Am I Finally Ready To Let Go of Dating?

[questionreality]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

To clarify, don't misunderstand what I said above. That is only for very mature individuals who have already had enough sex and looking for a higher option. That is not advice for virgins and newbies.

Just because you don't have a partner or kids does not make it a higher option. 

[Miguel1]

2 minutes ago, questionreality said:

The fact that you take it as people "accusing" you of having a spiritual ego speaks for itself. Perhaps in some years you will look back and realize what you were told, but at this point nothing more can be said to you.

Obviously I didn’t take it as such in the beginning. And I have been accused of it for a long time already, I have been very patient. This thread wasn’t the first time.

But since I see no real arguments that has any value, it gets tiring real fast.

I also see no interest in people accusing me to inquire where their accusations are coming from. Perhaps, are they themselves lacking? Really contemplate it, the way I’ve done extensively when I’ve been challenged.

It might not be so obvious and clear that you are on the right and I’m on the wrong.

[Valach]

22 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Obviously I didn’t take it as such in the beginning. And I have been accused of it for a long time already, I have been very patient. This thread wasn’t the first time.

But since I see no real arguments that has any value, it gets tiring real fast.

I also see no interest in people accusing me to inquire where their accusations are coming from. Perhaps, are they themselves lacking? Really contemplate it, the way I’ve done extensively when I’ve been challenged.

It might not be so obvious and clear that you are on the right and I’m on the wrong.

I mean this is hard to elaborate. Since it is mostly based on intuation (at lest for me) when we point it out. What kind of reasons do you expect us to provide?

It's the same way when you provided feedback to @Olaf in another thread. You can just read between the lines.

Edited 3 hours ago by Valach

[Miguel1]

4 minutes ago, Valach said:

I mean this is hard to elaborate. Since it is mostly based on intuation (at lest for me) when we point it out. What kind of reasons do you expect us to provide?

It's the same way when you provided feedback to @Olaf in another thread. You can just read between the lines.

I give Olaf real arguments for why his approach is not working.

What are your arguments for my position here? What could I do better for me not to have a spiritual ego, that is based on truth?

[something_else]

5 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

No. This is just me tired of being nice.

This conversation here has already ended, it doesn’t need to be pushed further.

I’m getting tired of answering the same questions when people do not listen, and instead, accuse me of having a spiritual ego because it is way easier to do so than to face the reality that is their own short-comings in their journey.

Case in point, you.

Tbh I was on your side at first, but the more I read your replies, the more I get the spiritual ego vibe as well. It goes beyond confidence in yourself towards sheer arrogance, and putting down others.

At the same time every time someone gives you genuine advice you come up with several excuses for why it won’t work for you.

Overall that gives off a very “I need help but I’m already perfect and above you all so none of your advice could possibly work for me, I’m just suffering so much from how great I am” kind of vibe

Again, this is my interpretation of what I’ve read. I’m not deducing your internal state, just telling you the impression I’m getting from you.

[Valach]

Just now, Miguel1 said:

I give Olaf real arguments for why his approach is not working.

What are your arguments for my position here? What could I do better for me not to have a spiritual ego, that is based on truth?

I would focus way less on how other people are manipulative, low-consciousness, acting out their shadows, etc., and much more on asking: In what ways am I still doing the same things? That is what I try to do, at least.

The main reason I pointed out the spiritual ego thing in the first place is actually because I recognize it in myself. I have a huge spiritual ego too, and the way you sometimes talk about other people is very similar to how I can talk about them in my own head—especially when I’m having an off day.

As for dating, of course you can keep dating if that is what you want. I’m personally taking a break from it right now. Maybe it would help to aim more for spaces where you’re likely to meet people who are more aligned with you, although I understand that this can be very difficult. I went to an ecstatic dance last Friday, as I told you, and I actually liked the vibe of the people there quite a bit. I would need to spend more time in that environment to really feel it out, though.

Besides that, something that has been helping me is simply trying to be present with and accepting of people even when I can clearly see their wounds, shadows, immaturity, etc.

Just yesterday, for example, I spent about an hour talking with my 22-year-old flatmate about her dating life. Of course I could see plenty of immaturity, unhealthy patterns, and perspectives I disagree with. But I could also see the beauty in the connection itself. She trusted me enough to share her perspective with me, even when some of it might be unhealthy, and I’m genuinely grateful for that.

Another thing that has helped me—and I realize this is extremely niche—is that I recently started working with kids through a charity. These are often kids from very difficult backgrounds: dad in jail, mom doesn’t care much, that kind of situation.

The more I do this, the more I start seeing that adults are, in a sense, still those kids too. And I don’t mean that in a patronizing way. I mean that our personalities, defenses, wounds, and ways of relating to others are profoundly shaped by our upbringing and everything that happened to us along the way.

Seeing that makes it easier for me to approach people with more understanding. Not by patronizing them, trying to control them, or tolerating everything they do, but by understanding where they are coming from. You can still have boundaries. You don’t have to let someone’s toxicity consume you or drag you down. But you can understand the person without needing to place yourself above them.

And I want to emphasize something else because I don’t want this to sound like I’m dismissing the work you’ve done. I actually think you have developed a lot in terms of consciousness, maturity, and self-awareness. I can see that in your posts, and I genuinely look forward to reading what you write. That’s also why I reached out to you that one time, if you remember.

But I think this is precisely where the trap can appear.

Just like those kids, and just like all of the “adult kids” we meet, you are also the product of an enormous number of circumstances you never chose. You didn’t choose your starting point, your experiences, the people you encountered, the insights that clicked for you, or many of the conditions that allowed you to develop in the direction you did.

So as you continue further down this path, I think it’s worth being careful not to turn your consciousness, maturity, or self-awareness into another achievement to identify with—something that separates “me, the conscious/mature person” from “those unconscious/immature people.”

For me, that is where the spiritual ego comes in.

[questionreality]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

Obviously I didn’t take it as such in the beginning. And I have been accused of it for a long time already, I have been very patient. This thread wasn’t the first time.

But since I see no real arguments that has any value, it gets tiring real fast.

I also see no interest in people accusing me to inquire where their accusations are coming from. Perhaps, are they themselves lacking? Really contemplate it, the way I’ve done extensively when I’ve been challenged.

It might not be so obvious and clear that you are on the right and I’m on the wrong.

You keep describing it as being “accused,” but that is already the frame through which you’re interpreting what people are saying. That is the way your ego frames it. Just because someone is observing a pattern or being critical of you doesn’t necessarily mean they are accusing you of something.

The same applies to “I’m being accused” and “you think you’re right and I’m wrong.” Those are frames you’re putting on the conversation and to me, another example of the ego reacting, rather than neutral descriptions of what is actually being said.

What do you think is more likely, that there is something here you may not be seeing in yourself, or that all these different people who have independently pointed out a similar pattern are the ones lacking something?

[Lyubov]

@Miguel1 Just to be clear I was never arguing with you or saying you should do anything. I even said in a prior post you should live up to what you believe. I was trying to inquire into your line of thinking and beliefs because sometimes when they're reflected back clearly you can get a better understanding. The conversation started with you saying in your life you believe it's hard to find people worth relating to that are your age. Some people pushed back on this saying it isn't. You mentioned how you aren't interested in  playing games and following strange rules and having to compromise your commitment to truth, honesty and authenticity. That's fine, I am in agreement if you have to sacrifice your commitment to truth, honesty and authenticity then it is not a relationship worth having. The conversation then drifted over to people not being intellectual and spiritual enough. I would wonder why you believe most or all relationships you encounter require you to sacrifice your commitment to truth, honesty and authenticity. Because from my experience I've found it's still possible to relate and have an enjoyable relationships with people without having to sacrifice my commitment to truth, honesty and authenticity. If anything I usually am the first one to do this anyway and am the first casualty of it as well, because when I'm open and loving it can be kinda unfamiliar and I will retreat into my own familiar self sabotaging pattern, but I take responsibility for that and I don't place that on other people. 

 

 

Edited 1 hour ago by Lyubov

[Miguel1]

1 hour ago, something_else said:

and putting down others.

I have not put anyone down.

Just because someone gives you advice, doesn’t mean you should take it.

Use discerment.

[Leo Gura]

@Miguel1 Bro, be fair. You gotta take all our stupid advice.

Edited 1 hour ago by Leo Gura

[Miguel1]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Miguel1 Bro, be fair. You gotta take all our stupid advice.

Stupid advice, or spiritual narcissism.

Tough choice 

Edited 54 minutes ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

@Lyubov Thank you for the well-thought message.

My question for you is this:

How many people do you think does the work we do here? What about the amount of people that actually does it seriously? 

It’s not enough to be scientifically gifted.

And I am not expecting the girl to be anywhere near as conscious as Leo, as I am not either. I don’t even expect her to be as conscious as I am. But relatively conscious.

Now ask yourself, how many of them are 25-30 years olds? And finally, ask yourself: how many of them are physically attractive in Miguel’s standards? The boy who is used to the best.

Also ask yourself, for a really attractive girl in her youth, what are her incentives to doing this work? In general.. this work already is more suited to men, as we care more about truth, and girls care more about feelings.

Edited 42 minutes ago by Miguel1

[Leo Gura]

14 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Now ask yourself, how many of them are 25-30 years olds? And finally, ask yourself: how many of them are physically attractive in Miguel’s standards?

Dude, your expectations are just unreasonable.

You've simply spoiled yourself with pickup and good looks.

People with your standards don't have families or reproduce.

If you are so developed and conscious, why don't you learn to love a fat chick?

Imagine complaining to the Buddha that you are so spiritual that chicks are not hot enough for you.

Life is not supposed to give you your dream girl. Even if you got her, you are so spoiled you would grow sick of her in 3 years tops and want something better.

Too much abundance is a curse.

Edited 32 minutes ago by Leo Gura

[Ulax]

19 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Now ask yourself, how many of them are 25-30 years olds? And finally, ask yourself: how many of them are physically attractive in Miguel’s standards? The boy who is used to the best.

 

[Miguel1]

15 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If you are so developed and conscious, why don't you learn to love a fat chick?

I got a long way before I am conscious enough to want to have sex with an overly obese girl. Love them and accept them I can.

People love to project ideas onto me.

I had a monent of loneliness and opened up here. No more. No less. Who doesn’t experience loneliness when they are on this journey?

Isn’t it allowed?

This conversation doesn’t need to be 20 pages long, and I have communicated it multiple times.

I am in the process of letting go of dating and potentially transcending it. Isn’t the work about facing the hard truths, and griefing the loss of beautiful illusions, and finally accepting the hard truths?

I was expecting some emotional support for my griefing process, as one of the main reason this community was made, was for that.

But I kinda regret expecting that.

This conversation can be done, as far as I am concerned. It doesn’t really need to be pushed further.

Edited 24 minutes ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

I think I’ll take a break from the forum. Might be good for me.

The blog I will keep reading, as it’s gold.