I want to share but it's complicated

[WonderSeeker]

Post below if this speaks to you. Either I'm full of shit, or you can relate on some level.

The skinny: I find it hard to participate on this forum. It has nothing to do with the quality of the forum (I actually like it here and think it's a pretty clean and elevated place).

I find it hard relating to the forum. I feel like my psyche is so refined I don't know what to even comment or contribute. I'm not saying I think I'm better or more developed. Not at all.

I feel like right now, the way my mind works is such that I just couldn't be bothered I guess. It's not that I don't want to. I feel like I'm bathing in my own mind's juices, enjoying my own company, relishing in my own insights and path, which makes it hard to get out and participate.

Don't get me wrong... I date. I hangout. I work. I'm not speaking about social isolation.

It's more like psychic isolation. "Will anyone even get me? Do I even get me?"

Actually, here's what I really mean. Here's the part that's a bitch:

I don't know how to put any of this insights that I think / know / am aware of into words.

Words become lame when you become more conscious. I'm not even talking about enlightenment or God realization!

Just, once you've read a good 100 self-ac/spiritual books, tripped 20+ times (appenetly that's not even a lot for some of you guys), moved provinces/countries, experienced different relationships, chiseled away passionately at a life purpose, and let a lot of these Actualized meta-ideas sink in and put them into practice....

You really start to get the game.

And from what I know, there is no universal reaction to this understanding. It varys from person to person.

But right now mine is: "Damn. WTF. I wanna share what I'm aware of, but I might not be intelligent enough to do so (yet)."

It's weird.

Right now I'm sitting here, chilling in an imaginary hot tub, bathing in a psychic soup of my own imagination. I haven't done any serious spritual practice in years, with the exception of quarterly psychedelic trips, the last one being in February 2026. Yet somehow God's insightful fangs keep biting their teeth deeper into my being, injecting me with deeper levels of the already known, and the unknown.

Again, post if you relate. If not, leave this empty and let it become yet another artifact of the Actualized forum

[aurum]

@WonderSeeker

If you feel your understanding now far eclipses that of the ordinary person, then that's an opportunity for leadership. 

Lead us to greater understanding.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Do you feel like seeking has slowed down, or stopped?

[Hojo]

@WonderSeeker You just think about God and then write it down. People might argue but there is alot of arguing on this forum, its actually helpful for people here as you will argue so much your brain stops caring it helps you in real life.

[WonderSeeker]

5 hours ago, aurum said:

@WonderSeeker

If you feel your understanding now far eclipses that of the ordinary person, then that's an opportunity for leadership. 

Lead us to greater understanding.

That's one hell of a call to action.

I am afraid of misleading. That's a limiting belief I'm in the process of etching out.

[WonderSeeker]

5 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Do you feel like seeking has slowed down, or stopped?

I think the "seeking function" has been active all along. It's just assumed different forms lately due to the unique circumstances of my survival situation.

In 2022, I stopped the direct spiritual path because it started to get too intense. I was too young and did not have enough survival handled.

Been mowing down student debt and building better relationships while travelling in the meantime. Doing somatic therapy, switching careers, and moving to the far east in the last year was fucking huge for my life  

I've been telling myself once I have a more stable platform, I'm gonna go balls to the wall with seeking.

That day is getting closer.

Edited 5 hours ago by WonderSeeker

[WonderSeeker]

4 hours ago, Hojo said:

@WonderSeeker You just think about God and then write it down. People might argue but there is alot of arguing on this forum, its actually helpful for people here as you will argue so much your brain stops caring it helps you in real life.

You're right. 

-----

Thank you for the encouragement @aurum , @Natasha Tori Maru , and @Hojo .

In a funny way the combination of what you all said was exactly what I was looking for without even expecting it.

Right now I am aware I am a vessel for some other intelligence, but that kinda freaks me out. Sometimes I doubt if I can trust myself with that responsibility. It makes me appreciate Leo's integrity that much more.

In a weird way everything in the universe looks like intelligence to me. The intelligence here is I enter this intelligent forum, intelligent members ping me back, I surrender to what they (in this case all of you) said, and it spits me back out with something uniquely good for you to chew on in return.

It's like I am consenting to y'all to use me to make you more intelligent.

But HERE'S THE BEAUTY OF IT! 

My intelligence isn't in isolation.

It takes the raw material you provided, mixes it with my weird insights and personal experiences, and spits out whatever you need personally in this moment.

Whether it has a direct effect or a down-the-line effect is a different story  

[Rishabh R]

@WonderSeeker You have reached a state of ultimate Zen non-f--kery where you are a functional person. As per your insights you can write them down on paper or just share with us here.

[LastThursday]

Being on here is no different from a moth being attracted to a light bulb. I don't mean it as a put down, but rather that the nature of people is to be attracted to other people. Once you accept that, then any elaboration or over analysis becomes moot. The paradox is clear:

23 hours ago, WonderSeeker said:

I find it hard relating to the forum.

And yet, here you are.

The deeper point is that the mind and body are naturally attracted to a lot of things, human things. Notice them, accept them, and let them take their natural course.

[Someone here]

It’s not a problem with the forum imo. There is really a time for being silent and not bothering explaining yourself or your nuanced opinions to people because you literally are getting sick of it because you are operating on totally different wavelength than those others . For example I’m sure that spending 100 years talking to my mother about my ideas I share here on the forum is pointless to get her to change her mind or her worldview on life . Yes the more conscious and intelligent you are the more you fancy yourself as above those Morons who think the earth might actually be flat . If you feel like not engaging and remaining silent then do it . Only come back and start engaging if you enjoy it or feel like it . You will never do anything you don’t enjoy or don’t see the point of doing it .

[aurum]

4 hours ago, WonderSeeker said:

That's one hell of a call to action.

I am afraid of misleading. That's a limiting belief I'm in the process of etching out.

That’s good.

You should be afraid to some degree. It’s a big responsibility.

Don’t mess it up 

[Joseph Maynor]

11 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 Only come back and start engaging if you enjoy it or feel like it . You will never do anything you don’t enjoy or don’t see the point of doing it .

Do it for the love of the play.  I love your insight.