Most intense 5meo experience I’ve ever had

[Holymoly]

About 8 hours ago I plugged a dose that was about 5-6 micro scoops and I all did another trip two days ago, the one two days ago was much much less full on. I now understand why Leo was saying that human consciousnesses like 30 and dogs is like 20 and god is like 10,000. I did both of these with my girlfriend who has never done it, the first trip I was basically just lying down and she sat at my feet and I sat up and did some eye gazing with her afterwards. This time I took only a slightly bigger dose as far as I’m aware but it was about 100x more powerful. As it came on I told myself I am safe, the scary bit will be over soon but it kept getting more intense and I sat up and started eye gazing with her and I screamed so fucking loud” oh my fucking god!!!! Holy fuck!!! Mother fucker!!! Holy shit!!! I’m so scared!!!!!! Hollly FUCK!! I apparently stood up and was bashing my head, she had to stop me and hold me and tell me it’s okay come back. I was so conscious it was truly terrifying. It felt like my consciousness was going through a washing machine with moments of calming down/ clarity that did not last. She took me to the bed and It continued on and she suggested I take a cold shower as I was really sweating and hot I tried to get up but felt as if I was going to throw up, she got a bucket and I began to do the most intense purging although nothing really came out. I think I said something like I was so addicted to marjiuanna and she got me to say “I let go of addiction” she was honestly really great she held it together and kept me safe. I used to think that I understood what Leo meant when he said you should be losing sleep over epistemology, except now I think I do understand a bit more it’s 2am and I can’t sleep, I just did some wim hof breathing to help me feel better.. it helped a little I suppose, so now I’m just writing my thoughts and it seems to help although I can still hear the sound of my screams in my head it’s a bit haunting, I asked to book in a integration session with Martin ball. It’s hard to think that this might have done more harm than good, I never want to go through something like this again, and I just hope that I’m not required to go through it again, to heal.
 

Any advice would be appreciated or comforting / encouraging reflections would be nice

please don’t tell me how much I fucked up 

[Willy Phallicus]

I wont say you fucked up because you learned an important lesson which looks like you probably took too much.

I've been there.  It aint pretty.

My advice would be to either stop entirely or start lower and gradually increase your doses until you find that sweet spot.

[PolyPeter]

Sounds like an intense experience

An ontological shock can be very disorienting, I think this is what happened because you mentioned epistemology.

In order to give some better advice, I need to know, do you want to ground yourself and come back to stability? 

Or do you want to explore deeper into the metaphysics of what happened to you?

Edited 3 hours ago by PolyPeter

[OBEler]

@Holymoly Dont worry you will get over soon and dont blame yourself you are doing great. It takes some weeks.

[No1Here2c]

What did you learn from the experience?

Go deeper than the surface.

Explicate & integrate.

Edited just now by No1Here2c