? How many of their friends are in this age range? My experience is that basically none.

I have plenty of friend from all ages. I dont sleep with them of course, but where do you took the ideia that a human being cant have relationship as friend with people from all ages?