Am I Finally Ready To Let Go of Dating?

[Miguel1]

17 minutes ago, something_else said:

Go to Nepal, or Northern India. Especially to a yoga retreat. I met sooo many spiritual girls travelling there from all over the world to get a yoga teaching certificate. This commitment automatically selects for the people who are seriously spiritual and not just superficially so.

Also, many of the women I met were in their 30s but looked like they were in their early twenties. And very open and fun with their sexuality.

It sounds like that’s basically exactly the type of woman you’re looking for, and if I had your goal that’s exactly where I’d go. And you are probably exactly what they’d consider their type as well. Hot, spiritual, deep, social, and a dancer 

At first, India and Nepa doesn’t sound very appealing but if it’s a condensated area that is more conscious, then it definitely should be beautiful!

I should not be so close-minded to close off the whole India as unappraling, as surely there are many beautiful small paradises spread around.

There’s extra potential, as they are in their 30s. Makes their potential more believeable. And I’m also in my early 30s that look like in his early-mid 20s so it’s perfect haha.

Actually sounds like a great idea to explore. Gotta look for unhealthy conformity and group-think in these places tho.

Thank you for the suggestion.

As I said earlier to leo, logistics is the biggest issue for me. Being in the right place makes this 100x easier.

All this being said, I believe @BlessedLion has a lot of experience in these places? Can you comment? Is it just a bunch of sheep mentality or are there seriously actualized and integrated beings, that are not too old?

Edited 6 hours ago by Miguel1

[something_else]

59 minutes ago, AION said:

I meditated on this topic because I have a similar issue but I’m different too. I’m introverted instead of extroverted like Miguel. And I didn’t have it easy with dating. Lately I have a lot of success though. Through hard work. I didn’t come easy like for Miguel. But I reached a plateau too where others can’t reach me.

And with reached I mean the young attractive women I wanted to be reached by. Because my DM is filled with milfs that can reach me where I want but I don’t want it from them.
 

I think the right move here to give those milfs a chance but I’m not that spiritual too look beyond the wrinkles and bad decisions. And that is ok. 
 

That would be the ultimate one taste. But fuck that bullshit. I’m just a human. If others want to larp as god and play captain save a hoe be my guest. But I’m just integral. Some mfs here say they are god and still want to date a 20 year cutie and expect her to be mother Theresa from the inside. Lmao. This topic is gold. This forum is becoming a clown show. 😭😭😭

The reason the girls you like don’t like you is pretty apparent from the traits consistently visible in almost all of your posts.

The combination of mildly controlling, general disrespect towards women, enforcing double standards, and bitterness about dating are all traits most 20-something girls find really unattractive.

Throw manosphere content consumer in there and you’re hitting like 5 of the most common red flags for girls in that age range.

[Valach]

1 minute ago, something_else said:

The reason the girls you like don’t like you is pretty apparent from the traits consistently visible in almost all of your posts.

The combination of mildly controlling, general disrespect towards women, enforcing double standards, and bitterness about dating are all traits most 20-something girls find really unattractive.

Throw manosphere content consumer in there and you’re hitting like 5 of the most common red flags for girls in that age range.

To be honest, I don't think older woman would be more tolerant about this.

[something_else]

2 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

At first, India and Nepa doesn’t sound very appealing but if it’s a condensated area that is more conscious, then it definitely should be beautiful!

I should not be so close-minded to close off the whole India as unappraling, as surely there are many beautiful small paradises spread around.

There’s extra potential, as they are in their 30s. Makes their potential more believeable. And I’m also in my early 30s that look like in his early-mid 20s so it’s perfect haha.

Actually sounds like a great idea to explore. Gotta look for unhealthy conformity and group-think in these places tho.

Thank you for the suggestion.

As I said earlier to leo, logistics is the biggest issue for me. Being in the right place makes this 100x easier.

All this being said, I believe @BlessedLion has a lot of experience in these places? Can you comment? Is it just a bunch of sheep mentality or are there seriously actualized and integrated beings, that are not too old?

India is a chaotic mess in most of the big cities, personally I love the hustle and bustle but it’s not for everyone. However once you go to places outside of the cities towards the Himalayas like Rishikesh, the birthplace of Yoga, it’s an entirely different vibe.

Nepal has the chaos in cities to a lesser degree, but Pokhara is a pretty chill city and is surrounded by yoga retreats. The city is filled with spiritual girls too.

There’s an element of group thinking there but there’s nowhere in the world where that’s inescapable. Better to be somewhere that the conformity is at least spiritual and aligns with you more.

[AION]

11 minutes ago, something_else said:

The reason the girls you like don’t like you is pretty apparent from the traits consistently visible in almost all of your posts.

The combination of mildly controlling, general disrespect towards women, enforcing double standards, and bitterness about dating are all traits most 20-something girls find really unattractive.

Throw manosphere content consumer in there and you’re hitting like 5 of the most common red flags for girls in that age range.

How did you know I’m mildly controlling? That is very specific lol

Edited 6 hours ago by AION

[Schizophonia]

You could just pick an ordinary person your age whom you find attractive and compatible.

You talk as if you have a lifetime to find someone and maybe start a family.

 

[Valach]

@Miguel1, I want to challenge you a little bit here, and I mean this in a friendly and constructive way.

Reading your posts in this thread, as well as some of the things you've written previously, I sometimes wonder whether there might be a bit of spiritual ego mixed into how you see this whole situation.

There seems to be a recurring narrative that you are highly developed/conscious, while most people around you are significantly less developed, and therefore it is extremely difficult to find someone who meets your standards. At the same time, you also seem to bring up things like being beautiful, looking young for your age, having very high standards, etc. And then there seems to be quite a lot of frustration around not being able to get the kind of relationship you want.

I could obviously be completely wrong about you, because I only know you through what you post here. But taken together, something about that feels a little contradictory to me.

Generally, when I meet people who have done a lot of inner work and have developed a deep sense of love and acceptance toward themselves and other people, I don't notice much need in them to emphasize how developed they are relative to everyone else. If anything, there often seems to be increasing humility about how much shit they themselves still have to work through.

That doesn't mean I think your standards are unreasonable. I actually agree that once you care about self-awareness, emotional maturity, growth, etc., finding someone genuinely compatible becomes harder. And there is nothing wrong with wanting a partner who shares your values and can meet you at a certain depth.

What I'm questioning is the relationship you have to those standards and the story surrounding them.

I wonder whether instead of framing the problem primarily as "I have developed so much that there are very few women developed enough for me," there might be something useful in asking: What is dating still supposed to give me? Why does not having this particular kind of woman create so much frustration? Is some part of me still looking for completion, validation, or a sense of worth through having an exceptional partner?

And perhaps letting go of dating could actually be useful from that perspective—not because you have transcended women or relationships, but because it gives you space to investigate what you were hoping to get from them in the first place.

Maybe there is another direction worth putting more energy into as well: deepening the love you have for yourself and other people, and finding something meaningful through which you can contribute to others. I don't know enough about your life to know what that would look like for you, or whether dance already serves that role to some degree.

But at least for me, orienting more of my life around what I can give rather than what I can get has been very helpful. And I wonder whether there is something there for you too.

Again, I could be projecting or misunderstanding you. I'm not saying any of this as "you're actually not developed." I'm questioning whether the identity of being highly developed might itself be something worth examining.

 

[Miguel1]

13 minutes ago, Valach said:

To be honest, I don't think older woman would be more tolerant about this.

On one hand they are less tolerant cuz they know themselves better and have stronger boundaries. On the other hand, they know they have wayy less sexual market value.

Depends on the individual. The less conscious the person, the more likely they are to put up with poor behaviour.

[something_else]

Just now, AION said:

How did you know I’m controlling? lol

You said you were looking for a young and “moldable” girl.

[something_else]

1 minute ago, Miguel1 said:

On one hand they are less tolerant cuz they know themselves better and have stronger boundaries. On the other hand, they know they have wayy less sexual market value.

Depends on the individual. The less conscious the person, the more likely they are to put up with poor behaviour.

Yea, pretty much. And throw in growing up in a time where it was slightly more acceptable for men to behave that way, plus less overall awareness of manosphere content. All of that together can mean it’s less of a visceral reaction than it would be for a girl in her twenties now.

[Schizophonia]

Also that whole thing about dividing people into "high and low consciousness" is paranoid and megalomaniacal; as if the people here were great orchestra conductors or something lol.

 

[Majed]

@Schizophonia

1 minute ago, Schizophonia said:

Also that whole thing about dividing people into "high and low consciousness" is paranoid and megalomaniacal; as if the people here were great orchestra conductors or something lol.

That's because you aren't conscious of how unconscious people can be. People who are religious, ideological, in cults, narcissistic, materialistic, ignorant of reality and themselves, etc....

[questionreality]

3 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

Contemplate:

Why are some of the most conscious and developed people single? Why is Leo single (if he is)?

I am not saying I am one of the most conscious by any means but that’s the goal one day.

@Miguel1   

Have you considered the possibility that your framework of “higher” and “lower” consciousness could itself be flawed?

In my opinion, for someone who has been involved in spirituality and self-development for as long as you have, the whole concept of “higher consciousness” versus “lower consciousness” is something that should eventually be dropped. It can be a useful framework in the beginning and intermediate stages, but at a certain point, going further requires that framework itself to be dropped or transcended. 

All of this overconceptualization could actually be what’s holding you back, and in general, I just don’t think it’s a particularly healthy mindset to have.

[AION]

12 minutes ago, something_else said:

You said you were looking for a young and “moldable” girl.

I shouldn’t give all my cards away 

[Valach]

19 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

On one hand they are less tolerant cuz they know themselves better and have stronger boundaries. On the other hand, they know they have wayy less sexual market value.

Depends on the individual. The less conscious the person, the more likely they are to put up with poor behaviour.

 

15 minutes ago, something_else said:

Yea, pretty much. And throw in growing up in a time where it was slightly more acceptable for men to behave that way, plus less overall awareness of manosphere content. All of that together can mean it’s less of a visceral reaction than it would be for a girl in her twenties now.

Fair. But in my experience young woman are more prone to evaluate you by the amount of emotional stimulation you bring to her life and not focus on you character as much - so someone who hates woman but is just fun/charismatic might have his way with woman ( I have actually met plenty of men like that). Older woman might be different. But I don't have that much experience with older woman (romantically or platonically) since I am still in my 20's.

Edited 5 hours ago by Valach

[Miguel1]

@Valach Thank you for your well-thought message.

The spiritual ego argument is the one I hear the most in my situation.

First of all, I have definitely not transcended dating, otherwise I would not be looking for dating so much. This one is quite obvious in my opinion.

Am I in the process of transcending? Perhaps.

I think though, that it is unfair that I am not allowed to mention my own growth, strenghts, standards and past experiences and successes without being allured (is this the right word?) to having a spiritual ego.

We are doing serious, adult thinking here. Obviously if I met you in some random occasion, I would be speaking of stuff that I need to work on and my shortcomings - as that would be socially intelligent thing to do in a social gathering. If I were to mention that I struggle to find a fitting partner, it would be a short comment, and I would move the conversation back into the group or the other person, unless they really push for me to open up.

- - - - -

Quote

”There might be something useful in asking: What is dating still supposed to give me? Why does not having this particular kind of woman create so much frustration? Is some part of me still looking for completion, validation, or a sense of worth through having an exceptional partner?”

Yesterday I answered more extensively in private to Zenterus. But my answer to these questions have always been very sincere and humble (but it is often ignored of course):

I am a human being, with human needs! I have not transcended them.

Extrovertness and being highly social is typically not looked as the most spiritual and intelligent trait here in this work and forum - but I humbly own them in me. I admit these parts of me. I have strong extrovertness and human needs.

I am build like Barack Obama. I need to be around a lot of people.

Quote

Maybe there is another direction worth putting more energy into as well: deepening the love you have for yourself and other people, and finding something meaningful through which you can contribute to others. I don't know enough about your life to know what that would look like for you, or whether dance already serves that role to some degree.

This is what I am doing with this thread and with this whole process or potentially ”Letting go of dating”. I have been talking directly about this extensively in this thread as well.

- - - - -

And so that’s the ultimate dilemma. On one hand, my core personality is not really built for deep, hard-core solo spiritual work. On the other hand, there is a part of me that seem to care about it very deeply - if not more than anything else in life.

Edited 5 hours ago by Miguel1

[Schizophonia]

6 minutes ago, Majed said:

@Schizophonia

That's because you aren't conscious of how unconscious people can be. People who are religious, ideological, in cults, narcissistic, materialistic, ignorant of reality and themselves, etc....

And so what.

What difference does it make if, for example, you are a non-dualist and she is a Christian, and you believe your paradigm is superior to hers? Does that make her someone you cannot cooperate with.

Viewing the object not as something ambivalent that serves me to a greater or lesser extent, but as something split into good or bad, is an attempt to cling to infantile narcissism.

There aren't really any stupid people; that is an illusion arising from the clash of different subjectivities. People have different life experiences and genetic makeups, leading them to hold different viewpoints on life; yet, the origins of these differing perspectives are entirely logical—everything in the universe is logical.

Your bank advisor might actually be cool, it could be strong potential for a genuine human connection, dialectic with her but  you are unable to see that from your cliveage. The people your ego deems "ideal" shield you from your insecurities and mental blocks, yet they also perpetuate your unconscious voids.

 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Quote

I think though, that it is unfair that I am not allowed to mention my own growth, strenghts, standards and past experiences and successes without being allured (is this the right word?) to having a spiritual ego.

No one said it was unfair. Or not allowed.

But users notice the repeated rhetoric and story you tell.

It is the one you appear  to dislike inspecting as resistance comes up when it is approached. Resistance is observed in avoidance of inspecting the apparent egoic attachment to reported elevated status. There may not be any, true. But it appears this way from outsiders. The narrative repeated is serving some purpose for you. As narratives often do for us all. The stories I tell myself often help me avoid or cope. 

We don't mean this as an attack. It's an observation of what is seen. 

Without any interpretation - you repeat your consciousness status as a theme.

Quote

My answer to these questions have always been very sincere and humble (but it is often ignored of course): I am a human being, with human needs! I have not transcended them.

Extrovertness and being highly social is typically not looked as the most spiritual and intelligent trait here in this work and forum - but I humbly own them in me. I admit these parts of me. I have strong extrovertness and human needs.

I've asked similar questions as @Valachto you previously. What you answered him with doesn't address the questions, but avoids them. Similarly to my lines of enquiry - you avoided these prevously, also. 

I apologise if these words hurt. I am trying to remove any interpretation and just illustrate what is seen and observed. I want to try to avoid explaining you as this is a disservice to what you may mean or experience. Just observe patterns. 

Edited 5 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Miguel1]

@Natasha Tori Maru I think the main issue is that I just don’t understand what you guys are saying and what exactly is it you are asking?

I don’t sense hurtness in me. I sense that we just don’t understand each other. I also can’t encourage you guys to look into your questions and where they arise, otherwise I come across as having spiritual ego.

For me, my problems are so simple and clear. Some members seem to understand them. Others see them as me being ”holier than thou”.

Edited 5 hours ago by Miguel1

[Valach]

6 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

@Natasha Tori Maru I think the main issue is that I just don’t understand what you guys are saying and what exactly is it you are asking?

I don’t sense hurtness in me. I sense that we just don’t understand each other. I also can’t encourage you guys to look into your questions and where they arise, otherwise I come across as having spiritual ego.

For me, my problems are so simple and clear. Some members seem to understand them. Others see them as me being ”holier than thou”.

Brother I will try to come back to this and formulate it beter later on. I need to get some work done right now and this response needs time for me to think.