Lots of girls at work tell me I need to be more "expressive"? what do they mean?

[blankisomeone]

Like I'm just sitting quietly doing my work and these girls tell me I need to be more "expressive". I'm tired. What do they want me to say?! There's nothing to say at a work setting!

It's almost like they angrily want something out of me and I angrily just wanna stay quiet.

In general, what do girls want when they want someone to be more expressive? Like, talk about my day? Tf

Edited 18 hours ago by blankisomeone

[Sincerity]

Express your anger to them for trying to change you, lol. They want expression, they get it. "Fuck off!"

Just kidding. For real though: explain your setting at work & also, are you exceptionally hot? 😄 It's quite weird that "lots" of girls approach you in such a manner there. Perhaps they're into you?

[Joshe]

It's a good thing! They want to know you better because they like you. Not necessarily romantically, but just as a person, which is great. 

You don't have to talk about anything in particular. Instead of keeping all your thoughts to yourself, let them fly out of your mouth. It's an opportunity to practice being playful and bonding with others. They want to bond with you. 

Edited 18 hours ago by Joshe

[Leo Gura]

Be more chatty and social.

Use this opportunity to develop your social and small-talk skills.

Be more passionate and charismatic.

You should do it for you, not for them.

Edited 17 hours ago by Leo Gura

[blankisomeone]

4 hours ago, Sincerity said:

Just kidding. For real though: explain your setting at work & also, are you exceptionally hot? 😄 It's quite weird that "lots" of girls approach you in such a manner there. Perhaps they're into you?

Just a normal guy. I would personally put myself like 4 to 5 maybe 6 or 7 points below average out of 10 below average lol. But I'm not sure.

By lots of girls I mean 5. "You gotta be more expressive!"

I guess they're just really annoyed, or legit worried about me that I'm too quiet Lol. Like, I'm ridiculously quiet. I'm the definition of keeping to oneself, to a worrying degree. But actually not really compared to this other guy at work hah. But they don't nag him and he's probably a solid average.

I'm working as a cashier at a grocery store. The fact I'm working face to face with customers is already a big feat.

Edited 13 hours ago by blankisomeone

[Olaf]

@blankisomeone as an fellow introvert, fuck em. Unless you want to date them, then you have to do a bit more your best and actually hold a conversation of course. I don't want to be social all day either as an introvert. I do allot of socialising, but when I want to and on my time, if I want to be quiet I am quiet, I used to give shits about it, now I know I just need space for myself at times and I respect that. 

[Joshe]

4 hours ago, Olaf said:

@blankisomeone as an fellow introvert, fuck em. Unless you want to date them, then you have to do a bit more your best and actually hold a conversation of course. I don't want to be social all day either as an introvert. I do allot of socialising, but when I want to and on my time, if I want to be quiet I am quiet, I used to give shits about it, now I know I just need space for myself at times and I respect that. 

This is not the attitude you want to cultivate. This is coming at it from a selfish "if there's nothing in it for me, I don't care so if I don't feel like it, fuck off". 

It doesn't have to be either or. 

When you're working in an environment like retail, you can try to avoid customers if your role allows for it (stockers) but you shouldn't try to avoid or be standoffish/non-responsive to your coworkers. You want to build a good reputation, which is totally doable as an introvert.

But the introvert can't simply refuse to engage at every turn, else they will eventually ruin their reputation. Silence is only neutral in a workplace up to a point. 

Now, I'm not saying you have to be someone different. What I'm suggesting has nothing to do with intentional effort at all. It's simply a matter of letting go and opening up - letting them pry you open, and allowing yourself to get lost in that social world without thinking about it. You'll find it's quiet effortless and even enjoyable, if you don't think about it. Just let go and be yourself, and don't think about it. 

I actually worked in retail for a stint when I was 19 and was in a very similar situation. So, as a very introverted person, I've allowed this to unfold several times over the course of my life and each time I was always surprised at how effortless it was - it didn't take any planning or intention whatsoever. I would just present with my introversion and people would try to pry me open and I'd let them. Funny enough, it was mostly girls who I'd wind up friends with, for whatever reason. It's not for me 24/7 - I'm still an introvert - but it's definitely nice here and there. Plus, camaraderie in the workplace makes the days much lighter and shorter. 

Also, if you can cultivate this, you learn to be at ease in both worlds, not just your own, which will be a giant weight off your shoulders. You can finally stop worrying about social stuff.

Introverts think there's something to do in the extroverted world. The whole point is there's nothing to do, lol. Introverts just think about it too much. It's like we're blinded by a spell and think we can break it with thought, but the only way to break the spell is to jump in and make some splashes and realize the water is actually nice and you don't need an instruction manual.

I think working in retail as an introvert spurs massive growth with the right attitude. Great training ground. High volume, low stakes. Dozens of quick interactions each day. Hell, "get a job at a grocery store" should probably be in every introverted pickup artist's curriculum. 

One interesting thing is people can tell the difference between a benign introvert and a toxic one. Introverts who hold a grudge or have a bone to pick with society or just has a bad attitude, those people are often overlooked and people don't even really want to engage with them, so, attitude is very important. 

Edited 9 hours ago by Joshe

[Sandhu]

You do You. Let them be. Be a man.

[meta_male]

Looks like they're making an effort to get you to open up and include you, instead of simply leaving you alone. They might be a bit worried about you. Being very quiet can give off a suspicious vibes.

I used to be very quiet at work too and was told by people I was really withdrawn. So, over the years I started using interactions with them as a way to practise smalltalk and become more sociable. I've made some pretty good friends that way.

These days, we go out for drinks, some of us have started a DnD group, been to festivals, had sleepovers and even gone on holidays together. Another guy's parents are practically like my own parents now and they've even invited me to visit them. All that came from gradually opening up, sharing more of my life and thoughts and connect with people. There's nothing to lose.

8 hours ago, Olaf said:

Unless you want to date them, then you have to do a bit more your best and actually hold a conversation of course.

I disagree that you should only make an effort to be more sociable if you want to date someone. Building connections with people is valuable on its own. If you can't do that then that's going to affect your chances of dating too.

 

[Basman]

Woman version of "you need to smile more".

Edited 4 hours ago by Basman

[something_else]

15 hours ago, blankisomeone said:

Like I'm just sitting quietly doing my work and these girls tell me I need to be more "expressive". I'm tired. What do they want me to say?! There's nothing to say at a work setting!

It's almost like they angrily want something out of me and I angrily just wanna stay quiet.

In general, what do girls want when they want someone to be more expressive? Like, talk about my day? Tf

There's plenty to say in a work setting. Chat with your colleagues, learn to small talk and connect with people. They don't have to become friends, but at least try to build some kind of connection.

It benefits you too, you'll find your career advances much quicker when you build relationships with colleagues.

[Olaf]

@meta_male the thing is, I am the most social introvert, but there are still times I don't want to socialise, I am not gonna go out of my way to be social to please them. People pleasing behavior is toxic, staying true to yourself is not.

[meta_male]

@Olaf In OP's case, he seems confused about what his coworkers want from him and instead of talking it through with them, he stays quiet in frustration. If you're not in a mood to be social that's fine. If you withdraw and can't communicate your needs, that can be practised and improved. But will be hard to do so by not talking.