What are subtle ways to ask someone if they are in a relationship?

[Jannes]

I am in this situation quite frequently but never know how to ask without being super obvious and direct about it. 

Need some tipps. 

[Valach]

What is wrong with being direct?

[Jannes]

1 minute ago, Valach said:

What is wrong with being direct?

If you ask directly its like asking her if she is interested romantically or sexually. Its quite high stakes. You want to be chill. 

[Valach]

Why do you want to be chill? 

 

[Jannes]

2 minutes ago, Valach said:

Why do you want to be chill? 

 

To get along

[gettoefl]

Good one is ask what qualities they value in the opposite sex. When they answer, say so did you ever find such a person. Or more cheeky: And how is that working out for you?

[Spiral]

I don’t want to ask, better to just flirt with them. This way they have the convenience of telling me that they have a partner if they do or lie if they’re not interested.

Drawbacks include, they can cheat. Furthermore they can have a bf who gets upset

Edited Monday at 11:58 AM by Spiral

[Valach]

54 minutes ago, Jannes said:

To get along

So you are people pleasing?

[Spiral]

By the way, having huge balls is advantageous with girls. None remembers a coward

[Jannes]

2 hours ago, Valach said:

So you are people pleasing?

If you put too much pressure on it, it can make girls uncomfortable

And oftentimes its logistically the best thing. If I am still checking someone out I want to know if she would be available or not and either put more into it or not. Or I know someone from university for example and I cant quite tell if we just vibe platonically or if there is more going on. A subtle way of asking makes it easier to keep the platonic vibe going if she has a bf. And even if I found out she didnt have a bf, I would still prefer a subtle way of asking, this way I can meet her in a more chill way without that much pressure. 

[Jannes]

2 hours ago, Spiral said:

By the way, having huge balls is advantageous with girls. None remembers a coward

I know dark triad kind of men who know these rules of communication extremely well. 

[Valach]

37 minutes ago, Jannes said:

If you put too much pressure on it, it can make girls uncomfortable

And that is exactly the definition of people pleasing. It is often subtle. 

38 minutes ago, Jannes said:

If you put too much pressure on it, it can make girls uncomfortable

And oftentimes its logistically the best thing. If I am still checking someone out I want to know if she would be available or not and either put more into it or not. Or I know someone from university for example and I cant quite tell if we just vibe platonically or if there is more going on. A subtle way of asking makes it easier to keep the platonic vibe going if she has a bf. And even if I found out she didnt have a bf, I would still prefer a subtle way of asking, this way I can meet her in a more chill way without that much pressure. 

In my experience this is just a way to avoid rejection and tension. It is not really good position to be operating from. If you are interested in someone, simply flirt, show your intentions or ask her out on a date. 

[Spiral]

On 20/04/2026 at 4:23 PM, Jannes said:

I know dark triad kind of men who know these rules of communication extremely well. 

I’m not suggesting you should do anything unethical 

[Jannes]

3 hours ago, Spiral said:

I’m not suggesting you should do anything unethical 

I didnt take it that way

I was referring to dark triad men, because those are the men who do what is effective with relatively little moral and even those often know the rules of communication well, simply because you are more effective with them

[LastThursday]

On 20/04/2026 at 11:45 AM, Jannes said:

You want to be chill.

In my experience if you're interested then most women will realise your interest. If you persist enough they will generally let you know if they have a partner, often in a passing comment. In other words, there's nothing wrong with expressing your true intentions, how else will you progress things?

[enzyme]

A girl never seemed bothered when I asked her directly if she was single.

If you really want to be subtle, if you're asking her about her plans for later in the day, if she mentions staying at home to watch TV or whatever you could just jokingly say "ah the single life".  She might confirm she's single or mention a partner at that point.