ANTIDEPRESSANTS - pro or anti self-development in this situation?

[Hello1]

So I am generally against antidepressants if unnecessary. I have been really holding back for a long time and trying without them.
I really care about making the right decision!

So long story short, I feel terribly behind and stuck in life, it´s hard to dig my way out of the rut. I have bad experience with therapy too, tried more of those. 
I am losing energy to keep fighting. Depressive, anxious, with zero game plan. This is a very long-term problem.
Then I also have a short-term problem - getting myself out of an extremely toxic/addictive/manipulative relationship. This getting out has now lasted for 2 years now, is not working and I am a wreck now. My hair literally went grey from it. I cry daily and I feel completely drained and miserable.

Those two problems combined - I can hardly survive. I feel like I might go crazy. Honestly, I am losing interest in living. (not that I wanna kill myself, I just really am not interested in life at all. And very often I wish I wasn´t alive. I lost interest in all my hobbies. Some days I am so depressive that I hardly walk.
I cannot judge well how serious this is. 

I don´t wanna take anti-depressants light-heartedly. I wanna avoid them if I can. 
I know my problems are my fault, I lack discipline, emotional mastery and some deep work on myself. 
Maybe I could still try withoug antidepressants? Do lots of sports instead? But that is not enough.
Moreover, fall and winter are coming and that does not help. I hardly survived last fall/winter. Only summer makes it a tiny bit better.

My friends and my therapist (though I don´t consider her very good) try to convince me to take the antidepressants. My closest friend regards it as very serious. 
What do you think? Where is the line? 

Would they help my personal development right now OR would they make a disservice to it?

 

Edited Tuesday at 09:13 PM by Hello1

[PsychedelicEagle]

I went through some rough periods in my life without antidepressants. I'm a very hard-minded person so I'm not sure this works for everyone, but I'm just saying for you to know it's possible.

Whatever you choose: doing what's right is never wrong.

By that I mean, implement the lifestyle factors that are proven to alleviate depression (some of them even more effective than antidepressants), even if you decide to take antidepressants.

• Sleep — every day same time on bed, enough hours, no screens late in the evening.
• Wake up — go out and see bright light for 2 minutes upon waking up — it aligns your circadian clock and helps sleep and hormone regulation
• Sun — go out and get sun whenever possible
• Diet — avoid all type of processed food. Eat as much fruits and veggies as possible.
• Nutrition — check if you're not defficient in some nutrient. Blood tests with a good doctor who knows what they're doing.
• Exercise — even if 15 minutes daily
• Nature — time in nature, put your feet on the ground, reconnect, breathe
• Meditation

You don't need to do everything at once, here are many ideas. Sleep is obviously the most important.

And if you decide to take antidepressants, have a strong plan to come off the medication. Start taking the drug without a solid plan to quit seems like waving your self-reliance away. You can ask your therapist for how long their clients take antidepressants. If they give you a wish-washy response, you know what's up.

Edited Tuesday at 09:32 PM by PsychedelicEagle

[Vynce]

Most antidepressants are generally save and can be exchanged with alternatives if you were to show adverse reactions.

I sense anxiety about them, even though you never tried them right? They are not comparable to xanax or opioids and such. Most of them take 4-6 weeks at least to show any effects and are generally save to come off of.

Your situation seems bad enough, and I think its just not the time for emotional mastery and deep work on yourself if shit hits the fan right now in your life. Forcing the entire load of the situation just on yourself isn't doing your depression any favour. So speak with a professional and make a plan.

They are not magic pills either. But worth a try. Especially if bad sleep, anxiety ect. is in the mix. 

Edited Tuesday at 09:43 PM by Vynce

[Lyubov]

You can always get support from them until you are doing better and are stronger and then get off of them under the supervision of a doctor. They aren’t a life sentence. 

[enchanted]

Sorry to be hear this. Given my personal experience I'm comfortable giving you advice on this:

You only need plenty of excersize (Strength and cardio) and not necessarily a team sport (if team sports is what you were referring to) but team sports are good too.

Eat a balanced healthy diet.

Don't drink or smoke or do drugs (do those things when your life is good again if you must)

Get consistent sleep. About 8 hours every night. 

Exit the toxic relationship asap if possible. 

Do these things first and then take the pills if you are still unreasonably depressed. And like the others mentioned, it's not a life sentence. If they don't work you can stop taking them or take something else. 

God bless you. You will beat this. 

Edited Wednesday at 01:55 AM by enchanted

[Rishabh R]

@Hello1 Don't ignore your mental health take those antidepressants. I tried to do without them multiple times but I felt intense withdrawal symptoms and emotional suffering that was biological and couldn't be fixed by self-help. So I had to revert back to them. Even during these days when I don't take them for a day or two I feel really bad. 

Also as per toxic relationship, that's a boundary issue even though I myself have been week setting it in the past . But yeah it takes guts to tell someone that they are hurtful and I have stood up for myself multiple times . The outcome : Wrong people get out of your life to make space for right people to enter your life . Happened with me a lot .

[mud]

@Hello1 I have ADHD, but I feel positioned to speak on this as mood disorders can intertwine with neurodivergence:

Even after being diagnosed, I kept telling myself that my shortcomings were my fault, I just needed to improve my discipline and do deep work, etc.

Once I started taking the right medication, it was such a clear and positive difference, and it became much easier to implement lifestyle changes, which re-inforced the positive effects, satisfaction, calmness, and clarity in my life. 

Lifestyle changes in and of themselves are fantastic, but trying to consciously change your cirmcumstances from an inbalanced neurochemistry, in my experience, is futile. It takes both and for me medication was the step-up I needed.

But this came after first quitting having a stubborn ego about taking medications and wishing to be "holistic" and acknowledging having issues, journeying with different medications, addressing suspected (but ultimately just effects of ADHD) mood disorders before and after being officially diagnosed, until I landed on just the one that I take.

The boost it has given me let me grow even more from life experiences from there, and "deep work" and self-development has actually been easier and more casual than what I thought it needed to be. Supplements help too.

Your journey may not turn out as complex, and I don't know how similar depression is in regard to how I've been resolving and reconciling my ADHD, but meds really could help. Be open to its potential, don't get lost in the ego of feeling like it would be a "disservice" to unaided self-development. And obviously, you are just as much a person as anyone else, whether you take meds or not!

 

Edited 23 hours ago by mud

[Davino]

That sounds very rough, I'm sorry you are going through this.

What is clear is that you need to take a few good decisions in your life.

Cut your toxic relationship, you cannot heal in the same place that made you sick.

Change therapist, if it doesn't work why keep pouring money, time and energy? Could it be the case that you're trying to be nice, complacent and good girl that has to be there for everyone? But here is the thing... You cannot give what you don't have. A fountain with little water cannot let people drink it dry, an overflowing river creates life as it flows.

Regarding antidepressants, here is how they work for most of the time and people, you will stop having bad days, but you will also stop having good days. Everything becomes plane, for the good and the bad. Everyday is mostly the same and it allows you to keep going, not to overthink or to get overwhelmed with emotions, but experience a stable and a bit dull constant note. In any case it's an interesting tool to avoid certain thresholds you don't wanna cross.

Take care, Infinite Love❤️

Davino