Charisma is just verbal felatio

[Basman]

I'm halfway through that book on charisma from Leo's book list, and combined with a bunch of other sources and my own experience I've realized that charisma and making people like you is basically sucking people off verbally. Your trying to make people feel good about themselves and give them value socially essentially. 

I read into this stuff to work on my confidence but my takeaway besides these skills is that maybe I'm okay just not caring that much. Like, who am I trying to impress? Most people I don't even like or care about that much. 

Thoughts?

[Eskilon]

Yes, this is the point. Some people just don't care about attention from others. This is a personality trait, it's really hard to be charismatic if you just dont give a damn lol, and thats ok. 

Monks and mystics are not so charismatic, guess why? They just don't care what you think of them and they are not trying to attract anyone.

Edited 10 hours ago by Eskilon

[Basman]

26 minutes ago, Eskilon said:

Yes, this is the point. Some people just don't care about attention from others. This is a personality trait, it's really hard to be charismatic if you just dont give a damn lol, and thats ok. 

Monks and mystics are not so charismatic, guess why? They just don't care what you think of them and they are not trying to attract anyone.

I think monks can be quiet charismatic actually in a way that's quiet rare. They can be very kind and present and have this sort of whimsicalnes to them. But I guess its less of an act or deliberate practice. 

[LordFall]

8 hours ago, Basman said:

I'm halfway through that book on charisma from Leo's book list, and combined with a bunch of other sources and my own experience I've realized that charisma and making people like you is basically sucking people off verbally. Your trying to make people feel good about themselves and give them value socially essentially. 

I read into this stuff to work on my confidence but my takeaway besides these skills is that maybe I'm okay just not caring that much. Like, who am I trying to impress? Most people I don't even like or care about that much. 

Thoughts?

Well yes charisma is usually about making others feel important and that you like them but also not being too needy and DHVing yourself so that they actually value your opinion. I'm reminded of a passage from a book I can't remember where it talks about Richard Nixon partly losing his 2nd term election due to making people feel like he's really smart where as JFK made the people listening to him feel like they were smart. 

I think understanding that most group conversations and social circles work on consensus rather than making individual good points is important, I used to be like the odd man out in friend circles for being too logical and not getting the flow of what the extraverts were talking about or refusing to dumb down my points to fit in.

I think ultimately that's why social circle game and leadership skills are so important to make your own circle without pandering and entrepreneurship/business to tie it back to genuine value that everyone relates to. I try to walk that line myself of offering value but not pandering, it's hard but feels right to me at the moment. 

A good tip it to give genuine compliments to people when you mean it or to approve of their point if they're right even if you're arguing with them. I have debates sometimes and I know I make phenomenal points that the other person didn't take into consideration and sometimes they keep doubling down or moving the goalpost and it's very annoying or they actually say good point and it makes it seem like we weren't having an argument but more like a heated friendly chat that in the end bonded us closer. 

The skills part of social skills should ideally mean that it gives you the knowhow of streering social engagements the way you want to and to achieve desired outcomes instead of being frustrated people don't get you or not being able to hangout with the people you want. It should only feel like being forced to praise people that don't deserve praise if you're stuck in a social construct not of your own making like a job or maybe school otherwise you always have the freedom to create your own social circle and filter it however you want. 

Edited 2 hours ago by LordFall