ANTIDEPRESSANTS - pro or anti self-development in this situation?

[Hello1]

So I am generally against antidepressants if unnecessary. I have been really holding back for a long time and trying without them.
I really care about making the right decision!

So long story short, I feel terribly behind and stuck in life, it´s hard to dig my way out of the rut. I have bad experience with therapy too, tried more of those. 
I am losing energy to keep fighting. Depressive, anxious, with zero game plan. This is a very long-term problem.
Then I also have a short-term problem - getting myself out of an extremely toxic/addictive/manipulative relationship. This getting out has now lasted for 2 years now, is not working and I am a wreck now. My hair literally went grey from it. I cry daily and I feel completely drained and miserable.

Those two problems combined - I can hardly survive. I feel like I might go crazy. Honestly, I am losing interest in living. (not that I wanna kill myself, I just really am not interested in life at all. And very often I wish I wasn´t alive. I lost interest in all my hobbies. Some days I am so depressive that I hardly walk.
I cannot judge well how serious this is. 

I don´t wanna take anti-depressants light-heartedly. I wanna avoid them if I can. 
I know my problems are my fault, I lack discipline, emotional mastery and some deep work on myself. 
Maybe I could still try withoug antidepressants? Do lots of sports instead? But that is not enough.
Moreover, fall and winter are coming and that does not help. I hardly survived last fall/winter. Only summer makes it a tiny bit better.

My friends and my therapist (though I don´t consider her very good) try to convince me to take the antidepressants. My closest friend regards it as very serious. 
What do you think? Where is the line? 

Would they help my personal development right now OR would they make a disservice to it?

 

Edited 18 hours ago by Hello1

[PsychedelicEagle]

I went through some rough periods in my life without antidepressants. I'm a very hard-minded person so I'm not sure this works for everyone, but I'm just saying for you to know it's possible.

Whatever you choose: doing what's right is never wrong.

By that I mean, implement the lifestyle factors that are proven to alleviate depression (some of them even more effective than antidepressants), even if you decide to take antidepressants.

• Sleep — every day same time on bed, enough hours, no screens late in the evening.
• Wake up — go out and see bright light for 2 minutes upon waking up — it aligns your circadian clock and helps sleep and hormone regulation
• Sun — go out and get sun whenever possible
• Diet — avoid all type of processed food. Eat as much fruits and veggies as possible.
• Nutrition — check if you're not defficient in some nutrient. Blood tests with a good doctor who knows what they're doing.
• Exercise — even if 15 minutes daily
• Nature — time in nature, put your feet on the ground, reconnect, breathe
• Meditation

You don't need to do everything at once, here are many ideas. Sleep is obviously the most important.

And if you decide to take antidepressants, have a strong plan to come off the medication. Start taking the drug without a solid plan to quit seems like waving your self-reliance away. You can ask your therapist for how long their clients take antidepressants. If they give you a wish-washy response, you know what's up.

Edited 18 hours ago by PsychedelicEagle

[Vynce]

Most antidepressants are generally save and can be exchanged with alternatives if you were to show adverse reactions.

I sense anxiety about them, even though you never tried them right? They are not comparable to xanax or opioids and such. Most of them take 4-6 weeks at least to show any effects and are generally save to come off of.

Your situation seems bad enough, and I think its just not the time for emotional mastery and deep work on yourself if shit hits the fan right now in your life. Forcing the entire load of the situation just on yourself isn't doing your depression any favour. So speak with a professional and make a plan.

They are not magic pills either. But worth a try. Especially if bad sleep, anxiety ect. is in the mix. 

Edited 18 hours ago by Vynce

[Lyubov]

You can always get support from them until you are doing better and are stronger and then get off of them under the supervision of a doctor. They aren’t a life sentence. 

[enchanted]

Sorry to be hear this. Given my personal experience I'm comfortable giving you advice on this:

You only need plenty of excersize (Strength and cardio) and not necessarily a team sport (if team sports is what you were referring to) but team sports are good too.

Eat a balanced healthy diet.

Don't drink or smoke or do drugs (do those things when your life is good again if you must)

Get consistent sleep. About 8 hours every night. 

Exit the toxic relationship asap if possible. 

Do these things first and then take the pills if you are still unreasonably depressed. And like the others mentioned, it's not a life sentence. If they don't work you can stop taking them or take something else. 

God bless you. You will beat this. 

Edited 13 hours ago by enchanted