Am I Finally Ready To Let Go of Dating?

[BlessedLion]

5 hours ago, Lyubov said:

For more intellectual women I would stick to Europe. I would say it’s about as good as it gets in regard to intellectual depth but I would also keep your expectations in check still. South America is possibly the worst I’ve been. I did feel a little bad there because I saw myself as out of place and not connecting with people there because of how I am used to relating to people, if you want ultra normie in sense making go to SA. The average European woman isn’t going to want to discuss though what we discuss here. Do you think my wife would fit in with the conversations on actualized? Of course not. But we are able to talk about a lot of other things and share a similar path and values and are able to just enjoy each other’s company and be silly together. And even then we piss each other off regularly. I come to actualized for this dimension of depth and analysis and different perspectives of understanding to get new insights of my own. obviously I get more insights here and have my spiritual thoughts recognized here more and my thoughts on the dynamics of dating recognized more here than from my wife. 

Living in Ubud Bali i find endless deep spiritual and intelligent women who are also hot and can hold their own in complex philosophical topics. I usually end up fucking their minds open from the gate, then we hook up. It's crazy to me how many guys seem to struggle finding deep and spiritual women, they seem to surround me. Even in Brazil , when i lived there, i met a hot girl who was open to spiritual discussions and practices and could go deep and asked great follow up questions about whatever i was explaining. 

I agree with you about the checkbox thing, tbh from reading Miguels posts in the past it seems like he is very picky and no woman is quite good enough for him which can be a trap. 

[Miguel1]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Miguel1 What is your career?

If you had a spiritual career like a coach, speaker, teacher, etc, you would easily find a cute spiritual girl.

Kill two birds with one stone.

It is easier to get spiritual girls as a spirutual leader. They come to you.

Says a man who refuses to date his fans 

I’ve been in sales and doing different type of self-help coaching. Mostly social skills and inner work, for men.

The whole summer I took a break from work tho as I want to transition into something more aligned with my heart.

But yes, I have contemplated this. If I am to find a girl that is really aligned with me, she very possibly comes from my work, as she will naturally deeply align with what I do and who I am:

Right now, I am building a dance art + dance therapy + inner growth type of business to the Finnish market here. Later will scale to international level.

I think this is a beautiful vision that is way more aligned with me.

Part of me does want to focus on sales fully until I am finacially free though, and then build something more aligned with the heart.

- - -

So the answer is as I intuited with the idea of creating this thread:

Let go of intentional dating and just put all your energy and time into your work and life purpose 

Edited 4 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

@Cubbage You said it brother.

[Miguel1]

2 hours ago, CARDOZZO said:

@Miguel1

Become a "club promoter" but for yoga studios.

Done.

Thank me later  

I’ll start an OnlyFans but only for hot spiritual witches 

[Miguel1]

2 hours ago, LordFall said:

I mean yeah that's actually not a bad idea. You gotta keep it professional but mixing your game with your passions is both more fun and more scalable than just doing it at random clubs or daygame. I organization fashion and content meetups and some people are really into nightlife and they do that and some people are music promoters and network and meet friends and romantic partners that way. 

For once, I am with you 

Edited 5 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

1 hour ago, BlessedLion said:

Living in Ubud Bali i find endless deep spiritual and intelligent women who are also hot and can hold their own in complex philosophical topics. I usually end up fucking their minds open from the gate, then we hook up. It's crazy to me how many guys seem to struggle finding deep and spiritual women, they seem to surround me. Even in Brazil , when i lived there, i met a hot girl who was open to spiritual discussions and practices and could go deep and asked great follow up questions about whatever i was explaining. 

I agree with you about the checkbox thing, tbh from reading Miguels posts in the past it seems like he is very picky and no woman is quite good enough for him which can be a trap. 

You are contradicting yourself here brother.

If you were also surrounded with a bunch of normies who has no ”depth”, you would seem very picky.

I’ve heard from some of my pickup friends who have lived in Bali, that the girls there are typically not in a gf mindset. It’s more like Vegas. People are there for hook ups, fun and short romances. Sounds exhausting for me at this point.

[Miguel1]

I am actually surprised no more people is opening up about this same challenge in their own life.

Conformity!

[bazera]

@Miguel1 Hey, I have one question. Would you be willing to marry a woman who is very developed, spiritually advanced, maybe even more then you, but isn't as good looking as you'd like?

[NoN-RaTiOnAL]

i get you so much man, i feel like im in the same boat. tired of trying new girls again and again... 
I feel like throughout the years of dating i got really good at making girls fall in love with me but i have no clue of how to fall in love with them myself, i have no reference point because intuitively none of them ever aligned with my deeper values and made me feel seen and understood but i could provide them with that experience. when i finally found some girl that i felt good being around her, she was just not attractive enough, couldn't bear looking into her eyes lying to her that i think she's beautiful. 

damn dating is fckn hell

[Miguel1]

1 hour ago, bazera said:

@Miguel1 Hey, I have one question. Would you be willing to marry a woman who is very developed, spiritually advanced, maybe even more then you, but isn't as good looking as you'd like?

Thank you for the question. Giving numbers is not a very mature thing to do but for practical purpose, a 7.5/10 is probably the lowest. 8/10 I will be happy.

She definitely doesn’t have to be 10/10. It is diminishing returns at that point. Lots of issues also comes with such beauty.

[Miguel1]

1 hour ago, NoN-RaTiOnAL said:

i get you so much man, i feel like im in the same boat. tired of trying new girls again and again... 
I feel like throughout the years of dating i got really good at making girls fall in love with me but i have no clue of how to fall in love with them myself, i have no reference point because intuitively none of them ever aligned with my deeper values and made me feel seen and understood but i could provide them with that experience. when i finally found some girl that i felt good being around her, she was just not attractive enough, couldn't bear looking into her eyes lying to her that i think she's beautiful. 

damn dating is fckn hell

Thank you for the sympathy.

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

Says a man who refuses to date his fans

I am not entirely against it, but it is dangerous so requires a lot care.

Most people would abuse it.

There is also a difference between dating a fan vs dating someone just finds you through your work. If you are giving a speech and someone in the crowd meets you, that's not necessarily a fan.

Edited 1 hour ago by Leo Gura

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

Right now, I am building a dance art + dance therapy + inner growth type of business to the Finnish market here. Later will scale to international level.

I think this is a beautiful vision that is way more aligned with me.

Sweet!

[Lyubov]

4 hours ago, BlessedLion said:

Living in Ubud Bali i find endless deep spiritual and intelligent women who are also hot and can hold their own in complex philosophical topics. I usually end up fucking their minds open from the gate, then we hook up. It's crazy to me how many guys seem to struggle finding deep and spiritual women, they seem to surround me. Even in Brazil , when i lived there, i met a hot girl who was open to spiritual discussions and practices and could go deep and asked great follow up questions about whatever i was explaining. 

I agree with you about the checkbox thing, tbh from reading Miguels posts in the past it seems like he is very picky and no woman is quite good enough for him which can be a trap. 

I can’t speak on Bali, I have never been. 

On Brazil though, there are spiritual girls there, even a good bit into voodoo and African pan folk religions where they do rituals and whatnot, but I’ve spoken about Brazil here before. I intellectually didn’t click with the women there. It was more low intellect type women across the board, and especially in South America women have really commodified their sexuality, probably 90% of the hottest women there do some sorta sex work. So you have to grind almost just as hard there for a baddie as in the USA. Honestly I would just stick to Eastern Europeans for a balance of intellect but highly accessible beauty and they do sometimes have their own spiritual vibe to them. 

[LordFall]

4 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

For once, I am with you 

Haha we'll get along one day I'm sure! We just seem to have different communication style and I tend to give people tough love because I think we all need it at times and it's lacking on this forum compared to the emotional support the community often seems to default to.

Edited 40 minutes ago by LordFall

[Valach]

4 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

You are contradicting yourself here brother.

If you were also surrounded with a bunch of normies who has no ”depth”, you would seem very picky.

I’ve heard from some of my pickup friends who have lived in Bali, that the girls there are typically not in a gf mindset. It’s more like Vegas. People are there for hook ups, fun and short romances. Sounds exhausting for me at this point.

I have a feeling that also people imagine different things under spirituality. I have been to bali, just briefly and what people on there define as spirituality seems to be just Hedonism 2.0. labelled as spirituality so they can feel superior about themselves. A lot of these healing trips and ceremonies are just huge escape attempts.

[LordFall]

4 minutes ago, Valach said:

I have a feeling that also people imagine different things under spirituality. I have been to bali, just briefly and what people on there define as spirituality seems to be just Hedonism 2.0. labelled as spirituality so they can feel superior about themselves. A lot of these healing trips and ceremonies are just huge escape attempts.

How would you say you personally differentiate between escape attempts and genuinely embracing of life without letting society's judgment weigh you down?

Edited 30 minutes ago by LordFall

[Valach]

5 minutes ago, LordFall said:

How would you say you personally differentiate between escape attempts and genuinely embracing of life without letting society's judgment weigh you down?

It is incredible hard for me as well. I don't have a very good answer for you. But building self connection and self awareness is the key for any inner, I believe you do them to.

To give you an example:

About 1 year ago I was casually seeing a woman. One evening I felt horny and hit her up to come to my place and she agreed. Nothing wrong with that eh? But at the time I was already starting to make some progress with the stuff. So I tried to stay with the feeling of horniness. I befriended it and went deeper. Underneath I found a deep sense of loneliness, unworthiness and sense of being lost. I found a small kid that wants to be desired and chosen by someone. It made me realize that I was just using this woman to stuff down any contact with these emotions. So I had to cancel on her and went into focusing on healing myself.

And I see this as missing in the "hedonistic" spirituality. People come to that and want to feel good. Be it by spiritual practice, some healing modality or just the lifestyle itself. But true healing is not just about immediate relief. It is not just about feeling good. It is primarily about feeling more. Feeling the pain of your existence, feeling your traumas, feeling how you were mistreated as a child and how you try to cope with it as adult. For a large part of my journey so far I would even argue that I feel worse. I feel a huge sense of sadness and loneliness. But I embrace them and cry it out. And I find that this is the true inner work. When people claim they want to feel good, what they mean usually is that they just want to feel less. They want to distract themselves from their own inner suffering.

I am not sure what you mean by the society's judgment though? Could you expand?