I feel unworthy, and I’d like your advice.

[jacknine119]

For example, when you guys help me and give me advice on this forum—even Leo, As a leader here—I feel unworthy of receiving it. The same happens when other people take the time to help me.

It’s like when someone gives you a gift, but you feel like you can’t accept it, or when someone popular or high-status talks to you and you feel like you’re not on their level.

I realize this is probably a deep-rooted belief that I’m somehow not worthy of other people’s attention, kindness, or help.

But what can I actually do in these situations? How can I work through this feeling when it comes up in the moment?

 

[Leo Gura]

You need to get to the rock bottom of why you believe this.

Why are you unworthy of advice? That is quite a specific and radical belief.

Introspect and contemplate it. Psychedelics would help.

Edited 3 hours ago by Leo Gura

[bazera]

All the people that give advice are people just like you, with their own shit that they struggle with, maybe with more life experience to give advice from.

3 minutes ago, jacknine119 said:

I’m somehow not worthy of other people’s attention, kindness, or help.

Is that actually true for you? If so, why?

Do you also feel unworthy to give advice or just receive it?

[jacknine119]

@bazera just to receive it. 

[bazera]

@jacknine119 I think I also had some mild version of it in the past in my teens and early 20s, I don't remember how it got handled. I think it just got fixed itself after I exposed myself to more advice from others.

You need to observe why you feel that way, and the best time to observe that is when you're doing it in real time. 

So, I just gave you an advice, right? Did you feel unworthy of receving it?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

This sounds like deep self esteem issues. Self worth and shame.

There will be a root somewhere in your past (most likely). Somewhere in your experience, an incorrect meaning was made. You received a message you were not worth enough. Maybe you had to earn love (love is not something to be earned, it is freely given). Maybe you were rejected because someone had an issue, but you received it as "I was bothersome", when the person had the problem, not you.... etc etc. 

These misinterpretations from our history, if uninspected, fester. They can become rooted in our conception of self. Our identity. 

Unravelling this is about changing your relationship to the memory. To the experience. And seeing clearly where we misunderstood the meaning. Reconcile responsibility or repeat the pattern.... 

[Lyubov]

You’re building your life on emotional logic and getting completely lost in your feelings.

You’re creating a painful emotion but it’s coming from a belief. You are the creator of your emotions, not the victim of them.

I believe/think I am unworthy because________. 

fill that in, keep asking “why?” Answer: because I believe/think ______. 

I’ve found that true worth is intrinsic. It’s inherent to life and oneself. You were born with inherent worth and will die with inherent worth. And no matter what happens in your life, what mistakes you make, nothing will ever change this worth. No one can give it to you or ever take it away because you already have it and it’s untouchable.

Edited 2 hours ago by Lyubov

[LastThursday]

This is a very common thing: I'm unworthy of attention, unworthy of love, embarrassed by people liking us, feeling awkward about receiving, disbelief that someone says nice things about you, and so on. 

There is an answer, and that's to just accept what others give you without judgement, even if you don't feel comfortable with it. The other part is to give freely to others yourself and learn to understand what it means.

[bazera]

Also, notice that some people are complete opposite of that, they think they are entiteled to getting help and expect love, attention and care, they think they deserve it to the point that it becomes toxic. Imagine how your thought process must change to become like that, actually play around feeling that complete opposite way of being, what if you were like that? Why aren't you like that?

There are people who think that they don't deserve love of opposite sex (for example), and there are narcissists that think that everyone should love them obviously. You should not become a narcissist of course, but just think about that. 

Edited 1 hour ago by bazera

[PsychedelicEagle]

@jacknine119 What you described is referred to as toxic shame. Research about this.

I had the same in the dating domain — I deep frame I wasn't worth of (high-status) women's love and attention. I changed that.

I recommend you read No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Edited just now by PsychedelicEagle