Relationship Based on Truth, Honesty & Vulnerability

[Miguel1]

This right here is how a mature, sustainable relationship that is healthy and based on honesty is built.

How many of you are capapble of such level dating of dating? How many of you can actually be this honest and vulnerable? How many of you are actually aware of the level of manipulation and projection you do when dating?

I can tell from my experience of dating like this for the past 6 months: painful as fuck. Not a single girl is willing to be Nearly this open, honest and vulnerable. And I go on many dates.

All the PUA dating advices we talk here come nowhere close to what real dating is. PUA is children’s game, albeit a practical one as men are so lonely it is better to get short term intimacy (that often leads to hurting the girl), than nothing.

But this right here is the real adult, mature dating. If Leo were to make a guide on dating based on truth, it would probably resemble this a lot. And so, I would like to hear all the adults of the community commenting on this.

@Emerald @Leo Gura @Natasha Tori Maru and others.

I wonder how far away we are from this kind of dating? Probably 50 years at least.

My dating ”results” is basically 0 because I try to practice this level of honesty and vulnerability as much as possible. Sometimes I get frustrated, put on my dark game, and pull a girl almost instantly. It is shockening and heartbreaking to know how unconscious humanity is.

I am writing this in a hurry, will check errors and typos later.

Edited 1 hour ago by Miguel1

[Valach]

I am gonna check it out later, thanks for sharing brother. I would like to share a video about dating approach that really resonates with my values:

 

[Miguel1]

I have been studying Naftali Moses’ work the past few months here and there so I haven’t come into full conclusion about his work. But it seems very good.

One of the reasons I share his work here is also to see if there’s blindspots I have missed.

I will most likely share his work more here coming up.

The guy was like 24-25 years old in this podcast and currently like 26-27, and the maturity, vulnerability and honesty he expresses is at least of someone 10 years older than him. He is by no means perfect though, so don’t get the wrong impression. Just very impressive for his age.

He had exceptional parents (not sure how conscuous), and pulled him out of Jewish school at the age of 8, because they knew it was wrong and solely conformity and group-think. He was home schooled and allowed to study whatever his heart wanted to, and it lead to psychology from a very early age.

Funnily enough, he does also have a background in PUA when he was younger. But he quickly saw through it and moved on to higher level dating.

Currently, he works as a coach to help his clients face their inner demons, shadows and weakneses, so they can built something based on strenght, honesty and realness.

https://youtube.com/@naftalimoses

Edited 2 hours ago by Miguel1

[Raze]

@Miguel1 Do you still have a YouTube channel? 

[Lyubov]

There isn’t complete certainty in any relationship. The only thing I believe one can really try to do on their end is communicate openly and honestly while honoring your own flow and authentic way. I don’t believe in vulnerability. I think it’s an illusion. What are you vulnerable to? What are you trying to keep safe? The relationship ending? Them saying something mean to you or withholding signs of approval and love? All of that traces back like a loose thread and culminates in some untrue belief like “I am not enough when my partner _________” or “I am unlovable because ________.” These beliefs are false. The ego / inner child creates this illusion that it needs to be in control with every step of change and every part of the relationship, like every step of the way and every moment in life this lens we retreat into because of the illusion of safety it grants like there is something to protect but the whole premise the word implies is faulty in the first place. You cant be emotionally safe, it doesn’t even make sense when you are the one creating your emotions in the first place. Relationship basically rest on being aligned in your innate spiritual value and acting in Wu Wei with honest communication. Reading books on how to communicate in a non violent way (nonviolent communication for example is a great book) is a great resource for how to communicate in relationships. From there it’s then finding the harmony between two people and accepting when that is not the case.

[LordFall]

I think it's an interesting topic but I'm not sure what angle to come at it from. Tell me if I'm off but personally when I hear wanting to connect based on truth, vulnerability and honesty to me that just means wanting to lead with your pain and wanting a woman that tolerates that and have a you two against the world type of dynamic. 

I had that with my ex and she accepted me and helped through my life troubles and it was a very healing and comfortable experience and even though the relationship devolved into a toxic mess it encompasses most of my most cherished life experiences thus far. 

Having said that most of the reason that relationship fell apart is I was not the man I want to be and was not able to guide both of our lives to a mutually beneficial destination. To me leadership and offering value are much more core to a relationship experience than honesty and vulnerability. If you are non-judmental and ask deep questions about a girl you will get most of her thoughts and anxieties, and traumas and hopes and dreams pretty quickly; I think that's great for bonding and is core to a high quality relationship. When she tells you all her insecurities and fears and hopes you still need to be the man to help her conquer that and build a great life for herself.

A lot of people share the same anxieties about the world and the economy and the weird political situation. I guess you could bond over that and be authentically anxious on a date but that doesn't seem like the point of dating. Life is hard and has been for millennials, we have to overcome that and set ourselves up to be in a good position to support ourselves and a family in adulthood and then find a compatible partner once that's done. I don't know what you're personally vulnerable and open about but for most men their insecurities and hangups are gonna be around not being as successful as they want to be and I'm not sure how being transparent about that early on can help your dating life. I would work on fixing the fundamentals of your life first and then start dating from a position of strength afterwards even if you have to spend a few months or years intentionally single as a result. 

To me that's what I'm personally working on and what's caused a pause in my dating life since I'm not really in a position to be able to be a true asset for the lives of the high quality women I want to date. I'm building my business and still socializing building a social circle but it's not really with the aim to hitch a girl at this current time, it's more for the women me in 1-2 years will be able to invite into my lifestyle. 

Edited 1 hour ago by LordFall