Blocking & Deleting After a Break Up or Not?

[Leo Gura]

I don't block or delete ex's unless they harass me or argue endlessly. Usually, only very clingy people need to be blocked.

Edited 2 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Joseph Maynor]

I would suggest the question here to consider is a much more practical one -- who do you want to spend your time with?  There is a tendency to get real abstract here.  

[Miguel1]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I don't block or delete ex's unless they harass me or argue endlessly. Usually, only very clingy people need to be blocked.

Our brains work very differently, I am almost the complete opposite to you.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, especially when it comes to relationships.

When something so intimate and important ends, even if it ends on a mutual agreement and in a healthy and respectful manner, my brain struggles to let go.

[bazera]

34 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

all the hard and adult conversations have been had, there are no avoidance left.

That's nice. By avoidance I didn't meant something negative. Actually, some degree of avoidance is healthy and necessary when you are grieving, as I said, going through memories, photos, chats, stalking on social media, etc can feel like picking a deep wound that hasn't healed yet. 

For me personally, I needed to avoid picking that wound for some months before I was emotionally over with it mostly. 

If the breakup was intense, I think deleting would be a smart move to give yourself space to heal. Blocking them feels too much for me, but deleting / ignoring (there's that feature) them on social media was enough to have my own space and re-anchor my life from "us" to "me" again. 

And if you can't control yourself from messaging them, or you know that they might message you, it can also be a smart move to block them. Again, for creating some space before you let go to a degree that it doesn't bother you anymore.

Edited 2 hours ago by bazera

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Our brains work very differently, I am almost the complete opposite to you.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, especially when it comes to relationships.

When something so intimate and important ends, even if it ends on a mutual agreement and in a healthy and respectful manner, my brain struggles to let go.

My brain also struggles to let go. That's why I don't block. But I don't need to nuke people from my phone to get over them.

Edited 2 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Joseph Maynor]

There is ghosting which used to solve this issue back in the day.  I'm sure most people have done this at least once.  

[Valach]

@Miguel1 I also struggle with getting over breakups and letting people go. But that is because I have abandonment trauma so breakup triggers all the old wounds.

Personally I do delete stuff common photos and remove/block their socials so I do not see them and get reminded of them. The nervous system needs to get used to not seeing the person anymore. Blocking the phone number does not do much for me as there is no photo there so the brain does not get triggered by seeing the number. 

[AION]

I don't delete them from messengers but I unfollow from social media. And that is for my own sake. Because reseeing them on social media fires the same neurons in the brain which prevents you from getting over them.

[Joseph Maynor]

If you have had someone leave you, you know how this works on the other end too.  I think it is natural.  We are not required to relate with the same people indefinitely.  Relationship is more complex than this.  And everyone does this too -- even if they do not want to admit it!    

[Miguel1]

23 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

My brain also struggles to let go. That's why I don't block. But I don't need to nuke people from my phone to get over them.

Framing it as nuking sounds kinda reductive and negative.

I want to make it as easy for my subconscious brain to let go as possible. As you don’t want to keep junk food in your cabinet, when trying to stop eating them.

Blocking makes it impossible for them to contact you, which would be bad for your subconscious brain. And deleting makes it impossible for you to contact them, especially during low moments.

[Miguel1]

10 minutes ago, Valach said:

@Miguel1 I also struggle with getting over breakups and letting people go. But that is because I have abandonment trauma so breakup triggers all the old wounds.

Personally I do delete stuff common photos and remove/block their socials so I do not see them and get reminded of them. The nervous system needs to get used to not seeing the person anymore. Blocking the phone number does not do much for me as there is no photo there so the brain does not get triggered by seeing the number. 

I just answered the phone part to Leo.

Otherwise I am with you.

Keep in mind that it has been a while since we broke up, and everything that needs to be said and discussed, has been done. There is no reason to contact each other again.

[Valach]

5 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I just answered the phone part to Leo.

Otherwise I am with you.

Keep in mind that it has been a while since we broke up, and everything that needs to be said and discussed, has been done. There is no reason to contact each other again.

I am not judging you for blocking the number as well, I understand it. Simply saying that it does not do much for me (does not trigger me - I do not really check who I have stored in my phone anyways).

I don't think it is immature. What would be immature is not blocking it if you know it will help you heal out of fear of appearing immature.

Edited 1 hour ago by Valach

[Jirh]

Blocking is about indirectly sending a message to the other person. It often signals hurt and attachment. It's not a clean exit. Especially if they're not contacting you anymore. It's like saying: "I am over you, I don't need you anymore. I hate you." It's mostly childish.

Edited 1 hour ago by Jirh

[Leo Gura]

@Miguel1 Whatever works for ya, man.

[Schizophonia]

I have never seen the point of blocking anyone except for spam.

I don't know how someone can dynamite a relationship with a person they've shared good times with just for a bit of personal comfort and feeling of pride. Even if it is painful or even humiliating it goes against my nature.

 

Edited 1 hour ago by Schizophonia

[Joseph Maynor]

1 minute ago, Schizophonia said:

I have never seen the point of blocking anyone except for spam.

I don't know how someone can dynamite a relationship with a person they've shared good times with just for a bit of personal comfort. Even if it is painful or even humiliating it goes against my nature.

 

Do you still relate with everyone you had a relationship with in the past?

[Jirh]

Funny thing is that blocking didn't even exist before social media. We were literally forced to face our exes and there was almost nothing we could do about it. You literally can't erase people from real life. Unless you kill them.

And well, in this case blocking would be digital murder.

[Valach]

9 minutes ago, Jirh said:

Blocking is about indirectly sending a message to the other person. It often signals hurt and attachment. It's not a clean exit. Especially if they're not contacting you anymore. It's like saying: "I am over you, I don't need you anymore. I hate you." It's mostly childish.

People block someone for different reasons. I never though of it as sending some kind of message. I simply did it for myself.

[Jirh]

Just now, Valach said:

People block someone for different reasons. I never though of it as sending some kind of message. I simply did it for myself.

I can't relate to these reasons. Except maybe spam or harassment. And even those can be ignored. I had someone calling me for the past month nonstop multiple times day and night. I never answered once 😂. They stopped eventually.

[Valach]

2 minutes ago, Jirh said:

I can't relate to these reasons. Except maybe spam or harassment. And even those can be ignored. I had someone calling me for the past month nonstop multiple times day and night. I never answered once 😂. They stopped eventually.

Okay and someone preffering peace of not getting calls all the time might block the number, does that make the person immature?