Help With Verbal Description Of Awakened Consciousness

[Clarence]

Awakening feels like an overwhelming wake-up, from a dream I'm not aware I am having. All the consciousness that is in the universe is entering into my skull. Like something infinite being sucked into a finite place.

There's a feeling of tightness. It feels like it's too much, like it's more than I can take. I am finite, and the infinite is trying to get in. It's too intense. It's painful.

But that feeling gets flipped inside out as consciousness increases even more, because my identity itself stops being finite and becomes Infinite. The outside becomes the inside. The outside world, starting with the walls I'm looking at, becomes Me. It stops feeling tight. I become Everything. And beyond all I could ever imagine.

[Leo Gura]

@Clarence Nice!

[Schizophonia]

It's about gaining perspective. It's as though we were experiencing a fractal, and psychedelics allowed us to shift our attention, our consciousness, toward the realm of potential: everything (all the other fractals) that is not this particular fractal, yet remains connected to it because we are part of infinity.

So if this point of reference expands enough, the ego finds itself confronted with, and starts imagining exotic or even extremely bizarre representations. Sometimes these can make quite a bit of sense to the ego, and sometimes (especially with LSD, for some reason, in my case) they seem monstrous.

The positive side is that attention gains a broader perspective, allowing us to realize how absurd it is to keep falling back into the ego's concerns, thereby making them real. The ego's concerns are ultimately futile and exist out of habit.

[Terell Kirby]

4 hours ago, Nemra said:

It feels like when a good movie ends.

🔥

[blankisomeone]

1 hour ago, Terell Kirby said:

It feels like when a good movie ends.

More like when a horror movie ends.

[Oppositionless]

Like getting wrapped in a blanket that contains everything.

Like being in deep sleep while 1000% awake . 

Like power washing your brain until it's gone. 

Like popping the bubble that's behind your eyes.

Like drowning in an ocean of love .

Knowing you've only met one person.

Edited 8 hours ago by Oppositionless

[gengar]

I was sitting behind my computer very high, smoking hashish.
I was contemplating Leo's vids and the extreme claims he made about consciousness. 
Many of the things he said were ideas I have had, but only vaguely, and here there was this guy (that I'd been watching since i was 16 in 2016, which started out as personal development videos) seeming to go on this increasingly crazy, yet hyper-rational contemplation and adventure into the nature of Reality.
He had already convinced me that naive realism isn't real - and this was something that I kind of knew and contemplated myself, but was never too confident about. And here he was, laying it all out in the most rational of terms, and going even further.
The videos became more spacy, intricate and profound. Mind-baffling vids during that time I can think of were "Infinite Intelligence" and "You are not your brain".
Leo's vids, however crazy, were so rational. But still, I realized I had never experienced any awakening myself, even though I tried once with the Neti Neti method video.
So I was contemplating this behind my computer and thought to myself - If this is really real, and this is all through consciousness - I can find out myself by just seeing what this consciousness is, and witnessing myself. After all, All that I am seeing, every object is in my Consciousness. There is nothing outside of it.
As I started observing my consciousness and my thoughts, It became more and more clear that the thoughts were pretending to be the ones doing the observing - but that this couldn't be real, since my thoughts are being observed. This started becoming more loopy and panic was rising, because "i am my thoughts, right?" It started to become more and more clear that who "I" am, this entity, was only there because of the thought forms.
I backed off because I didn't like where it was going. Feelings of panic arose.
But I realized something. 
This was real. There is some shit going on here that I do not know about. Things are not the way they seem, and I was becoming conscious of them.
I immediately realized that this was the real Hero's journey. This was the threshold. This is where it goes down. For the first time in my life I actually felt like how I imagined the characters of stories to be, who muster the courage to go on their adventure.

I decided that I will answer the call and go through with it, scary as it may be. 

I started observing again. Again, my thoughts were being exposed. They started to become like squirming worms, exposed in the light, being burned away, screaming. Everytime I thought "this is too much" I witnessed that that was yet another thought. "There wont be anything left of me if all I am is thoughts" and it was witnessed. all thoughts burned. My heart started pounding. It was so scary, Yet I knew I was the observer, since I was still there. it started becoming more and more clear that I was not these thought forms, even though they were pretending to be me, like parasites.
This increased to such a degree where I saw, for the first time in my life, what this "self" actually was. A deeply profound mechanism of illusion that Consciousness/mind was executing. So self-reinforcing, so crazed. I thought - This is an absolute monstrosity, and was absolutely horrified. I am a monstrosity. 

I thought I was going insane and tried to snap out of it. My heart still racing, I closed my computer and went to bed. I was in panic. My field of vision was almost recontextualizing. I was confused and afraid, and disgusted. It was like my field of vision got black/red borders, although that wasn't the case. It was like looking at a painting.
I walked downstairs to my room and started laying in bed. My heart was pounding and racing, and I was still in the trip. I was too deep now. laying in bed, it started increasing more and more and I became more conscious of myself and it was getting so fucked up. My heart was racing faster and faster - and Consciousness was revealing itself more and more - not as "my" consciousness, but as an absolute unit. As something that doesn't come out of "me" but that "I" come out of. This increased and increased and I couldn't handle it anymore until I felt a word coming out of my chest - "Surrender."

Everything snapped, like my ego, which was holding on for dear life, being snapped away from its illusory position behind the eyes.

There was no behind the eyes. It's all plastered on Consciousness.

I saw suddenly saw that my consciousness is not my POV, that it is not something that I am seeing as an entity behind the eyes, but that it is like an infinite crystal ball / ball of light(of course it had no borders, but it's the only thing I can think of), and that it is God, that it is Life itself. I suddenly saw that my "entity" is not apart from it, witnessing it, but just thought forms that are just forms on this crystal ball like shapes on a tapestry, no different than the other forms that are on the crystal, like outside shapes like trees and objects. all internal phenomena became equivalent to the external phenomena, all just rendered in this infinite field of Consciousness. My entity reacted like "This is not mine, I am tethered on it!" in horror. The true self, what I actually have always been, was revealed, it was this Consciousness, and it was God. What shot to my mind instantly were visions of muslims praying in Mecca and for the first time I understood them. What I was witnessing right now was it, and I was groveling to it. This thing was so utterly complete, so utterly Infinite, so utterly Omnipotent, so utterly Invincible. I was at the whim of it. It had always been imagining me and that's the only thing that kept me alive. While my ego thought forms were still suffering and my heart was pounding, at a point my ego surrendered - the idea of the entity behind the eyes fell away and it was paradoxically like that very surrendering into non-existence was also that very entity falling into a pure warm bath where all suffering went away, everything was washed away.
I remember saying "I will always serve you", purely because I saw it was so Good, so beautiful.
(Looking back on that, I utterly failed. In the months and years after it I made a conscious decision to pursue my ego. And that's okay, in some ways, even though I did a lot of stupid shit - I was a 20 year old in a city with nothing to my name having never felt romantic love, who can blame me)
this oscillated between surrender and the ego trying to come back, which resulted into more panic and heart poundings - and after I sobered up more, and realized I had to go to the doctor that morning after, I suddenly realized that everything in my life was imaginary, that my parents were imaginary. This was utterly shocking and distressing.

The months after this my ego backlash was so insane, I thought I went insane, I had months of derealization, anxiety, and I remember laying on the couch while my parents said "Bye!" because they were going grocery shopping. I realized that the moment they went away and I heard the door close, they were gone, literally. I cried my eyes out, and I couldn't believe it, yet I knew it was true. I was so utterly distraught that they were not real. It was like being in a horror movie - My parents are acting as if they are real but they aren't and simply disappearing even though they're acting like they're not. 
During this time (2020) I was also starting to read the forum and Leo's posts. Sometimes he'd say solipsism isn't real and sometimes he'd say it's real, which was very distressing.
I was so utterly mad at Leo for leading me towards this - I realized it was actually real and I shouldn't have done it. I prayed to God, going as far as saying "I've been brainwashed by the chemicals and Leo's teachings, please God bring me back, release me from this falsehood" - basically larping as if there was a dualistic God - All I wanted was for the world to be real, for solipsism to not be true. Looking back, the funny thing is that my wish was granted since I fell into delusions of religion - This was two years later, where other mental and physical problems brought me to a point where I actively wanted to kill myself. I knew that Life was everlasting, since Life is Consciousness, and even though I wanted release from my situation, I was utterly paranoid that suicide would bring me to hell realms. After all, I had become conscious of God's omnipotent dreaming; he could dream up a hell for me if he wanted. This paranoia and life pressures lead me to religious beliefs later down the line - and looking back it might have also been a sneak tactic for my ego to get away from solipsism. but thats another story.

All in all, right now, I am not conscious of those things, although I know rationally and from my experience that Solipsism is true (or is it?) - but these days I almost wish for it to be true. whereas I first cried because my parents were not real, right now the idea of them existing and suffering after my suicide has kept me going and suffering through it and not giving up. And that's probably a good thing. If I would really know right now that they don't have experience of their own, I'd have probably killed myself already.
My fear of their suffering and the fear of hell is much bigger than whatever horror I had with solipsism. I am still actively struggling with the idea that God can send me to unimaginable realms of suffering.
But here we are.

Edited 5 hours ago by gengar

[LoneWonderer]

 

10 hours ago, Clarence said:

Awakening feels like an overwhelming wake-up, from a dream I'm not aware I am having. All the consciousness that is in the universe is entering into my skull. Like something infinite being sucked into a finite place.

There's a feeling of tightness. It feels like it's too much, like it's more than I can take. I am finite, and the infinite is trying to get in. It's too intense. It's painful.

But that feeling gets flipped inside out as consciousness increases even more, because my identity itself stops being finite and becomes Infinite. The outside becomes the inside. The outside world, starting with the walls I'm looking at, becomes Me. It stops feeling tight. I become Everything. And beyond all I could ever imagine.

This is great. I experienced this. I add below some of my own additions:

It was a miracle unfolding. It's divinity and the greatest of experiences unfolding. It's unbearable levels of love for the human body to contain. The love becomes so acute, so deep it turns painful. You realize all of existence is made up of love. Love kills you. It was impossible. No way, it can't be! It was recognized as the most profound of all things. The burden of knowing suddenly became terrifyingly intense. I recognized I'd stumbled into something divine but I didn't know what it was. I was crying on the floor, I was scared, terrified, I was amazed, I couldn't believe it. I was paralyzed on the floor, to even move my arm all I saw was divine miracle unfolding. There was no longer an I. It was infinity unfolding. Wherever I looked, whichever room in my house I stepped into...it was all one. I kept saying: oh my god! "I" the ego was terrified. It tried desperately to hold on to something but there was nothing to hold on to! There was a feeling and sensation of a knob being tuned into higher and higher frequency as deeper and deeper levels of love unfolded, until love broke my ego and I was no longer in this reality.

This was my most profound experience 3 months ago or so. I've only had one such deep experience. In reality I don't understand what I experienced but I recognize the divinity of it. I am still piecing parts of it together months later. I was so shocked by my experience at the time it was unfolding I ended up self checking into the ER and calling an ambulance. Guys this enlightenment stuff is no joke.

Lastly it was the most violently powerful thing I have experienced in my 27 years on this earth. For me there was so much fear because I didn't understand or have a reference point for what was unfolding. If I were to experience it again I think there would be a lot less worry.

Alex Grey Artist Depiction of what I saw

Edited 3 hours ago by LoneWonderer

[Nemra]

It feels as if every event has been building toward a final moment of truth, with everything meticulously curated for you to uncover the grandest conspiracy.

It feels like jumping from the highest point, knowing that you are going to die because there is no going back.

It feels like being possessed by the truth, as if being electrocuted.

It feels like witnessing super-advanced alien technology that interacts with you in such intelligent, paradoxical, and weird ways that it melts your brain.

Edited 5 minutes ago by Nemra

[emptiness dancing]

14 hours ago, Nemra said:

The feeling of being alone multiplied by a trillion.

It's bittersweet.

It's like floating on an endless ocean.

It feels like being at the edge of the universe.

It feels like being melted.

It would feel as if people all around the world suddenly understood you.

It feels like coming back home.

It feels like remembering a thing that you forgot.

It's like looking at the sun.

It feels like being unknotted.

It would feel like getting shot, or a nuclear bomb exploding.

It would feel like getting the most unique present.

It feels like witnessing the most important event.

It's like looking at the most beautiful scenery.

It's like looking into someone's eyes.

It feels like when the thunderstorm stops and the sun starts shining.

It feels like when a good movie ends.

It's like looking at the mirror.

 

1 hour ago, Nemra said:

It feels as if every event has been building toward a final moment of truth, with everything meticulously curated for you to uncover the grandest conspiracy.

It feels like jumping from the highest point, knowing that you are going to die because there is no going back.

It feels like being possessed by the truth, as if being electrocuted.

It feels like witnessing super-advanced alien technology that interacts with you in such intelligent, paradoxical, and weird ways that it melts your brain.

Nemra gets it !!!! Lol!!!! 

--------

one minute you're questioning whether the substance you took was a dud, then...
all of sudden.... aahhh... shocks of awe....awestruck....

your mind tries to describe this experience but can't, and suddenly a deep expression of 
ecstacy from your belly comes out, you start making monkey noises because this experience is
indescribable.

its inhuman. its divine. everything is divine, your hand, the entire visual field, 
every step and movement you take. if you're in a room, you feel like in a divine palace. if
you're on a beach , every piece of sand feels like infinite kisses. 

You feel alive. Extreme aliveness. Love beyond imagination. Everything is beautiful. 
Frighteningly beautiful. Divine Madness... Divine Perfection... Cosmic orgasm...